A Game of「Dodj or Daar」(2)

[The 「MEN AT WORK」and GoGo Tomago are now participating in a board game created by Zakk "Gumball" Watterson's stand, 「LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN」. A game called 「Dodj or Daar」, where the user bets both financial and physical health in order to win. Should our heroes survive, they will learn the 「secret」of the man who has given everyone 「Stands」in Molly's Gamble...]

Gumball: So, who wants to go first?

GoGo: Pretty sure there was one game I played where the shortest player goes first...

[She looks at Eddy, eyebrow raised and smiling.]

Eddy: Shut it...but yeah, I'll go first.

[Eddy picks up the dice, and rolls...a two.]

Eddy: Seriously?!

[Moving his piece along the board, he grabs a Daar card.]

Eddy (reading): "Daar: balance a refrigerator on your head." Well, I don't see no refrigerator around here...

[One suddenly appears hovering over Eddy.]

Eddy: Well, that'll do it.

[It lands on Eddy's head. He tries desperately, but eventually the fridge falls on him.]

Gumball: Nice try, guy. But now you gotta take a Dodj card. You could always pay it off, but you don't really seem like the type of guy who gives money away.

[Eddy hesitates for a moment.]

Eddy: ...eh. Ya got me there, kid.

[Eddy, clearly in pain, takes a Dodj card.]

Eddy: "Dodj: you will now get hit with everything in Ed's fridge." Oh, real original, two fridge ones in a row?

[A cavalcade of food and other ancient horrors attack Eddy from a random direction, knocking him aside.]

Eddy: Kid, where the heck is this stuff comin' from?

Gumball: Isn't it obvious? 「Dodj or Daar」doesn't care about things like logic and reasoning! It's all about the 「game」and how you play it!

Edd: B-but that's insanity! You're trying to get us killed?!

Gumball: ...and now you see why I'm not playing. Anyways, the order goes counter-clockwise, so you're up next.

Edd: I can't help but feel like we've made a terrible mistake.

[rolls dice, lands a 6.]

Edd (excitedly): Ooh, perhaps not!

[lands on his 6th space and takes a Daar card.]

Edd: "Daar: eat multiple pages of an encyclopedia." Oh, my.

[Of course, one appears right in front of him.]

Edd: Children these days simply have no appreciation for any form of literature...

[He rips out a few pages, and throws them in his mouth, desperately attempting to swallow them before they finally go down.]

Edd: Well, that was unpleasant.

Ed: Ooh, ooh, my turn!

[Ed rolls a 4, moves his piece, takes a Daar card and gets..."

Ed: "Daar: recite the entire alphabet!" Okay, okay, I know this one! Um...seven--

[a buzzer noise plays]

Gumball: Okay, yeah, not even close. Take your card.

Ed: I don't think I want to get ouchies, so you can just leave it on my tab!

Gummball: I'm assuming that means you want to pay?

[He smirks.]

Gumball: 「GOOD」!

[A "poof" noise is heard, and a random article of Ed's clothing is gone.]

Ed: Ooh, nice and drafty.

Eddy: Hey! It's supposed to take our MONEY, not our CLOTHES, ya dip!

Gumball: Oh, my 「Stand」takes the entire value of every single thing you own. And I do mean 「everything」. Hope you don't lose too much...or at least I hope you can spare a kidney. Hahahahah!

GoGo (thinking): I haven't even gone a single turn yet and I already can't stand this kid...hopefully we can get some more good rolls.

[GoGo rolls the dice, lands on a 1.]

Eddy: HAH! Eat THAT, ya bike junkie!

[GoGo grumbles and takes a Daar card.]

GoGo: We're all in this game together, numbskull! Anyway, "Daar: call your closest friend and tell them you hate them." Pretty sure that'd be...Hiro, I guess?

Gumball: Whoever he is, you just gotta let them have it. That's pretty much the easiest Daar out all the other ones! ...the alphabet one, too, but...well, I can see your friend's got some problems.

[Ed is rolling along the grassy field of the playground. GoGo stares at him in bewilderment before returning to Gumball.]

GoGo: Well, yeah, that would be pretty easy. Plus, Hiro would know that I'm just joking, probably, and it sure would be a lot easier than whatever painful treatment that happens from the 「Dodj」cards...

[Close-up on GoGo's face.]

GoGo: ...「but I refuse」.

[Gumball is disgusted and surprised.]

Gumball: WHAT THE WHAT?! B-b-b-but that's so easy! That's, like, literally 30 seconds of work!

GoGo: If you think I'm gonna harm my friendships or go against my principle of protecting him just for your stupid game, then you can take whatever 「Dodj」 card I get and shove it right--

Edd: GOGO! Language!

GoGo: ...I was gonna say "right back into the box this game came from".

Edd: ...oh. Genuinely?

GoGo: Pfft, nah, you caught my bluff. DEFINITELY wanted to say "up his ass".

[Edd facepalms while she swipes a Dodj card.]

GoGo: "Dodj: an endless stream of spaghetti will constantly fall out of your pockets." Well, that doesn't seem too bad.

[Cue the exact thing happening and GoGo's body begins to overflow with noodley goodness.]

GoGo: Oh, God, it's everywhere! I-it's even starting to cover my entire body!

[GoGo's body is, of course, entrapped in spaghetti. Her mouth starts getting covered in spaghetti noodles as well, suffocating her.]

Eddy: What the--?! Edd, uh...do...something!

Edd: But what?!

Eddy: I dunno! Use 「SAFETY DANCE」!

Edd: But how could it possibly--

Eddy: THINK! OF! SOMETHING!!

[Edd runs off as Eddy monologues.]

Eddy (thinking): This brat's really out to get us! Does he control the cards? If so, why'd he want her to bad talk that other kid? This ain't just a game...it's a game made purely to spite any sucker that plays it! AND *WE'RE* THE SUCKERS!!

[Edd returns]

Edd: Well, let's see, erm...I've made quite the literal pocket protector! Spaghetti should be blocked from coming out of your pockets from this point onward, and--

Eddy: LESS CHAT, MORE DO, SOCKHEAD!

Edd: Right, yes, of course!

[Edd heroically rips the spaghetti off of GoGo's (now blue) face, and quickly shoves two metal doohickeys right into her pockets, where spaghetti ceases to flow. GoGo collapses butt-first on the ground, breathing heavily, surrounded with noodles.]

GoGo: Y-you...you guys saved me.

Ed: You're welcome, ma'am!

Eddy: Lumpy, you didn't even do anything!

Ed: I'm the funny one.

Eddy: Yeah, whatever. Anyway, did ya think we were gonna let ya die?

GoGo: Well, we weren't exactly the closest friends at first, so...maybe?

Edd: Fear not, Ms. Tomago!

[Double D poses]

Edd: The「MEN AT WORK」not only wish to gain currency, but also to protect others! ESPECIALLY the people of Molly's Gamble!

[Eddy poses as well. Side note: the fact that I can write "Character poses" as a command in the script is truly a blessing sent from God.]

Eddy: Yeah, we're like, uh...Robin Hood! Without the givin' part.

Edd: I can't help but feel like that analogy's too unfitting.

Eddy: Does it look like I'm goin' for accuracy? I just wanted to sound cool. Gimmie a break.

[GoGo smiles softly, for once.]

GoGo: ...thanks, guys. Y'know, you really AREN'T all that bad--

Gumball: YAWWWWWWN!

[Everyone turns toward him angrily.]

Gumball: This sentimental trash is soooo boring! Can we PLEASE get on with the game already?! I mean, who cares about you guys when MY 「Stand」is the one that deserves all the attention?

GoGo (thinking): Alright, I've had just about enough of him. But...we NEED that information! How long can this game possibly go on for? We REALLY need to beat this game as fast as possible, or else his ways of killing us might get way more serious than just suffocation! I really don't agree with the 「MEN AT WORK」's focus on money, but there's one thing we can definitely agree on:

[Cut to Gumball, laughing hysterically.]

GoGo (thinking): People who use their 「Stand」like this are a disease...and once we find the giver of these 「Stands」...

[Cut to GoGo, clenching her fist with determination.]

GoGo: ...we're gonna be the 「cure」.

<==TO BE CONTINUED==