Eh.

i'm sorry to everyone who had high fucking expectations and to those parents who think comparing will get your children somewhere. i'm sorry to all the parent who can't get their child out of depression because they don't know they are the cloud that hides their happiness.

i do not want to study. yes i want to stick to that music because their music is my only source of happiness. i'm sorry pythagorus isn't my first love. i'm sorry a rich-ass cousin is more humble than i am. i'm sorry that you compare me to my cousin when you don't know how she smokes weed and drinks and has sex when she's 15 bc thats unethical but you don't know about it but you think me liking another culture is ruining me.

but sadly, it's the only thing that kept me alive.

i'm sorry to all the parents who stick their noses so far up their child's ass, they don't see anything but the insides of the stomach, not the heart. sorry to those who think saying that "you ruined your life. what will people think of you." will change the way i think. sorry to all the parents who say not to worry about others but then they blackmail you into thinking abiut their feelings when they really have nothing but narrowminded sap inside their hearts and brains.

i'm sorry to my parents who thought i was not one of those materialistic girls who liked makeup more than studying. you guys had your hopes high that i would be different. i would think about others and do charity work and study and get a plus and get a scholarship. that i wouldnt be a housewife. that i would be YOUR TYPE of different.

but when i turned out to be MY TYPE of different with mental illnesses and social anxiety and a different mindset, you couldn't accept it. at all.

i know this'll ruin me. not going to school and not making a living and having to live with devils like you. but i've always believed that was better than killing myself.

i guess i was wrong.

i'm sorry, to my parents, who thought telling everyone about me would fix me. that telling my aunt's would change my mindset. i know what's wrong with me. but i can't say it because you won't understand it. i'm sorry to those parents who think beating up will work.

sorry to those parents who regret giving their children "freedom" because that's why they grew up depressed and suicidal because suicide and depression are influencial. sorry to those who think getting an a minus is destruction. sorry that you have a mindset that study makes all. it does make a career, but it doesn't make a human.

i'm sorry to all the parents and aunts who tried to convince me that o level's were the most important stages of my life when it really was just living. surviving. i'm sorry to my parents who thought i was okay and helpful but i turned out helpless.

i'm sorry to my parents who screamed at me for reasons why i tried to kill myself but i can't say it because it's them.

i'm sorry to those children who have these parents. like me. helpless and sad.

paint a picture. sell it. get dollars. make another one. become a painter. make an app. sell millions. make clothes. don't let these monsters bring you down. show them. show them whatever you want. don't die for the dead.

but i'm still sorry, the words i just wrote are the words i couldn't make myself believe.

remember, just live. penniless or rich. uneducated or with schilarship. live. just survive. because happiness without success is what drives them mad.

--- razzy.