/V/irgin In Equestria - Chapter 6

>After waking up and putting your glasses on, you can barely see your hands in front of your face. The only illumination is coming from outside. Getting up, you creep over to the window. It's still night-time and the Moon, beginning to wane, is still high in the sky.
>Now that your eyes have adjusted somewhat, you examine your surroundings. Twilight is in her bed, breathing steadily. Spike, meanwhile, is in his cot and muttering in his sleep. You think you hear him say Rarity's name a few times and something about a saddle.
>Before you get to hear Spike continue his slurred speech, your stomach growls angrily. It's a  very unpleasant feeling, like someone just punched you in the gut. You didn't have anything to eat yesterday and all you drank was a bottle of water when you were waiting at the Mayor's place to speak with her. Really stupid of you.
>Not wanting to wake the unicorn or the dragon up, you don't put your heavy boots on. You're still clothed as you didn't feel the need to strip, what with the room being pleasantly ventilated allowing for a slight breeze to pass over you.
>You feel around in the dark for your rucksack, which you take and unclip the flashlight from. Opening the main compartment, you rummage around for the zip-case containing your DS. As you're well rested now, you won't be going back to sleep until much later.
>Your hand comes upon something plastic that crinkles. Taking it out, you hold it up to the moonlight to get a better look at it.

>It's one of the packets of your smoked beef jerky. One part of you wants to rip it open and wolf down the whole lot. Another part wants you to put it back. You figured out ages ago that these p0nies were strict vegetarians. You don't know how they would react if they discovered you ate meat. Erring on the side of caution, you return the jerky to its place and resume your search for your DS. After a minute, you feel the sensation of rubber against your skin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA_dMjRSSLk
>You found the zip-case! Inside is your Gen-1 Nintendo DS which you bought on the day of release like the eager idiot you were in your youth. Also contained within are a number of spare styluses, a number of games in travel boxes and a second hand solar charger you bought online. A shame it didn't come with all the connectors, otherwise you could have used it to recharge your phone.

>You do your best to make as little noise as possible. After stubbing your little toe on the bed frame, rattling the ladder, causing the wooden floor to creak despite there being no floorboards and knocking a pile of books over, it's a miracle your two room-mates didn't wake up. You fumble around for the doorknob before making the smart decision to use your flashlight to help you see what you're doing.
>After a short walk past the bathroom, you find the kitchen. It reminds you of the one back at your flat: Small with just enough space for a cooker, a fridge, a couple of cupboards and finally a table with two cushions for seating instead of chairs. The only differences you could spot are a lack of utensils for eating with, the solid fuel cooker and a number of rocks sitting on the table.
>Time for breakfast. Let's get started.
>As before at Fluttershy's home, lighting the cooker is a chore but a little easier as you know what you're doing this time. You fill the kettle that had been resting on top with water from the sink and get it boiling. You know they have coffee in this world. Now to find where Twilight keeps her stash.
>You open the fridge. You figure that they wouldn't have instant coffee so pre-ground beans would be the next best bet. The first thing you see is a small bundle of hay. Your curiosity about the substance has reached a peak.
“When in Rome.”
>You take a strand and stuff it in your mouth. As you chew, you curiosity gives way to disgust as you spit the dried grass out into your hand.
>Dude, seriously. It's hay. What were you expecting it to taste like, honey glazed ham?
Shut up brain.
>You toss the chewed hay into the rubbish bin and wash your hand off in the sink.

>Going back the fridge, you resume your stock taking. Besides the foul tasting hay, there's also some flowers, daisies to be specific. You know you definitely can't eat those. What else is there? A number of vegetables, some fruit, eggs, milk, OATZ and...
>Are you kidding...
>You put the flashlight down on so you can remove the wooden box that had been sitting at the base of the fridge. Kicking the fridge door closed, you place the box on the table and pick the flashlight back up.
>You can't believe what you've just stumbled across. Sure you've kept your games in the fridge in the past. But this? This is above and beyond.
>A chest filled to the brim with gems. One by one, you look at them under the light. Sapphires, rubies, emeralds and... a diamond the size of a jawbreaker. The entire collection had to be worth an insane amount. You could probably afford to buy the Beast PC you've always dreamed about and still have enough left over to fritter away on other stuff.
>Even if you wanted to take them however, you decide it would be best to put them back. You would be the prime suspect if one of those gems went missing and it'd probably be a short trial and trip to the jail house.
>As you place the diamond back with the other precious stones, you hear the kitchen door slowly open. You shine your flashlight around only to be frightened out of your wits by the sight of an exasperated and horrified looking Spike.

“WOAH! God damn it! Don't sneak up on me like that!”
>As you regain your composure, you see he has an expression as if he caught you in bed with his mother.
>“What are you doing with my gems?”
“Your gems?”
>“Yes, they're mine, give them back Anon!”
>He sounds angry. Not wanting to aggravate him further, you raise your hands and step away from the chest.
“Okay little guy, no need to freak out. I was just having a look.”
>He darts to the chest and snatches it off the table, holding it tightly.
>“Haven't you heard of asking? You shouldn't eat what isn't yours.”
“Okay sorry, Twilight said I could... Did you say eat?”
>“Yeah. I want to keep them fresh, nothing worse than eating stale gems.”
“You eat them?” You ask incredulously.
>“All dragons do. Don't... um... what did you say you were again?”
“A human.”
>“Right, don't humans eat gems?”
“No. For starters, I would break my teeth trying to chew on one. Second, why would I eat them when I could sell them?”
>Spike stares at you with a puzzled look on his face, “Why would you sell them?”
You don't know whether he's serious or not, “Why? Look at that diamond! I could buy a car with that bit of ice!”

>The dragon laughs at you, “I don't know what a car is but it mustn't be worth a lot. This diamond is only a Bit at the most.”
>You recall the Royal Edict from Celestia mentioning you being entitled to 200 Bits a month.
“So precious gems aren't valuable here in Equestria?”
>“I wouldn't call them precious. If you've got a shovel, you can dig them out of the ground from pretty much anywhere. That's where I got them from in the first place. Of course, some places are better than others if you're looking for a particular type. Every week I help Rarity hunt for gems for her fashion designs so I know all about gem divining.”
>So much for hitting the jackpot. If a diamond the size of a child's fist is worth squat, a house made out of them would be worth less than one made out of bricks. Still, it makes sense to gather some when you've got the opportunity to. You'd be set for life taking a sack of diamonds back home with you.
Brain, please put get rich with local materials on the objective list.
>Done and done dude.

>“What are you doing down here anyway Anon?”
“Getting breakfast.”
>“But it's the middle of the night!”
“Peoples' days start at different times you know Spike.”
>He scratches his head, “Well you can't cook in the dark, you might hurt yourself.”
>He grabs one of the rocks that had been sitting on the table, knocks it on the surface a couple of times and shakes it. As he do so, the stone gradually brightens until it's shining as much as a 60W bulb. Every corner of the kitchen has light hitting it.
“How is it doing that?” You ask, switching the flashlight off.
>“Don't you know what a sunstone is?”
“A what?”
>“A sunstone. You leave it outside during the day, then at night you can use it.”
“Oh like a glowstick.”
>“Y-Yeah, like a glowstick, whatever that is. I wouldn't suggest eating them though, they taste like gravel. Anyway, this'll last until Celestia raises the Sun.”
>Celestia raises the Sun? Makes sense considering Luna moves the Moon with her powers. Time for a factbook update: Equestria is a diarchy run by two all-powerful alicorn Princesses. Guess you know how the p0nies have managed to keep their civilisation running despite all the external threats you're capable of imagining.

>The whistling of the kettle gets your attention. Time to get this show on the road.
“You know where Twilight keeps her coffee? I need my fix.”
>“Twilight doesn't drink coffee.”
...Brain, rewind and replay.
>You got it dude.
>“Twilight doesn't drink coffee.”
He didn't just say that, did he?
>He did dude.
Suggestions?
>Grab Spike and throttle him for speaking such a horrendous lie.
No, he might take that the wrong way.
>Well do something dude, it's not just you that gets the shakes if you don't get the caffeine. Since you didn't have any yesterday, we're both gonna be in for a wild ride on the Withdrawal Express if you don't do something.
>You rest a hand on top of the dragon's head. His scales are smooth, somewhat metal-like to the touch.
“Spike, buddy, my main man. Don't hold out on me bro. Where does Twilight keep her coffee?”
>“I just said she doesn't drink it. It messes up her magic when she uses it.”
>You fall onto your hands and knees. You've never not had coffee before.
>“Anon, are you okay?”
>Dude, tea. Ask him if he has any tea.
Tea, are you joking?
>It's either that or the headaches, your call.
“Spike, is there any tea?” You say, desperation in every syllable.
>“What?”
“Do. You. Have. Tea. Here.” If he says no, you don't know what you're going to do, maybe set fire to the place to begin with.
>“Oh yeah Twilight can't get enough of the stuff.”
>Thank merciful God for that.
>”She's got all different kinds. Any particular one you want?”
“No fancy stuff, black tea will do.”

>An hour later and your happily munching away at your meal. Breakfast today comprises toast with honey, OATZ with milk, a large orange, a bunch of grapes, a cup of strong tea and some biscuits, the nearest facsimile of which would be cinnamon flavoured Digestives. It's probably the healthiest breakfast you've had in years.
>Spike is sitting opposite you, popping gems into his mouth like they were Minstrels. What did that make him, a mineralvore? Classification aside, he says repeatedly how it's a shame you can't eat the gems. They must taste different to him, you determine. You briefly ponder on what else he could do. Being a dragon, that technically made him a lizard. Could he see in infrared? That would explain how he navigated the trip from his bed to the kitchen without a light source. You wonder if he could smell differently too. Could he smell the difference between Xenon and Radon?
>“Hey Anon, what's that thing you've got with you?” Spike says before picking up a ruby.
“My flashlight?”
>“No, the block thing.” He points to the zip-case.
“Oh that. Hang on.” You wipe your hands on a teacloth before picking it up, “Come over here.”
>The dragon gets up from his space and positions himself beside you.
“Ready?”
>He nods.
>You unzip the case, pausing for effect before opening it properly.
>“W-What is it?” He asks. The fascination in his eyes is heart-wrenchingly adorable.
“This my friend is a DS, designed and made by Nintendo.”
>You flip it open and press the Power button.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xlEB5Rj5Bk
>Checking the main menu, you see what cartridge you left in the machine since the last time you played it. Metroid Prime: Hunters. Good title but probably not the best choice to introduce the little dragon to the whole gaming schtick. You're just about to go through the unmarked travel boxes to see what other more beginner friendly games came to Equestria with you when you notice the GBA icon is lit up. So that's where that went! You thought you had lost that ages ago. You tap on the screen to play the game.
“Spike, I think you're going to like this.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHCPjNoffTk

>Twilight blinked a few times before letting out a yawn. She felt the warmth of the sun wash over her as she slipped out from under her covers, indulging in the sensation before getting out of bed proper. She reels at the acrid smell wafting from the boots Anon had been wearing. Opening a window, she levitates the human's footwear and hangs them on a branch outside so they can air out. Somewhat better but the scent is still lingering in the room.
>“Come on Spike, we've got a big day ahead of us.” She says, stretching a little.
>Silence is the only response she gets.
>“Spike, we haven't got time to laze around.”
>Still no noise from the dragon.
>“Spike! Not today of all days, you need to get up, now!”
>Trotting over to his cot, she pulls the sheet away. It's empty.

>“He's already up?” This was a surprise, normally Twilight would have to lure him out of bed with the promise of food.
>“Hey Anon. Are you awake yet?”
>She looks over at the bed opposite hers. It too is missing its occupant.
>“Uh...”
>Where did he go? She was getting worried. Even with Celestia's input that she didn't judge Anon to be a dangerous creature, there was no telling what he was capable of if left to his own volition. And where was Spike? Was he with Anon? Or worse... did Anon take Spike? Her mind began racing. Was his apparent friendliness just a show to lure everyp0ny into a false sense of security, so that he could act on a scheme he had been plotting since his arrival?
>There was no time to concoct theories. She had to find her friend. Not even bothering to use the ladder, she leapt from the upper level to the lower floor and ran out into the main library. No signs of life. Opening the door to the cellar, she peered inside.
>“Spike!” Twilight called out.
>There was no answer.
>She was about to run outside when she heard a crash followed by several loud bangs from somewhere within the building. Was that Spike? He might be hurt! Galloping as fast as she could, she headed for the source of the commotion.

>The kitchen is dark. The curtain is drawn so only a crack of light is coming in.
“The Triforce parts are resonating. They are combining into one again. The two Triforce parts I could not capture on that day seven years ago... I didn't expect they would be hidden within you two!”
>You chuckle maliciously.
“And now, finally, all the Triforce parts have gathered here!”
>You spin around to confront Spike, who's wielding a wooden spoon and a saucepan lid, and wearing a green washrag wrapped around his head. Sitting on the counter next to you is a mannequin constructed from what you could find around the kitchen. Using the hay from the fridge as hair was a nice touch.
“These toys are too much for you!”
>You raise a fist. Scribbled on the back of it is a triangle with a segment of it coloured in.
“I command you to return them to me!”
>You roar loudly and Spike recoils. On cue, he knocks over a broom that had a wicker basket balancing atop it. Out of it falls the sunstone, now suspended from the ceiling by a piece of string and adorned with paper wings.
“Spike! I can't help you! Because of the waves of darkness, I can't get close!” You say in a high pitched voice, “I'm sorry, Spike.”

>Spike grips the spoon tightly. You on the other hand leap on top of the table, careful not to hit your head on the low ceiling. The dragon flashes you a determined grin.
“Come! Let's fight!” You announce, breaking away from the script.
>You reach behind your back and pull out an orange you had tucked in your trousers. Not wanting to hurt the little guy, you lightly throw the fruit towards him which he proceeds to deflect with his 'shield.' You didn't really expect him to hit the missile with the spoon but you also didn't think he could send it back with such force. It hits you square in the chest like a freight train. Physics here needs to be fixed it seems. Staying in character though, you collapse and gasp for air at which point Spike leaps up to strike you with his 'sword.'
“UWAH!” You scream as Spike's weapon thrusts at you.
>At that moment, the door busts open. Standing there is a panting Twilight with a mane that looked like it had seen better days.

>There's that awkward pause usually reserved for when a child walks in on their parents having sex in the missionary position purely for the purpose of procreation.
“Morning Twilight.” You say to break the silence, “Did you sleep well?”
>She looks like she's about to blow a gasket.
>“What are you two doing?” She asks calmly, repressing the urge to explode.
>Spike hops off the table, “Vanquishing the evil Ganondorf. It's my duty as the Hero Of Time.” He swings the spoon a couple of times.
>Twilight's horn lights up and Spike's inventory is removed from him.
>“Spike... I... I...”
>Uh-oh, you heard that tone before. Time to be a real hero.
“Hey Twilight.” You interrupt, jumping off the table and standing between her and Spike, “Don't be upset at the little guy, it's my fault. I showed him one of my games and I got him worked up. I take the blame.”
>She scowls at you, then at Spike who's peering out from behind your legs, then back to you.
>“If you're going to act like foals, do it outside next time.”
“Okay, sorry.”
>“And you can clean up the mess you made, starting with...”
>Her jaw drops in horror.
>“What have you done...”
>You turn to see what has her shocked: it's the dummy you made.
“I'd introduce you to Princess Zelda but she doesn't talk much I'm afraid.”
>“I was supposed to save her.” Spike adds.
>She trots over to the 'Princess.'
>“I-Is that the hay that was in the fridge?”
“...Yes.” You answer hesitantly. You get the feeling you've done something really idiotic.
>Twilight closes her eyes and begins to shake. Turning to Spike, you mouth 'we need to go' and he nods. You scoop the dragon off his feet and leave as rapidly as you can.

>Both you and Spike are sitting in the library, playing Noughts and Crosses after giving him a crash course in the time-waster. The atmosphere is humdrum to say the least.
“How long has it been?” You ask, planning your move after Spike starts the round.
>Spike looks at the clock, “Almost an hour.” He takes the centre square.
>There goes your plan, you put a cross in the top left sector.
“She ever been like this before?”
>“Once, when I accidentally burnt one of her books.” Circle in centre square, right column.
“How did you manage that?” You counter with a cross in the centre square, left column.
>He huffs and a jet of green flame shoots out the side of his mouth.
“Right, you're a dragon.”
>“She got over it quick though once I owned up to it. Everything will be fine.” Circle, bottom left.
“It's not that simple little guy.” Cross, top right.
>“Why?” Circle, top centre.
“Because you're still a kid and I'm not.” Cross, bottom centre.
>“I'm mature for my age you know.” He says defensively.
“How old are you?”
>“Ten.” He grumbles before putting his circle in the final space, “Isn't there a way to win this?”
“Yeah, if you don't do what everyone else does and your opponent is a moron.”
>“That means neither of us are going to win then.”
“Seems that way.”

>There's a knock at the front door, jerking you away from the game.
“I'll get it.”
>“You don't even know who it is.”
“Relax Spike, I can handle this. I might as well since I'll be living here for a while.”
>You straighten your trousers before opening the front door. Sitting there is a grey pegasus p0ny carrying two saddle bags. You spot an envelope sticking out of one of them. A postal worker it seems.
>“Good morning sir.” The pegasus, a mare, says cheerfully.
“Good morning to you too.”
>She smiles at you broadly. You notice her eyes are off-kilter.
>“Is there a p0ny called...” Her tongue sticks out as she tries to remember, “Another Mouse at this address?”
>Oh boy, here we go.
“Don't you mean Anonymous?” You suggest, leaning on the door frame.
>“Uh...” She hoists the bags off her back and goes through them, eventually producing a brown paper package, “No it says Another Mouse here.” She says reading the label on the package.
>You bend down to take a look at the label yourself and... that is what it says. You thought it may have been the mare's cross-eyedness causing her to read it wrong but no, that is what the p0ny-glyphs say. Obviously your name doesn't translate well into their written language. You also notice the words 'Express Delivery' printed at the top.

“It is for me then.” You say, not wishing to argue over how they need to update to a simpler alphabet, “Don't I have to sign for it?”
>“Huh? Oh sure!” She retrieves a ring bound flipbook from her bag and what you thought was a piece of wood until she slid the top off: It was an ink pad.
“Err... have you got a pen? Or a quill?”
>She giggles, “Just use your hoof.”
>Your hoof? Oh right. You understood what she meant but you really didn't want to get your one of your feet inked up. Your right hand makes a decent substitute. Takes you back to finger painting when you went to nursery.
>“That's a weird hoofprint you got there Mister.” She says.
>Wait for the penny to drop...
>“Hey! You're the human aren't you?”
“That's me.”
>“Wow, everyp0ny said you were big and mean. You don't look it.”
“The legend is no match for the real me I'm afraid.” You recite word for word, “Thanks for the package.”
>“You're welcome. Have a good day Another Mouse!”
“You too.”
>She puts the bags back on and flaps her wings.
>“Blueberry muffins are my favourite!” She shouts out back to you before disappearing behind a cloud.
>Muffins?

>“Who was it?” Spike asks as you rejoin him.
“Postwoman... Postmare.” You correct yourself.
>“Grey coat? Golden mane? Yellow eyes that can't point in the same direction?”
You look up from your package, “Know her?”
>“Derpy? Sure, everyp0ny knows her. She delivers all the mail in P0nyville.”
“Okay.” You shake the package and something rattles inside, “She said something about muffins before she left. What's that about?”
>“Oh, just have a muffin for her the next time she comes to deliver something.”
“Why? Will she set fire to my post otherwise?”
>“No, she just likes muffins. She has a lot of houses to cover so it's a kind of a perk for her.”
“A tip in other words. I get it.” Being a postal worker didn't pay much here obviously. Now you needed to find out where to purchase muffins from.
>“So what did you get?”
“Don't know yet. Care to do the honour?” You ask as you hold out the package.
>The dragon extends a claw and runs it over the top, slicing it open cleanly. You tear the paper off to reveal a number of white ceramic cylinders, ten of them altogether. You pick one up to examine it closer. It was fairly heavy and you could feel something sliding about inside it. One end of the tube had a lid held in place by red wax.
>“Wow, somep0ny must like you a lot.”
>What did Spike mean by that? You scrape the wax off and remove the lid. Tipping it upside-down, you pour the contents into your free hand.
>…
>DOSH!

>It's been five minutes and Spike is standing over you, looking at you rolling on the floor and cackling like a madman the whole time.
>“You okay Anon?”
“Okay? I'm fan-tucking-fastic!”
>Nice self-censoring dude.
He's only ten brain. I'm not going to drop the big one on him.
>As you continue whooping on the floor, Twilight emerges from upstairs.
>“What in Equestria is going on here?” She asks, none too impressed.
>You don't care if she's still mad with you. You stop your manic thrashing and jump to your feet, run over to Twilight and grab her tightly.
“It's gold Twilight! Gold!” You announce in your best prospector accent, swinging the unicorn around.
>“Spike! Help!” She screams.
>Springing to action, the dragon grabs a couple of the coins from where you left them. He then stands where you can see him.
>“Hey Anon! Look!” He waves the coins in front of you.
>The glint of the cash causes you to stop twirling and face Spike. He takes one of the coins and holds it above his open mouth.
>He wouldn't, would he? Do dragons even eat gold?
>There's a deep sniff followed by a gratified groan. A forked tongue runs itself over the coin repeatedly.
>Shit he is. Time to turn on your bear mode.
>Spike had his eyes shut the entire time so he didn't notice you manoeuvre yourself behind him.
“May whatever God is out there have mercy on your soul if you ingest that because I won't.” You growl.
>Spike for the first time realises how big and imposing you are compared to everyone else he knows. He lets out a nervous giggle before dropping the coins on the ground and running to safety behind Twilight. You maintain your visage as you retrieve the spilt currency.
“You chose... wisely.”
>You try to stay in character but you can't help but crack up at how he bought your act.

>“Will somep0ny please explain what's happening?” Twilight asks again.
>“Anon got a package in the mail.” Spike answers, “When we opened it, he just went crazy like it was the first time he had seen food in weeks.”
“Not crazy, really happy. Look at this.” You hold up the cylinders, “Ten of them. Each one has twenty coins in it and all of them are... pure gold!” You break up laughing again, “Twenty-four carat discs of purchasing power!”
>“Wait. That's two hundred...”
“That's right my purple p0ny, two hundred tickets to ecstasy!” You say, thinking of what to do with your new found fortune.
>Twilight shakes her head and sighs, “Anon calm down, it's just your monthly allowance.”
>You do as she says.
“My what?”
>“Don't you remember? It was written in Princess Celestia's edict. This is the two hundred Bits you're allotted every month until you can support yourself.”
>You proceed to get two unpleasant flashbacks. The first was a couple of years ago back on Earth when you were out of work. The Jobseeker's Allowance you were entitled to barely managed to keep you alive until you left unemployment. The second was more recent, to earlier this morning when you found out that the big diamond in the fridge was barely worth one of these Bits.
“So what can I get with two hundred Bits then?” You ask reluctantly.
>“You won't be living in the lap of luxury if that's what you were expecting.”
>Bugger all in other words. So much for your plans.
>“Anyway, enough of this. I'll be taking all of it from you now.” She doesn't so much say as demand.
>Twilight's horn glows and the ten ceramic tubes are pulled from your grasp.

>It takes your mind a second to process what she's doing.
“What the Hell do you think you're doing? You'd better give that back.”
>“Yeah Twilight. You said so yourself, that's Anon's money.” Spike says in your defence.
>“True Spike. But after what the two of you got up to today, I have to go do grocery shopping again.”
>She goes up the stairs and into her room. You and Spike follow her. Your eyes dart around the room but you can't work out where she's hidden your money.
“Are you kidding me? No way was what we did worth two hundred Bits.”
>“Yeah Twilight.” Spike adds, “That bundle of hay was only five Bits and that was the most expensive thing.”
>“Twenty bits for your information, that was seasoned Bounder's bronzed hay, not the off-brand stuff. And it's not just the food. Think of it as a fine for emotional damage. Smell that?”
>You sniff the air.
“No.”
>“I can't smell anything either.” Spike says.
>“Well I can. Your boots have... contaminated my personal space. It reeks of mouldy cheese near my bed!” She shouts, getting frustrated.
“You're over-reacting. At worse, they smell like salt and vinegar crisps.”

>“Whatever! I have to buy some air fresheners so I can cover up the odour otherwise I won't even be able to sleep without choking on your fumes. One more thing, I'm confiscating this from you.”
>Her horn lights up again. You see something rise from Twilight's bed.
>It's your DS and the accessories.
>She's hasn't rustled your jimmies, she's impaled them.
“Now you've crossed the line Missy. The money's one thing but that's mine. You can't take that from me.”
>“This is clearly a bad influence on Spike so I can't allow you to use it in front of him. My home, my rules.”
>Oh she did not just pull the over-protective mother card on you.
“This isn't over.” You state.
>“I think it is. If you want to continue to live here until your house is finished, I suggest you follow my rules. This will be going in my report to Celestia just so you know. While I'm out, the two of you can tidy up and by that I mean the whole house, from top to bottom. It's the least you can do to make this up to me.”

>You and Spike watch Twilight as she confidently trots out of the library. You can't believe you've been so easily fleeced out of your free money.
>“This is so unfair.”
“You're telling me little guy.” You say depressed, “Come on, we might as well get started. The last thing I want to happen is to get thrown out.”
>As you're about to pick up a bucket and brush, Spike grabs onto your leg.
>“Anon wait! I've got a plan.”
>You look at the dragon's devilish smile. You think you're going to like this plan.
“What have you got in mind?”
>“When Twilight writes her reports to Celestia, I'm the one that sends them to her.”
You can't believe what you're hearing, “She makes you go all the way to Canterlot to deliver letters for her?”
>“Of course not, I use magic to teleport them to the Princess.”
“Oh, that's all right then.”
>“Yeah. Anyway, I just thought, why don't you send a report of your own so you can tell the Princess our side of the story? I'll slip it in with Twilight's and she'll never realise until she gets her reply from Celestia. That way she can decide whether or not what Twilight did to you was fair.”
“Spike. That is without a doubt one of the best plans I've heard in ages. I think I could hug you. You do know this doesn't get us out of cleaning up right?”
>The dragon sighs, “I know but why don't you write the letter first? That way, Twilight won't walk in on you doing it later.”
“Good idea.” You crack you knuckles, “Lets find some paper and ink, I want to make this one of the best letters I've ever written.”

>Dear Princess Celestia,
>Anonymous here. I hope this letter finds you well though I'm guessing it will. I don't want to bore you with mindless preamble seeing as I'm not the most verbose of people so I'll get straight to the point. You protégé Twilight Sparkle has taken it upon herself to deny access to the funds you so graciously provided for me. Why you ask? Early this morning, myself and Spike decided to pass the time by re-enacting a scene from a favourite piece of interactive fiction of mine. Admittedly, we might have gotten a little carried away but not to the point of destruction of Twilight's property. She also deemed it necessary to withhold one of my personal affects that came with me to Equestria. If that wasn't bad enough, she's making us clean her entire house! Do you feel this is a fair punishment over such a matter? Spike tells me that Twilight was sent to P0nyville by yourself in order to study friendship (as much as that concept concept confuses me, what with friendship not being a subject you can study at school back on Earth). Well what I was doing with Spike was fostering friendship. It might be unorthodox compared to how p0nies do so but that was what I was doing. By preventing myself from bonding with Spike in this way, is she not going against your instructions?
>I know I'm going behind Twilight's back by writing this letter but I got the impression earlier that she would have denied me the opportunity to do so. Right now, I can imagine how she is going to paint my actions in her report to you, so I thought it prudent to voice my and Spike's side of the story before she does so. I hate for my first message to yourself to be sent under such circumstances but desperate needs call for desperate measures.
>Yours Respectfully, Anonymous.
>P.S. - Say hello to Princess Luna for me.

“And done.” You say returning the quill to the ink well. You wave the letter around to help the words dry faster.
>“Finally. Why did you have to write it out a second time?”
“First, because I made a few mistakes. Second, because it was a little too informal for my liking. Third, because I realised she might not be able to read my spider scrawl style of handwriting, even with the magic translating it for her. Anyway, hide this somewhere until Twilight gets back and does her report. Then you can send both of them at the same time.”
>“You got it.”
>Spike proceeds to stick the paper between some books sitting on the table in the centre of the library.
“Will it be safe there?” You say while rubbing your wrist.
>“Oh sure. All those books haven't been touched since we moved in. They're not the sort of books she likes to read.”
>You read the titles of some of them: 'Engineering For Equines,' 'P0ny Pre-natal Care,' 'Vegetable Growing – A Step By Step Guide For Beginners.' Real attention grabbers you must say.
“Right. Lets get to it then. If we work together, we should get done quicker. Just in time for the Princess' response if we hit the right rhythm.”
>Spike groaned, “I hate this.”
“If it's any consolation little guy, just imagine the shock on Twilight's face if Celestia takes our side over hers. Now lets boogie.”

>Twilight returned soon after, happy to find you and Spike on your hands and knees scrubbing furiously. The hours went by as you and the dragon slowly made your way around the tree house. The bathroom was the worse part in your opinion: you couldn't fathom whether or not the toilet had ever been cleaned since it was installed. Spike said he never dared to touch it which didn't inspire any confidence in you. Thankfully, both of you had moved on and were now in the kitchen. The few stains you could find were definitely not any you or Spike had produced during your 'battle' earlier. The Zelda dummy you made was still on the counter and every now and then, you removed a piece to eat, save for the hair.
“Nothing even wrong with this stuff. The way she said it, you'd think we emptied her fridge into a puddle of mud.” You say while eating a cherry that has been used as an eye.
>The dragon hummed in agreement as he wiped the table clean.
>“Spike!” Twilight's muffled shouting came from outside the kitchen.
>“It's time.” Spike announced.
“Hey!” You call out.
>He faces you.
“Don't get caught.”

>A few minutes later and Spike returns.
“No problems?”
>He smirked and shook his head.
“Sweet.”
>You hold up a clenched fist. He flinches at first but settles down once he realises you're not going to punch him.
>“W-What are you doing?”
“Inducting you into Brohood.” You chuckle, “Just make a fist like I'm doing.”
>He does so, unsure.
>“Now what?”
“This.”
>You lightly bump his fist with yours. A whole range of emotions explode inside the dragon, describable only by those who have gained respect from a trusted elder.
“You and me Spike, we're buddies now. Right here from now to the end of time.”
>“Anon, this is...” He looks like he's about to cry. Are you the first guy friend he's ever had?
“Hey come on little guy, don't get melancholy on me. We've still got a job to finish and you know what we've got to look forward to afterwards.”
>He perks up, “You got it... buddy.”
>You body was not ready for that feel.

>It's the evening now. You're in the library reading up on p0ny history whilst whistling a tune to yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBwzIigwtFY
>“Anonymous, do you mind?”
>You look over at Twilight who's at a desk busily writing something out, her scarlet quill currently motionless. If she frowned any more than she was already, her face was going to collapse in on itself.
“Not really. I'm just whistling.”
>“Well I would appreciate it if you could do it somewhere else. You're bothering me.”
“Nope. I'm comfortable here.”
>Twilight groans before turning back to her assignment. As she does, Spike enters from upstairs.
>Ah. Judgement time.
>“Spike, did you finish organising my volumes of the Encyclopedia Equinia?” She asks, not even taking her eyes away from her work.
>“Yes, by year released and edition.” He responds wearily.
>“Colour coded?”
>“Yes! I don't even know how you can tell the difference between the shades of brown. They all look the same to...”

>Before he can finish, he lets out a tremendous burp, followed by a pulse of green fire. Once it clears, a scroll is hanging in mid-air. This must be the teleportation Spike spoke of. Though if you were in Spike's shoes, you think you'd prefer to deliver the messages by hand rather than having to belch them up. Huh, does that mean the Princess regurgitates the letters on her end as well?
>“Hey Twi, it's from Celestia.”
>Her ears twitch and she spins around to face her assistant, “Bring it here then.” You can't believe how smug she looks right now.
>You and Spike cast a glance at each other. As your new found buddy does as he's told, you stand up and 'intercept' him.
“Hang on. I'll read it if you don't mind.” You say, snatching it from his claws.
>Twilight is taken aback but she quickly regains her haughty attitude, “If you wish, it's not like you're going to be let of the hook any time soon.”
>You and Spike look at each other again. Breaking the seal off, you unfurl the scroll and clear your throat before reading aloud.

>To My Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle,
>Imagine my surprise when I received not one but two scrolls today. Thinking that you had written an extra long report on a lesson of friendship, I was shocked to discover that you and our dear visitor Anonymous are not getting along. As you are unaware of the situation, the second scroll was written by Anonymous himself and he has some startling insights into the 'confrontation' as you described it. I quote from his letter: “What I was doing with Spike was fostering friendship.” I find it unimaginable that you would prevent such a bond from forming no matter how foreign and strange, considering how difficult it was for yourself to find friends when you first arrived in P0nyville. I am also highly disappointed that you reacted in the way you did, especially by taking a treasured keepsake of his away from him, not to mention the stipend I promised to him in writing. He says the device you took is a method of helping to create friendships on Earth. Therefore, I hereby am ordering you as your ruler to return all affects to Anonymous forthwith. I will be expecting confirmation from Anonymous that this has taken place. I also wish for you to pass on my apologies to him for allowing this wrong attitude of yours to develop in the first place. I truly expected better from you.
>One more thing: It's your house, you can clean it.
>Your mentor, Princess Celestia.
>P.S. Please inform Anonymous that Luna returns his greeting most favourably.

>You look up from the letter at Twilight who looks like her all her jimmies have been rusted simultaneously and repeatedly.
“Want me to read it again?” You say with your best troll face.
>She snaps out of her daze and uses her magic to wrench the letter from your hands. She reads it, then re-reads it three more times.
>“Bu-Bu-But I...”
>She looks up at you.
>Time for you to break out your victory dance.
>Votre visage quand.