How in the world do i rotate text in m s paint,
You ever see an image and think, i may see something as funny as this again, but never anything funnier,

Homophobes,
Next time you hear a person say, it’s adam and eve not adam and steve,
Reply with,
It’s homosapien not heterosapien,
And fly into the night,

Go, yield, stop,
But on bananas, it’s just the opposite,
Hold on, go ahead, what,
I will never get sick of this,
What,

I walked into health and screamed and the teacher goes, you’re the seventh person today, they’re c p r dummies,
Jesus christ,
Feed us,

Me talking crap to the enemy team as my friends carry me through the match,

I present to you,
Nicolas minaj,
Tears are actually streaming my face right now,

Boutta head to the supermarket, y’all need anything,
Yeah could you bring back disco,
Y’know i was gonna make a joke but this reply just legit slapped me across the face,

You, hey,
Me, turns around and accidentally hits you with my comically long plague doctor mask, what,

The ability to pin a post would be very cool,
Why is that last letter in orange,
Halloween,

Did you know,
Birds control time, they do this out of spite,
Makes sense,

I’ll give you a hard boiled egg if you go out with me,
That’s an offer i cannot refuse,

Russian citizens, how long will you be president,
Vladimir putin, 8,
Infinity,

Actually all of my systems are nervous,

Me, listening to various genres of god knows what,
Spotify trying to make my discover weekly,

Women in small towns be working for pyramid schemas and salons,
Men in small towns be working at the factory,
The factory closed years ago we do opioids now,

We ask 18 year olds to make huge decisions about their career and financial future, when a month ago they had to ask to go to the bathroom,
Re fricking tweet,

This dude got on sweans,
Sweans,
When your dong looks good in sweats but your as looks good in jeans,

Imagine when you died, you woke up sitting in a circle with a bunch of aliens, you’re holding a bong, and one alien excitedly asks, how was it man,
I think it’s time to get out of the shower,

Nobody,
Medieval frog defending his child from fire skeleton,
Or, telekinetic frog flays local man who doesn’t understand personal space,

My brother with an unplugged controller,
Me winning a game,

Bohemian rhapsody,
0 to 3:05,
3:06 to 4:09,
4:09 to 4:57,
4:58 to 6:00,

Fan,
Hey captain, what was the hardest part about directing,
Uh, working with the leading actor, he was a dong,
People casually calling chris evans captain is my new favorite thing,

Phone calculator when tilted upwards,
Phone calculator when tilted sideways,

Noah,
You got to enjoy the little things in life, like blowing bubbles,
Mason,
They call me bubbles in the classroom, because i’m always rising to the top,
When you’re lowkey a couple,

Take me down to new york city where the yorks are new and the city is city,

I’m losing my fricking crap because my mom is getting catfished by a guy that sends her pictures like this and it never once occurred to her that this, isn’t a real picture that a real person would ever take, ever,

Date night,

If i saw a ghost i would simply bust it,
The ghost, or,

If you’re ever having a bad day, here is a picture of a little turtle wearing a raspberry,

After the shower, oil on linen, an experiment in how many water drops i could paint before i went insane, i lost count,
This is amazing,
This is a fricking painting,
I thought this was a fricking photo o m g,

100,
Celcius, fahrenheit, kelvin,

You look like,
Tobey maguire,

It started out as a kiss,
How did it end up like this,
It was only a kiss,
It was only a kiss,

A single japanese radish gives enough energy to a human being to walk 28 feet,
The second radish is 29 feet away,

Hmmm,

Just remembered i had a friend in salt lake who worked in a hotel where they hung up pictures of the tin man to discourage people from having sex,

I just got a rejection for a job i never applied for, l m a o, what,
We don’t know who you are but we don’t fricking want you,
Just stay the frick away from us,

Good ghost is good,
This is the best, kindest ghost, this is the halloween i want to celebrate,

Sometimes when my friends aren’t home i make boxes and leave them on their doorstep for the whole neighborhood to see,
Industrial strength dildos,

My sister rescued one of those meme kermit plushies from a thrift shop yesterday, the poor thing is pale/faded,
Today i woke up to a text from her containing nothing but this,

1998 prank,
2018 rapper,

Can centaurs slap their own as to go faster,
That’s it i’m outta here, hyaaah, slaps own as,

Me, my back hurts, i wonder why,
My sleeping position,

Yo, on the flipside,
Here’s a panel of tony giving dummy a high five,
You’re welcome,
Look at the suit in the background like, that should be me,

1919, i wonder what inventions will exist in 100 years,
2019,
Pizza but everything is crust except the crust,

Good romance starts with a good friendship,
A bad romance starts with ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma, ro ma ma ga ga, ooh la la,

I went camping but forgot to bring a shot glass,
That’s the second worst reason anyone would carve a hole in a block of spam,

Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his,
Gun,
Pulled the trigger now he’s,
Gun,
Momma life had just be,
Gun,

When i was younger i used to think ron stoppable was going to marry me so i hated on kim possible and i found this on my old laptop,
Die kim beach,

Why can’t crazy zombies just like eat bread or something,
They wouldn’t be deadly but they would be super annoying just dragging themselves everywhere in the middle of the street and crap like stealing people’s bread from their houses, graaaains,

The only real downside of being a virgin is that you can literally be used as a blood sacrifice at any given moment,

Company selling mini jacuzzi just for testicles,
There’s nothing better after a hard day at the office than soaking your bollocks in a bubbling jacuzzi, but why get your whole body wet,

Job interviews, did you mean, advanced lying,
Small talk, did you mean, normal lying,
The concept of the self, did you mean, secret lying,
Don’t call me out like this,
A to do list, did you mean, aspirational lying,
What did i just say,

Mario buying four binders for his trans brother luigi what a good big brother,
Why is mario smoking a blunt,
I was in a rush and it was the only photo of mario i had on my phone,

Due to personal reasons i will be walking into a bog until i’m knee deep in freezing water as fog gently swirls around me and i become the forest spirit i was born to become,

The g in bob ross stands for good artist,
Activate instant kill,

Okay so coral blue number 5 semi gloss lipstick,
Exists,
I want it and i don’t even wear lipstick,

Bath mat turns red when wet,
I need towels made out of this, and then i’d make my guests use them without telling them,
Then wait for the screams of terror,
Calm down there, satan,
Reblogging just for that comment,
You could murder someone on one of those and people would think that it’s just wet, perfect,
Two types of people on tumblr,

Yeah sex is cool but have you ever had stable mental health for more than 48 hours,