Enneagram type the Krayfish

1. How would an author describe you in a book? Write the paragraph that would introduce you in a novel.
Honestly, I did this questionnaire backwards and am out of time and energy, so I’m not going to answer this question.  But the rest of the questions here are pretty revealing so I don’t think I have to.

2. Think over the past day or week and make a mental list (you can also write it here) of ways other people have annoyed, angered, or otherwise bothered you - any situation where people have done one thing, while you wished they would have done another. Look at each of these instances and answer (you can make a list or make note of general patterns - an example is good):
a. How would I characterize the trait that bothered me?
b. Why did it bother me?
c. How did I react?
d. How do I wish I would have reacted?
e. If there was a discrepancy between c. and d., why did it come up?
I’ve had two; In the first, “Person b” was completely disregarding the feelings of a person dear to me (I’ll refer to her as person a through this)
The triat that bothered me was his lack of understanding and sympathy for person a’s situation.  She had recently lost a dear friend via death and was behaving a bit more reactive than she usually does, which caused person b to criticize her for being sharp at him.
It bothered me because, while the two are supposed to be close (they are family members), he does this sort of thing all the time to her.  Outside of that, he lacked the empathy to understand why she was being more reactive than usual or icy with her words and treated her behavior as a personal insult/strike to his ego despite it not being that in any respect.
Since I wasn’t present at the time, the best thing I could provide is verbal support to person a and an ear to listen to.  I affirmed her that the situation was wrong and helped her through the feelings of losing someone she cared about.
I mean, what I did is fine.  I couldn’t retaliate against person b really because a: I wasn’t there and b: he has a quick temper and a huge ego, so my words would mean nothing at all.  Still, in my head it would of felt nice to tell him off.
The second occured when my roommate and I went to get food from my college cafe and instead of getting food right away my roomate had to make sandwiches for everyone (she typically works at the cafe, but it wasn't her shift).
The trait that bothered me was laziness. Contextually, the cafe shut down it’s whole sandwich section due to “lack of staff” and was forcing everyone to eat fajitas.  There was no vegetarian and gluten free option, so there were friends of mine that would’ve went hungry if my roommate wasn’t present.  When my roommate went behind the counter into the backroom, the manager was sitting there on her phone doing no work because she didn’t want to.  When she did leave the back room, she proceeded to talk to people and not work, which left my roomate super salty.
It bothered me because it was unprofessional and my roomate had to work when not shifted in order for people to actually eat.
All I could really do was listen to my roommate and let her vent after the whole situation and affirm her that it was wrong.
I would’ve enjoyed giving some sassy comment to the manager or making sandwiches with my roommate.
I don’t have the balls and don’t work at the cafe, so what I did was pretty much all I could’ve done.

3. What holds you back in life? This can be an internal or external force. If that thing were gone, what would be different? What would you do?
Probably fear/nervousness and lack of passion/indecision.  I suppose there’s probably external stuff too, but I’m less confident with those so I won’t mention them.
Without fear (or perhaps just less fear; just a little fear would make sure I didn’t make stupid decisions) I’d probably be a lot more outgoing, less behind with my milestones, and 10x less awkward.  I’m not fearful of the future or of the “what if”s the world has to offer or even of the unknown, I’m guess I’m just scared of pain and in the end that makes me pretty risk averse most of the time.  As a result, it takes me a long time to reach milestones that are pretty easy for most people to reach (ie. riding a bike, driving a car, forming close and intimate relationships…) and from actually enjoying myself and feeling good about doing so.
Regarding lack of passion, I don’t really feel strongly about many things, whether it be people, interests, opinions, ect.  I guess I‘ve always been like that, as a kid making decisions and being overly subjective always made me nervous because I thought picking a side meant picking an extreme.  Regardless, it’d be really cool if I could dedicate myself to something/someone and had a bit of driving force to move me towards the future.

4. Your deepest secret has just been revealed to the person or people from whom you most wished to keep it. How do you feel? How do you react? What are the results on your life?
Lol which one?  As open as I come across, I can be quite secretive, and the secrets which I refuse to tell have the potential to be quite harmful to myself and perhaps others, so I’d probably be pretty anxious about that.  Knowing me, I’d probably try to explain myself and my reasoning in the beginning, but in the end just take the reaction from others.  As much as I’d love to run away and ignore everything, it’s my own fault for keeping things hidden from others, whether for the better or for the worst.  I’d feel guilty if I didn’t take responsibility for those secrets.

5. You are offered one of three gifts: a bottle filled with water from the Fountain of Life, a crown which will give you peaceful dominion over the world's people for your entire (full) lifetime, and a ring which will unite you with your true love and ensure a happy, passionate marriage. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?
They all sound pretty awful except maybe the ring one?  I guess there’s no “none of the above option” so I’ll take the ring I suppose.
The “youth water” sounds like the worst of the three.  Sure, it’d be really cool to see how the world progressed overtime, and it’d be nice to have enough time to travel the world and explore the places and people in it.  I could only imagine the sheer amount of information I could obtain and all the subjects I could master if I lived forever, and I’d probably be a good candidate for it since I’m not really quick to form close bonds to others (my friends have said I’d make a really good immortal because I’m friendly but not attached). But also, life sort of sucks.  I plan to live out my life for as long as I can, there are plenty of things I’d like to accomplish and experience, but it’s pretty comforting to know that one day it’ll just end and I’ll be done with everything.  Despite how unattached I seem, I’d be sad if I had to spend an eternity alone.
The crown is impermanent.  Yeah, I’m a control freak and a decent leader, but honestly…  I’d probably be a terrible world leader and… That’s a lot of work, more than I really would like so… No.
That leaves the ring so by process of elimination… I go with that one.

6. You are offered one of three houses. The first is located in a big city and has historic and artistic value: it was designed by a great architect and was owned by interesting people in the past. Owning this house is very prestigious and guarantees you social status and a circle of friends, but it also comes with responsibility - you must keep the house up to code, manage the household, and give parties and events. The second house you may design using your imagination - literally your dream house - it is located in a very secluded location and no one is allowed to visit this house except you and your immediate family. The third house is very nice, but has no particular aesthetic appeal - a McMansion in short. It is in an extremely convenient location and is very secure. It is impossible for thieves to break in and it has no danger of natural disasters. You are guaranteed to be able to sell the house for double the price in twenty years. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?
Probably the third house.  The first one is immediately crossed out because, while I love architecture, I’d prefer to design a house myself and also parties and events with perhaps strangers roaming through my house… No thank you, I’ll pass.
For the second house, I love the idea of designing it how I want, though I’m disgustingly indecisive so maybe that’s a bad idea?  The seclusion sounds super nice, I’d prefer to live in the woods or mountains or something rather than subberbia but I’d like to have the option of having friends over.  And also what if I have a medical emergency and no one notices?  What about snow plows??  Nah I’ll pass.
Leaves the last house.  While the security measures seem a bit over the top, it’d probably make me feel more secure.  Also the house is an investment, which is always nice for retirement I guess?  I’ll take that one then.

7. You are offered one of three doors. The first opens to a world that is dangerous and demands mental or physical skill to navigate through, but also has great rewards to be gained: think of the worlds portrayed on the shows Game of Thrones or Supernatural. The second opens to a world that is full of wonders, magic, and knowledge, which can be learned or experienced, but there is little solid resting ground - think of the worlds portrayed in the shows Doctor Who or in the multi-media phenomenon A Hitchkiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The third opens to a world where you may experience a life of peaceful, uneventful poverty - think of the hobbits in the series Lord of the Rings or most of the animals living in Narnia. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?
God I’m not super familiar with any of those references (except lord of the rings maybe), I’m super out of touch if you can’t tell.  But definitely the second world with little thought.  The first one sounds cool and not boring, I probably have the mental capacity to get through that.  Physically however… I’m fairly puny and uncoordinated.  Also I’m overcautious, and usually over cautiousness gets you immediately killed in worlds like this.  I enjoy challenge, but not challenges that I presume would kill me soooo… Nah
The third world sounds boring.
The second world sounds pretty perfect, reminds me of DnD.  I’m a pretty active person to begin with, if I’m sitting around for too long doing nothing I get pretty antsy, so the lack of a solid resting ground is fine.  I love learning and exploring (safely), I’ve always wanted to live a life full of learning eternally, and magic doesn’t sound to bad, so I choose that.

8. What do you wish people understood about you? Talk about a time you were misunderstood.
I don’t often feel misunderstood, but I guess I wish people understood that I have many feelings and often feel friendly towards others even if it isn’t always visible.  I think the mode of affection “doing things for others” is just fancy code for “no one knows that you like them/how much you like them.”  I’ve had people give me the cold shoulder purely because they couldn’t tell if I actually thought of them as my friend or if they were bothering me which sucks, because I’m pretty chill with everyone.  Have one good conversation with me and you’re at least in aquainence mode.  This happens with other things too ie. my mom believes I don’t have a lot of compassion because I’m awkward with words of affirmation when in reality, I often feel very strongly about other people’s suffering and would do a lot to fix other people’s problems (and think very strongly about this).  It’s really troubling to be seen as less caring than you actually are.

9. What do you hope people won't notice about you? What are you uncomfortable being teased about?
Probably my anxiety or my niativity, even though both are pretty obvious from an outsider’s perspective.  I hate when people see my anxiety because it makes them think I’m small, weak, and meek when in reality even I have my aggressive side and am fairly willful.  With nativity, I hate being made fun of for my lack of gasp on society.  I very rarely get references, I’m slow with jokes (I guess I’m somewhat literal), and I definitely live in my head, so I often miss out on important societal events and niceties regardless of how much I try to keep up with them (stupid me even has a tumblr purely to keep track of social changes and so I’ll get memes). I don’t know, I like to be seen as intelligent and being super naive doesn’t really aid me in any way.

10. What's worse - to be seen as caring more than you do or less than you do? Why? Do you think you come across one way or the other? Do you typically pretend to care more or to care less?
Guess I already covered this.  They both sound terrible, though my bias is towards caring less because I’ve experienced that more.  I don’t pretend really, though I guess I can come across oddly affirming sometimes so maybe I pretend to care more sometimes.

11. Think about a time that someone else tried to control your actions - to tell you what to do, to manipulate you, or influence you. How did you feel and how did you react? What went through your mind?
I’ve only ever really had influence to be honest, at first I bent.  It was my mom who was doing so, and she was thinking in my best interest to a degree and want being obtrusive about how she desired me to act initially.  I complied because I thought it would help situationally, which I suppose to some degree it did.  However, as time progressed, the demands became more than I had bargained for, the more I compiled the more “suggestions” would be made.  I initially took a sideways approach, appearing to do things and not actually doing them or just ignoring/avoiding the suggestions, but eventually that wasn’t enough and I verbally addressed the problem.  She was pretty annoyed, but eventually she stopped.  Now she just makes little jokes now and then about the things she’d like me to do/way she’d like me to act and it isn’t bothersome.

12. When you first meet someone, what are your first thoughts? What judgments do you make and what kinds of considerations do you have? Are you more concerned with what they think of you or what you think of them? If you are preparing to meet someone new, what do you hope about them and what do you fear about them?
I don’t really have any thoughts.  I spend a lot of time observing and gauging the person's personality based on their demeanor and such, seeing if I can figure out how they think so I can interact with them in a meaningful way.  I’m both concerned with how they feel about me and how I feel about them because to be honest I’m relatively insecure about my being and don’t wish to be a bother or annoyance.  If I’m meeting someone new, I hope that I can become friends with them or that they will lead me to opportunity if it’s for school or something along those lines, I fear that they’ll be irritated by me I guess.

13. Think about the last time you cried (if you've recently lost a loved one or gone through another similarly difficult experience, you can go back further and choose a random instance). What caused this? Who was around? Were you crying out of sadness, joy, frustration, or some other factor? How did you feel afterwards? Did it change anything? Is this typical for you?
I’m going to be vague because, while I cry occasionally, I’ve actually had an ok couple of months and the most recent thing I can remember should be useful in gauging my personality even though it’s fairly personal. I had just had a phone call with a person who is dear to me and they had told me about their suffering and depression. Prior to that, all day I had been feeling really off because I was overthinking my identity (or lack thereof).  I was alone and was crying because I felt helpless; The person in hand was someone I have known for a very long time, and I had been working in order to try to help them solve a pressing issue for a long time now.  Since things are a bit stagnant, I’ve been trying to just provide verbal support and be a person to vent to so they don’t keep those feelings inside of them.  It hurts though, because I do not have the resources or even a proper solution to their problem despite thinking about it for years.  I’ve played through plenty of possibilities and the only ones that seem to have promise are ones I cannot complete, nor can they, without going to extremes.  On top of that, identity crises aren’t great either especially when you feel like you have little personality (or that you destroyed any personality you ever had).  I felt pretty bad afterwards so I just went to sleep.  It didn’t change anything, though I don’t often ruminate over my “lack of identity” or “person a’s” problems to the point where I get super upset over it.

14. Think about the last time you felt really happy, joyful, or satisfied. What caused this feeling? What was different? What keeps you from feeling this way all the time?
Despite my depression, I guess it isn’t too hard to get me feeling joyful.  I felt really happy when I was playing cards with my family over the holiday season.  The food was really nice, we had a smogishborg (lol spelling) of cheeses and crackers and everyone seemed to be in a decent mood enjoying the game I had taught them that day so that was awesome.
I guess outside of my depression my guilt surrounding enjoying myself too much probably keeps me from feeling like this more often.

15. If you were a tragic hero, what would be your fatal flaw? If you were a character in a comedy, what would be your distinguishing trait (i.e. stingy with money, fastidious, shallow, pretentious, etc.) Do you think others would agree with these?
INDECISION by far.  I’m so disgustingly slow at making decisions because I like playing situations out in my head and gauging consequences before I move forward.  I guess I’ve learned to just “wing it” in order to bypass this, but sometimes I just stall like an idiot.  In the end, I’d be the hero pondering whether or not to stab the villain or spare his life who ends up getting stabbed for waiting too long or the hero that just goes with their gut, doesn’t think things through, and falls off a cliff in the process.  It’s a fun dynamic, you should try it some time.

16. Think over the past day or week and make a mental list (you can also write it here) of ways that you have done badly - by yourself, by others, etc. - any time that you have done something, and wish you would have done better. How would you characterize these instances? What caused you to fail and what was your reaction? Are you more likely to be hard on yourself or to find excuses for yourself?
This week has been fairly uneventful, yikes… I guess I’ve been overly sarcastic and quiet this week because my anxiety is sort of high, so I’ve both of said some cringy things that I’m pretty sure either made people feel really awkward or were borderline mean and not talked enough which has made people uncomfortable .  Wish I could’ve not done that.  Also yesterday, I was offered a free meal at my college cafe because I was given the “last of the batch.”  It made me really nervous because it was a lot of food anyways and made me feel guilty for no reason, even though the manager said to just tell the cash register lady it was free.  When I got to the register I began to say something and just died instead and ended up using a meal swipe anyways, which was pretty stupid and a failure to myself.  I’m very hard on myself all the time, though I’m not unfamiliar with excuses.

17. a. Imagine meeting an evil version of yourself - your 'dark side' - and describe this person.
Dark me has given up on people and all relationships and is just apathetic about everything and everyone.  She is content with her solitude because it is comfortable.  She uses our strong persuasive ability and takes advantage of others due to their trust in my honesty and “niceness.”  She uses her ability to gauge others personalities to be manipulative and for personal gain. She’s a creep, and she lets her desies to play with people and things get the best of her.  I feel like evil me would be a psychopath who dissects other people for fun lol.
b. Describe your ideal self.
Assertive and spontaneous, unbiased but not afraid of subjectivity.  Passionate about gaining knowledge and using that to help other people.  Not a coward, but not stupid.  Decisive and leading, affectionate in a way that made sense to other people.

18. What is your experience with and how do you deal with the following:
a. Loneliness
Ew that’s probably my least favorite.  I’m cool with solitude, but I’m not cool with being alone forever.  I often feel lonely because I have difficulty relating and connecting to others in a meaningful way.  It makes me feel inferior, but I can’t express this to others without feeling needy and stupid.  A part of me feels like I should be able to exist without being tied to others, but that’s obviously a lie.
b. Doubt
This is me all the time, so I’m sort of used to it.  I doubt my own judgements, I doubt other people will complete their tasks, ect ect.  In the end, my doubt causes me to think in endless circles and get nothing done.
c. boredom
I used to get bored rarely because my internal world is fairly entertaining, but since my mind has been so foggy for a while now, that doesn’t work.  I get antsy when this happens.  I tend to do weird things like clean things meaninglessly or go for really long walks just to make time pass.
d. Laziness
I’d say I’m pretty balanced here.  I lack internal motivation and sometimes have trouble starting things, but if I can tie my goals to bettering someone else or to a responsibility, I can usually get myself moving.  I always try my hardest at everything that I do, and often overdo things.
e. Temper
I’m usually not angry enough for my temper to cause a problem.  I have a long long fuse, longer than it needs to be with most things but once it burns out (which honestly has only happened once or twice) you don’t want to feel the explosion.  I guess I’m the traditional “long fuse, dangerous explosion” sort of person, though I try to voice my concerns ahead of time before I get to this point.

19. Which of the 'seven deadly sins' - pride, wrath, sloth, envy, lust, gluttony, avarice - do you relate to most and why? Which do you relate to least and why? Feel free to go into depth about these.
The sins are so robotic but…  I guess probably gluttony or sloth, maybe avarice to a degree.  Gluttony in the sense that I really enjoy food a lot, especially trying all different types of foods.  I tend to overeat because I want to try all of the foods.  Sloth, again, I am somewhat lazy and slow to action, though once I start I can’t stop.  Avarice…  I’m a massive sting.  I don’t want to have everything but I hate spending money and am not quick to share unless the person is in dire need.  I can’t relate to lust.  Again, no strong passions here, though I wouldn’t deny wanting something more in life.

20. Link a song you relate to and explain why.
I don’t really relate to songs.  I kind of want to put this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rM9V99VlgrI&index=15&list=PLHVO2llkNknmEh-h-lZi4ww9FUVdX3xq6  not because of the lyrics, but because it’s so scattered and disjointed, the whole vibe being “lost, but still moving forward” even if the lyrics might not portray that (I’ve never exactly listened).
I guess this too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KetCV-wzoI  I don’t exactly relate to the context of Weiss’s struggle, as I’m pretty sure that Weiss was abused and forced into isolation by her father, but kind of agree with the internal struggle because I’ve sort of isolated myself by my own hands and because of situational struggles.  Some of the people I’ve kept as friends end up being worse enemies than the people I’ve been bullied by, and even those I’ve felt close to have sort of been a detriment.