On my attitude while'st'd've streaming

TL;DR Anger needs to go. 1000% run as a reward for making it go.

I know that it's unacceptable and nowhere reflective of who I am or the direction I want my stream to go. Being irrationally angry and self-loathing on stream, specifically while I play Splatoon 2, has no more place and I will do my best to curb this attitude. Let me rant for a little bit regarding why I get so heated about this game in particular; I've always gotten heated at my speedgames one time or another, but nowhere near as bad as how I feel about Splatoon 2.

So a lot of this passion comes from the failure to meet my expectations. As you know I was a huge fan of the Splatoon 1 speedrun and was beyond excited to finally be getting a speedgame where I can start fresh and still enjoy it the same way I did my first. Unfortunately Splatoon 2 dropped all of that on the floor and crushed it. You've heard me rant about why this is a million times so I'm not gonna get into that now, just know that I don't enjoy this game nearly as much as I did Splatoon 1. Anytime I'm running the game I have the feeling in the back of my mind reminding me why I hate the game, so that kinda builds up every time I stream it.

Another reason I'm upset about how little control I have on stream is my expectations for my stream growth due to Splatoon 2. I'm not gonna pretend like I didn't see Splatoon 2 as a great opportunity, building off of the viewerbase I already have. I had the opportunity to do that, but honestly I blew it. My frustrations and failures to play well resulted in a lot of people being turned off by my stream whenever I play Splatoon 2, and now it'll be harder more than ever to regain that following when now they associate squids and Tones with anger. I have plans to fix this but none of that will matter until I change my attitude.

That being said, a common solution people suggest is to drop Splatoon 2, but I'm not ready to do that yet. I have too much invested to just give up on the speedgame. Not only that, but I wouldn't learn anything, I would just be bringing whatever shitty feelings I have into the next game. If I don't beat myself now, I'll never learn how to deal with it. Splatoon 2 has been the hardest test of my mental endurance and I don't want it to drive me into the ground. Also the fact that I have two options: switch games and have nobody watch me be normal, or play Splatoon 2 and build up the trust of the people again. I think I'm capable of great things I just have to focus.

To celebrate a mental turnaround, I plan on doing a 1000% run at some point. I've been wanting to do it for a while now, but I do not see myself ever completing a run like that without breaking down emotionally if I don't settle myself first. There will be no sub-goal donation-goal bit-goal involved in this. This is solely a personal goal I'm setting for myself to further develop myself as a streamer.

Thank you and enjoy the streams