DO YOU KNOW WHAT SEEING LOOKS LIKE

: CN : VAGUE THREATS OF VIOLENCE : CN :

Interlocutor: initial interview with captured operative, codename JAZZHOG. interview conducted by -----REDACTED----- also present. interview proceeding under duress due to extraordinary circumstances. care to state your name for the record?

Client: you're kidding me.

I: the fact that we have you here at all can attest to just how serious we are. c'mon. let me make you the pitch.

C: i'm all ears.

I: there are two ways this can be. you can flip, and if you do i can give you our full assurances that your cooperation would be greatly rewarded. alternatively, you can stay quiet, and hope that your loyalty will be rewarded - and that the reward will be enough to make up for what we're prepared to put you through if you don't give us what we want.

C: carrot and stick.

I: it really is that simple.

C: you want to know how much it'd take for me to sell out to you? fine. two hundred grand.

I: that doesn't seem like a lot of money, considering.

C: no, you... i don't care about money, at all. that's how many peanuts i want.

I: ok. sure. i'm prepared to promise that.

C: do i get more than your word?

I: alright. i'll go to the vending machine, buy you a bag of peanuts. get started on what you're due.

C: salted if you got 'em.

I: back in a sec.

I: here you go. with our compliments.

C: whatever. what are you trying to know?

I: you should understand, we're not opposed to the spies. we just want a little more clarity about how their interests intersect with ours.

C: are you going to ask or what.

I: right, right, sure. so who do you report to?

C: could be anyone. everything within the organisation's pseudonymised. the codename that gives my orders and receives my reports is BIGSHRUGS. i figure it's probably someone at hq, but i ain't never been.

I: see, right there, we've already caught you in a lie. we have the flight manifests that show you travelling to houston, texas at least five times in the last two years.

C: oh... you... think the name refers to houston, texas? this is so... you don't even know the bare minimum you would need to know to even be able to have this conversation.

I: supposing that's so. why don't you enlighten us with some of this basic info?

C: eh. this bag of peanuts is a little empty.

I: someone get them another bag. actually, no, just keep 'em coming. send runners.

I: well?

C: it's hard to know where to start, i don't even know how much you don't know.

I: just start talking, if i have followup questions...

C: sure, sure, fine. you've sent people to the stadium, right? if you're trying to figure out what the story is, you musta.

I: maybe so.

C: yeah, and i know enough about the stadium to know that they sent back reports of a pretty standard blaseball stadium. real generous offer on concessions. right?

I: sounds familiar.

C: yeah, see, you don't... we stage fake blaseball games at an abandoned glolf course. if that's what you think the stadium is, i know for sure you've never seen it.

I: how do we get to the real stadium, then?

C: i have no idea.

I: right. ok. what else can you tell us?

C: i'm thinking. you know about our emoji, right?

I: the figure in the trench coat.

C: 🕵️?

I: please don't do that.

C: whatever. my point is, that's what you think our emoji is.

I: it's on all the documentation.

C: i'm going to need way more peanuts. the way you're thinking about all of this, you're so far off the mark. i can't imagine what working with you guys every day would be like. PEAFUNK must be a -----TRANSCRIPT ENDED-----