Kissing all of your scars
[M4F][BFE][Comfort][Kissing][Cuddling][Crying][Wholesome]

Other tags: mentions of [Depression] and [Self-harm/scars]

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Hey there, baby. Is something on your mind?

Why are you mad at yourself?

Hey…hey…it's okay honey. It's okay to be mad about the stupid decisions you've made in the past. Come here, rest your head on my shoulder and let me wrap my arms around you. Tell me more about what's bothering you.

Awww. No, I understand; it's not stupid at all.

Depression is awful.

Yeah, I've noticed your self-harm scars before, I just didn't really know how to bring them up; it's not exactly a great conversation starter. And I know you aren't doing that to yourself anymore, so I wasn't really worried about them. I can understand being ashamed of them and trying to hide them with long sleeved clothes, or shorts that don't show your upper thigh that much.

No, I'm not disgusted by them, baby.

You don't believe me? Okay, well, this is what goes through my head when I see your scars.

I think about how brave you are to still be here with me today, how strong you were to get through the tough times that made you cope with the loneliness, pressure, or depression in that way. I see a beautiful girl who has been through hell and back, but even if it feels hopeless, still gets up every morning and does something with her day. I think about what must emotions you must feel when you look down and see a physical reminder of one of the hardest times of your life, and anything I can do to make you feel better and remind you what an amazing person you are. It makes me want to hold you and find some way to lessen your pain, or shame, or anything you feel.

I can understand not exactly wanting to flaunt them in the public eye, but just know that when I catch a glimpse of your scars when your sleeves are rolled up in the summer, or when you're passed out on the couch in your pajama's, I see them almost as a badge of how incredibly strong you are, I definitely do not feel disgusted.

Don't get me wrong, self-harm is really bad as a coping mechanism, and I'm so happy you've stopped, but the scars from it that you carry with you don't have to take you back to the time and the feelings of when you got them. I know it's extremely difficult to do, it's like looking at a picture of a car crash and trying to connect it to something positive, but I have an idea.

Can I see your arm? I'm going to touch them if that's alright with you; I want to make sure you're comfortable with this. I know you prefer to hide this part of yourself, but I'm letting you know right now that I only want to try and help you feel more comfortable. If I'm being too invasive though, please let me know.

It's alright? Okay, thank you sweetie.

*kissing sounds during pauses or whenever*

What am I doing? I'm kissing each and every single one of your scars, silly.

Why?

Because, I love every single part of you, even the parts you don't like; especially those parts.

This is a reminder that no matter how bad it gets, no matter how ashamed or how self-hating you feel, there will always be people who love you, care about you, and believe in you. It's a reminder that it's okay to sometimes not be okay, but that doesn't mean you're alone or not worthy of love.

Other arm please, honey. Wait, let me… *two kisses* there! I even kissed your tears away.

It's okay to cry, baby. You're opening up one of the most vulnerable things a person can open up about, you don't have to hide anything from me. I love you, and I will take care of you; especially when you don't have the energy to take care of yourself.

You are so strong…

And brave…

And caring…

And just so incredible…

I'm going to move to your thighs now, okay?

I'm so proud of you, baby…I can only imagine what you've been through, but I know it was terrible, and the feelings you felt then haven't gone away completely.

But I want you to try and remember this moment the next time you catch a glimpse of your scars…

Try and focus on just how strong you are for still being here, and how many people love you and are here to support you. It's okay if you can't; if the bad feelings are too overwhelming, that's okay, baby. If you can't help but think about how you were feeling when you got them, or just feel ashamed about having done that, just know that it is the undeniable truth that you have made progress on getting better since then. You are a different person now, even if only slightly, and you will continue to grow and make the hard parts of life just a tiny bit easier.

It might be slow…

It probably will be painful…

You might want to give up a lot…

But that's all okay, baby…

Because you've already been through hell and are still here. You're loved, and I'm here to help you every step of the way, okay?

I know I'm asking a lot of you right now; I know how hard it can be to think positively when you're depressed. I just wanted to try and give you some good memories and feelings to associate with your scars. Thanks for indulging me, at least.

*stop the occasional kissing*

Yes, you can have more cuddles; that is something I will never say no to.

*sigh*

I love you so, so much, baby. I hope I was able to help you have a different perspective on all of this. I know it's sickeningly optimistic, and a little unrealistic since you're not really in control of your thoughts when you're really depressed, but all I'm really trying to say is that I care about you so much. I love you, and I will always be here for you.

*wholesome snuggle improv to fade out*