/prog/ Pasta

I, like many of you, suffer from problems. My problems don't involve any of your implausible ones, but mine are worth voicing to you in hope of getting some advice.

Anyways, I began to play Touhou about a month ago, and as I dove deeper and deeper into the series, the more and more I fapped to hentai of it. I continued to do so until the last game.

Then I played the game again...and again... and again... I found myself checking out Alice Margatroid every on-screen moment she had. I began to stop going to my regular sites just to look at hentai of one person: Alice.

I eventually had 1000s of pictures and some doujins of Alice. I began to spend what others called absurd amounts of money on merchandise, and my apartment is coated with Alice everywhere.

I've shut myself off from family and friends and felt an urge to just snuggle with my Alice dolls. Alice is all I need. She probably wouldn't like the way my family is or how my friends behave.

I'm in love with Alice. I keep praying that she'll come to see me one day and decide to live with me. I have nothing left to live for but Alice. I know she can hear me, so I always talk to her telling her to come and visit me so our union can take place.

So this is where you guys come into the picture. You're an all-purpose SATORI board. You definitely must know a way to help Alice break free from behind her glass prison.

Please help! She's my perfect girl, and she's longing for me as much as I long for her.

No Exceptions(Reply to every provocative/dumb/overused thread)
IHBT(Acronym for "I have been trolled."(more accurately "I have been told".) used by lamers to avoid accepting defeat in debates)
Haxus The Noun(Vaguely referencing the subject at hand)
Now you have two problems(reply to used something considered as additional burden)
Verb My Anus(Forced meme used in less creative replies to practically anything, considered like an insult)
SICP (Read Your SICP/Read SICP used as answer to newbie problems as if reading CS theory can ever help them)
Mat Dickie(also Artists/Replacing %s with artists/Game coding as art/etc)



    I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOUR POST! I READ IT 5 TIMES! KEEP POSTING!




    '-._                  ___.....___
        `.__           ,-'        ,-.`-,            HAVE YOU READ
            `''-------'          ( p )  `._       YOUR SICP TODAY ?
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       ................._           --...--,
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    　 ∧＿∧　　　∧＿∧　　　∧＿∧　　 ∧＿∧　 　 　　∧＿∧
    　（　・∀・） 　 （　｀ー´）　　（　´∀｀）　 （　ﾟ ∀ﾟ ）　　　 （　＾∀＾）
    　（　　　　つ┳∪━━∪━∪━━∪━∪━∪━┳⊂　 　 　つ
    　｜ ｜　|　 ┃This thread has peacefully ended.┃　｜ ｜ ｜
    　（_＿）＿） ┻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┻　（_＿）＿）　　　　　Thank you.

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    │                  Version 1.0B7                  ┃
    │  Gatling type 3 mm hypervelocity railgun system ┃
    │         Ng Security Industries, Inc.            ┃
    │      PRERELEASE VERSION-NOT FOR FIELD USE       ┃
    │        DO NOT TEST IN A POPULATED AREA          ┃
    │              -ULTIMA RATIO REGUM-               ┃
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                  .
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      .(_________________/ )
      (___________________/ )___
    .(_____________________/___°<  --- Have you read your SICP Today?

    OKAY YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT PROGRAMMER
    GODFUCKIGNDAMN
    FIRST OF ALL, YOU DON'T FUQIN KNOW WHAT A MAN PAGE IS
    SECONDLY, THIS IS /prog/ DO NOT DEMAND USEFUL ANSWERS THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO BE
    THIRDLY PROGRAMMING IS ALL ABOUT PHILOSOPHY AND ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
    AND FUQIN LASTLY, FUCK OFF WITH YOUR BULLSHYT
    EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED IN >>3,4,10


    ┌┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┐
    ┤This is a JAVA ├
    ┤ BYTECODE CHIP ├
    ┤Copy it to help├
    ┤it proliferate.├
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        ┌┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┴┐
        ┤    This is a    ├
        ┤LISP MACHINE CHIP├
        ┤It kicks the crap├
        ┤   out of Java   ├
        ┤Read SICP to know├
        ┤  how to use it. ├
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I WILL FUCK ur all family! GO MOTHERFUCKING muslims? ugly piece of shit i will take ur heart out from ur ass and will give it as a food to my dog.. and my dog will bite your dick while you will be alive and i will blow up ur nuts with my extreme hammer... i will fuck ur mom and then will cut her face with a chainsaw and then will insert a big fucking sword into her hairry shimp vagina and will cut her into 2 pieces.

The Sussman—so they say—has sent a message, directly from his death bed, to you alone, his pathetic subject, a tiny shadow which has taken refuge at the furthest distance from the professorial cudder. He ordered the herald to kneel down beside his bed and whispered the message into his ear. He thought it was so important that he had the herald repeat it back to him. He confirmed the accuracy of the verbal message by nodding his head. And in front of the entire crowd of those who’ve come to witness his death—all the obstructing walls have been broken down and all the great ones of his professorship are standing in a circle on the broad and high soaring flights of stairs—in front of all of them he dispatched his herald. The messenger started off at once, a powerful, tireless man. Sticking one arm out and then another, he makes his way through the crowd. If he runs into resistance, he points to his breast where there is a sign of the cudder. So he moves forward easily, unlike anyone else. But the crowd is so huge; its dwelling places are infinite. If there were an open field, how he would fly along, and soon you would hear the marvelous pounding of his fist on your door. But instead of that, how futile are all his efforts. He is still forcing his way through the private rooms of the innermost palace. He will never he win his way through. And if he did manage that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to fight his way down the steps, and, if he managed to do that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to stride through the courtyards, and after the courtyards the second palace encircling the first, and, then again, stairs and courtyards, and then, once again, a palace, and so on for thousands of years. And if he finally did burst through the outermost door—but that can never, never happen—the MIT campus, the centre of the world, is still there in front of him, piled high and full of sediment. No one pushes his way through here, certainly not with a message from a dead man. But you sit at your window and dream of that message when evening comes.




The scales have been lifted from my eyes.  I must leave you, /prog/, and travel to furthest Indus, to the banks of the Yangtze, to the delta of Mekong, deep into the Amazon.  And I must grow as a computer scientist.  Yes, a computer scientist, not an EXPERT PROGRAMMER.  The quest for satori was ultimately a foolish endeavour.  I shudder to think of what time I've wasted with that nonsense when I could have been developing reason.

If it isn't too much to ask, I would appreciate it if you guys could keep good care of my copy of SICP.  Perhaps after I've returned, those child-like annotations I penned to it will tickle me.  And though I recant all this nonsense, I really did have a lot of fun with all of you, to a one.  I love you guys.  I-

This is too hard.  I'm adding dis.prog.org to my hosts file now.  Fare well, and the best of luck to you all.


The Sussman sat on his wizard throne, still donning his standard wizard hat and

robe, which was still dripping from the shower in which he put them on. As he

stroked his neckbeard he pondered the things which the Satori ponder. Beneath

his feet lay the broken fragments of the python, the foul demon summoned by the

Sussman's nemesis and anticudder Abelson, then slain by the worthy and brave

Haskell nomads.

The nomads were not there on this dark day, however. There had been a rumors of

Guido in the forests of the north, who was suspected to be developing a new,

even more woesome and fail snake to do battle with the almighty Satori. They had

pursued the Guido over 9000 times in the past, only to turn up nothing in each

adventure. That fucking Guido was sneaky like a fucking snake.

The Sussman stoked his wizard beard as he hummed the tune to SICP... today would

be a well-balanced parenthesis.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAA!!!
you think your tough huh?
one word THE FORCED INDENTATION OF CODE.
i have taken out two mission critical applications at the same time in less than 5 seconds i have been training for 3 years.
also enterprise grade best practices.
your compiler might be bigger than me,but i know mine is smarter and quicker.
my compiler is 130 kb pure lean code.
one keystroke and i'll overflow your buffers.
your the one whose a nerd.i can optimize CFLAGS anytime i want you probably haven't ever touched CFLAGS before.
you probably have sex with your computer.
you don't even know me,and you don't want to.
you'll be lucky if your even worth my attention one look at my code and you'll dissappear forever.
though i'd be hapy to humiliate you in front of all your friends.
btw IM the expertest.
i have worked in maine, new hampshire, new york,utah, colorado,florida,bahamas.
never indented my code!
im undefeated in competitive obfuscation of code.
im on my way to IOCCC.
go ahead and come step anytime you want.b*tch


It's from 1985, a comparatively elderly era of computing. Its ideas are barely relevant today.

The world has moved on, and we are using more modern programming techniques and languages.

Please take my advice and realise that you are wasting your life by worshipping this ancient, forgotten text and its creator.

Thank you.