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- Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.#What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.#Why did Sin destroy the local fishing town? He was upset and assumed they were murdering the squid population, as the town was called Kil-ika.#I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.#Have you heard about the film "Constipation", you probably haven't because it's not out yet.#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#What's a sailor's favorite meal? Fish and ships.#My buddy set me up on a blind date & said, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby." Felt like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper.#A mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace#I feel sorry for shopping carts. They’re always getting pushed around.#Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.#I'm changing my name to 'Benefits' on Facebook. Next time someone adds me, It will say "you are now friends with Benefits."#Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!#Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?#Why are the Al-Bhed misunderstood? People think they are wanting to make war when they would rather be machina pun instead.#Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.#Your mama’s so FAT she can’t save files bigger than 4GB.#What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!#I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.#Don't Weedle in more Pokémon puns into this conversation#A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!#What do Moogles use when they go shopping? Kupons.#I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer it came... Then it hit me!#If you send a letter to the Philippines put it in a Manila envelope.#I think I Fraxured my funny bone.#The bomb didn't want to go off. So it refused.#Why are chocobos used for investigations? They're good at making in-KWEH-ries.#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.#A hen will always leave her house through the proper eggs-it.#I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.#The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.#Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.#What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? CSI#Why was Jecht such a popular Blitzball player? He was known for making a splash.#I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.#Did you hear about the man who got killed by a bear? It was a grizzly death.#What's a Titan's favorite meal? Raw-men#Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.#The best time to open a gift is the present.#These puns raised Mesprit a bit#When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com.#My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.#I Marill bad judge of puns#Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.#Imagine if you would hit the clock in the morning and the clock would hit you right back. I think it would be truly alarming.#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.#Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.#What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.#Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.#I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.#What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.#Why do the French eat snails? They don't like fast food.#When computer programmers are hungry they take mega-bites.#Let me Raichu some puns.#What did Yuna say when Wakka asked her to heal him of poison? "I'll take care of it Esuna-s possible."#Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course. It’s very souperficial.#What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.#Circling vultures are a dead giveaway.#I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.#Did you hear about the pun that was actually funny? Neither have we.#Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.#Why was Kimahri afraid of returning to Mt. Gagazet. He was scared of the cold reception.#Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.#When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.#I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.#After spotting a hole in the net, the bluefin knew it was his oppurtunaty to escape.#A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender here?”#Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?#I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.#Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.#The dead batteries were given out free of charge.#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.#Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?#Snakes Swallot their prety whole#I had a real problem making a hard-boiled egg this morning until I cracked it.#What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.#What was the first thing Yuna asked when she met Auron? She wanted to know if he Nebraska.#Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!#Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.#Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.#My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with the vengeance I told him "oh yeah we'll see about that!"#I haven't heard a pun in Mawhile#The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.#The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.#One of the best drinking game rules I have ever heard was you had to say a Pokemon name in every sentence. Farfetched right?#It is customary to say "lettuce begin" before a food fight.#I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.#Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.#Why are the Ronso fans of the United States? Because they are Yenke Doodle Dandys!#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal!#I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.#Why is Kylo Ren so angry? Beause he’s always Ben Solo.#Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.#Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.#What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.#Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse.#Coffee is the silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.#Let me FILL you in on my trip to the dentist.#What is the difference between a living and a dead Spiran? Why ask me, the difference is Farplane to see.#I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.#I'd make a Pokepun but then I'd have to roll-out of here.#Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.#I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty down to earth.#What is a Yevonite's most hated pick-up line? Al-Bhed you.#If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.#There is no Shaymin trying to find a new pun.#Old skiers never die. They just go down hill.#What do the Al-Bhed do with ancient machina? Rikku-struct them#I had a pun about insanity but then I lost it.#Don't let life get you a little Gloom#What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.#Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.#If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you'd have a small medium at large.#What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe#Who said grapes are soft? They never cry when you step on them, they just let out a bit of wine.#I still had some Snubbull after shaving#I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.#I wonder why there aren’t any more cemeteries around. People are really dying to get in there.#What did Hashirama say to Madara? Did you get the messages I senju.#My Sister was crying so I asked her if she was having a cry-sis.#What do you mean June is over? Julying.#A photographer was great at botany because he knew photo synthesis.#We probably won't find any new puns, people already Rotom all.#After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.#Why is Kimahri usually silent? He tends to find that nothing needs to Besaid.#What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.#One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.#I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.#I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.#Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.#The shovel was a ground breaking invention.#I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.#My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.#You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.#What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.#I used to work at a hairdresser but i just wasn’t cut out for it.#I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.#I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it's hard to understand him - he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!#A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.#My computer is so slow it hertz.#I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.#The Pokeband Durant Durant made top-selling charts with their hot new single "All you need is Mew"#What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#Why is the navy full of anime fans? Because they love subs.#What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.#Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.#What do you get when you cross a snoman and a vampire? Frost bite.#I never understood odorless chemicals, they never make scents.#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#I dissected an iris today. It was an eye-opening experience.#The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.#Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.#Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: "Beef Jerky!"#My math teacher called me average. How mean!#Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.#The first duck wouldn't go in the water. The other duck said "What are you, chicken?".#The purpose of the guards at the Blitzball stadium in Luca is to drive a Bigg Wedge between the players and the fans.#This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.#Why couldn't Yuna summon her aeons? She lacked Fayth.#I touched an electric eel the other day. It was shocking.#These reversing cameras are great. Since I got one I haven’t looked back.#My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.#A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.#Yesterday a clown held the door for me. It was a nice jester.#What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine!#Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.#I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO#Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils.#I'm hungry, let me go grab Gabite#What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.#This stream never makes me Drowzee#Who is Fozzie Bear's favorite FFX character? Wakka Wakka!#I used to Rhydon the bus but then I got my license#What did Tidus's dad say to his mom when he was born? "Sorry, honey! Gotta Jecht!"#Why do people in Spira use fish instead of money for currency? Because everything is bought with gil.#Why are fish so smart? – Because they live in schools!#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.#The scarecrow get promoted because he was outstanding in his field.#What room has no floors, no ceiling and no walls? A mushroom!#Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!#How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.#Ekans see where you're going with this#My girlfriend asked me to pass her the Chapstick and I accidentally passed her the Glue Stick! She still hasn't talked to me!#Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.#The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.#On Halloween October is nearly Octover.#For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.#If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.#The first drinking establishment in Alaska was a polar bar.#I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.#What do you call a young musician? A minor.#Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds!#I accepted a Knight shift job to become a security guard.#If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.#Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.#What is Jecht's favorite season. Summer-ner#Why is Rikku always insistent in using her overdrives when others are in battle? She wants to get in on the Mix.#They’re building a restaurant on Mars now. They say the food will be great, but they’re worried about a lack of atmosphere.#How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.#Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.#Models of dragons are not to scale.#Why was the tree excited about the future? It was ready to turn over a new leaf!#People say i look better without glasses but i just can't see it.#Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck? Now he's hooked on the quack.#Things made in Australia are high koala-ty.#Whiteboards ... are remarkable.#What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.#Why are the Al-Bhed weary of the Yevonites? They're afraid they Maester up some trouble.#A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."#A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."#I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.#How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet.#These puns... Don't you Diglett#Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable.#Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.#Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.#I got fired from my job as a software engineer. I just couldn't get with the program.#On land crabs tend to use the sidewalk.#Why are pigs so bad at soccer? They are always hogging the ball!#Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#The one day of the week that eggs are definitely afraid of is Fry-day.#I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.#As far as Sin vs the Crusaders go, you know what they say. When Sin wins, you Gatta have Luzzus.#Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.#Where do fish go on vacation? Finland.#How do mountains see? They peak.#Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay. He woke up.#Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.#Ho-oh's favourite drink is hydrogen peroxide#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.#I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.#This business Metang was very productive#Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.#These puns have made my mind Exploud#In order to talk to a viking you need to know Norse code.#Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.#To be Frank, I'd have to change my name.#Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job, now he’s just a handyman.#What did Tidus say when he got another history lesson over Spira? "You're Maechen me confused!"#When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.#Did you know a storm of Pokémon is called a Pokémonsoon?#I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.#I turn on my Charmander pants come right off#Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.#What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!#Why did Lulu never use chapstick? Because she was a fan of having Chappu lips.#A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I asked him to leave me a loan.#Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.#What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.#I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn't make ends meet.#Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!#Get back to work. Don't Slakoth!#I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.#R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.#What does every Moogle need in the morning? A Kup-o coffee.#Sausage puns are the wurst.#What is the computer’s favorite food? Microchips.#Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.#The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.#What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.#What do you call a sour orange that was late to school? Tarty!#What did the swordsman say when challenged to a fight by the enemy? "You guys Auron!"#The best time of day to eat eggs is at the crack of dawn.#What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.#Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.#I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.#If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?#After months of searching, they finally found the Sunkern ship 449#Although I like hard rock, sometimes I want to listen to Solrock#What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me something smells.#What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.#If I got paid in lots of Pennes I would make loads of pasta.#She asked Furret.#As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.#I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.#Is he wearing Abra?#Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.#Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker. I used to look up to him.#I tried to stop the bleeding, but all of my efforts were in vein.#What do you call a dictionary on drugs? HIGH-Definition.#Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.#Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!#Why couldn’t the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.#A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."#Puns this good were certainly Onix-pected#A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
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