Fall of Cleveland 17 - Fuzzy Pony in the Wild

http://www.fluffybooru.org/post/view/1264

Written by Tabula Rojo

Fuzzy Pony in the Wild
>Be a Fluffy Pony owner
>…
>Make that a former Fluffy Pony owner
>Your most recent Fluffy, a pink unicorn filly named Giggles, died this morning
>Found her smothered to death by an oversized Teddy Bear you got her
>You’ll be sure to toss it before you get your next Fluffy
>Assuming you get another
>You’re really starting to get burned out on Fluffies
>You’re sick of training them not to shit all over the place
>Sick of them breaking your antique vases and expensive electronics
>Sick of them whining for “sketties” all the time
>Sick of them wanting to “pway” all the time
>And most of all sick of trying to keep the damn things alive
>You’ve spent thousands Fluffy-proofing your house and yard but it wasn’t enough to keep poor little Giggles alive
>If only they were smarter and less death prone
>it would save you so much heartache and frustration
>That afternoon you met your friend Bill for Lunch
>After sharing your problem with him Bill reveals something top secret to you
>He and his company are working on developing a new improved breed of Fluffy
>Smarter, Better, Faster, Stronger
>Our work is never over
>Anyway
>Bill offers to give you one
>They’re out of Beta
>And releasing on time
>But they could use a test run in a less sterile environment
>After lunch you head off to Bill’s lab

>You arrive at the lab
>You are overjoyed by the prospect of a smart well behaved less death prone Fluffy Pony
>Or rather, Fuzzy Pony
>Bill was rather insistent that this new breed is called “Fuzzy”
>Anything to distance themselves from the mistakes of Fluffy Ponies you suppose
>Before you know it you are handed a pet carrier
>Strangely there’s no noise coming from it
>Is it empty?
>You look in and are met with the stare of half lidded blue-eyes surrounded by an all white coat
>There’s a Fluf-er a “Fuzzy” in there alright
>”Awfully quiet aren’t they?” you comment
>”Well that’s part of them being less annoying, they only speak when spoken to” Bill replies
>You look in again
>”Hey little guy I’m your new Daddy, wanna say hi?” you say softly
>”Hewwo new daddy.” The Fuzzy pony says, nowhere near as loud or enthusiastic as his Fluffy predecessors
>He then follows it up with what seems like a very forced smile
>”What did I tell yah, so much more obedient than the old Fluffy Ponies!” Bill said proudly
>”Yeah… well I better get this guy home” you say
> And so you arrive home
>You place the pet carrier in the safe room and open the door
>Nothing
>You remember each and every one of your previous fluffies would shoot out of the pet carrier when you brought them home for the first time
>Well if you can call a faster than usual waddle “shooting” but I digress
>”Fuzzy why aren’t you coming out?” you ask
>”Daddy no ask Fuzzy to come out” he says
>His voice is very odd
>It’s still very child like, but monotone at the same time
>It’s like how Ben Stein probably talked when he was a toddler
>Kinda Creepy
>”Well now I’m asking, please come on out” you say
>Fuzzy waddles methodically out of the carrier
>He then turns to you and stares up at you
>His huge eyes not filled with the love and happiness like your past fluffies
>But rather they are cold and empty
>You try to ignore his creepiness and break the ice with a question
>”So what’s your name little guy?” you ask, a big smile hiding your growing discomfort
>“Fuzzy haf de-zig-nation Tea-Ach-Ecks-eweven-tuwdy-eigh, Daddy is wewcome to gif new name”
>THX 1138?
>Facepalm
>Bill was always a Star Wars fan
>Which is all well and good, except he actually likes Episode 3 over Empire!
>No Taste
>Putting the train back on the tracks
>”Alrighty… lets call you Jango” you say Star Wars still on your mind and this little fuzzy reminds you of the clone troopers
>”Ack-no-ledged, Fuzzy name is Jango” Jango replies, monotone as ever
>For the next several moments Jango continues to stare at you with those eyes
>Those increasingly unsettling eyes
>Cold, souless
>Finally to break the tension of his stare you ask
>”So what would you like to do Jango?”
>Typically when asked this question your previous Fluffies would respond with a cacophony of “PWAY WIF BAWW” “BIL WIT BWOCKS!” “HAF SKETTIES!” “MAKE POOPIES”
>The Last one of course would result in a mess for you to clean up along with a sore rump and time in the sorry box for the offending Fluffy
>However Jango doesn’t shout any of these things
>No instead he only answers your question with a question
>”Wha daddy wan Jango to do?” he asks in a not too loud monotone
>You are somewhat agitated, you find it nice that he cares about what you want to do (or atleast he’s programmed to) however you’re not great a making decisions.
>After a moment you do decide on a game of ball
>You tell Jango to stay and leave the room
>You fetch the ol’ shiny red ball from the safe room, no Fluffy Pony owning experience is complete without one
>When you come back in the living room to find Jango standing in the exact same spot
>This shit is still fucking creepy
>Like you get the idea of obedience but this is just a bit much
>You figured he’s look around the room or something
>One of your favorite things about getting a new Fluffy was their curiosity and how they’d “expwowe” their new home
>Well you’ll just have to make the best of it
>”Alright Jango go get it boy!” you say as you roll the ball past him
>He just sits there
>”Err… what’s the matter Jango?” you ask, never seen a fluffy resist a ball rolling past them
>”Jango unabwe to cawwy out owdew, daddy no specify wah he mean by ‘it’” monotone again
>Facepalm with the force of a thousand suns
>They are appearently not that much smarter than Fluffies after all
>”THE BALL STUPID THE BALL!” you shout
>First 20 minutes of ownership and you’re already yelling at it
>New Record
>”Undastood Daddy” Jango replies as he carefully retrieves the ball, and slowly nudges it back to your feet
>You kick it away and Jango once again retrieves it, with slow joyless precision
>While you repeat this a few times you reminisce about your old fluffies
>And how when they played ball they would run and giggle
>Sometimes they’d trip over their underfluff, but were having too much fun to complain about “owwies”
>And sometimes they’d “run” after the ball and then completely forget they were supposed to roll it back to you
>After 5 flawless, cold, calculated, returns from Jango you realized you didn’t want to play any more

>”Alright Jango how about some Foodies?” you ask trying to be cheerful as much as this souless creature is rapidly draining you of cheer
>”Jango wan foodies if daddy wan gif”
>No demands of “Sketties”, No cheers of joy at the prospect of eating
>This just can’t stand
>Now you know Bill gave you that bag of “Fuzzy Chow” and was pretty insistent that Jango had to eat it or he would die
>Fucking Jurassic Park style
>But you hatch a scheme
>Perhaps if you satiate the number one desire in the life of every fluffy
>The desire for “Sketties”
>Just maybe you could get this… Thing to stop acting like a goddamn robot

>And so you tell Jango to once again, stay
>And Covertly you duck into the kitchen
>You then proceed to make the most delicious spaghetti possible
>You add Garlic, Olive oil, butter, gourmet tomato sauce, parmesan cheese, you even garnish it with some parsley!
 >You return to the living room
>Big steaming plate of Pasta in your hands
>The scent is intoxicating
>You place it before Jango
>AND…
>He just stares at you
>That cold icy fucking stare
>”Go ahead eat it, Sketties!” you say pointing at the delicious plate of Italian cuisine
>He continues to star and then replies
>”Jango no like sketties, Jango onwy eat de-zig-nated Fuzzy Pony bwand Fuzzy Food, avaiwabwe fo’ da woo woo pwice of 29.99 at hasbwo dot biotoys dot com”
>…
>…
>That fucking tears it
>You roughly grab Jango off the ground
>Even in your fit of rage memories surface of your precious pink fluffy Giggles
>And how when you picked her up she would kick her stubby legs and shout “YAY FINGEW WIDE!”
>Of course Jango remains silent as you storm out the back door, clutching him in an angry vice like grip

>You could never bring yourself to hurt a fluffy, not even this horrid thing
>So you take a short trek into the woods behind your house
>Predictably you find an average sized herd heading east
>They all stop and look at you
>The Smarty friend of course steps forward, cheeks puffed out and stomping his little hooves
>Just as he opens his mouth to shout some inane threat you shout
>”SHADDUP, I have a new member for your herd, enjoy”
>You roughly toss the Fuzzy into the gathered crowd of fluffies
>”Jango, I order you to follow this fluffy do everything he tells you, and never come back here” you shout as you point at the Smarty
>You turn your back on Jango and the heard and go back inside
>Tomorrow you’re gonna get a real fluffy
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>Be Smarty Friend of herd
>Strange hoomin forcibly added a new member to your herd
>New Fluffy is strange, he’s big and white with blue eyes
>His eyes make you kind of sad for some reason
>But you are Smarty Friend so you stay strong
>You inform your new herd member where you and your kin are heading
>”We goin to Sketties Wand in Cwewewand!” you say cheerfully
>”Jango no like sketties, Jango onwy eat de-zig-nated Fuzzy Pony bwand Fuzzy Food, avaiwabwe fo’ da woo woo pwice of 29.99 at hasbwo dot biotoys dot com” he replies
>You and your herd stare at him for a moment
>”Wut?”