D&D campaign 2 session 21

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Canuhearmenow has connected.
DM has connected.
DM:
Hehehe
Jekko has connected.
Lampshade has connected.
Darth GW7:
ehehehehehehehe
Darth GW7:
EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
Darth GW7:
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA
Canuhearmenow:
HUEHEUHEUHEUHEUHEUHEHE
DM:
Oh yes, I made a new map for the dungeon
Lampshade:
You did?
DM:
Yes
DM:
I made it worse
Lampshade:
Oh
Darth GW7:
GUYS
Darth GW7:
GYUS
Darth GW7:
I CAN SEE PE-
Darth GW7:
no wiat
Darth GW7:
fuckign elias
Darth GW7:
always elias
DM:
Thought you were straight, Darth
Darth GW7:
can never se
Lampshade:
You can see pee?
Darth GW7:
straight as a row of pink tents hjort
Darth GW7:
wait
Darth GW7:
that's..
Darth GW7:
wrong joke
Darth GW7:
damnit
Jekko:
can i coup de grace the demon and loot the room
Lampshade:
So Jekko was busy doing coup de grace on the demon
DM:
Devil
Lampshade:
Devil
Lampshade:
Right
Darth GW7:
wait what
Darth GW7:
what happened to it
DM:
Go ahead, do that, however it works again
Lampshade:
Hold Person
Darth GW7:
oh
Lampshade:
Luckily it made through the SR and he failed the save
Jekko:
it works again?
Jekko:
meaning?
Darth GW7:
he means
Darth GW7:
do it
Lampshade:
He has no idea how coup dr grace works
DM:
Go murder it
Darth GW7:
but he doesn't remember how it works
Lampshade:
I only know the Pathfinder version, not sure if different in 3.5
DM:
Found it
Jekko:
he must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + damage dealt) or die
DM:
You get critical hit and sneak attack damage
Jekko:
ok
Lampshade:
Or you could roll a d20, if not crit then ded
Lampshade:
Essentially the same
* Jekko rolls: 2d3+4d6+7 => 4 + 15 + 7 = 26

Elias:
Don't even think about harming him
* DM rolls: d20 => 15
Jekko:
36 save

Elias:
WE NEED HIM
DM:
Yup
Darth GW7:
too late canu

Ahwassa:
Too late

Ahwassa:
He wasn't looking very friendly

Z'ar Kor:
I wonderrerr why

Elias:
Pit take you, he could've been a valuable ally

Halfred:
or he was going to eat our souls
DiscoInferno has connected.

Ahwassa:
There's no way I could work with one of them

Elias:
You would've said the same thing about me

Elias:
If you knew who I was

Ahwassa:
That... thing tortured people for living and his own pleasure

Ahwassa:
He deserves to die
* Halfred looting the room and the corpses
Lampshade:
Didn't I give Lesser Vigor for Zar?
Lampshade:
Meaning +15hp
Jekko:
yea you did

Ahwassa:
Elias, let me cure your wounds

Elias:
It's his nature Ahwassa, do you despise the Wolf because it eats other things?

Elias:
Hey, I'm fine
Lampshade:
*Lesser Vigor*
Lampshade:
+15 hp
DM:
It is at this point I realized that, despite making awesome shit for the rest of the dungeon, I neglected to give the Amnizu said awesome shit. Brb

Ahwassa:
A wolf is an animal, this is a sentient being
Darth GW7:
fear not the psyker

Elias:
It's a Devil, Ahwassa

Ahwassa:
Sentients have choices, and he made the wrong ones

Elias:
Devil's don't operate the same way as us mortals

Elias:
It's their NATURE

Ahwassa:
He had a choice!

Elias:
Within a limited scope of options, yes

Ahwassa:
He could have run away

Kiera:
So, err, so we're just going to sit here?

Z'ar Kor:
Wait, what?
Lampshade:
You could examine the pit which swallowed over half the party
Jekko:
you are talking to omg'ahr?
Jekko:
im not up there

Ahwassa:
So... what's with the big chair?

Elias:
Ego
Lampshade:
Darth
Darth GW7:
Lamp

Elias:
C'mon Ahwassa, there's enough room for you too!
Lampshade:
I healed you for 15hp

Ahwassa:
...
Darth GW7:
CHOO CHOO
Darth GW7:
ALL ABOARD MORON EXPRESS
Lampshade:
This chair is as big as the tents
Jekko:
im looting
* Kiera trims her hair with the pointy-end of an arrow
DM:
The chair IS made for a pit fiend
Lampshade:
Oh
Lampshade:
Is he coming home any time soon?
DM:
No
Darth GW7:
I stand in the middle of the pentagram
Darth GW7:
er
Jekko:
wait pit fiend's!!?
Darth GW7:
hexagram
Darth GW7:
IA IA CTHULHU FTAGHN
Darth GW7:
IA IA CTHULHU FTAGHN
DM:
The Amnizu would cast an illusion spell if he wanted to intimidate someone

Ahwassa:
Does anyone have any idea where this place is?

Ahwassa:
And how do we get back?
Canuhearmenow:
Kiera is now short haired?

Elias:
No idea Ahwassa

Halfred:
well im looking

Elias:
You know, if you guys didn't follow me

Ahwassa:
You'd be dead?

Elias:
It only would've been me in this mess

Elias:
Pfft, yeah right
DM whispers: The air around you opens into a void. Swirling shapes of nauseous colours fill the air, and you are dragged into the far realm by a Mind Flayer.
DiscoInferno:
I just need it out of my eyes

Elias:
One of my... Background with a group of devils?
* Elias scoffs

Ahwassa:
So, Halfred, finding anything useful?
* Elias opens door to north
Lampshade:
By the way, I'm out of spells
Lampshade:
So no getting hit, okay?
Canuhearmenow:
We could always rest
Canuhearmenow:
There are some comfy beds right there

Halfred:
no don't do it elias

Elias:
Hmm? Why not
Lampshade:
If there's anyone else in the fort they'd give us a rude awakening
Canuhearmenow:
Biggest issue though is there's only three rooms
Canuhearmenow:
Aka, one of us is going to have to sleep with another
Darth GW7:
Dibs on ahwassa
Lampshade:
I thought the biggest issue is getting ambushed in our sleep
Canuhearmenow:
HOPE NONE OF YOU SNORE
Darth GW7:
giggidy
DiscoInferno:
What happened to our ropes?
DM:
Right, you lot, move over to the Facility map, it's a better map.
Lampshade:
Still there
Darth GW7:
facility map?
Lampshade:
Don't see it
DM:
I'm an idiot
DM:
Continue
Darth GW7:
we know
Canuhearmenow:
Loading now
Lampshade:
So, Disco, coming with us on our grand adventure?
DiscoInferno:
How would i know where you#re going?
Canuhearmenow:
Just jump in and get giggidy with some floating chick
Darth GW7:
giggidy
Canuhearmenow:
You'll be here before long
Darth GW7:
what was with that chick anyway
DiscoInferno:
Pardon?

Halfred:
let's see some potios and money
Lampshade:
Jump down the hole
Canuhearmenow:
Also Darth you can't giggidy at the Ahwassa thing, you're asexual

Halfred:
*potions
Darth GW7:
shut up

Ahwassa:
What kind of potions?

Elias:
What kind of potions?
Darth GW7:
my biological clock is tickin
DiscoInferno:
I'm not jumping down no hole
Darth GW7:
GIGGIDY
Lampshade:
Have fun on the frozen wastes then
Canuhearmenow:
Freezin' your tits off
DiscoInferno:
It's ~snowy up here~
Darth GW7:
GIG

Halfred:
one whit drawing of a bull and healing potions
Darth GW7:
ID
Darth GW7:
DY
Canuhearmenow:
A BULL drawing?

Ahwassa:
That's probably Bull's Strength then

Ahwassa:
How much money?
DiscoInferno:
Yes "strength"

Elias:
Can't hurt to try it
DM:
It's actually just a vial of minotaur's blood or something
Darth GW7:
yum
Darth GW7:
dibs
DiscoInferno:
Yes, "blood"
* Elias dips his finger in the Bull potion and tries it
Lampshade:
And Disco is now one of us
DiscoInferno:
Yes, "one of us"
DM:
I... what, now?
Darth GW7:
ONE OF US
Darth GW7:
giggidy
Canuhearmenow:
US OF ONE
Lampshade:
How much money did you find?
Jekko is disconnected.
DiscoInferno:
What happened to my reward from the emprah?
Canuhearmenow:
HE RAN OFF WITH IT
Lampshade:
What was that?
Lampshade:
The reward I mean
Darth GW7:
FUR THE EMPRUR
Canuhearmenow:
The Emperor's fur
DiscoInferno:
Gold, gold, gold
Canuhearmenow:
Giggidy
DiscoInferno:
Golden nuggets of chicken
* Elias opens the door
Darth GW7:
Guys
Darth GW7:
chest
Canuhearmenow:
Remember how we confirmed opening a door, getting on the floor and doing the dinosaur can be all in one turn?
Darth GW7:
lot
Darth GW7:
loot
Lampshade:
That's a chest?
Darth GW7:
looks like one
Lampshade:
DM is that a chest?
* Kiera tries dragging more soliders to the fire
DM:
No, it's an altar. Touching it causes your skin to slough off, your mind filled with burning agony.
Darth GW7:
nevermind
DM:
Darth, roll up a new character.
DM:
Yeah it's a chest, Jekko already looted it.
Canuhearmenow:
He's completely serious
Canuhearmenow:
Oh
Darth GW7:
what
Lampshade:
That bastard
DM:
I'll just tell you the other loot, since he left
Darth GW7:
jekko the fucking loot ninja
Lampshade:
Anyone wanna bet that if Jekko dies he dies in a shower of loot and gold Diablo 2 style
Canuhearmenow:
Elias McGiggidy the Schmoidgen aperture
DM:
5k gold in various different gems and coins, just call if 5k gold so we can avoid the bullshit we had earlier.
Canuhearmenow:
Aka
Canuhearmenow:
He opens the door
Lampshade:
heh
DM:
And a Metamagic Rod of lesser Snowcasting
DM:
Sure, hang on
Lampshade:
What
Lampshade:
I thought you said there were no metamagic rods
DM:
What?
DM:
When?
Lampshade:
Long time ago
DM:
Huh
DM:
No, those are definitely a thing
Jekko has connected.
Darth GW7:
okay so we're done killing halfred
Darth GW7:
now what
Jekko:
crashed
Lampshade:
heh
Lampshade:
We open the door
Lampshade:
And proceed to get our asses kicked
Jekko:
listen
Lampshade:
Or just go in
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+9 => 8 + 9 = 17
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 11 - 1 = 10
Darth GW7:
yeah no
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 4 + 3 = 7
Lampshade:
Yep, no
Darth GW7:
i are not good listen
Canuhearmenow:
We should open all the doors at once
Lampshade:
That's a great idea!
Jekko:
where is halfred?
Canuhearmenow:
Invisible

Ahwassa:
Let's hope these were all the inhabitants of this place
Lampshade:
In the Baator map
Lampshade:
This is Facility map
Lampshade:
Copypaste
Jekko:
so how did we share the loot?
Lampshade:
We didn't yet
Lampshade:
Let's do it when we rest
Lampshade:
No snow here so....
Jekko:
elias have metamagic rod
DM:
The room beyond consists of a long corridor, and, at the end of it, what appears to be a portal. A man lounges almost casually by the portal, and looks up startled when you enter. He is wearing tattered remnants of Imperial armour, and looks utterly terrified by your appearance.
DM:
The metamagic rods don't require material components, I think, Lamp. Do they?
Lampshade:
Is he going to call us "rebel scum"?
Jekko:
no they don't i think
Lampshade:
True
Lampshade:
Good point
Darth GW7:
STOP RIGHT THERE REBEL SCUM

Imperial Guard:
NO ONE BREAKS THE LAW ON MY WATCH

Ahwassa:
Who are you?

Soldier:
What is it, citizen?

Soldier:
Um... I am... was a soldier, with the Empire. Who are.. who are you?
DM:
He is trying his best to maintain an aura of authority, but failing at it.

Elias:
An Imperial Mage of the Empire

Elias:
You're safe, son

Ahwassa:
Are there any more devils than the leader, the pain devil, the two ice things and the four legion devils?

Soldier:
It's... hard to tell. Too many coming and going at once. There were imp things, things made of chains, things that stood twelve feet tall and spewed fire, things covered in spikes, all coming and going. I've only been... free for a day or two. I couldn't tell. S-sorry.

Ahwassa:
Well that doesn't sound good, we better get out of here

Elias:
Come with us, you're in good hands

Elias:
Where's the rest of your squad?

Halfred:
i say dead heard the taking's from the frozen scout
Darth GW7:
what
Lampshade:
what?
Jekko:
yea i had talk whit the frozen scout
Lampshade:
Glad that you shared that with us...
DiscoInferno:
I'm speaking with the soldier in a Steam chat
Lampshade:
Cool
DiscoInferno:
He's a pretty chill dude from what I can tell
Lampshade:
Isn't that grounds for the XP penalty?

Soldier:
They took most of use below ground, to the cells. They would take two of us a day, and the screams were... the screams were unbearable. And then, on the third day, they gave us an offer. "Join us," they said. "Join us and we won't force you to suffer like they did." There was a price, of course. The life of a friend, and my... and my soul... what's, what's happened here? Am I f-free?"
DM:
What?
DM:
Oh
DM:
Yes
DM:
>:|
DiscoInferno:
Nuuuu

Elias:
Did you sell your soul?

Soldier:
I... I think so. I don't know if I even have one. What's happened? Where is all this?
DM:
He looks genuinely terrified.

Ahwassa:
Now that's a good question....

Ahwassa:
Do you know the way out of here?
* Elias begins inspecting the portal
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 12 => 6 + 12 = 18

Soldier:
They told me to guard this portal. It's a transit to the land, I think. But, but first, can... could you help my comrades? There should still be some alive.
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 14 => 16 + 14 = 30
Canuhearmenow:
(Arcana and Spellcraft)

Ahwassa:
Where are they? We checked the cells
Darth GW7:
« [ SIDE QUEST TIME ] = Invalid expression: [ SIDE QUEST TIME ]. »
Darth GW7:
woah what
Darth GW7:
what did I do
Lampshade:
...what happen
Darth GW7:
oh shit
Darth GW7:
let me try that again
Darth GW7:
SIDE QUEST TIIIME

Halfred:
i say we get hell out of here before more show up

Ahwassa:
We can't just leave them here

Elias:
We should look for the other soldiers
* Elias goes North

Halfred:
elias let me

Ahwassa:
Really? I thought you would have jumped on the chance to run away
DM:
Opening that door?

Halfred:
elias let me
* Elias glares at Ahwassa

Elias:
My own people?

Elias:
Comraderie is not a trait unique to the Osir

Ahwassa:
Of course not, I just didn't expect this
* Jekko rolls: 1d100 => 93
* Halfred disapears compleatly

Elias:
Woah! Where'd Halfred go!

Ahwassa:
Anyone else noticed that Halfred is pretty weird?
DiscoInferno:
I thought Halfred was up here
DiscoInferno:
Am I the only one topside?
Lampshade:
You, Nirrti and Grim
Lampshade:
So only you
Lampshade:
Out of people in here
DiscoInferno:
Ahh, ok
* Halfred opens the door
Canuhearmenow:
Kiera's all along with an Imperial Scout
Canuhearmenow:
Poor guy
Canuhearmenow:
alone*

Halfred:
seem we found Records and treasury room
DiscoInferno:
2 soliders and a scout

Ahwassa:
Great!

Elias:
RECORDS!

Ahwassa:
Books can be very valuable, especially ones found in a place like this
DiscoInferno:
Does Elias want to find his long lost daddykins?
Canuhearmenow:
Necronomicon
Canuhearmenow:
Elias never got daddy's love
Canuhearmenow:
Look how that turned out

Halfred:
seem like there is writing on the wall that i can't read
DiscoInferno:
Kiera doesn't even know if she has a father
Lampshade:
Can we get the map?
Canuhearmenow:
Kiera just sort of popped out of seafoam eh?
Lampshade:
And I would guess that yes, she has a father
Jekko:
The room beyons it a series of corridors, leading, eventually, to a central room dominated by a glowing chest. The walls are interesting, fading from stone to a vaguely watery looking substance. This lets you see an intricate network of cogs and gears and lights. There is writing on the wall directly ahead of you. "Records and treasury room. Authorised personnel only," and then more writing in a langua
* Elias inspects the language

Elias:
Yup, it's foreign all right
DiscoInferno:
Kiera's earliest memories are from 5 years ago and she doesn't know about the "birds and the bees"

Halfred:
elias there might be traps it's a treasury
DM:
That last sentence should end with "language alien to you."
Canuhearmenow:
Maybe Z'ar can teach her with some first hand experience, Disco
Canuhearmenow:
Giggidy
Lampshade:
Is the text celestial?
DM:
...
DM:
...why?
DM:
...why would it be celestial?
DM:
What?
DM:
Why?
Canuhearmenow:
So it's alien to me?
Lampshade:
To confuse the hell out of people
Canuhearmenow:
So it's not Infernal or Abyssal
Lampshade:
Is it draconic?
DM:
That's the description I gave Jekko, not the rest of you

Elias:
IT'S INFERNAL
DM:
It's Infernal
Lampshade:
Knowledge check to know what language it is?
DiscoInferno:
That infernal text...
Lampshade:
oh
* Elias starts reading the text

Ahwassa:
Can you read it?

Elias:
'can I read it' of course i can, Ahwassa

Elias:
Remember when I was the personal translator of this group back in Carceri?

Ahwassa:
All right all right

Ahwassa:
Anything interesting?

Elias:
All right children, sit down

Elias:
This will take a while

Halfred:
elias there might be traps there.
Lampshade:
I use Cure Light Wounds on myself
* Lampshade rolls: 1d8+4 => 8 + 4 = 12
Canuhearmenow:
Nice
Canuhearmenow:
Question
Lampshade:
No more healing now
Canuhearmenow:
if you used Vigor on yourself while working out
Canuhearmenow:
How fast would you gain muscle mass?
Canuhearmenow:
If at all
Lampshade:
Vigor is just healing spell
Canuhearmenow:
Building muscle after all is the TEARING of muscle
Canuhearmenow:
Aka, damage
Lampshade:
Ah
Lampshade:
No idea
* Elias continues staring intently at the text
* Elias seems to get engrossed in it
Jekko:
regeneration speel is for growing limbs back
DiscoInferno:
it's devil erotica
Canuhearmenow:
It's a dirty novel
Canuhearmenow:
DAMMIT DSICO
Jekko:
*spell
Lampshade:
Yeah, but I don't have it
Lampshade:
It's a machine code?
DiscoInferno:
"ur a faget"

Elias:
Oh shit

Elias:
Oh no

Elias:
no no no

Elias:
Why did we NO

Elias:
We're stuck in here

Ahwassa:
What

Elias:
"All who enter this room must agree to leave by this door and this door alone. All methods of travel that are magical, including but not limited to spells of flying, teleportation, summoning and transmutation, can not be used within the confines of this room in such a way as to make travel easier. All who enter must sign the following forms, under Section XXI, paragraph 12, lines 4-9 of the Pact Primeval as Applied To Harvesting, version 3.2. All who do not comply with such measures are subject to the punishments of hell, as decided by either the reigning King of Hell, the Archdevil to whom the facility belongs, or the Dark Eight should the aforementioned be unavailable at any time, as well as the forces of law as detailed in the Pact."

Elias:
Actually
* Elias looks over it again

Elias:
Just means we have to exit the way we left

Elias:
No worries

Ahwassa:
Yeah
DM:
Hang on
DM:
stop moving
DM:
geeze
Darth GW7:
uh
Lampshade:
Darth, are you coming with us?
DM:
There are some parchments on the wall as well, with a copy of the text on here. A couple of quills rest next to them.
Darth GW7:
I haven't moved at all
Darth GW7:
since I was busy watching EOA5 teehee
Lampshade:
EOA5?
Darth GW7:
nevermind

Halfred:
seem there are some traps in here but these are deactivated
* Elias walks up to the paper

Elias:
Let's see here...

Elias:
Ah!
* Elias scribbles his name on the paper

Elias:
Easy!

Ahwassa:
You sure that you just didn't sell your soul?
* Elias begins strutting into the room

Elias:
Wasn't specified!
DM:
I have a question - what happened with the soldier?
Lampshade:
I guess we left him there
Lampshade:
Or he followed us
DM:
Okay

Elias:
NO

Elias:
GO BACK JEKKO

Elias:
BAD HALFRED

Elias:
The traps are de-activated for me because I signed
Darth GW7:
Can't we smash the glass?
DM:
You need to sign the paper for safe entry, essentially.
DM:
Try
Darth GW7:
Canu?
DM:
It isn't glass

Elias:
Just let me handle this
Darth GW7:
what is it
DM:
It was like a wall, that would fade to a liquid form every other second, and fade back again after.
Canuhearmenow:
If you sign the paper you don't get hit by traps

Halfred:
i just want to loot the tresury
Lampshade:
I tap the wall with my sword
Darth GW7:
Can we move through it when it's liquid
Darth GW7:
:v
DM:
Go and try
Canuhearmenow:
Then suddely the walls are Ooze
Lampshade:
I tap the wall with my sword
DM:
Gelatinous cubes, yes. Fiendish ones.
Lampshade:
heh
Jekko:
how thick are the walls?
Darth GW7:
If at first you don't succeed
Darth GW7:
hit it with your sword
Lampshade:
I think there are rules for riding a gelatinous cube

Elias:
Ooh!
Lampshade:
somewhere

Elias:
Treasure!
DM:
10 feet
DM:
Oh god what
DM:
Are any of you following him in?
Canuhearmenow:
can you guys see Elias through the glass?
DM:
Yes
Canuhearmenow:
Lamp, Darth
Lampshade:
I go after him
Canuhearmenow:
If you guys try to follow me
Canuhearmenow:
No
Canuhearmenow:
Stop
Canuhearmenow:
Traps
Canuhearmenow:
TRAPS
Lampshade:
I sign the thingy
DM:
Need to sign first
Canuhearmenow:
Why
Lampshade:
But before that
Darth GW7:
I'll stay here
Lampshade:
I read it thoroughly
DM:
Lamp, you touch the wall with your sword. It retains the hardness even after it fades to the liquid form. It appears to be for aesthetic purposes.
Darth GW7:
I bash the wall
Lampshade:
ah
Darth GW7:
just... because
Darth GW7:
Hey it's worth a try
Darth GW7:
STRENGTH CHECK
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+4 => 20 + 4 = 24
Lampshade:
DIdn't you say that the walls were hollow?
Darth GW7:
...holy SHIT
Lampshade:
hahaha
* Elias saunters up to the chest

Elias:
IMPRESSIVE
DM:
Cool
DiscoInferno:
Most impressive
Darth GW7:
I... that strength check was legit by the way
Darth GW7:
I'm.. bashing the wall
Darth GW7:
o_o
DM:
You smash open the wall, tearing it asunder. The gears stop spinning for a second, and the room falls silent around you.
Darth GW7:
oh my god
Darth GW7:
ahahahhaha
Lampshade:
hahaha
Darth GW7:
I... wow
DiscoInferno:
Oh my

Ahwassa:
That was.... impressive
Canuhearmenow:
The chest is Mimic
DM:
As you watch, it begins to flow back, like water, during the points where it is liquid. You have a short interval to get through.
Lampshade:
We both go through!
Lampshade:
Right
Darth GW7:
GOGOGO
Lampshade:
?
Lampshade:
Can we get to the other side where Elias is?
* Elias opens the chest
DM:
Yes
DM:
Hang on Canu
Canuhearmenow:
TOO LATE
Darth GW7:
if at first you don't succeed
Darth GW7:
BRUTE FORCE
DM:
There's more than just a chest in the room

Ahwassa:
Soldier, stay there

Elias:
Ahwassa, Z'ar, Halfred dear, don't touch anything

Elias:
Since you so rudely didn't sign, that means any of this can go off
DM:
The chest is the obvious feature, yes. To the left of it is a small bookshelf filled with scrolls, and, to the right, a podium with an ink, quill, and blank parchment.
DM:
Continuing to open the chest?

Elias:
I don't want a Force explosion to blow my pretty face off
* Elias squeals at seeing the scrolls

Elias:
SCROLLS!

Halfred:
may cheak the cheast
* Elias begins looking through them

Ahwassa:
Nobody is going to booby trap their treasure, it would get blown away by the trap
DiscoInferno:
Any of them elder?

Halfred:
shall i open?
* Elias begins reading the scrolls

Elias:
They're records and documents

Ahwassa:
Don't, there might be traps

Ahwassa:
Elias is safe because he signed the contract

Halfred:
i can't find any traps here

Elias:
That's what they always say Halfred

Ahwassa:
Doesn't mean that there aren't any

Elias:
And then BAM, you're missing your legs and your crying as a Mimic is chewing your face

Halfred:
im good what i do

Elias:
Oooh

Elias:
Ooooh!

Ahwassa:
What?

Elias:
These are important documents!

Elias:
Things like politics, trade, HISTORY

Ahwassa:
Important for them or us?

Elias:
What kind of history could be in here though?

Elias:
They're valuable, Ahwassa

Ahwassa:
Take them then
* Elias begins glancing over documents and stuffing them in his bag
* Halfred opens the cheast
DM:
I'd like to point out another feature of the room, next to Z'ar and Ahwassa
Lampshade:
Tarrasque?
DiscoInferno:
Is it a bomb?
DM:
There is a large carving of a face, made of bone and steel - it looks vaguely like a human skull.
Darth GW7:
take it
Canuhearmenow:
Oh no
Canuhearmenow:
This is going to turn into Pac-Man
Canuhearmenow:
Only we're the blue ghosts
Lampshade:
hahaha
Canuhearmenow:
And the skull is pacman
Lampshade:
That's what the spell Maze does
Darth GW7:
Shall I smash that too?

Elias:
Mephistopheles, interesting
Lampshade:
Knowledge check on that first
Darth GW7:
what

Elias:
They even have accounts of raids upon our world
Darth GW7:
Isn't that a magician cat
DM:
Did Jekko say he was opening the chest?
Lampshade:
planar, religion
Darth GW7:
magical mephistophelees
* Lampshade rolls: d20+9 => 14 + 9 = 23
* Elias glances over the raid accoutns
* Lampshade rolls: d20+10 => 5 + 10 = 15
DM:
On...?
Lampshade:
the head
Lampshade:
thingy
DM:
Oh
DM:
Okay
DM:
It's a carving of the face of a Hellfire Engine
Canuhearmenow:
Hellfire Engine
Canuhearmenow:
Aka, it moves
Canuhearmenow:
Now you did it, Ahwassa
Lampshade:
Does it look like it's going to activate any time soon?
Canuhearmenow:
Now you FUCKING did it
DM:
It's a CARVING of one
Lampshade:
Ah
Lampshade:
Phew
Canuhearmenow:
Hey, question
Canuhearmenow:
How are you guys going to get out
DiscoInferno:
Don't blink
Darth GW7:
er
DiscoInferno:
Don;t even blink
Lampshade:
We smash through the wall again
Lampshade:
Duh
DM:
Right, the chest

Elias:
Finishededed with the documents

Elias:
Now the CHEST!

Halfred:
i all ready looted it
Darth GW7:
so

Elias:
What did you find, my stunted friend?
Darth GW7:
Shall I smash the skool
Darth GW7:
IT MUST BE IMPORTANT
Darth GW7:
OTHERWISE HE WOULDN'T POINT IT OUT
DM:
A ring consisting of a silver band, with three small diamonds atop it, glowing slightly in the dull silver light of the room.

Elias:
Is that...
DM:
Elegant purple robes which slowly change colour as they reach their extemities - turning slowly blue as they reach the sleeves, and red as they reach the bottom of the robes. The colour seems to change as you watch, shifting lazily between greens, blues, reds, and purples.
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 14 => 15 + 14 = 29

Halfred:
ring of wishes?
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 12 => 19 + 12 = 31
Canuhearmenow:
(Arcana, Spellcraft)
Canuhearmenow:
Wait, reversed

Elias:
Ooh! That robe is simply BEAUTIFUL!

Elias:
I must have it
* Halfred facepalm
DM:
And an orb that is half blue, half red. The two colours seem to be locked in perpetual combat, slowly devouring each other as the other devours the first, locked in a stalemate. It glows incredibly brightly.
DiscoInferno:
it's an insta-death robe, it kills you by wearing it

Elias:
time to inspect
Canuhearmenow:
Robe:
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 14 => 11 + 14 = 25
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 12 => 12 + 12 = 24
Canuhearmenow:
Spell, then Arcana
Canuhearmenow:
Now orb
Lampshade:
I cats guidance on you
Lampshade:
+1
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 12 => 12 + 12 = 24
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 14 => 7 + 14 = 21
Lampshade:
cast*
* Kiera lays back in the snow looking up to the night sky
Canuhearmenow:
arcana, Spellcraft

Elias:
Wow, that's a lame ring

Elias:
It allows you to use your intelligence to make quicker decisions in combat

Ahwassa:
That sounds useful to me
Canuhearmenow:
Aka add Intelligence modifier to init

Elias:
The robes allow you to disconcert a target
Canuhearmenow:
Aka
Canuhearmenow:
They make the target reroll a will save
Canuhearmenow:
Vs. one of your spells
DM:
3/day for the ring, 1/day for the robes
DiscoInferno:
That ring will be useful to me
DiscoInferno:
I have a high int modifer and I would probably always be able to get the first strike
Lampshade:
True
Lampshade:
I don't think any of us has really high int
* Elias glares into the orb
DM:
Jekko, Canu, and Dicso all have 16
Lampshade:
Oh, that's pretty high
Jekko:
first strikes are better whit rogues sneak attack
DiscoInferno:
Give it to Jekko then
DM:
A voice rings out from the orb - "If not the mage, then who was it who broke the agreement?"
Darth GW7:
dun dun duuuuun

Elias:
IT WAS THE HALFLING!
* Elias points to Halfred
Jekko:
flatt footed
DiscoInferno:
"Who has strength thos stand agains the armies of Sauron AND Saruman! And the union of the two towers!"
DM:
"Regardless of the culprit, all will suffer the same fate. We offer you a brief respite, however," two voices say, rising from the orb - one deep and gravelly, the other high pitched and nasally. "For now, the maze begins to awaken." With that, the walls turn to stone completely, gears no longer visible.

Elias:
This is what happens when you break Devil agreements you guys!
DM:
The carving next to Ahwassa and Z'ar lights up, filled with fire.

Elias:
GODS DAMMIT

Elias:
I WARNED YOU LITTLE SHITS

Ahwassa:
That's not good
Lampshade:
I.. hit it with my sword!
Darth GW7:
I SMASH THE SKULL
Canuhearmenow:
Elias be angry
Darth GW7:
WE BOTH SMASH THE SKULL
Lampshade:
Teamwork!
* Elias runs out of the maze
Canuhearmenow:
begins
Canuhearmenow:
Rather
Lampshade:
I'm using Strength Devotion to ignore hardness
* Jekko rolls: 1d100 => 74
* Jekko rolls: 1d100 => 95
DM:
Hang on guys
* Halfred runs out of the room and disapears
Darth GW7:
what agreement was broken anyway
DM:
No running off ahead of yourselves now
Canuhearmenow:
I warned You guys
Canuhearmenow:
Like, three tiems
Lampshade:
The one where we had to sign a contract to get in
Canuhearmenow:
no, four
Darth GW7:
We didn't make the agreement though
Canuhearmenow:
That you shouldn't enter without signing the contract
Darth GW7:
how can we break an agreement we never made
Canuhearmenow:
I WARNED Y'ALL
Canuhearmenow:
The wall
Canuhearmenow:
The wall's tex
Canuhearmenow:
text*
Canuhearmenow:
It states whoever enters agrees to it
DM:
Ooh, halfred used magic, that actually breaks the agreement even more
DM:
What joy

Elias:
CURSE YOU, AND ALL THE HALFLINGS!
Canuhearmenow:
And then Elias gets arrows to the chest
Darth GW7:
What magic did he do
Darth GW7:
what
Lampshade:
The blink ring thingy
DM:
Attack rolls against the skull?
Lampshade:
Isn't it an autohit?
Canuhearmenow:
Can't Elias run!
DM:
No, Canu
DM:
Attack rolls to damage it through the armour, then
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+14 => 2 + 14 = 16
Lampshade:
Is it hardness?
Darth GW7:
welp

Elias:
This is what happens when you don't listen to Mr. Guillermo
Darth GW7:
20 followed by a 2
Darth GW7:
my luck is looking up
* Lampshade rolls: d20+7 => 4 + 7 = 11
Darth GW7:
lamp

Kiera:
Going for a bt, bye
Darth GW7:
i am disappoint
Darth GW7:
oh wait
Darth GW7:
two attacks!

Kiera:
bit*
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+9 => 16 + 9 = 25
Darth GW7:
Better.
Lampshade:
yay
DM:
Roll for damage
DM:
Remove the fire mod
You whisper to DM: what's the damage bonus again
You whisper to DM: I forgot
DM whispers: +5 fire, but ignore that. Otherwise, treat it as a +1 sword
* Darth GW7 rolls: d8+8 => 7 + 8 = 15
Jekko:
what are we fighting?
Darth GW7:
The skull
DM:
Okay, skull's turn
DM:
Everyone make a reflex save
Darth GW7:
wait shit
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+3 => 12 + 3 = 15
Lampshade:
oh yay, my awesome dex
* Lampshade rolls: d20-1 => 10 - 1 = 9
Darth GW7:
OH NOOOo
Darth GW7:
SO CLOSE LAMP
Darth GW7:
possibly
Darth GW7:
I dunno the DC
Darth GW7:
but if it was 10
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+10 => 11 + 10 = 21
Lampshade:
It's never under 10
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 4 => 17 + 4 = 21
Canuhearmenow:
21 for refelx
Darth GW7:
THE REFLEX
Darth GW7:
DUNDUNDUNDUN
Jekko:
int
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+3 => 16 + 3 = 19
DM:
Jekko makes it, Darth doesn't since he has no-where to dodge to, giving him a -2 penalty, essentially
Darth GW7:
What
Darth GW7:
Like that?
DM:
Oh sorry, I read Canu as Darth
DM:
Canu, why are you rolling, it's not aiming at you
DM:
To clarify - it's aiming down the hall, west.
DM:
What were the reflex saves?
Lampshade:
9
Lampshade:

Darth GW7:
15
DM:
Jekko?
Lampshade:
he got 21
Canuhearmenow:
oh
Canuhearmenow:
nvm then
* DM rolls: 3d6 => 9
Lampshade:
Let me guess, that big lack block is actually a massive enemy
DM:
9 fire damage, Jekko takes none
DM:
Not really.
Canuhearmenow:
big black block
Canuhearmenow:
So many letters away from something kinky
Lampshade:
hurdur
Canuhearmenow:
so few*
DM:
Ha
Darth GW7:
rap just needs one more letter
Darth GW7:
c
Lampshade:
rapc?
Lampshade:
I don't get it
Canuhearmenow:
crap
Darth GW7:
you could also say it just needs an e
Lampshade:
..I know, it's a bash.org quote
Lampshade:
erap???
DiscoInferno:
crape?
Jekko:
where is it i need to flank it
Canuhearmenow:
Suddenly a unicron descends from the ceiling
Darth GW7:
crepe?
Darth GW7:
unicron
Darth GW7:
ahaaha
Lampshade:
It's a machine, no sneak attack
DiscoInferno:
Oh dear
Canuhearmenow:
It takes Elias in a traction beam
Lampshade:
Unless modified rules
DiscoInferno:
The Transformers are here
Canuhearmenow:
Then suddenly Elias is Galvetron
DM:
Wait, are you trying to fight it?
Canuhearmenow:
Apparently
DM:
You could... walk around?
Darth GW7:
shut up hjort no one cares
DM:
Cool, keep fighting the devil war machine then
Darth GW7:
what is war amchin

Elias:
You guys are retarded
* Elias begins walking the other way
Lampshade:
So are we in combat?

Halfred:
elais the traps
* Elias walks right into another, deadlier trap

Halfred:
*elias
Canuhearmenow:
Wait what
Lampshade:
Can I smash through the wall to go back?
Darth GW7:
pit of acid
Darth GW7:
hehe
Lampshade:
heh, acid pits are fun
Jekko:
it was naturall 20
Darth GW7:
smashing the wall requires being in the skull's line of fire lamp
Canuhearmenow:
Literal line of fire
Darth GW7:
huhuhu
Jekko:
There are a few mundane traps. Spear traps and the like
DM:
"To clarify, since you seem to lack intellect, the corridors are now filled with traps. Trying to brute force a fire spewing monstrosity would just end up with some ashes on the floor."
Darth GW7:
Sweet, we can smash it to ashes!
Lampshade:
Was that in game?
Darth GW7:
wait
Darth GW7:
are the ashes us
Lampshade:
...yes

Elias:
Hey, HEY!

Elias:
What about ME!
Darth GW7:
not so sweet then
Darth GW7:
sour
Darth GW7:
incredibly sour

Ahwassa:
Well this is problematic
* Z'ar Kor hides in the chest
DM:
Z'ar slowly suffocates inside the chest.
Darth GW7:
I didn't close the lid!
DM:
Oh
* Elias rolls his eyes
Lampshade:
So if we try to brute force something an enemy pops up and kills us?
DM:
Yeah, did I mention the poison gas?
* Elias closes the lid of the chest
Lampshade:
the what?
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+10 => 11 + 10 = 21

Elias:
Well I'm off!
DM:
kidding
* Darth GW7 smashes the chest
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+6 => 15 + 6 = 21
DM:
Hang on Canu
Jekko:
traps
Darth GW7:
kidding
DM:
No, if you try and brute force it, you'd be standing in a gout of fire for ages.
Lampshade:
Not if I do it in one round
Jekko:
21 search traps
Darth GW7:
I think there are traps jekko
Darth GW7:
pretty certain in fact
DM:
Nothing in that corridor.
Canuhearmenow:
Elias stepped in one
Canuhearmenow:
Oh
Lampshade:
Right, I go through this wall then
DM:
Holes have appeared in the walls here. At irregular intervals, short spears flash out from them, filling the corridor with a hurricane of spikes.
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+10 => 3 + 10 = 13
Darth GW7:
SMASHY SMASHY
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+4 => 5 + 4 = 9
* Z'ar Kor florp
* Z'ar Kor roll
Lampshade:
So much stuff going on
DM:
You hit the wall with your sword, sending it flying down the corridor with a horrible clattering noise.
Darth GW7:
why would I hit the wall with my sword
Jekko:
ok so disable roll
Lampshade:
I'm using strength devotion
Lampshade:
Ignoring all hardness
Canuhearmenow:
Are the spears in the hall I'm loking at
Canuhearmenow:
Or with Z'ar and friends
DM:
Yes Canu
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+12 => 13 + 12 = 25
DM:
The first
Lampshade:
Still nothing?
Canuhearmenow:
ok
DM:
What was that, Jekko?
Jekko:
disable
Darth GW7:
JEKKO used DISABLE!
DM:
How do you plan on disabling it?
Darth GW7:
break its legs
Canuhearmenow:
It's not very effective...
Darth GW7:
canu
Darth GW7:
are you fucking dumb
Darth GW7:
disable is not an attack
Darth GW7:
it's a special move
Darth GW7:
it wouldn't be "not very effective"
Darth GW7:
it would say
Darth GW7:
"But it failed!"
Lampshade:
We get it
Darth GW7:
goddd
Lampshade:
I take off my breastplate because I don't think armor won't help here
Darth GW7:
giggidy
* DiscoInferno rolls: 1D20 + 7 => 20 + 7 = 27
Darth GW7:
swEET
DiscoInferno:
I know everything about nature now
DM:
Hang on Jekko, Disable is a secret roll
DiscoInferno:
"That s**t ain't natural"

Elias:
Never seen you out of your armor Ahwassa! As boring without it as you are witih
DiscoInferno:
Wait, what?
Darth GW7:
she's trying to distract the devils
DiscoInferno:
Oh my

Ahwassa:
I'm going to need to be fast here, I don't think this armor will be very useful in warding off the traps

Elias:
Like you're going to get much faster
Darth GW7:
...boobies
Lampshade:
I am now faster than you

Elias:
You're kind of... How do I put it

Elias:
... Rigid?

Ahwassa:
Still faster than anyone else here at this moment
Darth GW7:
PFPPFFFFF
Darth GW7:
GIGGIDYGIGGIDYGIGGIDYGIGGIDYGIGGIDYGIGGIDYGIGGIDYGIGGIDY
Lampshade:
I have 40ft speed you know
Lampshade:
har har
Canuhearmenow:
She don't got dangly bits to get in the way of running
Lampshade:
So, what, we just run through hoping not to get hit?
Lampshade:
that was IC
Lampshade:
Any plans? Anyone?

Elias:
Gonna be watching Ahwassa run eh

Elias:
if only we had a device to record this

Elias:
It'll be a good laugh

Ahwassa:
Oh shut up

Elias:
Nou

Elias:
No u*

Ahwassa:
What was the orb anyway?

Halfred:
just hang on sec guys

Halfred:
im working here
* DiscoInferno rolls: 1D20 + 8 => 4 + 8 = 12

Elias:
It was a security system

Halfred:
there we go

Halfred:
disabled
Darth GW7:
TRAP's ACTIVATE was disabled!
DM:
A gaping chasm blocks the corridor here, extending all the way down to where the corridor intersects with the one connecting to the central room. It looks to be 40-50 feet deep, and you can make out a lever at the bottom of it.
Darth GW7:
OH SHIT SON

Ahwassa:
Well this sure would be problematic if it weren't for Zar here...
Darth GW7:
LOOKS LIKE IT'S Z'ARS TIME TO SHINE
Darth GW7:
THIS IS GOING TO BE SO EASY RIGHT
Darth GW7:
LIKE
Darth GW7:
I JUST FLY DOWN
Lampshade:
The lever is an illusion, it's actually acid
Darth GW7:
AND PULL THE LEVER
Darth GW7:
AND NOTHING HAPPENS
* DiscoInferno rolls: 1D20 + 8 => 1 + 8 = 9
Darth GW7:
NOTHING BAD

Elias:
once you enter, how do you get out?
Darth GW7:
AND I GET OUT COMPLETELY UNHARMED
Jekko:
well i can use my rope
Darth GW7:
AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY

Ahwassa:
I have rope
Darth GW7:
Wait
Darth GW7:
why don't we make a rope bridge
Lampshade:
Because wecan't get to the other side?
Darth GW7:
...
Darth GW7:
lamp
Darth GW7:
did you hit your head
DiscoInferno:
People topside, don't forget my grappling hook
Lampshade:
Yeah, YOUR grappling hook
DM:
Just a note
Lampshade:
The one we don't have
Darth GW7:
lamp
DM:
Rope burn
DM:
burns
Darth GW7:
give me-
Darth GW7:
never mind
DiscoInferno:
I siad topside
DM:
There is fire in the other corridor
Canuhearmenow:
Darth
Jekko:
oh yea
Darth GW7:
fuck it
Canuhearmenow:
You posted the Ahwassa stripping thing
Darth GW7:
FLYING THE FUCK DOWN THERE
Canuhearmenow:
Well, not really stripping
Darth GW7:
yes yes I did
Canuhearmenow:
Removal of armor
Lampshade:
He did?
Darth GW7:
ehehehe
Canuhearmenow:
Should've made her a landwhale
Canuhearmenow:
"She has a great personality."
Jekko:
move it lads
DM:
Darth, going down into the pit?
Darth GW7:
.......
Darth GW7:
yeeees?
DM:
Alright
* DiscoInferno rolls: 1D20 + 12 => 5 + 12 = 17
DM:
You fly down, and land gently at the bottom. Nothing bad happens. The lever is in front of you.
Lampshade:
The bad things hapen AFTER you pull it
Darth GW7:
no shit
DiscoInferno:
f**king dice never likes me
* Elias yells
Lampshade:
ooh, you get stuck down there

Elias:
This is a bad thing!

Z'ar Kor:
What?!
Canuhearmenow:
Pull it
* Z'ar Kor yelleth up again
Lampshade:
Tie a rope on the lever and then come back up
Canuhearmenow:
Let us pass
Canuhearmenow:
Unpull it
Canuhearmenow:
Fly up
Darth GW7:
Pull it
Darth GW7:
wait for you to be halfway across
Darth GW7:
unpull it
Canuhearmenow:
Pull it
Canuhearmenow:
Bob it
Canuhearmenow:
Twist is
Canuhearmenow:
it*
Canuhearmenow:
Squeeze it
Darth GW7:
harder faster stronger
Canuhearmenow:
bop*
DM:
You pull the lever, and the floor begins to slide back into place.
Darth GW7:
wait did I say I pulled it??
Darth GW7:
yeah I pulled it
Darth GW7:
WAIT
Lampshade:
You were going to do it anyway
Darth GW7:
I TRY TO FLY UP
Darth GW7:
RAELLY FAST
Darth GW7:
OKEY
Darth GW7:
RELLYF AST
Lampshade:
Jump!
Darth GW7:
JUMP
Darth GW7:
THEN FLY
DM:
There is a hissing noise from the walls as the floor begins to close.
Lampshade:
...oh
Darth GW7:
What
Canuhearmenow:
This is like something out of SAW
DM:
Green smoke begins to pour out from the walls, as the ceiling closes.
Darth GW7:
I FLY
Darth GW7:
FASTE
Darth GW7:
FASTER
Darth GW7:
GOGOGOO

Elias:
Better hold your breath Z'ar!
Darth GW7:
WINGS DUN FAIL ME

Elias:
Have the floor close, wait 20 seconds

Elias:
Then open
* DM rolls: d20 + 7 => 20 + 7 = 27
Darth GW7:
oh FUKK
Lampshade:
not good
Canuhearmenow:
..
DM:
That wasn't you lot
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
Is okay then
DiscoInferno:
Oh dear me
Canuhearmenow:
Hey Z'ar
Canuhearmenow:
aren't you all about sacrifice
Canuhearmenow:
And being a big guddamn hero
Canuhearmenow:
Aka, deal with the poison and help us across
Darth GW7:
I pulled the lever
Darth GW7:
am trying to escape
Lampshade:
For the Greater Good
DiscoInferno:
If only you had a ranger who could cast cure poison...
Lampshade:
It's acid
Canuhearmenow:
Thanks for plunging into the hole with us
DiscoInferno:
Oh
DiscoInferno:
Got any goggles?
Lampshade:
Sadly, no
Canuhearmenow:
rrerr
Darth GW7:
rrerr
DiscoInferno:
Guess you're f**ked then
Darth GW7:
no u
Canuhearmenow:
Z'ar will now be BLIND MESSIAH
Canuhearmenow:
Let's continue y'all
DiscoInferno:
I'm having my gory fate dictated to me right now
Darth GW7:
wa9t9jgnfor yhjor
Darth GW7:
woasht
Lampshade:
Awesome
Darth GW7:
what he fuck did i just say
DiscoInferno:
Nothing sensible, same as always
Jekko:
so are we clear?
Lampshade:
Dunno
DM:
Well, on the other side, is the huge fire machine thing
DM:
You'll have to make a reflex save to avoid that as you pass
Jekko:
will do
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+10 => 16 + 10 = 26
Jekko:
elais reflex
Jekko:
*elias
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 4 => 1 + 4 = 5
Canuhearmenow:

Jekko:
oh god
Lampshade:
I cast Guidance on meself
* Lampshade rolls: d20 => 1
Lampshade:
derp
DM:
...
Darth GW7:
wow
* DM rolls: 3d6 => 16
Canuhearmenow:
Aww
DM:
Both of you, 16 damage
Canuhearmenow:
I was hoping for something more major
Lampshade:
-2 hp
Canuhearmenow:
Due to massive failure
Lampshade:
owwie
Lampshade:
I assume my momentum gets me out of the fire

Elias:
Hey, NO

Elias:
You're NOT dying on us Ahwassa

Ahwassa:
*gurgle*
Jekko:
moderate cure potion coming
Lampshade:
yay
Canuhearmenow:
Or
Canuhearmenow:
I have scrolls of cure moderate wounds
Jekko:
umd
Lampshade:
Yeah
Lampshade:
Rather go for a potion
Jekko:
do you have a rank
Jekko:
?
Canuhearmenow:
Hah
Jekko:
what's the roll for moderate cure
Canuhearmenow:
1d8
DM:
I assume you took 2 rounds to cross the bridge?
Lampshade:
moderate is 2d8
Canuhearmenow:
2d8
Lampshade:
And we took just one, we were running you see
Lampshade:
And I could've made it even with a double move
* Jekko rolls: 2d8+3 => 13 + 3 = 16
DM:
ah
Lampshade:
yay

Halfred:
drink this ahwassa

Ahwassa:
ow... that was close....

Elias:
That's some potent drank
Jekko:
we have only 2 leaft

Elias:
Guys, hold up

Elias:
The traps only trigger for you guys

Elias:
Since I did not breach the contract

Elias:
Do not follow, watch!
Canuhearmenow:
Elias is an idiot

Halfred:
idiot
Canuhearmenow:
But seriously
Canuhearmenow:
I think Elias can get through fine
Canuhearmenow:
Since it sounded like it's only upset at the other guys
DM:
"You can't. All are complicit in this together, mortal. We are very sorry."

Elias:
W-What?

Ahwassa:
Fuck it, just run through as fast as you can!
Canuhearmenow:
And now Elias is in the middle of a trap
Canuhearmenow:
Flat footed
Canuhearmenow:
FANTASTIC
DM:
Eh
DM:
Not quite
Lampshade:
I rage!
DM:
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for this once for reasons
Jekko:
disable first
DM:
This room has, since the last time you passed through, been covered in a thin sheet of ice. A carving has appeared at the far, far end of the corridor, in the form of some vaguely humanoid insect creature. Seemingly at random, huge spines of frozen ice come surging from the floor and walls, flowing north to south, south to north, making the room difficult, perhaps even deadly, to traverse
Jekko:
balance!!!
Lampshade:
I run through!
DM:
By spines, btw, I mean massive spikes.
Lampshade:
I got that
Jekko:
yes still balance
Jekko:
ice
Jekko:
slipery
Lampshade:
What do I roll to get through?
Jekko:
same to you elias
Jekko:
balance and tumble
Jekko:
?
DM:
It would be balance, yes. If you fall, you are prone for the next round.
DM:
Also, you'll constantly be taking damage from the ice spikes
* Lampshade rolls: d20-2 => 20 - 2 = 18
Lampshade:
nat 20!
Jekko:
darth reflex
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 2 => 7 + 2 = 9
Canuhearmenow:
Jesus
Lampshade:
Do I get to the other side safe?
DM:
Just like to say, btw...
DM:
You can’t run or charge through any square that would hamper your movement.
DM:
:D
Lampshade:
double move then
DM:
And this is difficult terrain.
Lampshade:
oh
Lampshade:
half speed?
Lampshade:
Even with nat 20 balance?
DM:
mhm
DM:
The balance is to ensure you don't fall over and become impaled on the spikes made of ice.
Lampshade:
So I get here then
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+10 => 16 + 10 = 26
DM:
Reflex save per round you're in there.
* Lampshade rolls: d20-2 => 7 - 2 = 5
DM:
Jekko you go as well.
Lampshade:
Nope
Lampshade:
A room that needs balance and reflex rolls
Lampshade:
I'm fucked
Canuhearmenow:
I got a 9
Canuhearmenow:
Would that mean just a 15 foot move
DM:
And then you fall.
DM:
Anything under 10 is falling.

Elias:
Shit!
Lampshade:
Ooh, from this square onward I start leaving rope
DM:
?
Lampshade:
So if I get to the other side I can pull people
Lampshade:
Since it's ice
Canuhearmenow:
If I get up
Canuhearmenow:
How many moves do I get
Canuhearmenow:
Like, feet
Canuhearmenow:
Still 15?
Canuhearmenow:
Doth I roll reflex now?
Lampshade:
One move action
Lampshade:
Half speed because ice
DiscoInferno:
Slide on your knees!
Canuhearmenow:
awww yeaaaa
Canuhearmenow:
Oh no
Canuhearmenow:
I got an idea
Lampshade:
Does it involve fireball?
Jekko:
no magic in here
Lampshade:
oh right
Lampshade:
Does that involve healing spells?
Canuhearmenow:
Y'all will see
Jekko:
yes it dose
Darth GW7:
aack
Darth GW7:
k
Darth GW7:
asdg
Jekko:
well if it makes it worse right now im blinking to other side
Lampshade:
SO what happens to us who failed the reflex?
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 4 => 2 + 4 = 6
Canuhearmenow:
That was my reflext btw
Canuhearmenow:
reflex*
Jekko:
wall of text of pain
DM:
Jekko, do you take half damage from successes, or full?
Lampshade:
Success for who?
DM:
Reflex saves
Jekko:
from what?
Darth GW7:
wat do
Jekko:
no damage
Lampshade:
It's no damage for rogue because evasion
* DM rolls: 2d6 => 2
DM:
...wow
DM:
Canu, Lamp, 2 cold damage.
Lampshade:
gasp
Lampshade:
Right, continue then
Lampshade:
Balance
* Lampshade rolls: d20-2 => 6 - 2 = 4
Lampshade:
nope
Darth GW7:
WAT DO
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 2 => 8 + 2 = 10
Canuhearmenow:
Balance
Jekko:
thorows healing potion to elias
* Halfred thorows healing potion to elias
* Elias takes a swig of the potion
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 2d8 => 10
Jekko:
+3
* Elias begins doing a magical incantation
* Elias fires a ray of heat in front of him as he hurls himself forward, sliding on the ice
Jekko:
potions have the lesser spell level
Lampshade:
So if I fail the balance, what happens?
DM:
Prone for a round.
Lampshade:
And can I move then?
DM:
Have to use a move to get back up
DM:
You lose a move, essentially
Lampshade:
Well if I fail a balance, can I do anything else?
DM:
Get up and keep running. :P
DM:
The ice melts around you, spines shattering into harmless shards of ice. Half of the corridor is now clear.
Lampshade:
I mean on that round
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+10 => 16 + 10 = 26
DM:
Ice has melted to around there, shall we say
Lampshade:
Isn't that almost like a jumpable distance?
Jekko:
run jump
Canuhearmenow:
Wait
Lampshade:
I take a running start trying to jump as far as I can
Canuhearmenow:
Just let me fire scorching ray into it
Lampshade:
or that
Lampshade:
I wait
* Elias fires scorching ray onto the ice
Canuhearmenow:
2 2nd level spells left
DM:
The rest of the ice melts away.

Halfred:
just wondering how we get out of here

Halfred:
?
* Elias peers VALIANTLY into the EMPTY hall

Ahwassa:
There was that portal in that room back there
DM:
This corridor seems shattered, parts of the floor having fallen away, leaving only thin columns standing above a 30 foot drop with deadly looking spikes at the bottom. A lever sits halfway down the hallway.

Elias:
And another room down so- OH WHAT THE HELL
* Elias seems startled at Darth popping up out of nowhere

Ahwassa:
Zar, could you fly there and pull the lever?

Elias:
Or have the blinking Halfling here do it

Halfred:
oh nice a jumping puzzle

Elias:
Or

Elias:
Or
Darth GW7:
Oar?
* Elias begins focusing on the lever, raising a hand
Canuhearmenow:
Mage Hand
Canuhearmenow:
Spell
Lampshade:
Not enough range
Canuhearmenow:
Fuck
DM:
Plan?
Lampshade:
Z'ar flys through

Elias:
Hey Z'ar

Elias:
use those wings of you, big boy
Darth GW7:
SIGH
Darth GW7:
GUESS IT'S Z'ARS TIME TO SHINE
Canuhearmenow:
AGAIn
Darth GW7:
pesky grounddwwellers
DM:
Levers on the 1 wide one
Darth GW7:
this better not trap me again
Darth GW7:
I pull that motherfucker
DM:
Alright
DM:
The ceiling lowers slightly.
Canuhearmenow:
The lever is a trap
Lampshade:
...oh
DM:
Spears come out of the walls just above head height.

Elias:
PULL IT AGAIN

Elias:
DO IT NOW HURRY OH NO
Darth GW7:
I PULL IT AGAIN I PULL IT AGAIN
Darth GW7:
UNPULL IT RATHER
Darth GW7:
UNPULL
DM:
It's stuck.
Darth GW7:
*the ceiling lowers more*
Darth GW7:
OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
* Darth GW7 flips the fuck out

Elias:
RUN TO THE OTHER SIDE

Elias:
HURRY
Lampshade:
Does anyone have 15ft long planks?
Darth GW7:
Oh yeah
Darth GW7:
all the time
DM:
Uh Darth
DM:
How did you get there?
Darth GW7:
I can fly below the spikes?
DM:
True, I guess
Lampshade:
He jumps into the pit and flies out
Lampshade:
or that
Darth GW7:
welp bye guys
Lampshade:
heh
Canuhearmenow:
Oh no
Jekko:
still traps
DM:
There is another series of levers halfway down the hall that Z'ar is now in. You can see a lot of instructions written there in infernal.
Darth GW7:
I READ THE- oh
Lampshade:
That's just mean
Lampshade:
!!!!!!!!!!!
Lampshade:
The scrying sword!
Canuhearmenow:
ELIAS uSES THE SWORD
Canuhearmenow:
TO GAZE THROUGH Z'AR'S EYES
Canuhearmenow:
AND READ MANUEL
DM:
Poor manuel.
Lampshade:
brb
Darth GW7:
que?
DM:
That's the switch thing, btw
Darth GW7:
i read the notes
DM:
See the dark grey thing in the corridor?
Lampshade:
back
DM:
That's where the switch is
Jekko:
and whole lot of traps
Darth GW7:
can I check for traps
DM:
Nah, the corridor looks mostly untouched. The spear traps earlier were presumably decoys.
Canuhearmenow:
Elias tells Z'ar which to pull
DM:
Wait
DM:
Alright
DM:
Darth, Reflex save please
Darth GW7:
I SAID
Darth GW7:
CHECK FOR TRAPS
DM:
Can you?
Darth GW7:
D:
DM:
Go ahead, then, a search for every square.
Jekko:
if its no magical
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20 => 11
Lampshade:
Don't you have a10ft pole?
DM:
Oh, if it isn't magical?
DM:
No, you can't search then. :D
Lampshade:
non rogues can only find traps that have DC 20 or less
Lampshade:
Says so on the phb
Darth GW7:
blargh
DM:
Oh, true. Continue, Darth. Reflex.
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+3 => 1 + 3 = 4
Darth GW7:
...
Lampshade:
Lots of ones and crits today
Darth GW7:
it's like english weather
Canuhearmenow:
Did Elias use the sword
DM:
When?
DM:
When he was walking to the thing?
Canuhearmenow:
Z'ar and the levers
DM:
He isn't there yet.
Canuhearmenow:
k
DM:
The walls burst open, and a horde of skeletal hands reach out, grabbing you, trying to drag you back into the wall with them.
Darth GW7:
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
Lampshade:
holy shit, TB has 49 million XP in Tribes :Ascend
* Z'ar Kor slashes at the hands
Canuhearmenow:
THE WALL IS SPIDERS
Darth GW7:
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
DM:
Aw Darth, I thought you liked spiders.
DM:
Anyway, strength check to fend them off.
Darth GW7:
Spiders are k
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+4 => 13 + 4 = 17
Lampshade:
Or fire breath
DM:
You manage to fight them back, and the shattered, broken hands return to the wall, which swiftly reforms.
DM:
Elias can do the scrying now.
* Elias yells at the sword

Elias:
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY
Darth GW7:
SCRYYYY
Darth GW7:
SCRYYYYYYYYY
Darth GW7:
ahaahhahahahah
* Elias goes bug eyed, glaring at the sword angrily

Elias:
Z'AR! MOVE YOUR FAT ASS TO THE LEVERS

Elias:
I'm seeing everything you see
Canuhearmenow:
That could result in some kinky shit
Lampshade:
Heh

Elias:
PULL THE FIRST LEVER!
Canuhearmenow:
NO
Canuhearmenow:
I KID

Elias:
Pull the second lever

Elias:
Trust me

Elias:
First lever is bad news bears
Darth GW7:
oookay
Darth GW7:
THIRD LEVER
Darth GW7:
I kid
Darth GW7:
can I sense motive to see if it's a trick
Darth GW7:
(derp)
DM:
If you want
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 9 - 1 = 8
Canuhearmenow:
Elias seems to have been joking about the first one
Canuhearmenow:
And sincerer about the second

Elias:
PULLL SECONDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Darth GW7:
I meat
Darth GW7:
nt
Darth GW7:
for the writig
DM:
He was telling the truth, don't worry, continue on your day.
DM:
No
Darth GW7:
which is presumably telling me to pull the second one
DM:
Since you can't fucking read it.

Elias:
THE FIRST ONE SAYS YOU'RE A RETARDED MAN-APE IF YOU PULL IT

Elias:
Second says re-create rooms

Elias:
Third says it destroys the treasury
Darth GW7:
I pull the second one then
DiscoInferno:
And the fourth one dispenses.... A NEW CAR!
Canuhearmenow:

DiscoInferno:
A NEW Z'AR*
Canuhearmenow:
YES
Canuhearmenow:
We need a new one
You whisper to DM: ahahahaha oh wow
Canuhearmenow:
This one's bits don't work
You whisper to DM: "A new z'ar"
Canuhearmenow:
And he's greyed out
DM:
Twin Z'ar
DM whispers: ?
You whisper to DM: twin z'ar
Canuhearmenow:
Dobblez'ar
Canuhearmenow:
dopplez'ar*
You whisper to DM: AHAHAHAHAHHA
You whisper to DM: does he know
DM whispers: AHAHAHAHAHA, oh my.
DiscoInferno:
Our new Z'ar should be green, maybe a hybrid Z'ar
Darth GW7:
what
DM whispers: No, no one does
Darth GW7:
I am green
Darth GW7:
normally
Canuhearmenow:
You're grey
Lampshade:
Rainbow Z'ar
Canuhearmenow:
He's fabulouse
Canuhearmenow:
Wear a pink fluffy boa
DiscoInferno:
I did offer to paint him up
Canuhearmenow:
How would Kiera know about painting
Canuhearmenow:

DiscoInferno:
Well, use natural paints
DiscoInferno:
Make him look badass with some red and black
Canuhearmenow:
Draw a smiley face on his back
Jekko:
can we move=?
Darth GW7:
body paint?
Darth GW7:
giggidy
Canuhearmenow:
Not like it'd reveal anything Darth
Canuhearmenow:
If Z'ar looks like a lizard, then that means he has no naughty bits hanging out to make it kinky
Canuhearmenow:
YOU FAIL
Darth GW7:
chocolate body paint
Darth GW7:
lick it off
Darth GW7:
LIIICK IIITTT
Canuhearmenow:
no, stop it
Canuhearmenow:
that's silly
DiscoInferno:
Kiera can't make chocolate
Darth GW7:
GIMME THE CHOCOLATE HISAO
Canuhearmenow:
Ok this is getting off topic
Canuhearmenow:
So he pulls the second lever
Darth GW7:
can I push the button
Canuhearmenow:
putzch the breton
DM:
You pull the second lever. A rumbling noise begins to fill the room.
Darth GW7:
...

Elias:
DON'T FEAR
DM:
The floor begins to fill back in in the room before this one! Yay.
DM:
Encounter over, xp time.
Darth GW7:
yay exx pee
Lampshade:
Dingeliding!
Darth GW7:
DINGELDONG
DM:
1000 for everyone, since everyone did something for all this.

Elias:
We free!
Lampshade:
300xp left!

Elias:
No thanks to you bastards

Elias:
You should've listened to me

Ahwassa:
So was the loot worth it?
* Elias begins reading over the scrolls again
DM:
"Were we, mortals?"
Darth GW7:
wait
Darth GW7:
what

Elias:
Who is this?
DM:
The orb...?

Halfred:
who said that?
* Elias looks into the orb

Elias:
Ah, and who might you be?
Canuhearmenow:
Yes
Canuhearmenow:
Yessssssss
Canuhearmenow:
YES
Canuhearmenow:
Sentient object
DM:
"Ah, good to know you finally care! Some people are so impatient about all of this" - says the high pitched voice. "Yes, yes. I think we get to ask that first, surely?" says the other.

Elias:
Such manners! I will give you my name if you guarantee you'll give yours

Elias:
I, am Elias Guillermo, of the Prime Material Plane
Canuhearmenow:
assume that was after them
Lampshade:
What did the robes do again?
Canuhearmenow:
Re-roll will
Darth GW7:
shine in the light
Lampshade:
oh right
Canuhearmenow:
So they would be good for you
Canuhearmenow:
Fashionable too
Lampshade:
Could be useful for me, I got pretty good will save based spells
Lampshade:
Hold Person for example
DM:
"Ahahaa, THE Prime Material Plane? How silly, little one. Anyway, we are Cotrus the Marid, and Temiuv the Efreet. Pleasure to meet you."

Ahwassa:
There are two of you?

Elias:
Please! The pleasure's mine

Elias:
This is Ahwassa
* Elias shoves the orb in front of her

Elias:
Our most beautiful cleric of... Who?

Elias:
I forgot

Elias:
ANYWAY!
* Elias shoves the orb in front of Halfred now
DM:
D'aw

Ahwassa:
Cleric of Kord!

Elias:
This is the rapscallion himself, Halfred

Elias:
Our expert burgler

Elias:
And finally...

Elias:
... Where's Z'ar?

Z'ar Kor:
sup

Elias:
Ah!
* Elias points the orb at Z'ar
Jekko:
Arcana canu for names

Elias:
Here's Z'ar, the self-proclaimed savior of rerrkind
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 12 => 11 + 12 = 23
Lampshade:
Knowledge religion on the names and races
Canuhearmenow:
23 Arcana for names
* Lampshade rolls: d20+10 => 13 + 10 = 23
Lampshade:
Same
Darth GW7:
rrerrkind?
Canuhearmenow:
Yes
Canuhearmenow:
rerrkind
Canuhearmenow:
rrerrkind*
DM:
The best kind.
DM:
Anyway, 23 gives you nothing.
Canuhearmenow:
Funny how out of all the possible dragon races
Lampshade:
Can I roll planar knowledge?
Canuhearmenow:
You picked the only one that can't rrerr
DM:
On Efreet or Marids, yes.
* Lampshade rolls: d20+9 => 4 + 9 = 13
Jekko:
well no
DM:
Both are races of Genie - one represents Fire, and the latter is Water. That's about all a 13 will get you.

Elias:
Aww, you're genies!

Ahwassa:
So what are you two doing in that orb?
DM:
"Trapped here, by a devil," says the low voice, presumably the Efreet. "Forced to serve rather than rule. He shall pay for that, should we ever get free."

Ahwassa:
Do you know how we could help you get out?

Elias:
Yeah, any way how?
DM:
"Dispelling magic could presumably work. Or a disjunction. Sadly, we have our powers stifled while in this blasted form." "If you can get us out, of course, it would only be fair for us to pay you back."
Lampshade:
Do clerics get dispel?

Elias:
"What if we just smashed the orb."
DM:
Cleric 3, Sorc 3
Lampshade:
Oh, so.. 300xp away
DM:
"That would kill us, I think. Please don't."
Lampshade:
derp
Canuhearmenow:
You get it Lamp
Lampshade:
At next level

Ahwassa:
I will be able to cast dispel magic very soon

Elias:
So what CAN you do while in the orb
* Elias casually opens the door to the south
DM:
"Talk. Constantly, in the case of some people," says the Efreet. "But no magic, I think. The waiting would be fine. We have forever, and it's not like we haven't already been in here for 200 years at this point."

Ahwassa:
Ouch, 200 years

Ahwassa:
Sounds awful

Elias:
What is it like in there, anyway?

Elias:
200 years of... What. Sitting around in your own miniature plane, eating fine foods?
DiscoInferno:
Hey, I've got a demiplane...
DiscoInferno:
Well, it's not mine...
Canuhearmenow:
You came from it though
DiscoInferno:
Or I ended up there...
DM:
"We have a world, I guess. But it's always too damn hot in here." "He's lying, it's always cold, all the time." "That, I think is the main problem. We have a world, but we also have to share that world with someone who hates us."

Elias:
Oh I know how that is, I'm so sorry
* Elias glances towards the party
DiscoInferno:


Ahwassa:
Hey!

Elias:
not you of course
* Elias whispers something to the orb
DM:
Moving south?
Canuhearmenow:
Yeah
Lampshade:
listen check!
* Lampshade rolls: d20+3 => 11 + 3 = 14
Lampshade:
I guess I didn't hear then
Canuhearmenow:
Oh no
Canuhearmenow:
Now the orb is going to have a running commentary
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+9 => 3 + 9 = 12
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+9 => 7 + 9 = 16
Canuhearmenow:
Was that listen?

Ahwassa:
I hear giggling

Halfred:
yea i hear that too

Elias:
What kind of giggling

Elias:
The girly giggling? Or evil devilish giggling

Ahwassa:
Latter

Halfred:
shud i cheack it?

Ahwassa:
Z'ar, get in front

Ahwassa:
I have one more spell left, Enlarge
Lampshade:
btw, can I have the cure moderate wounds scroll?
Lampshade:
I don't have to do UMD because I can cast it
* Elias throws a scroll Ahwassa's way
* Elias throws all them
DM:
Opening the doors?
Canuhearmenow:
2 scrolls

Ahwassa:
Thanks, hopefully won't need this

Elias:
Every time you say that...
Lampshade:
what spells are they?

Halfred:
well shud i

Halfred:
?
Canuhearmenow:
2d8 + 2
Lampshade:
both?
Lampshade:
Darth you here?
Jekko:
is it +3
Lampshade:
it was +3, yes
Darth GW7:
wha
Lampshade:
Get in front
Darth GW7:
giggidy
Lampshade:
Enlarge followed by whoopass
Lampshade:
har har har
Darth GW7:
enlarge is not necessary
Jekko:
shud i blink in blink out
Lampshade:
It's the last spell I have
Darth GW7:
it is big enough as it is
DM:
Going in?
DiscoInferno:
Still topside...
Darth GW7:
giggidy giggidy giggidy
Lampshade:
Yes
Lampshade:
giggidy
Darth GW7:
GIGGIDY
DM:
Any buffs first?
Canuhearmenow:
It's such a big hole though
Lampshade:
enlarge
Darth GW7:
...shut up canu
Canuhearmenow:
You sure Kiera will handle it?
Darth GW7:
you ruined it
Canuhearmenow:
THAT'S MY PURPOSE
DM:
This room appears to be filled with large pillars. Strangely, these pillars seem to be purposeless - they obviously aren't supporting anything, since the ceiling rises high above them, almost twenty feet higher than the ten foot tall pillars. Two small, white, slightly draconic creatures are sitting behind the central pillar. As you enter, they rise from the floor, giggling. One flies southwards, and pulls a lever on the wall and, as you watch, spears begin to appear from holes in the walls of the columns. After making your task more difficult, the White Abishai rise from their positions, taking the the air above the pillars.
Canuhearmenow:
RRERR TIME
Canuhearmenow:
Elias should throw the orb at them
Darth GW7:
do it
Lampshade:
heh
Lampshade:
Don't
Darth GW7:
throwing orbs always works

Elias:
Oh they FLY
DM:
So, uh. Roll init?

Ahwassa:
Good thing Z'ar flies too
* Lampshade rolls: d20-2 => 1 - 2 = -1
Darth GW7:
LOL
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+1 => 9 + 1 = 10
Lampshade:
hahahhaa
Lampshade:
I ASSUME I'M LAST
Darth GW7:
didn't you get that last time
Lampshade:
Have gotten it before
DiscoInferno:
No talking them out of it?
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 2 => 14 + 2 = 16
Canuhearmenow:
Init
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+3 => 13 + 3 = 16
Canuhearmenow:
Jekko Canu Darth Lamp
Canuhearmenow:
That order
Jekko:
ok blink move shoot
DM:
Jekko, Canu, Abishai, Darth, Lamo, yes
Lampshade:
Lamo
Canuhearmenow:
Who is yes
Darth GW7:
remember lamo
DM:
I'm sorry Lamp
DM:
yes is the BBEG, Canu
Canuhearmenow:
Yes is the name of the Emepror
Canuhearmenow:
Emperor*
Canuhearmenow:
YES, EMPEROR!
DM:
Yes, yes is his name
DM:
The Emperor is the band Yes, yes.
DM:
The columns will activate at the end of each round. Continue.
Jekko:
shooting
Lampshade:
They don't make Aoo's?
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+9 => 11 + 9 = 20

Elias:
Well what do YOU think we should do, Orbmen?
Canuhearmenow:
Mr. Orb
Canuhearmenow:
Sparkles
Canuhearmenow:
Yes, they're now known as Sparkles
Jekko:
hit?
DM:
Yes
DM:
Who are you attacking?
Lampshade:
yay, massive damage
Jekko:
here
Lampshade:
I have my armor back on btw
* Jekko rolls: 1d100 => 99
Lampshade:
¨Nice
Jekko:
well its a hit
Lampshade:
I like how Jekko never misses because of blink
* Jekko rolls: 1d6+4d6+7 => 6 + 9 + 7 = 22
DM:
The little dragon screeches in pain, and begins cursing in infernal.
Lampshade:
I roll planar knowledge for weaknesses or other useful info
* Lampshade rolls: d20+9 => 10 + 9 = 19
DM:
Planar? Alright. Religion could help as well.
Canuhearmenow:
I wish hear
* Lampshade rolls: d20+10 => 7 + 10 = 17
Jekko:
can we just move on i need to go to sleep soon
Lampshade:
religion
Canuhearmenow:
Elias casts Mage Hand
Canuhearmenow:
I mean
Canuhearmenow:
Mage Armor
Canuhearmenow:
Done
DM:
Immune - cold, fire, poison. Resist 10 Acid. DR 5/Good, Regenerate 1. They have a sting attack which delivers a potent venom.
DM:
Elias, then Halfred
* DM rolls: d20 + 5 => 5 + 5 = 10
* DM rolls: d20 + 5 => 12 + 5 = 17
Jekko:
miss
DM:
+1 to both of those for height advantage
DM:
Since they're flying in the air
DM:
Second hits?
Jekko:
1d100
* DM rolls: d100 => 75
DM:
Yup
Jekko:
hit
Lampshade:
Both hit then
Canuhearmenow:
Miss
Canuhearmenow:
What, I miss
Canuhearmenow:
It misses me
Lampshade:
oh
Canuhearmenow:
I got an AC of 16
Canuhearmenow:
And you got an AC of 7
* DM rolls: 1d3 + 2d4 + 1 => 2 + 5 + 1 = 8
DM:
8 damage, Jekko.
Lampshade:
nvm, looked at wrong thing
DM:
And make a Fort save.
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+3 => 15 + 3 = 18
DM:
Alright, Darth's turn
Darth GW7:
fajcuas
Darth GW7:
I can still fly right
Darth GW7:
while big
Lampshade:
I see no reason why not
DM:
I suppose
DM:
You have 10 ft reach now
Darth GW7:
How high are they
DM:
5 feet above the characters
DM:
Just about foot height for you now
Darth GW7:
Do I have height advantage like this?
DM:
Sure, +1
Darth GW7:
Sweet
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+15 => 4 + 15 = 19
Darth GW7:
bluh bluh
DM:
Still a hit
DM:
How much damage do you do now?
Lampshade:
weapon damage raised to 2d6
Darth GW7:
2d8*?
DM:
+ a better strength mod
DM:
2d6
Lampshade:
1d8 ---> 2d6
Darth GW7:
ah
Darth GW7:
what is my streanth
Lampshade:
+2
Lampshade:
Attack remains the same because you get penalty against medium creatures
Lampshade:
but damage is better
* Darth GW7 rolls: 2d6+5+4+4 => 8 + 5 + 4 + 4 = 21
Lampshade:
ouch
DM:
The creature lets out a cry, and falls to the ground, dead.
DM:
Lamp's turn.
Darth GW7:
splat
Lampshade:
nothing
Lampshade:
wait nvm, that
Lampshade:
done
DM:
Alright
DM:
The columns fire, but no one is in a target area
DM:
Jekko's turn.
Lampshade:
not even the flying thing?
Lampshade:
You said it's only 5 feet above
Jekko:
done
Jekko:
canu
DM:
Yes, still out of range, Lamp
Lampshade:
okay
DM:
Canu, yeah
Canuhearmenow:
Ah
Canuhearmenow:
Magic missile
Canuhearmenow:
Abishi 2
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 3d4+3 => 6 + 3 = 9
Lampshade:
after 5ft step I assume
DM:
Right
DM:
Abishai attacks Ahwassa, then
DM:
Full round attack
Canuhearmenow:
Are they immune to fire?
Jekko:
yes
Lampshade:
yes
Lampshade:
cold fire poison
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 17 + 4 = 21
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 11 + 4 = 15
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 12 + 4 = 16
* DM rolls: d20 + 6 => 15 + 6 = 21
Lampshade:
Aaaand dead
DiscoInferno:
Who?~
* DM rolls: 3d3 + 3d4 + 1 => 9 + 10 + 1 = 20
DM:
And make a fort save
* Lampshade rolls: d20+10 => 4 + 10 = 14
DM:
Ooh, just
Darth GW7:
JUUUST
DM:
Dying, then.
Lampshade:
It is a habit for me
DM:
Darth's turn
Jekko:
this my last porion
Jekko:
*potion
Lampshade:
If I stabilize no need to waste
DM:
Darth
Darth GW7:
sup
Darth GW7:
this good?
Lampshade:
Whoa, I just realised I have huge fort save
DM:
Er, sure
DiscoInferno:
If only you had someone with points in heal... maybe
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+15 => 14 + 15 = 29
DM:
Yeah that hits
* Darth GW7 rolls: 2d6+5+4+4 => 7 + 5 + 4 + 4 = 20
DM:
It dies
Darth GW7:
bam
Darth GW7:
there it is
Lampshade:
HOw did stabilize go again?
Jekko:
where is the leaver
DM:
Roll a d100
* Lampshade rolls: d100 => 31
DM:
Very south of the room, Jekko
DM:
Nope, Lamp
DM:
Did you keep any of the scrolls or potions?
Lampshade:
I have three scrolls atm
Lampshade:
and Elias has one potion
DM:
Oh, should be fine then
Lampshade:
I'm gonna try my luck with another stabilize
Jekko:
elias used his potion
* Lampshade rolls: d100 => 57
Lampshade:
Well don't we have one left then?
Jekko:
i still have 1 leaft

Elias:
Don't you dare die on me
* Canuhearmenow rolls: 1d20 + 1 => 12 + 1 = 13
Canuhearmenow:
Heal roll
Darth GW7:
heal
Darth GW7:
HEEEAALLL
Jekko:
nope
Darth GW7:
PRAISE DA LAW
Darth GW7:
D
* Jekko rolls: 1d20+1 => 11 + 1 = 12
Jekko:
nope
* Elias takes out a scroll of cure moderate wounds from Ahwassa's person
Jekko:
so potion
Canuhearmenow:
What do I roll to use it
Jekko:
umd
Lampshade:
What happens if you fail?
Jekko:
do you have rank?
Lampshade:
Scroll wasted?
Jekko:
well damage and wasted
Lampshade:
oh, don't do it
Canuhearmenow:
I got a +5 in it
Jekko:
rank or charisma?
Lampshade:
Should just give potion
Jekko:
fine
* Jekko rolls: 2d8+3 => 8 + 3 = 11

Ahwassa:
Goddamnit, I have to stop doing that
DiscoInferno:
She LIVES!

Ahwassa:
I think we should rest
Lampshade:
XP?

Halfred:
it was the last potion
DM:
450
DiscoInferno:
I'm going to have to go now
Lampshade:
DING!
DiscoInferno:
Bye
Lampshade:
Bye
Lampshade:
Did anything happen to you or were you just listening to us?

Elias:
Thank the maker! I was worried there for a moment
Canuhearmenow:
ALTMAN BE PRAISED
Lampshade:
Roll HP?
Darth GW7:
bye daiscio
Darth GW7:
dsico
* Halfred pulls the lever
Darth GW7:
fuk
DiscoInferno:
Good bye
Darth GW7:
go
DiscoInferno is disconnected.
* Lampshade rolls: d10+2 => 7 + 2 = 9
Lampshade:
nice....
DM:
Stuff happened topside, yes.

Ahwassa:
Don't go further, I think we should rest
Jekko:
level up?
DM:
Does 450 xp take you to levelling up?
Jekko:
nope
Lampshade:
Yes
Darth GW7:
maybe
Lampshade:
Does for me
DM:
Then, no, Jekko.
Lampshade:
yay, new spell level
DM:
Right, now what?
Lampshade:
I vote for rest
Darth GW7:
so we leveling or not
DM:
Dunno Darth, how much xp did you have?
Darth GW7:
Er
Darth GW7:
I haven't been keeping track :v
DM:
...
Lampshade:
...
DM:
...cool, you don't level.
Darth GW7:
We always have the same XP anyway
Darth GW7:
So I just update it as the others go
DM:
I recall saying we wouldn't quite a while ago, actually.
Darth GW7:
wouldn't what
DM:
Something about the face that death was a real threat, and as such, levels wouldn't all be equal. So, no, you don't have the same xp.
DM:
fact*
Darth GW7:
shit
DM:
Jekko, how much xp do you have now?
Jekko:
20450
DM:
Take that, Darth
Darth GW7:
k
DM:
Right
DM:
Now?
Lampshade:
Rest
Darth GW7:
rrest
DM:
Going to sleep in hell, right
DM:
Is this session finished, then?
Jekko:
yes
DM:
Alrighty then
Jekko:
night all
Lampshade:
night
Jekko is disconnected.
Darth GW7:
Okay then