Message to our Family

My fellow Anons...

I am putting this out there so others will know that they are not alone. I would be nothing other than selfish to keep this from you, as if you were a brother of mine and held it from me I would break. Aaron Swartz' passing was an especially powerful one for me as well. On that very night I was facing the same question of whether or not to make the same decision he had made. I had a full bottle of Ativan and was at a point of depression I pray the rest of you never know. I was wondering if what I stand for is worth fighting for, I was unsure if I would ever feel comfortable enough in my skin to live the happy life I had hoped for myself. I thought about how easy it would be for me to just cease... I had the perfect ending and would have gone quietly in the night... I would never have had to have faced the ones that I would have hurt... I would never ever have to face any more of life's "what if's. The problem is that I would have killed the wrong person... as I believe Aaron did. I cannot compare accomplishments nor would I ever claim to know exactly what the personal issues were that drove him to do what he did. I do know that I was repeatedly victimized by the justice system, and up until earlier this month have never spent one day of my adult life off of "supervision". I know what it's like to have an overwhelming amount of "time" held over your head for a crime that was neither malicious nor held any victims. Everything that I was taught about love, community and faith was gone the day I stepped in front of a judge. At that moment I knew that justice was something that could only come from one man guiding another man to freedom. I knew that "American Justice" is reserved for the wealthy and politically favored. I am not a thief, nor violent nor even an ill wisher of other men and women. In my life I have been guilty of being a depressive who used substances to fill the hole in his heart.  I am a weak man other than the passions I have in my heart for others. I am no saint nor am I a demon. I am simply a man that wishes that others will never know the pain that I have gone through, or to make the decision Aaron felt he had to make. I write this because I will sacrifice my identity, my belongings and everything up until the point of my very life just to let any man or woman that is suffering, to know that they are not alone. I am an alcoholic, I am an addict, I suffer from depression, I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and in the eyes of the liars and deceivers I am a weak man. From fear comes courage, from pain comes tolerance, from sickness comes health, and most importantly from bondage comes freedom. If I live today only to provide one other man or woman the courage to move on and not make that decision I am a success. I send this message in hopes that we can have the courage to get to know each other without reservation and to spread love and support through our collective and to humanity abroad like a violent plague. I am there with you if you suffer, I am there with you if you have secrets, I am there with you if you are without family, I am there with you if you wish for the end and I beg of you with all of my heart stay with us... We need you..... I need you...

We are Anonymous

We are Legion

We do not forgive

We do not forget

We have NOTHING... if we do not have each other

Expect Us... whenever and wherever you need us

RIP Aaron Swartz ... you will never be forgotten