The Story of the First Christmas (for under 10s)

Jesus Christ was a real boy in Saudi Arabia he was born on Christmas on 2001 that was true in a book. He lived a plain life because he was poor because his dad was addicted to meth so didn't get him a college fund. Down the line this addiction passed down to Jesus who, in a final act of desperation, sold his testicles in exchange for the gay weed. Moments after, in his wild panic after losing his testicles, he attained a machete and proceeded to decapitate 3 children and 1 adult who were waiting at the dentitsts. There were no survivors. After being incapacitated by the authorities he was acquitted in court due to the racist agenda of the court judge who was suspected of being a clansman. Just 3 weeks later Jesus' stable was firebombed by Black Panthers who demanded retribution for his inhumane brutality. In the blaze Jesus was severely burnt and left sounding like Batman. In a turn of events, the media announced that he died in the inferno and so when he returned to the public eye just days later on Easter Sunday the world was left in shock as their messiah returned from the grave. To celebrate thousands of crosses were torched around the country and this tradition continues on today. So there's the story of the first Christmas.