Thread 63: Stories 46-60

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>Spitfire
"Crystal Pegasi"
~~

Despite her many, many, many years of service leading some of the most respected and powerful fliers on the planet, Spitfire found herself oddly nervous as she stood before the assembled line of meager number of crystal Pegasi, no more than forty at most.

>...This everyone?

"We're pretty rare."

"My mom just says that makes me extra special! And my dad just says BULLSHIT! And then cries for a bit."

>Uh... right. Well! Um...

It felt like her very first day as Captain of the Wonderbolts all over again, minus the cockiness and brash attitude that had carried her that whole way.

>So, I'm sure you've heard a lot about me, and uh... certain things I USED to let slide. Nothing I encouraged or explicitly allowed! Just some stuff I... didn't pay the most attention to. Well, that ends here! I let the Wonderbolts do what they wanted because I figured they knew better than to risk their dreams on some junk, but not anymore! You're all going to be the best fliers on this planet, bar none, and you're going to do it the honest way! Just to show them all the Crystal Empire is a force to be reckoned with BESIDES it's broken-ass royals, unlike Canterlot! And we're not going to do it with SO MUCH DRUGS OH DEAR CELESTIA SO MUCH DRUGS!

Pointedly, she decided to ignore the looks everyone gave each other.

>You're going to be the best, and it all starts here! Now show me what you can do!

~~~Five minutes later~~~

"...C-captain? Captain? You uh... you need a minute?"

The bundle in a fetal position on the ground just cried a little harder.

"...I think she needs a minute, guys."

"Oh thank goodness, now I have time to get off this lamp-post!"

"Has anyone seen my helmet-Oh, there it is, on the top of the castle!"

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM!"

"How do I land!? I'VE NEVER FLOWN UP THIS HIGH!"

"HELP! NEED EVAC!"

"...Where the hell did I get this pineapple?"

"MEDIC!"

"...Yeah, we're gonna give you a minute."

On the ground, Spitfire just cried harder.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Haymaker
"???"
'???'

The guard known as Haymaker made his way through the corridors of Canterlot Castle, corridors that had once been filled with activity. Now all they held was the rare castle servant or courtier walking past with a furtive glance in his direction. He mentally counted the positions guards could have been standing in, now empty and vulnerable.

>Yeah...like it or not, we need a guy.

The 'election' if one could call it that, had been swift to say the least. Lucky Strikes had thrown his hat in, though his only vote didn't count due to her not actually being a guard. Haymaker had proposed either himself or Sucker Punch but without the latter there to make his case, he was quickly forgotten under declarations of being a 'bug fucker'.

Haymaker thought for a few moments he'd get the job, by virtue of no other candidates...then it happened. Someone proposed 'The dead guy' before correcting himself to 'The Not Dead Anymore Guy'. Haymaker had tried his damndest to point out that Bronze Pommel (they had to be reminded that was his name) had been MIA for nearly six months and had shown neither the qualifications or the desire to be captain.

This somehow made their support for him all the more fervent.

>Dickheads...

But majority ruled, even if the majority seemed in favor of a puppet rather than a leader. So now here he was, en route to the Princesses in order to get their blessing on the appointment. He just hoped the line wasn't too...

"Hello."

Haymaker blinked...there wasn't a line. Just a single turquoise unicorn mare with a curled yellow mane standing beside the door.

"Feel free to get in line behind me, Sir Guard, I won't be long."

Arching an eyebrow, the pegasus fell in line behind the chipper unicorn in the expensive suit.

>Funny, I thought there would be a line.

"Oh there was. I gave them a...dispensation for their trouble and asked if they could come back after lunch."

'MS. COLTSLY.'

Haymaker's head jerked as he turned to look at the source of the noise. A sleekly designed robot trotted its way towards the pair, its equine shape all white panels and black wires...and a nametag affixed to its chest which read 'HELLO! MY NAME IS: Primrose. ASK ME ABOUT HOW COLTSLY IS NOT COSTLY!'

'THE LAST OBSTACLE HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY DISPERSED, PAID, AND DIRECTED TO PALOMINO BROTHERS PIZZA.'

"Excellent work, Primrose, resume escort duties."

'ACKNOWLEDGED.'

The mare, Ms. Coltsly, smiled at Haymaker.

"The latest model from the home office, I spare no expense."

>So you work for Coltsly?

"Oh no, I own and operate the entirety of Colstly Security Solutions. I simply couldn't entrust a sensitive meeting with the princesses of Equestria to a low level employee, lovely though they are."

>I see...

"I hope my dispatching of the others hasn't intimidated you, I just can't abide crowds, they wear on my nerves. But oh, enough about me, what is your business here, Sir Guard?"

>I'm here to ask the Princesses blessing, the guard has decided on a new captain.

"Oh really? How very nice, I do hope he's everything Equestria needs in a captain."

>You and me both, sister...

"What was that?"

>Nothing.

'QUOTATIONS DO NOT MATCH.'

"Oh let it be, Primrose, we shouldn't badger a guard for every sensitive detail of his comings and goings."

The door to the meeting room opened and a pony walked out muttering about ninjas, before walking away.

"Ah, well this is us, here..."

Ms. Coltsly handed Haymaker a card, looking at it, Haymaker found it to contain the contact information for Coltsly Security Solutions.

>What's this for?

"Well you have your business here and I have mine. My business it to give the Princesses a slightly different vision of what the Guard could be."

Primrose affixed Haymaker with a stare, eyes taking a slightly rosy glow.

'STANDARD ISSUE IS INSUFFICIENT.'

"Ta-ta~"

The two entered the room.

>Of course it couldn't be that easy.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
~~~

"See? He's FINE."

Indeed, he was. There was no shortage of relief on Twenty Nine's face as her peered into the restaurant window, spying a familiar changeling within talking to an excited looking armored tiny thing.

>Indeed... mine kin lives yet!

'Crybaby.'

[Now be fair to him, he has reason to worry. You cannot blame him for wishing to hurry.]

'Pfft.'

>However, this is rather public, and I do not wish to alert any... followers...

Thoughtfully, Twenty Nine tapped his chin, thinking slowly to himself for a long while.

>...Ah hah!

"Ah hah?"

>Ah hah indeed!

In a wash of green fire, Twenty Nine no longer stood before them. Instead...

It was Twenty Nine. Sort of.

"...uh... what did you change?"

'I don't see it.'

>What!? How doth thou not see!? I have taken on the guise of Jugglejack!

"...Who?"

>The one who juggles!

"Never met him."

>THAT ONE!

She peered over his shoulder, spotting right away that indeed there was another changeling in the restaurant, coupled with the ever-present in his life Actarius.

"Oh..."

>....

"...You look the same to me."

>RACIST!

'Soooo... what's the point? Everyone will think you look the same.'

>Ah hah! But not any tails! They will be able to discern mine look, and know I am not my beautiful self!

[...So then what happens, please pray tell? You go up as Jugglejack and wish him well?]

>No! I don't wish to get him in trouble. We wait there until he leaves, then we tail him until we find a secluded spot, THEN talk!

"...But if you're followed-"

>THEN they think it's Jugglejack, but he'll have an airtight alibi! It's foolproof!

"..."

'..'

[...]

>...Shut up, we're doing this.

'Are you paying?'

>Yes.

'THEN TRIXIE THINKS THIS IS A GOOD PLAN!'

[...]

'Shut up, you have no food at your place.'

[Because you eat it, you little twit!]

'Details...'

~~~

A storm is coming...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~~~~

Seven held no pity for the poor fool.

Really, did he think that disguise would work? No matter how exact his cloning of Twenty Nine was, really, there were ways to tell, many many ways... and Seven knew them all.

So it was with no lack of barely contained enthusiasm that he waited in the shadows, waited as he continued on with his vapid, moronic conversation with the trio of mares, continued on blabbing about nothing at all. Frequently, he would mention mourning of lost items of luxury he had, and it made Seven want to spit. To think, a Flake complaining he doesn't have enough fancy silverware. He should be lucky he lasted this long at all...

At last, Seven thought, his opening arrived. The changeling, still disguised as the brethren not three tables away, got up, and mentioned he needed to use the bathroom. At last, his moment had arrived.

It was with an eerie quiet that Seven made his way in, shrinking down with his magic and slipping in through the ventilation shaft. In no time at all, he was poised over his prey and with one swoop he could get down there and take him out before anyone noticed.

In three... two...

“Hello, Mister Jugglejack.”

Twenty Nine, and above him Seven, froze, tingles going down the prissy changeling's spine as someone emerged from one of the bathroom stalls behind him. Confused, Seven could only watch, having no idea what was going on.

A grey unicorn in a dapper looking suit stepped forth, tipping the hat that covered his ashen grey mane as he regarded the confused changeling.

“Ah, sorry, do believe thou hast me confused with another of mine kind.”

The suited ponies eyes narrowed, dangerous.

“No, I do not believe I do. Many of my associates like to claim you all... what's the phrase? Look the same? Well... I never was one to forget a face.”

He narrowed in, leaving Twenty Nine no room to move.

“Ah... again, thou has me confused, I am not-”

In a flash of magic, the unicorn was in front of him, magic gripping the chitinous neck and pulling him close.

“You have made a dear mistake, Changeling Jugglejack. A costly, terrible mistake, and you and your associate are going to pay.”

“I'M NOT-”

“So sorry, but whatever matters you have with this changeling are going to have to wait. This changeling is wanted for questioning on certain matters. Deliver him to me, immediately.”

His grip suddenly tightened as Seven dropped down from the ceiling, drawing the changeling closer to him while. A stern glare was shared between the two agents, but the shocked unicorn recovered quickly enough. Strangely, his horn flashed brightly for a second, but nothing else seemed to happen.

“I'm afraid you have come too late. I have matters that will be... discussed with this changeling, and his associate when he is located. You will have to wait until we have concluded our business. Though I should warn you, it would be prudent not to wait for him.”

Seven growled, threateningly advancing on the pair.

“You are directly interfering with matters from the Queen of the Changelings herself, you risk your Princess's political stability with this.”

“He is not with my Queen.”

There was a shimmer of magic, almost like a rain of red sparks and suddenly another entered into the room.

“So, finally decided to show yourself?”

Seven hissed, but the trench coat wearing pony gave him no regard.

“So, this is why you were skulking about this half of Canterlot. You grew sloppy, Seven. Picking the place her Majesty gets her favorite Bear Claws was unwise.”

He paid no mind to the growl from the changeling, instead focused in totally on the suited pony across from him, eyes narrowed into a slightly uncharacteristic, heated glare.

“Jetset.”

“Slate.”

Curiosity, just this once, trumped over any anger from the changeling.

“Oh, two have met?”

The glare, ever so slightly, intensified.

“This stallion... is the one who trained me when I entered into Her service. He was a skilled agent, until he decided to apply those skills to a less worthy organization. He's left us, and betrayed everything that it means to be an agent of the crown.”

The suited pony gave a 'tut tut', shaking his head almost pityingly.

“I simply answer to a more... rewarding profession now. One that grants me more than just a meager paycheck and the occasional pat on the head. You would be wise to remember that, Chess Set.”

Teeth ground in a hidden fashion, calming just in time for Jet to switch back in to a neutral, robotic tone.

“...What is the meaning of this confrontation?”

The disguised Twenty Nine was held up, magically presented to Jetset like a prize, eyes flickering around as he debated internally what to say to escape this situation, since his options were reducing further and further with every second...

“I am detaining this changeling on behalf of my organization, this one has decided he has a claim to something he clearly does not.”

Green magic grabbed the changeling, inching him towards Seven.

“And I am taking this changeling into my personal custody for matters of far more importance, and am now preparing to deal with this stallion personally now that I know I risk no political ramifications from dealing with him in a more physical matter.”

The agent looked back and forth between the two, and soon his horn ignited as well, and he obtained his own grip on the increasingly horrified bug pony.

“Since there is a quarrel which threatens unrest in my Queen's kingdom, then I shall detain the individuals myself, and bring them to my Queens regarding any actions they may have been a part of. You will have to requisition their detaining from them.”

Forcefully, Slate began to pull Twenty Nine in his direction, ignoring the obvious discomfort.

“No, I'd rather not. In this matter, our authority supersedes Celestia's.”

Magic suddenly flared upon Jetsets head, a powerful wave breaking all three grips and dropping the posh changeling to the floor.

Robotically, his head turned to his former mentor, fire practically burning in his eyes.

“...Nobody... Not a single one in this or any other world... supersedes the authority of my Queen.”

Against it all, Slate only smirked.

“I feel I no longer... share your viewpoints on the matter.”

In the next second, he was behind Jetset

In a flash, Jetset was the one at his back!

With a flicker of speed, he very nearly overtook the coated stallion!

“...Uh, guys?”

But just in time there was a burst of magic and Jetset was behind him!

Only to have the tables turned when the stallion once more appeared out of his line of sight!

“You're uh...”

But that action was rendered moot when Jetset tore reality a new one and was at his back once more!

Even this could not stop the retaliation, of the suited stallion vanishing before reappearing behind the agent!

“...This isn't going anywhere, you're just...”

Seven could only watch as this happened again and again, until at last he was forced to look out the bathroom window to follow them. They continued on outside again and again and again and again and again and again... each time they got further and further away.

He watched as they vanished in the distance, outstretched hoof slowly lowering to the ground.

“...Alright then.”

Nothing else to do, he shrugged and turned back to what he was doing.

...Only to find his prey had mysteriously vanished.

“Oh, tsk tsk, Twenty Nine... the chase only makes it more fun... and who the hell is whistling?”

Sure enough, if he concentrated, he could hear a low, powerful tone. But only if he sought it out.

What he did not need to seek out was the rumbling beneath his hooves that was steadily increasing.

“That... that's probably not good.”

Like a dike bursting open, a wave of bodies poured in from every window, every opening, every stall even. Dozens of ponies all wearing suits and sunglasses, just like the other one, raced in and surrounded him.

In an instant, he was totally encircled by the mob.

“Mister Chang-a-ling. We need to speak with you.”

“...okay...”

With a sigh, he slipped into a fighting stance.

Like the starting bell had rang, as one they charged.

~~~~

“...This is nice.”

Thirty Two allowed himself a sigh of contentment as he relaxed in his chair, watching as Vekir utterly devoured the servings in front of her, and 'hid' the napkins as best she could in her suit.

“It is.”

Pommel, likewise, felt content. Peace, at last, seemed to reign. At long last, he had made it back home, and he didn't have to worry about bar brawls, or monsters, or any number of other things attacking him.

Daw, of course, was bored out of her skull. As such, she was down to just trying to count everyone in the room who wasn't a unicorn.

The number was tellingly low. In fact, there was only two other groups. A pair of earth pony and changeling, happily chatting away and talking about juggling techniques, which she took to mean sex positions, and a very odd gathering of earth pony, unicorn, and... Zebra?

“Huh... Didn't expect to see one'a those in this place.”

She heard her, but Zecora pointedly ignored that.

“Do you think our friend has been hidden away for too long? I swear, the band has moved onto it's fifth song.”

The unicorn shrugged, poking at her fancy salad without a care.

“So long as he gets the bill, don't give a fuck.”

“Trixie!... But yes, he has been in there a while, hasn't he? You think he's having... problems?”

“I do not want to sound unkind, so I will make this uncomplicated. I do not want to know if he is constipated.”

“...Point. Still, I- Oh, nevermind, someone's going to check.”

One of the servers huffily trotted up to the bathroom door, tapping it as sternly, yet not overly forcefully, as he could.

“Sir! You are causing a lot of noise in there!... Sir!... Sir?”

Slowly, the door began to shake. Little by little, it built up, moving and shifting until it was full on rattling on the hinges. As one, every pair of eyes turned to it and watched as what amounted to a mini-earthquake went off right there.

And then it exploded.

A storm of pony bodies rocketed out, pouring out like a liquid filled with equine shapes. In the center of it all was a changeling grabbing hold of two of them by the neck, riding atop one of them as he slid through the piles and launched blasts at those that clung to his back.

The restaurant was a frenzy as bodies were tossed all around, waves upon waves of suit wearing ponies tossed every which way as Seven waded through them, spin kicking and magic flinging all the way. There was chaos as ponies ran, were knocked over, and nearly trampled one another despite the fact the mob seemed to be taking an almost meticulous approach not to get near any of the patrons.

“...Vekir, I think now would be a good time to go.”

“Vekir is not scared! She is-”

A green blast shot over her head, scorching the tip of her helmet.

Thirty Two blinked, and the next thing he knew, Vekir's ass was hanging out a window as she struggled to pull herself out through it. Gently, he gave her a little shove, and watched as she flopped to the ground before skittering away at top speed.

“VEKIR WILL MAKE SURE THIS WAY IS CLEAR!”

He sighed, shaking his head slightly as he watched her go.

“Finally! A real rumble!”

Daw whooped in joy, already taking a swing at a random patron, only to be stopped by Pommel locking forelegs with her.

“Daw! It's not a bar brawl!”

“The hell it ain't!”

"JACKIE!"

“Fiiiine! Which onna' them am I supposed to fight? We just gonna join in with the alien?”


“That would be Seven, I think. Annoying little kissass. Serves Chrysalis to the letter, no matter what she asks.”

“Oh, so we're with the guys in the suits?”

“That's not a standard Equestrian Agent uniform, I don't know if you noticed. They're not working for the crown. They might be mobsters or something.”

“...So who the hell do I punch!?”

“Nobody! We've just got to get the guards and try to break it up!”

“...Well?”

He waited, and waited, but nobody arrived.

“Where the hell is everyone!? Someone has to have noticed all the loud noises and ponies fleeing in terror! Someone should have arrived by now!”

He continued to wait, and yet nothing happened.

“Someone!? ANYONE!? How can the situation be this bad!?”

Strangely, a posh looking unicorn mare was the one to stand up.

“Oh dear! Well, if the guards aren't going to do anything, Floopsie darling!”

{ACTIVATING!}

The robot assistant at her side rose to life, eyes burning with power.

“Do be a dear and deal with those ruffian changelings!”

{ENGAGING!}

With his conformation, a number of weapons popped out of it's chassis, pointing right into the center of the mob.

Only to instantly fall when a green knife pierced right between it's eyes.

“FLOOPSIE!”

The changeling had not even slowed down in his fight against the horde.

Several others stood up, offended.

“I SAY! How dare that thing attack her property! Stonewald! Deal with these unclean scalawags!”

“You too Buttercup!”

Several likewise chants rose, and soon no less than six highly armed robots rose up.

{ENGAGING}{ENGAGING}{ENGAGING}{ENGAGING}{ENGAGING}{ENGAGING}

They all rose to the challenge, also popping out a ton of weapons and pointing them in a number of different directions.

Different directions that, while they did have changelings in their line, also had... not changelings.

There was a click of weapons being loaded, and then bolt upon bolt flew.

“WHAT THE FUCK!?”

Seven pulled one of the agents in front of him just in time, watching as she was riddled with the projectiles. Funny, he was expecting a lot more gore.

It did not take him long to notice they were, in fact, electric taser rounds.

“...Oh, phew, I thought they were shooting bullets.”

“Don't be absurd! They cost way more per round, and might hit someone innocent!”

“...Assholes.”

They recharged in seconds, and fired once again.

“OH CRAP!”

“Everybody run!”

Electricity filled the room in tandem with the fights and screams as shots went wild, and one by one innocent bystanders began to drop. The ones who had commanded the robots only looked on, smug as their machines laid waste to anyone in their way. Stun-bolts ricocheted all around, dropping just as many normal ponies as it did the agents Seven used as a shield. With their massive numbers to act as the buffer, he didn't even need to try.

Silently, he once again thanked his fallen Queen, in the hivemind may she reign, that none of them were armed with bullets. He had bad flashbacks just thinking about it...

“This is bad! This is so bad!”

Underneath one of the tables, Actarius and Jugglejack hugged each other close.

“We've got to help them!”

“Uh, Acty? Don't know if you noticed, but I'm pretty sure that mob is-”

“JJ.”

The soft, yet stern eyes said it all.

“...We've got to help them.”

“...Greenspit.”

With a sigh, the changeling nodded, and the pony flipped the table, rolling it in the line of fire and shoving ponies behind the make-shift shield.

“EVERYONE! Get to the exit right now!”

They didn't need to be told twice. The moment Actarius made it to the door and flung it open, they poured out as fast as their legs could carry them.

“One at a time! Don't bunch up!”

At the back, Pommel joined him, forcing everyone to remain in a line while he rolled his own table off to the side, blocking any stray blasts that threatened to hit any of them. It was only his shoving and forceful moves that kept them from doing so. Behind him, Thirty Two decided now was a good time to make himself scarce. Daw just kept drinking, and waiting for when this was clear who the bad guy was so she could start punching.

{SUSPICIOUS INDIVIDUAL TARGETED!}

Zecora just gave the barrel pointed to her snout a flat, stone-like gaze.

“...Really?”

{HOSTILITIES DETECTED! POWER LIMITERS OFF!}

Smoothly, she reached into her bag, blew a tiny bit of powder on the charging robot, and watched as it sparked and sputtered for a bit before falling over in a pile of smoke.

“HEY! That thing cost a fortune!”

“...”

“I mean, yeah, it was going to shoot you, but you didn't have to break it!”

“...”

“...I'll stop talking now.”

“Smart.”

With the battle reaching a fever pitch, Trixie and Mayor Mare had decided to make themselves scarce while using Zecora as a shield, and when tasers started flying the earth pony and unicorn at her side just pressed themselves harder against the wall.

“WELL THIS IS FUCKING GREAT!”

“The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie did not sign up for this bullshit! Zecora?”

She just gave a glance, occasionally puffing more destroying powders at the robots.

“Think it's time we make our escape!”

“But what about Niney!?”

“Do you see him!? No?! THEN HE GOT OUT! NOW LET'S GO!”

The Zebra, despite her own concerns, nodded. With a swing of her hoof they were surrounded by smoke that seemed to reach every corner, thick and noxious in it's path.

With his vision consumed, the changeling in the middle of the battle resorted to attacking in a frenzy, using the cover to sneak up on and take out any he could find, all while nudging others to strike at each other... and quite a lot of times, civilians.

But he had no time to be picky about where he pointed them, especially with his prey making an escape.

“COME ON! THIS WAY! FOLLOW MY VOICE!”

“HURRY UP PONIES I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS SMOKE IS!”

The sound of the ex-guard, and current guard, yelling out is all that was needed to get what few conscious civilians there were out the door and running for their lives, leaving behind a very annoyed changeling and a lot of suited agents still swinging away and wrecking the place.

{HOSTILITIES DETECTED! OPENING FIRE!}

When the bodies slowed enough he was down to dodging those blasts as well, Seven had quite had enough.

“THAT'S! IT!”

With a furious roar, he poured every ounce of love he could spare into his horn, every single sparklejoule to fuel it's power, and with one release unleashed it upon where the robots were still positioned.

Clear across Canterlot, everyone could see the flash of magic, and the tossing of roof shingles into the air, and finally the wisps of smoke.

“...Anybody else? Seriously, I'm asking, somehow that only made MORE smoke, and my eyes are stinging.”

But the changeling's grousing was in vain, the smoke cleared up soon after, and revealed... a mostly empty room. All that remained were himself, Jugglejack, the ex-guard, the guard, a pegasus, the traitor, and a ton of unconscious agents.

...And a bunch of robot legs, comically still standing without anything else above them. Not a single one remained active. Below them, every one of their owners were pressed to the ground, gaping stupidly at their wrecked fortunes.

“...Huh.”

“MY MACHINE!”

“This is insured, right?”

“I'LL SUE!

“LEAVE!”

They did not need to be told twice. In a prissy gait, they rushed out the door as quickly as they could, casting back curses and threats of litigation as they went.

Woozy from his sudden, violent draining, Seven struggled to stand up. He had burned through what should have lasted him a month in one shot.


Still, he had plenty to spare, his Queen had not been stingy when he recharged.

“...Still probably overdid that one.”

“We've got to get them out of here!”

The guard, who Seven swore he knew the name of but couldn't put his hoof on, rushed in, picking up any bystanders who had been caught in the crossfire and loading as many as he could carry of them up onto his back.

“Seriously!? Where are the guards!? How could they NOT have seen that!? We should have the entirety of Equestria's armed forces coming down on us right now, but nothing! This is bullshit! Someone could have gotten really hurt! They DID really get hurt! Those taser rounds are dangerous!”

Pommel's grousing continued on, incredulousness seeping through abject shock.

“Daw! Help!”

She groaned, but nonetheless grabbed her own share.

“Fuckin' ponces.”

“...Thirty Two?”

“I'm not picking up the racists, Pommel.”

“THIRTY TWO!”

“...Fine, but you owe me on this one.”

Grumbling all the way, he picked up what few remained, and floated in the air, flying.

Pommel stopped, glaring right at Seven as he passed him by.

“Go on! Get SOMEONE to arrest these guys! I'll make sure nobody leaves!... Or at least I'll try.”

At the insistence of the other stallion, Pommel gave out a grunt and continued on.

“Thanks, Last Act.”

He was gone before the earth pony could respond, already carrying his passengers off to go get some medical attention.

“...I hate that name so much...”

Meekly, Jugglejack joined his side.

“So, uh... what was that all about?”

“It was about you, two seconds away from being hurt very, very badly.”

Seven snarled, realizing that with his prey gone, he needed to salvage this in any way he could.

“Tell me exactly... why...”

Slowly, his head turned, staring off into the distance. There was a tiny flicker of light out of the window, growing closer... and closer... and closer...

“...What the fu-”

Out of nowhere, two stallions appeared, flickering at an almost blindingly fast pace going behind one another, going on a single straight path.

A path leading right to... Seven.

“OH SHIT!”

There was a burst of magic, and suddenly the changeling found himself tangled with another body.

“...Jetset.”

“Seven.”

“You hit me.”

“You got in my way.”

“Let go.”

“You let go.”

“YOU LET GO!”

They began struggling, only managing to entangle their limbs more.

No sign of amusement on his face, the suited stallion dusted himself off, and turned to the two attempting to sneak out the door.

“Now then... I believe we had business?”

Both Changeling and earth pony gulped in fear, backing off as he started to advance on them.

“You have upset some very powerful individuals, Mister Actarius, Mister Jugglejack, correct?”

Magic sparked from his horn, and his voice grew low.

“Powerful individuals who have very, very little forgiveness in their heart.”

His magic grabbed hold of them, and they found themselves lifted.

“You are going to regret ever crossing us, and ever-”

“GET OFF I SAID!”

He was forced to drop them when he heard it coming, but not in time to prevent himself from being rammed in the side by a black chitinous body.

“ASSHOLE! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!”

The suited agent was pushed to the ground as the changeling dove over him, charging right for the other pony.

“No, you won't.”

Magic was unleashed as Jetset vanished, appearing behind the changeling once more. The chitinous hoof spun on a dime, and two forelegs collided in the air.

“I've got no time for you.”

“I've got no time for you!”

“I've got no time for either of you!”

Two hooves pressed against the back of their heads, ramming forehead against forehead with a cracking force.

“Fuck off!”

Both of them were unbothered by the collision, and in tandem their hooves swung between each other and punched Slate right in the face and sent him clear to the other side of the restaurant.

“...I think I've had enough of this.”

Collecting himself, he rose. Electrical sparks began to charge along his horn as he stood, looking at both of them with a barely hidden fury.

“You've got that right!”

Green fire ignited on Seven's horn, glowing so brightly he looked like a lighthouse.

“I agree.”

Finally, red light joined theirs, simmering atop Jetsets brow.

A beat passed as they all sized each other up.

And then hell was unleashed.

Magic of all kinds made the room look like a carousel in an amusement park gone horribly wrong, as if someone had set off every kind of celebration firework at once. For what felt like hours, nothing filled the room but the charge of energy and the smell of magic and burned remains.

When the smoke finally cleared, they all three stood, in the exact place they had originated.

...Not a one of them so much as singed.

“...You know what? I'm just going to punch him.”

With that declaration, Seven charged forth, racing across the floor and striking with everything he had, only to be blocked by Slate's hoof.

“That honor goes to me!”

Slate had no time to react when out from behind the changelingm Jetset leapt up, landing a hit just on the side of his face. A swift reaction stopped any further blows, and instantly Jetset found himself in the other's grasp.

“No it doesn't!”

Only to be struck again when the changeling's hoof literally snaked around the ponies shoulder, and connected with his snout.

“Yes it does!”

Slate vanished in a burst of magic to evade a follow up, only to be thrown for a loop when a hind hoof struck him in the side the instant he landed.

Every time.

He blocked one, the other would push that first one aside and punch him. He dodged one, he went right into the blow of another. His mind raced, unable to believe they could work together in such harmony.

“He's mine!”
“Mine!”
“Mine!”
“MINE!”

...So caught up in this, he didn't even notice when he was at last pinned down, and a positively feral looking changeling hovered over him, hoof cocked back and some strange magic upon it.

Seven was positively giddy as he poured more of his love into that hoof, and prepared to end this.

A pressure pushed down on his shoulder just before he could land the final blow, making him swing wide and miss his prey. Just before his foe could retaliate, a hoof shot past his head and struck Slate square in the face, sending him sprawling away before coming to a sudden stop at the other end of the restaurant, where he lay still. No more did he rise, no more did he fight..

“...You asshole! You stole the last shot from me!?”

Pointedly, Jetset adjusted his glasses.

“As I told you, it was mine.”

“I had him!”

“It was my duty to ensure it was done correctly. I could not leave it in your hooves.”

“I'm stronger than you are!”

“Pathetic, always so focused on physical strength. Skill beats strength every time.”

“...So then I'm more skilled than you too?”

“We shall see, after I drive this knife into your face, rate my performance.”

“Uh, guys?”

Both heads snapped over, noticing that in their advances on each other they had neglected something.

Notably, Jugglejack, and Actarius as well, grabbed hold of by the very much still conscious Slate.

“I feel our business has concluded, good day gentlemen.”

He fizzled, magic overtaking him before they could react.

...yet he remained right there.

“...Hrm.”

Sparks continued to fly again and again, but he remained.

“...This is odd.”

“Pardon me, but I do believe you have something of mine.”

The cold, chilling voice was his only warning before both stallion and changeling were torn from his grasp. Slowly, he turned until he came face to face with green, burning eyes attached to a majestic obsidian frame.

“You had better have a very good reason why you are assaulting my subjects, or this conversation will be very short and end very badly for you.”

Even under the heat of her magic, he stood strong, defiantly, he pointed a hoof right at the massive Queen.

“Your subject has brought about the wrath of the Equestrian Charity Oversight Organization, and he will pay for it! Dearly! With bits and jailtime!”

There was a heavy, awkward silence that filled the room. So much so, even Chrysalis could not keep up her threatening facade.

Flatly, only Seven could bring himself to give out a-

“What?”

-before the stallion continued to rant.

“That's right! We oversee all charitable foundations in this country, and severely punish any unlicensed and fraudulent organizations and individuals! You bring about the wrath of the very guardians of the Equestrian charitable soul upon yourselves with your fraudulent acts!”

The incredulous look on the changelings face spoke endless volumes.

“...CHARITY!? This was all because of lying about a CHARITY FUND!? You started what amounts to a mini war with dozens of highly trained agents over CHARITY FRAUD!?”

Instead of embarrassed, he just proudly nodded.

“Charity is serious business, the very cornerstone of a civilized society, and we will break whoever misuses it's name!”

The changeling agent groaned, looking over to the stoic stallion at his side.

“But you said...”

Jetset scoffed, nodding as well.

“Yes, indeed, he committed himself to a most disgusting business... not serving the Queen! I still can't believe you would ever abandon your duties to pursue something of this nature of not serving her! In fact, due to your insistence on being tax free, you harm your country!”

“I told you, I found a higher calling, one where I ensure all ponies are given a chance to express their philanthropy in peace!”

“Drop out!”

There was a CRACK as chitinous hoof met face, and little crickles as it sloooowly dragged down said face.

“WE DESTROYED SO MUCH STUFF!”

“And it was all for the greater good, of ensuring that all understand what happens when you besmirch the name of the concept of giving to the less fortunate!”

Totally lost in every sense of the word, the Queen turned her attention to her meek subject in her magical grasp.

“Jugglejack? Fill me in on this.”

“Well, you see, uh, Majesty, well... uh...”

Growing tired of his inaudible mumbling shortly, she turned to the other one.

“You, other guy, fill me in on this.”

“It's Actar...”

“...”

“A-hem, yes, well... you see, after the whole invasion, all their stuff got... you know, char broiled. So since Canterlot is literally the largest conglomeration of wealthy individuals in this whole continent, we decided to go out and see if we could raise some help to get them back some of it...”

“And?”

“...Uh...”

~~~~

“Hi! My friend here are asking for donations to help the Changelings of-”

SLAM!

“Just a bit or two would-”

SLAM!

“...Uh... the changelings-”

“RELEASE THE HOUNDS!”

~~~~

“...That last one wasn't a threat, he actually did release some hounds on us. I apparently am quite chewy.”


Sad earth pony eyes trailed down, between his own legs.

“Also, they are just... drawn to the crotch area, just go right for it without any hesitation.”

Equally wide, haunted eyes followed the stallions gaze.

“Like a magnet...”

“Soooo... after that we kiiiiind of...”

~~~~

“Hi! I'm a former Royal Guard, and this is my... uh, helper. We're asking for donations for the... uh... 'less fortunate' of Canterlot who had their lives ruined by that giant dragon that stomped through here. Just had all their stuff burned away with a fireball, and have no means to get it back.”

“Oh dear! Of course I'll spare some bits!”

“Why, it would be just dastardly to ignore those who's property was destroyed by those things!”

“Everyone deserves a hoof every now and again!”

“Will this be enough? I found it under my couch cushion.”

“...That's several hundred bits...”

“Drat! Hold on, I'll check the other one.”

~~~~~~~

The room got no less akward after that, save for Seven letting out a “Racist dicks”.

“...Yeaaaah...”

“T-to be fair, we didn't lie! We just, uh...”

“...omitted certain details?”

“No yeah, that was totally illegal.”

“Preeeetty sure that's illegal.”

The two shared a sad, sullen look.

“...We are so going to prison, aren't we?”

“Yes-”

“No.”

The suited stallion stopped, slowly turning to the Queen's harsh words that bore no argument.

“...I beg your pardon? If you are implying you can supersede the laws of-”

“Article Three Eight One Four of the Equestrian Charity code, subsection three paragraph fourty.”

He froze, not recognizing that particular amendment. Still, he could not lose face, and with a stern nod he turned to one of his agents.

“...Well? Go get it!”

He vanished, and for two solid minutes of silence they all hung there, unmoving, unbreathing, until the unicorn returned with a copy of the law in hoof.

“...Well?”

He looked over it, confusion very apparent on his face.

“It just appears to be a variation on the tax code for charitable foundations sir, a rather long one. I don't see... oh, I see, paragraph fourty....”

The stallion cleared his throat, speaking crisply and cleanly so that all understood.

“...A-hem, “in the event of racial discrimination against a species not falling into the standard equine of unicorn pegasi or earth pony, it is allowed that the species of those benefitting from the charitable organizations may be kept hidden should they feel it will allow a more equal and fair treatment for donations under the condition that all funds are in fact given to the race in question and not used for extraneous purposes.”... Huh.”

The smile on Chrysalis's face was nothing short of horrifying.

“Or, in case you don't get it, they're allowed to lie if they think you guys are being racist dicks. And surprise surprise!”

Slate tensed, but did not show a single drop of emotion, nor did any make it into his voice as he spoke.

“Is this verified and does it's timeframe cover the actions made?”

“Approval of the bill was made one month before the incident known as the invasion, signed... by Princess Applejack. It matches her signature, sir, and it was personally handed to the official records department by the mare in question and verified as genuine.”

One of the other agents hopped up, gaping openly and quite unprofessionally.

“WHAT!? But... that offers SO MANY loopholes! So many ponies could really easily abuse the system! This is a gaping flaw!”

He was culled back with a stern glare, but not before his words illicited a titter of victory from the Changeling Queen.

“Oh indeed, I see why it wasn't widely broadcasted. Still, with this new information, do we still have a problem?”

He hated speaking these words so much, but his professional nature would never allow him to do anything else.

“...Very well then. This was an oversight on our part not to verify new legislation passed and to alter our enforcement properly to suit it. We will be covering all damages during the attempted incarceration of your subject and extend out apologies with all charges dropped.”

Again, she laughed, quite loudly and openly.


“Accepted, of course!... But what of the matter of the many, many wounded?”

“Your subject was defending his fellow changeling against our actions due to an oversight, and if you wish we will give you some compensation for our negligence.”

She looked positively coy.

“No no, of course not, I wouldn't dare ask such of you, since I understand you so. I meant everyone else.”

Another, different agent stepped forwards.

“On that matter, any attacked should seek out who owned the machines. We did not injure a single patron. We had nothing to do with that.”

“My mistake!”

“Is that sufficient for you?”

“You know? I think it is! I understand you all are just doing your duty, and of course occasionally radical new legislation will just slip you by! I understand fully, and with your own offer to cover the damages and no further attempts to reclaim the funding we have used, I consider the matter put to rest! Do have a pleasant rest of the day, little pony.”

Through slightly gritted teeth, he spoke.

“...I shall try to, thank you.”

With that, he teleported off, soon followed by his waves of agents, leaving nothing but a destroyed cafe in their wake

“Good, that's done. You, agent pony, what's your problem?”

Jetset glared, but not a hint of the anger made it through to their voice.

“Your subject was causing an issue trying to arrest that changeling and coming into conflict with Slate's own attempt at arrest, and I sought to detain them to-”

“Right, don't care. Their fault, blame them, get out.”

He wanted to argue, but sadly she was right. The other's had admitted fault, and there was nothing left for him to do. In order to maintain his image, he had to leave right there.

“...I got the last hit.”

He had spoken an instant before he was gone, but the glare on her face was worth it.

“Asshole. Now...”

Finally, she turned to her agent.

“Seven, why, exactly, were you trying to arrest Jugglejack?”


Seven, as an infiltrator, had many talent.

One of his best?

He could lie his ass off.

“I noticed him being tailed by the individuals I faced, my Queen, and assumed he had made a poor deal of some sort with those who hand out money quite readily. While his personal choices are his own fault, I was worried that if he was detained by these individuals it would be an opportune time for others to pry information regarding the hive from him. There was also the possibility that he was simply being arrested by enforcers for a bank, and I felt it best if your authority was proven tantamount to dealing with any matter of your subjects, and that you would be granted the ability to dole out any punishment regarding their actions, not others.”

She thoughtfully paused, mulling over his words... before letting out a laugh.

“Good! That is what you should have done.”

She reached out, and for a brief moment he thought he was going to get one of her pats on the head. Instead, she reached past him, grabbed some alcoholic drink that had impossibly remained in all the carnage, and took a drink before tossing the glass to the side and turning away from him.

“Now, if you don't mind, myself and Jugglejack need to have another... discussion. Keep doing what you're doing.”

Something about that felt oddly... empty as she walked away, gulping changeling and ex-guard in tow, not so much as a single glance cast back to him.

“Oh... yes, of course Majesty. All in a days work.”

Soon, he was all alone in the cafe, surrounded on all sides by damages far and wide.

And his prey nowhere to be seen, and no doubt long gone. He was tired, battered and bruised, and had nothing to show for it. Not even a real victory over Jetset or that other agent.

Silently, he nursed the bruises and cuts all along his frame, tapping into what little of his dwindling love stores remained to repair them.

...And he found himself coming up short.

“...All in days work...”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
AJ
~~

>FUCK YOU

*SMASH*

>FUCK YOUR MURDEROUS HATEBONERS FOR EACHOTHER

*SMASH*

>FUCK YOUR GODDAMN OEDIPUS "MUH QUEEN" ASS KISSINGS

*SMASH*

>AND YOUR FUCK YOUR GODDAMN LACK OF COMMON SENSE AND AVERSION TO COLLATERAL DAMAGE

*SMASH*

>AND FUCK THESE ROBOTS

*SMASHCLANKLECLUNK*

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
"Chrysalis"


"....Aren't you going to use magic to do that?"

>Nuh-uh, doesn't feel the same

*SMASH*

'p-please let me go'

"Come ooonnnnnnnnnnn"

>Alright, fine, fine

>...Ennnnh....ENH

*crink*

>...

"....PffffffftahaHAHAHAHAHHAHA, YOU'RE PATHETIC"

*SMASH*

>Shut up!

"Worth it"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Manager
~~

>It's a beautiful daaayyyyy and I can't stop myself from smiling! If we're drinkin' then I'm buyin'! And I know there's no denyin! It's a beautiful dayyyyyyyyy-

*Opens door*

>...

*Closes door*

>...T-tuesday already?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"7"

>>AND YOUR FUCK YOUR GODDAMN LACK OF COMMON SENSE AND AVERSION TO COLLATERAL DAMAGE

"In my defense, I thought that was stupid too-"

*SMASH*

"Shutting up."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >AJ
“SS”
____

>…Ya been starin’ at me fer’ the past five minutes now. Somethin’ wrong?

“Is… are you serious? Is something wrong? Is something wr- YES THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG!”

>Loud. Ah’d use mah inside voice iffin’ Ah were you unless ya wanna wind up outside. Ah’ll use the same methods that worked on Winona here. Test me, Shimmy.

“…Yes, there’s something wrong.”

>Well, teeth-grindin’ aside, much better. What’s wrong?

“For these past five minutes I've spent watching you, you’ve done nothing but eat cake. Cake! Apple cider cake!”

>'Kay. And?

“There is faaaar too much wrong with Equestria right now for you to be resting on your fat ass, devouring cake.”

>Thanks fer’ the rump compliment.

“I wasn’t-”

>An’ if y’all think this is bad, ya should’ve seen Equestria before Ah stepped in. But ya know what? Even then, we still made time fer’ this.

“And what exactly is… this?”

>A cool down. Without a cool down, ya have a meltdown. There’s a lesson fer’ ya to learn right there. Take a second to breathe. The world’s no closer to burnin’ than it was five minutes ago when Ah started eatin’.

“…”

>In fact, here’s a bit o’ homework fer’ ya.

“H-homework? You have got to be jo-”

>Find out yer’ own lil’ vice, the thing that keeps ya from wantin’ to choke ponies.

“But… I don’t? I don’t want to choke ponies.”

>Not yet ya don’t, Shimmy. Not yet ya don't.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spitfire
"Crystal Pegasi"
~~

>O-oh kay.... okay... we've got this...

"Done throwing up?"

>I am done throwing up and I am ready to get back into this! You guys are... rough, I'll give you that, but just think of it like a crystal! Sometimes you've got to mold it and shape it until it fits just right! You've got to carve it, little by little, until it's a shining, shimmering statue of awesome! Well that's what we're gonna do! We're gonna chisel you down until you are sharp, clean cut and pristine statues of awesome!

"...L... literally? Because you know, we're not, like, made of crystal, right? If you break my arm it's not a chunk of crystal."

>...

"I'm serious. What, do you think we're golems or something? How do you think we reproduce? We obviously have soft bits in here!"

>...

"And what, my organs are just chunks? My glass jaw would literally shatter if it took a bad punch!? How would anyone treat that? How do you put back chunks that have flown off!? IF YOU PRICK A CRYSTAL PONY, DOES HE NOT BLEED!?"

>...Uh, buddy?

"Yes?"

>Metaphor. I'm... I'm using a metaphor. You know... metaphors.

"So, not literally."

>Not literally.

"Good. Glad we got that cleared up."

>...Do other ponies actually-

"ALL THE TIME! We're the only species that has to worry that when we're mugged, someone's going to go "GIMME THE ARM! THE WHOLE ARM! DON'T YOU BE SKIMPIN' WITH JUST THE HOOF!"

>Wow.

"Honestly? I wish I could just be afraid they're after my wallet, and not trying to run off with ME."

>...So! Metaphors!

"Metaphors are great."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Luna
"88"
'Cordies'

>What deviltry is this?

Once again the lunar princess is brought to the twisted dreamscape of 88, where once again cordyceps zombies are dancing around said changeling.

'Back to back belly to belly
'I don't give a dang because I've spread on already
'Oh whoa, back to back belly to belly
'A Cordy Jamboree~!'

"..."

>...

"Well, their choreography's improved."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
“Sunset”
~~~~~~~~~~

>Hello paperwork, ol' pal. Y'all have grown so much lately. How 'bout you 'n I sit down and cut y'all down ta size?

The dozen or so of neatly arranged stacks of parchment and papers do not answer their vanquisher.

>'course y'all won't mind. That's why you're here, ta get cut down, diced and sorted out, day after day. Wish ya didn' keep comin' back fer more, tho.

“Are you talking with an inanimate stack of papers, Princess?”

The sound of the unicorn's soft voice causes the alicorn to jump, then whip around to face her student.

>Whoa, nelly! Shimmer! Don't be sneakin' up on me like that. And couldja drop callin' me 'Princess' ? Still don't feel right by me when folks do that.

“I am sorry for startling you, Princess. And I am sorry again, but would you mind terribly if I do? I am your student, and I'd like if we stick to honorifics. At least for now. I, ah... used to have a friend I called Applejack, back in the other world, and it would feel weird to be this personal with you despite not knowing the first thing about one-another.”

>Oh. Well, ah guess ah'll hafta ta get used ta it one way or another.

Applejack looks thoughtful after saying that, studying the other mare's face as if trying to see something beyond her faint smile.

>Say, Twilite never told us much about what happened, outside of 'everythin's in good hands'. Was there really somepony jus' like all of us on the other side? What were they like?

“There were. But besides the basic personality, quirks and preferences, things seem to have grown wide apart the more time I spent there. The Applejack I knew was... different from you.

>Ahm sorry fer bringin' that up. Most be awful lonely, seeing all these familiar faces and not bein' able ta connect 'cuz they don't know squat 'bout y'all.

“It's... fine, really. I am used to being on my own. Don't worry, Princess.”

An awkward silence follows, during which Sunset tries to avoid Applejack's scrutinizing gaze.

>Well, back ta business! Iffin' yer hopin' fer any Q&A from mah side, ahm gunna hafta disappoint y'all. Paperwork ain't waitin' for no one, not even yours truly.

“Actually... that's why I came here this early. You haven't really... well... given me any assignment to work on. I figured, if this is what is keeping you all the time, I could offer a hand. Uhm, I mean, hoof to help out and lighten the workload on you.”

>Yer right about all o' this keepin' me busy, but I dun figure y'all can help me. Sorry ta say, but slogging through this buncha baloney took me forever to figure out. I dun rightly think I want to subject yall to this tort-... why're y'all looking t me like that?

“Do you remember when I told you the story about how I tried to succeed the princess as the solitary ruler of Equestria? That wasn't just a heartwarming tale to get through to her. I studied law, economics, magical theory, management, rules of succession, mythology... pretty much everything, since I was a little filly, to surpass an immortal who has reigned this country for over a thousand years.”

>That's awfully impressive... but ah dun know... shouldn't ah be teachin' y'all sumethin' valuable and meaningful-like? Paperwork is jus' that. Paperwork. Always there, never-stoppin'.

“I can handle a little administrative work, Princess. Give me a chance to prove it? Please?”

The bright, eager smile and wide-eyed, hopeful look in the red-and-yellow maned mare reminds Applejack all too strongly of her little sister Apple Bloom, causing her reluctance to melt away.

>Fine, y'all win. Take a buncha paper outta the IN-box and return' em approved, hoof-stamped, marked or whatever else they want on it. Ah'll look through it when ya return it to me, so y'all have mah authority for a lil' while there. But don't be complainin' if it take y'all forever ta finish. Deal?

“Deal! Thank you for giving me a chance, Princess!”

Sunset swiftly grabs a pile as tall as she in a field of her cyan magic, the aura of it wobbling around the stack, until it lands on the auxiliary desk in the same room.

The orange alicorn has to scrunch up her nose a little as the smaller mare passes by her side. There was always this strangely persistent smell around Sunset Shimmer. Acrid, thick, dry, bitter; cloying in a not wholly unpleasant sense.

Only briefly mulling over that, she seats herself and grabs the first form that happens to be in her line of sight.

>Well,'t'll be nice ta have company at least... ugh, another request fer fundin' offa statue of me? When will those buggers get I ain't in this fer glory. Denied!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC-addition
~~~~~~~~~~

"BURN! BURNBURNBURNBURN! BURN IT ALL DOWN!"

>...well, ah can't rightly say ah haven't thought about doing this mahsel on mah darkest days.

"This isn't working! I will have to tear out the problem atthe root! We must burn down all of Equestria and start anew!"

>Now, why does that sound awful familiar...

Somewhere, across Canterlot Castle, Celestia sneezes into her tea, showering the poor Guard who happened to be talking to her at that moment.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Luna"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I choose to have continuity only on a whim. Now for our main guest...PRINCESS LUNA!!!

"...why?"

>I've been wondering what is it that you do with your night guards? They're not seen very often. Is there any truth to the rumors abot the Mares in Black?

Luna ponders for a moment.
"..."
She smiles and pats Pinkie on the head.

>Uh...a great answer Princess Luna! That's our show! You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!

"Was that all?"

>Well, I am a bit curious about what the night guards-
Pinkie wakes up.
>...actually do. I guess she can do that to me too.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Aj
"Sunset"
'Spike'
~~~

*SLAM*
>GAD DANGED
*SLAM*
>APPLEBUCKIN
*SLAM*
>FLIMFLAMMIN
*SLAM*
>CUDCHEWIN'
*SLAM*
>DIRTYNOGOODLOWDOWN
*SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM*

"...Is she okay?"

'Ah, no. Gonna go with no, she is not okay.'

"What, exactly, was in that scroll that pony just handed her?"

'Gonna go with yes.'

"...I... I don't."

'Oh, I'm sorry, I misheard you and thought you said "that thing in that scroll is obviously horrible, and is causing her a lot of pain". My mistake."

"...You are really snippy for being, what, three years old?"

'Not eeeeven close.'

"What?.. Wait a minute..."

'Normally, slow realization is fun to watch, but my Applebutt is kind of trying to work her way THROUGH her desk, thank you. Kind of takes precedence.'

>SONOFAGUTTERSNIPPIN'
*SLAM*
>PIECEO'DANGOLD'
*SLAM*
>UGLYASSVENOMSPITTINGSLITHERIN'BELLYSCRAPIN'SNAKEINTHEGRASS!'
*SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM**SLAM*

"...Is... is she done?"

'She's probably unconscious, so yes.'

"...Should we get help?"

'I do not know who that note was about, but no one can help them now.'

"..."

'...Oh! You meant her... nah, give her a minute, she'll be fine. Who'sever in her way won't be, but she will.'

"...So does this happen every day?"

'Nope, you're in for a treat!'

"Y-yaaaayyyy..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________