tots is real in 2017 and i wanna die whats good

this isnt much or worth anything imo but i wanted to say something so i could get it all off my chest! tw for suicide mentions for anyone viewing this!

at the time we were good friends they had a list of mental illnesses. looking back on it, at least a few of these mental illnesses didn't seem co-morbid (i want to say someone pointed it out on the kiwifarms thread but it's been a while).
one of the illnesses they had was listed was bpd and they claimed that people always told them how passionate they were about things.
they'd tell their mutuals on private accounts it was hard for them to interact with others often and even tweeted multiple suicide attempts when they didnt get enough attention and at least twice they claimed they attempted so they had to go to the hospital and would come back the next day with a tweet saying 'hi i tried to kill myself' to possibly not only guilt trip but also gain sympathy and attention.

some time later we ended up dating just for the hell of it. the whole relationship they never made known that i was doing wrong or affecting their mental illnesses or didn't give them enough attention. to be fair, i will admit i wasn't the best partner so i can understand their concerns. we did try to talk more towards the end of our relationship but i never knew what to say and they continued to claim that mental illness made it hard for them to talk to people.

at the end of the relationship, they said i invalidated its mental illnesses and tried to pass it off as me abusing them.

tots went as far as trying to get a friend to attack me and ask questions about why i did what i did in our relationship. i ended up telling the person to leave me alone and that i'd contact them on my own terms. (to this date i never have contacted them or tots. it's been over 2 years.)

tots had also been telling their followers if they interacted with me still, they should softblock them. i had to stay offline for a while just so i wouldnt have to deal with tots's witch hunt on me because they did take it to tumblr temporarily at one point and i couldn't handle it.

because of how biting, vicious, and two faced tots was/can be(?), and how i was mentally at the time on top of getting a bad vibe from them when we met, i constantly felt i was walking on eggshells, that i couldn't voice my opinions or get comfortable with them for fear of making them upset. despite that i still befriended them anyway and i do kind of regret not listening to the bad vibe i'd gotten.
i haven't talked to tots in over 2 years so i feel like i should be disappointed in them but in all honesty, i'm not surprised at what they did.

(this is just some miscellaneous, confirming what's already known with some extra info)

i also want to add that at the time i knew them they were kind of open about being into beastiality and sibling incest (at least fictional for both of those), except they'd keep it on locked for the most part i think.
and i'd heard about the dolphin thing personally back then so seeing that tweet about it to one of the blmatsu fandom people was nothing new.

at one point they were going back to high school so they could graduate but said things like 'it's too hard they wont help me' because they said they had mental illness. now that they've been lying about all this garbage i doubt the mental illness stuff or suicide attempts or abuse they talked about happening at home was even true, except like, the adhd part but even then i'm not so sure. maybe they're just doing it for attention.

if tots ever sees this, get some fucking help. you need it.