Doom-mates - Diplomacy

Miles Archibald Millweather was feeling increasingly uncomfortable with his current situation. Not just because he was roasting inside his protective suit, and not even because he was currently marching through the third plane of hell, but because of where and what he was marching TO.

He didn’t dislike his job, far from it. He had spent years studying the intricate cultures, species, and practices of hell’s denizens even before he worked for the UAC, and when he managed to and a job in the diplomacy branch, it was seemingly the perfect fit.

He’d already gotten commendations for some of his input in drafting programs to help newly arriving Demons to acclimate, and how to train on-the-ground liaisons to effectively communicate with them.

But there was another aspect to the job. A much more… daunting one.

It was no secret that the, for lack of a better term, political structure of hell was perhaps more tumultuous than ever. Thought it was no longer a unified front, thanks to the Slayer, there were dozens upon dozens of splinter factions popping up every day, each demonic fiefdom still harboring hatred for humanity all vying to be the origin point of a new empire in hell. Old institutions like the cult of the mother demons, the mastermind collective, and Icon Loyalists were all staking their own claims to hell, and to mars. In a way, it was causing even more trouble, because each major faction was desperate to gain an edge over the others.

There was a silver lining, however. A decent number of Demon collectives were less eager to join in on the fray. Several were starting to be turned to the idea of joining the other refugees, while others less inclined to fraternizing with mortals, still would prefer to simply consolidate their power and avoid the war-frenzy others had. Perhaps they knew that trying to pick up the old fight would just make them a target for the Slayer.

Nevertheless, forming alliances with these neutral factions was key in keeping Nu Mars out of the frying pan.

Which is where Miles came in. He was selected for his expertise in Third Plane hierarchy structures to be the spearpoint on an expedition to secure an alliance with a big player in the third plane.

Anehxa Ferroxai. One of the elder Maledictae the Old Dark.

Miles had written a thesis on Maledicts back in college. They were old demons. very, very old demons. Rumored to predate the Icon itself, sitting atop the chain of command in the Plane of Darkness for eons, essentially acting as a council of elders during the days of the hellish empire, commanding from atop their dark peaks and from deep within their dark caverns, rarely interacting with other planes.

They were powerful, prideful, but also particularly individualistic and self-interested, which meant after the forces of hell broke, many maledicts retreated to their domains and kept to their own affairs.

But some, unfortunately, had their own ambitions. One maledict in particular was ruthless, whipping up the demons under their command into a frenzy, and even moving on the domains of other maledicts. It was believed, from an extensive investigation, that this maledict was also linked to the subversive cult cells acting within Nu Mars.

This was the reason this mission was so important. Anehxa had always been a strategic factor, her domain cutting off a number of hostile parties from some very key Portal Hot-zones, but recently, border defense parties had been approached by demons under her banner, coming with claims that their leader wanted an audience with the UAC.

This was a landmark opportunity to secure potential aid in the region. But it was also, of course, a tremendous risk.
Going so deep into the territory of a Demon with unknown intentions was inherently treacherous, and Miles was no soldier.

They could, potentially, have sent a third planar expat in his stead, but it would defeat the purpose of a cross-cultural diplomatic meeting. The UAC needed to show the confidence it had in its own people to be able to step up and meet the rulers of hell eye-to-eye.

So instead, they gave Miles a security detail. Though a more accurate description would be something like “death squad.”

These were some of the top Infernal-Territory operatives the UAC had in their command. Human veterans of the Earth-Hell War, and expat demons who were intensively trained in human military tactics. This was evidenced by how even the demons accompanying him were clad head to claw in black armor.

Among the group were three humans, one wielding the latest model in plasma rifle technology. Four imps, third planar, chosen to help act as guides. The lenses covering their many eyes glowed green in the darkness around him. Two hellknights, fourth plane. They each carried chainguns.

And then there was Big Lucy, who’s every footstep caused the ground to tremor. She was a Baalgar, colloquially known as a “Cyberdemon.” She towered over the entire party, built like a colossus and armored like a tank; the only exposed part of her body being the huge red horns that swept around the front of her helmet.

She was the last line of defense, assigned to the squad in case the mission was complete fubar, either by negotiations falling apart, or it being a trap from the beginning.

Even pencil-pushers like Miles had heard stories about her. Pre-colony, she was one of the most decorated of Baalgar enforcers, surviving thousands of battles even before being resurrected as a cyborg.

“I once heard she faced… HIM, and lived.” One of the imps had said, earlier, while they marched through a forest of petrified, gnarled “trees.”

“Bullshit.”  Said one of the hellknights in response. “No one survives him. No one.”

Rumors like that surrounded her. Tall tales of her exploits on either side of the conflict. What Miles DID know was true about her was as soon as the first truce was made and demons made their first emigration into the nu-mars colony, she had come, alone, having deserted her masters and demanding the chance to fight against them.

After that, she had been one of the major assets in defending the outskirts of Nu-Mars and its various outposts. Because of her presence, the incursion at Colony Sigma-Nu was remembered as a loss of material, but not a tragic loss of life.

Perhaps she couldn’t have stood against the Slayer and lived back then, but as she was now? Who knows. Once the UAC was assured of her loyalty, she was consistently outfitted with top-of-the-line weaponry. Culminating in the prototype BFG-DX installed in her bionic arm, along with the myriad other weapons her body bristled with. Not to mention the “”Knife”” about the size of his torso sheathed on her hip, made of the toughest metal producible by the UAC, and inscribed with infernal runes of power.

He couldn’t help but stare at her in awe as the marched. There wasn’t much else to look at. The plane of darkness lived up to its name. Despite the occasional fissure of hellfire, or stream of lava, there was no sun, just a deep, dark red sky that didn’t seem to actually illuminate anything. And the shadows had some kind of supernatural property, making them thicker, deeper than natural darkness, acting as far more than just an absence of light. This made progression slow. You didn’t dare rush ahead and risk falling victim to the treacherous terrain, or god help you, disturbing a trite nest.

Even with the bright lights attached to their helmets and weapons, it was like there was a black curtain some twenty feet ahead of them.

So Miles kept himself in the center of the squad, close to Big Lucy as possible. This did mean the occasional glance up at her body when she marched ahead of him, where he would vehemently NOT make any observations of how tightly her body-armor clung to her body.

There were occasional blips on the motion trackers, and even once the caught glimpse of something moving in the deep shadows to the flank of the group, but nothing ever came forward. Miles theorized that they were keeping their distance because they knew the maledict was expecting them.

After hours of trudging through shadow, they arrived at their destination. The Grand Temple of Anexha Ferroxai.


+++++++++


They had been greeted by a cadre of Imps, lead by an archvile. As the archvile greeted them in broken English, Miles stepped forward, and uttered the most polite possible greeting in Third Planar Infernal Tongue as he could. Which wasn’t saying much.  After the demon made a bemused expression at his attempt at communication, it bid them enter the complex.

Miles had noticed something odd however, as he walked past them. It had been hard to notice out in the open dark, but in the brazier lit hallways of the temple, he realized that these demons appeared to be wearing clothing.

Crude clothing yes, just rough-fibrous sackcloth and leather wrappings, but clothing all the same. Miles knew for a fact that bodily adornment was extremely rare in every domain of hell. This was a very odd exception.

As they lead them further, Miles saw demons from every corner, looking at them from entranceways and windows, chattering to themselves quietly. The squad was getting jumpy, but Miles forced a mask of calm collectedness. It was his job, after all, no matter how pants-wettingly terrified he was of being devoured alive.

“Hhh-this waiy, Hyoomahnn.” Said the archvile, voice raspy. “Hh-our maledict antsssipates hyoo much.”

+++++++++

The main audience chamber was immense, carved into the mountain set behind the temple, lit ominously by a wide lake of blazing lava

Rows of demons stood in anticipation of their master’s appearance, while Miles tried very hard to stay upright.

Suddenly, there was a deep, deep rumble that reverberated through the whole cavern, and the demons’ murmuring grew more animated. Before Miles could comment to the squad, the lava began to bubble, and with a thunderous roar a huge form burst up from the magma, drops of it casting through the air like an infernal fireworks show.

The maledict had arrived.

It loomed over them all, even Lucy, still standing within the magma. It stared down at them all, their skeletal face permanently grinning at them. It’s massive draconic form bent lower, keeping its large bony wings wrapped around its body.

“WE ARE PLEASED TO SEE THAT OUR MESSAGE HAS BEEN RECEIVED.” Its voice boomed out without its jaw moving. “DOES THIS ARRIVAL IN OUR DOMAIN MEAN TO SHOW THAT THE MORTAL KINGDOM WISHES TO BARGAIN WITH US?”

Her voice was at once the cultured voice of a classical monarch, and the deepest, churning stone and

“…..Ghk.” Muttered Miles as he broke himself out of the petrified state the Maledict’s sheer presence put him in. Quickly, he dropped to his knees and held out his hands behind him, a stance of Non-hostility and fealty critical for beginning a successful session of diplomacy. “We humbly prostrate ourselves before your ancient power. Oh maledictae, Infernus Rex, devourer of souls.” He intoned in infernal, throat straining.

A deep, rumbling chuckle echoed from the demon lord. “THIS ONE MEANS TO SPEAK IN DEMON TONGUE? HOW AMUSING. WE HAD HEARD THE MORTALS WERE ONLY INTERESTED WITH TEACHING DEMONS TO BE HUMANS. -HOW ASSURING.-” It said with a prideful air.

Miles did not dare break his posture, or raise his gaze to theirs. “The UAC is only interested in a beneficial future for both mortal and demon-kind, your excellence. We would not be so foolish as to disregard all we can learn from the realms of the infernal. Which is why we are he-”

“SPARE US YOUR DOCTORED SPEECHES AND ENTICEMENTS.” Said Anexha, interrupting him. “WE KNOW WHY YOU HAVE COME.”

The empty sockets that were her eyes blazed with fire. “YOU FEAR THE RISE OF THE NEW MALEDICT AND HIS ARMY. YOU FEAR HIS MARCH TOWARDS YOUR CITIES, AND YOU WISH TO SECURE OUR AID AS A BULWARK AGAINST HIM.”

Miles quickly tried to shift gears, this was quickly going off-script. “Ah-…Yes, as a combined front we could withstand-“

“WE DO NOT NEED YOUR AID.” She boomed. “THE NEW MALEDICT IS YOUNG. IMPERTENANT. HE WAS NEVER WORTHY OF BECOMING ONE OF US, BUT STOLE HIS POWER WITH TREACHERY AND SUPPLICATION.”

She reared her head up, fully worked up. “HIS ARROGANT AMBITION WILL BE HIS END. WETHER IT IS BROUGHT BY THE SLAYER-“ The audience of demons collectively recoiled. Invoking that name was still a major no-no for most demon-kind, even in Nu-mars. “OR BY THE LORDS HE DARE INFRINGE UPON. HE SHALL BE BROUGHT DOWN, AND WHEN THAT MOMENT COMES, WE SHALL BE THERE PERSONALLY TO FEAST UPON HIS BONES.”

She paused in her revelry, allowing her congregation to cheer in a display that absolutely was not terrifying to the meek cultural liaison.

She lowered her gaze back down to the group, her skull coming uncomfortably close to Miles. “BUT WE KNOW YO AND YOUR KIND ARE IN THE CROSSFIRE. YOU WOULD BENEFIT GREATLY FROM OUR ALLIANCE.”

Her sockets flared with fire again. “THE QUESTION REMAINS. WHAT DO WE RECEIVE IN RETURN?”

She cocked her head at him and panned her gaze at the assembled squad. “WE HAVE HEARD OF THE TEMPTATIONS THE KINGDOM OF MAN OFFERS TO THOSE WILLING TO DESERT HELL. THE FRIVOLITY AND OPULENCE, DEMONS FEASTING THEMSELVES UPON GLITTERING DISTRACTIONS AND FRIVOLOUS ADORNMENTS.”

She turned to gaze upon the larger audience, and Miles followed the line of sight. He realized many of them were like those demons he saw earlier. They were all dressed in various rough attempts at clothing, each an individual attempt at recreating the idea of clothing as described by someone who themselves had only heard about it. He also saw crude attempts at jewelry and other accessorises, made from bits of volcanic rock and bone. Were they trying to mimic the demons who had joined the UAC?

“CURIOSITY HAS TAKEN US. WE HAVE EXISTED FOR UNTOLD TIME, AND HAVE GROWN DISASSITISFIED WITH OUR LACK OF STIMULAE. WE WOULD WISH TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING NEW, LIKE THE AMUSEMENTS YOUR KINGDOM OFFERS.”

“We can arrange for a portal to allow for you to-“

She settled herself into the lava pool. “WE WOULD NOT DEIGN TO LEAVE OUR THRONE, AND ABANDON OUR DOMAIN, JUST TO LIVE AMONGST MORTALS AND LESSER DEMONS. WE WILL REMAIN HERE. -YOU- WILL BRING TO US THESE TREASURES OF YOURS, ALL YOUR LIGHTS, SOUNDS AND TASTES, YOUR SHELTERS AND MARKETS, TO US.”

Miles finally took the effort to rise up from his supplicative position, knees protesting. Now was the time to start the real bargaining. Thankfully, this didn’t sound like it was going to be too much of an ordeal. It was clear that Anexha had made up her mind about cooperating with the UAC already, or she would have never even allowed them this far. Now they just needed to satisfy her demands and assure her she was the dominant party here. The UAC could work with that.

“Well, we can start making shipments to your domain, materials, media, tools for building infrastructure. Of course, to, ahem, get the full experience, it would require we send experts, cultural coordinators, administrators. It essentially would facilitate the need for building a full colony, and a direct portal for ease of trade.

“IT IS NO MATTER. MAKE YOUR PORTAL. SEND YOUR ARCHITECTS AND MERCHANTS. AS LONG AS OUR AUTHORITY IS RECOGNIZED.”  She said, dismissively. “YOUR GLEAMING METAL SHALL MAKE WELCOME COMPLIMENTS TO THE GLORY OF OUR TEMPLE.”

“Of course your gloriousness.” Said Miles. “If you would have no more of us, we can begin making our way back to our domain and begin the process of-“

“HOLD.” Said the maledict, suddenly lunging forward and nearly colliding her face with Miles’ body. He fell over in fright anyway.

“THIS BARGAIN SHALL NOT BE MADE WITH EMPTY WORDS.” She intoned, her skeletal face looking more leering and sinister than ever at the angle Miles was looking from.

“WE ARE STILL A LORD OF HELL. A CONTRACT SHALL BE MADE BEFORE YOU ARE GRANTED LEAVE, TO ENSURE ALL AGREEMENTS ARE KEPT. FURTHERMORE…” Her eye sockets burned brighter than ever. “WE ARE NOT DONE SPEAKING OUR DEMANDS.”

She stepped forward, looming almost directly over Miles. “WE KNOW OF MORE THAN JUST YOUR MATERIAL DISTRACTIONS. THE TRUE TEMPTATIONS THAT LEAD DEMONS TO YOUR CITIES AND MAKES THEM SWEAR TO THE KINGDOM OF MAN. WE DESIRE THE KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR CHANGING OF DEMONS’ FORM.” She glanced at the demons in his squad, lingering over the form of Big Lucy.

She then settled on one of the imps, female. “YOU. SHOW US WHAT OUR SCOUTS HAVE TOLD US OF. REVEAL YOUR FORM TO US.”

The imp looked to Miles nervously, and he just nodded at her furiously. She hesitated for a moment, then took off her helmet, revealing her multi-eyed face to the Maledict, and proceeded to quickly undo her armored suit. She stood in her standard issue UAC undergarments, her breasts perfectly framed by her bra.

 Miles tried as hard as possible to avert his gaze out of politeness. Of course, most demons were far less concerned with people seeing their bodies, and the Imp’s only discomfort was being without the physical protection of her armor, but still, Miles convinced himself he was avoiding looking directly at her supple, athletic form for reasons of social dignity.

The maledict chuckled, deep, loud, the reverberation shaking Miles’ bones. “YES. THIS. THE MAGICKS YOU WIELD THAT ALTER FLESH. THAT MAKE OUR KIND CREATURES OF MORTAL BEAUTY. GRANTING THEM NEW SENSATIONS AND DESIRES, MAKING US DEMONS OF A NEW SIN, ONE UNEXPLORED BY THESE REALMS. SINS OF THE FLESH.”

She continued. “AS WITH YOUR VESTMENTS, OUR DOMAIN HAS TRIED TO RECREATE THE SORCERIES THAT GRANT THESE CHANGES. BUT THEY HAVE ALMOST ALWAYS MET WITH FAILURE, AS WITHOUT THE COMPLEX GUIDANCE OF YOUR MORTAL ALCHEMIES, THE MAGIC WILL NOT TAKE HOLD. ONLY THOSE WITH EXTREME POWER CAN FORCE THE CHANGE.”

She leered at Miles. “EXTREME POWER SUCH AS OURS.”

And with that, she reared back and unfurled her wings, specks of lava sailing through the air as she disturbed the magma, and Miles was forced to gaze in shock and awe at the revealed form.

Adorning her frame were huge, perfectly formed breasts, which bounced and rippled from her movement. Beneath that, her draconic hips were far larger and…. fertile looking than illustrations of maledicts he had seen previously.

Her entire physical demeanor seemed to change now that she was proudly displaying her body. She actually moved with the giant demon-dragon equivalent of a sashay as she observed her crowd of onlookers, who were all becoming very animated.

Her voice was tinged with a deep throaty purr now. “YESSSS…. GAZE UPON US. WE HAVE TASTED THE PLEASURES THE KINGDOM OF MAN HOLDS IN ITS HANDS, AND WE REVEL IN IT. POWERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, TANTALIZING!”

She lowered herself down again, allowing Miles to get a good close look at her enormous boulders, and he could feel his cheeks starting to redden. Of course, he appreciated the forms of his demonic fellow citizens, who wouldn’t, but he never revealed to his roommates in university the pages of illicit imagery of non-human form. And something this… abnormal was having an affect on him.

Some of the demons in his squad were similarly enticed. The one who was hastily putting her armor back on had paused, entranced by the sight of her swaying flesh.

“WE FEEL IT. YOUR ‘APPRECIATION’ OF OUR BEAUTY. IT IS GLORIOUS, IS IT NOT? WE HAVE FELT REBORN SINCE WE TOOK THE CHANGE. BUT OUR PEOPLE LACK OUR STRENGTH TO FORCE THE MAGIC TO THEIR WIL, AND THEY PINE FOR THE BLESSING OF FLESH. IT PAINS US, AS NOT ONLY ARE OUR SUBJECTS DENIED IT, BUT WE ARE DENIED, SUITABLE PARTNERS.”

She paused, and Miles could feel her gaze boring into him. “THERE ARE NONE WHO ARE ENDOWED OR IN TOUCH WITH THE LUST AS WE ARE, SO WE MUST MAKE DO WITH BUT THE CRUDEST OF MINISTRATIONS. IT IS UNSATISFYING. WE WILL NOT REMAIN UNSATISFIED.”

Miles sputtered. “W-w-well we could probably send a team of specialists… set up a modification facility… For. Fo-for your people.”

“GOOOOOOOD…” Rumbled Anexha.”THEN OUR TERMS ARE SETTLED. NOW COMES THE MATTER OF FINALIZING OUR CONTRACT.”

Miles was afraid of that. True Demonic Contracts always involved a matter of blood. Or skin. Or Teeth.

She seemed to notice his hesitation and made a sly chuckle. “NO, LITTLE DEMON-SPEAKER. WE SHALL NOT HAVE THE OLD WAYS OF DOING THINGS. WE ARE USHERING IN NEW THINGS ARE WE NOT? YES. WE SHALL MAKE A NEW KIND OF CONTRACT. THIS TOO SHALL SATE OUR CURIOSITY.”

“A-b-bout what?”

“WE ARE CURIOUS TO KNOW WHY THE DEMONS WHO CROSS-OVER SO EAGERLY MINGLE WITH YOUR KIND. WHAT SPECIAL QUALITIES ENTICE THEM SO? REGARDLESS, WE ARE… IN NEED OF STIMULATION. SO, CONTRACT SIGNER, FULFILL YOUR END.”

“W-w-wait, Your vast infernality, I am… ah-honored but as you can see I wouldn’t be much for-“

“SILENCE YOUR TONGUE, MORTAL.” She said without aggression. “WE NEED NOT EXERT OURSELVES FRUITLESSLY. LIE THERE, MORTAL, AND EMBRACE THE PLEASURES -WE- BRING TO YOU.”

And with that, she lowered her face directly to Miles’ level and opened her mouth.

From within the skeletal maw, a pale, fleshy tongue emerged, and at the end of it was a bud of flesh, which grew closer and closer to Miles’s face. Suddenly, the fleshy bud peeled away, revealing a face.

It was female, no nose, no hair, but large, deep black eyes with red pupils, and a luscious pair of lips. It was pale and wet like the rest of her tongue, and it gazed at him with the deepest intensity he had ever seen.

The face inside Anexha’s face opened its mouth and spoke.

“Oh, needy mortal flesh~” Its voice was an amalgamation, at once the squeals of a woman in the hight of ecstasy, at once the dusky purr of a temptress, at once the commanding tone of a dominatrix with her boot upon your throat. “Release your passions into us. Let us feel the exultation of flesh. Reveal thy manhood to us~”

Miles hesitated for a second but remembered he was in an audience with a lord of hell, one making very specific demands, and if insulted could very well just clamp their giant jaws around his body and tear him in two.

Seeing no other choice, he unzipped his suit and lowered his boxers.

Immediately, Anexha's eyes lit up. “YESSSSSSSSS~” She cooed. “YESSSS WE FEEL IT. WE SMELL IT. THE CRAVING. THE FLESH, IT SINGS TO ME~”

The head lowered, taking in his not unimpressive manhood. It was childish, but UAC employee benefits included access to one free personal enhancement module.

“WE FEEL THE NEED IN US, WE CAN FEEL IT IN YOU. YOUR SKIN, YOUR NERVES, THEY SING A SILENT SONG OF ECSTASY AND WANT, AND WE SHALL JOIN THE CHORUS! GIVE US YOUR FLESH MORTAL, LET US SING! SING! SING!”

And with that, she was on him, engulfing his maleness into her warm, wet mouth. Immediately, he felt an electric thrill course through his body, like her very touch was setting his nerves on fire with pleasure. She hummed and moaned in delight, the gigantic body ahead of him squirming in pleasure, as though she could feel his own as well as any she gleamed from fellatio.

It lasted an eternity compressed into a brief moment until he came with much greater force than he was expected. She squealed around him as she enjoyed her first taste of cum. A few long lingering licks with her tongue’s tongue later, and she extracted herself, quickly drawing her smaller head back into her mouth, but not before he caught a glimpse of its eyes rolled back in ecstasy.

As the skull sealed back up, her normal unchanging imperious gaze fixated upon him once more. “…SATISFACTORY. THE CONTRACT IS MADE. PROVIDE YOUR END OF THE AGREED TERMS, AND WE SHALL PROVIDE OURS.”

She turned, walking back into the center of the magma pool. “YOU ARE FREE TO TAKE YOUR LEAVE. AS LONG AS YOU WALK WITHIN MY DOMAIN NO HARM SHALL COME TO YOU. BUT BEFORE YOU GO…”

She turned back to face Miles and his company, jaw open, second face winking. “YOU ARE WELCOME TO RETURN AND BASK IN MY GLORY ONCE AGAIN~”

+++++++

“I have concluded reading your report, designation Millweather.” Said Cogita, aka Mind 327-C, moving closer to Miles’s desk on her mechanical spider legs.  “This is deemed an excellent step of progress, increasing territorial security by a marked twenty percent. You are certain to receive a commendation for your services in securing the aid of such a high priority subject.”

Miles took another long drag of coffee from his mug. He’d only been back a scant six hours and he was feeling the exhaustion of his trek in a big way. “Well… Years of study paid off in spades, I’d say.”

“Yes. Your dedication to data acquisition despite your human brain’s limitations, no offense intended, is admirable. I postulate it would be a fruitful endeavor to speak about our methods of retaining information, optimally while stimulating our physiology with coffee.”

Miles paused mid sip. “Did you just ask me out on a date, Cogita?”

The apertures on the mechanical lens implants covering her large green eyes widened. “Negative. I merely proposed a productive conversation. Any correlation between that scenario and a mating slash courtship ritual would be without causation.”

If her protests weren’t already a strong indication (for someone who was used to conversing with High-Minded), the tell-tale blush across the smooth gray flesh of her face not hidden behind the collar of her lab coat would have doomed her.

“And there’s no other interest you have in me, scientifically?” That was the trick to dealing with High-Minds. Get them treating a topic like a scientific inquiry and its hard for them to hold back.

“W-Well. I am intrigued by the details of your report that state you appealed to the interest of a high-ranking maledict.” She stated, scooting a little closer, the floating digits that made up her manipulator-prosthetic fiddling with the writing implement stuck into the bun of her hair. “Which leads to theorizing on your appeal across a wider population of demonic suitors. Potential lines of inquiry include: Are the length and width of your genitalia the optimal ratio for enticing potential converts? What factor does semen production and flavor play? Should we propose a new uniform with ready access to the crotch reason for convenience? Should the success of your methods prompt a new form of training for Infernal Sector diplomats?”

“I think that might be a bit outside my particular field…” Said Miles, awkwardly smiling to try and move past this subject.

“That is not an obstacle. I and my fellow High-Mind research team members slash raid guild would be able to conduct a series of experiments after we the proposed conversation over coffee. I surmise they will be productive and informative. Additional Proposal. It would perhaps better facilitate research of the caffeinated beverages were ingested in combination with a full, protein rich meal. Is this proposal acceptable?”

Miles looked down into his empty coffee mug, contemplating the course his career was suddenly taking.

“Would Italian be ok?”