Obligatory Interrogation Sequence (Metal Gear inspired)

<a door opens, confident footsteps across a tile floor>

<cheery, professional tone> Good afternoon! Good to see you coming around! For a time we grew afraid that perhaps the guard who caught you had struck you too hard and put you out for good! That would have been very... unfortunate... for that soldier. And for us! And you, of course! A rather unceremonious end for a man of your stature, I'm sure you'll agree! After all, if you went and let yourself get killed like a silly Snake, I wouldn't have gotten to meet you. And that would have made me VERY. UN. HAPPY. But no need to focus on what isn't, when what is can be so much more compelling!

After all, here I am, alone with the infamous... Big... Boss!

<slapping>

Hmmmm, even the skin of your cheek is calloused and battle-hardened. You probably barely even felt that. But don't you worry, if there's a soft, vulnerable spot anywhere on your body I intend to take a <lustful purr> VERY thorough search for it!

<slapping again>

Look at that, you didn't even flinch! <devilish laugh> Oh, this WILL be fun! Now, I'm sure you know I have some questions for you... but I also assume you have some for me, yes? Then let's get the first date questions out of the way shall we? My name is Scowling Mink. I've served all over the world for dozens of different nations, ideologies, and benefactors, not unlike yourself. <stretching, cracking knuckles> My specialty... is intel gathering and... enhanced interrogation. I'm not here to ask you why you were skulking around our base, nor am I here to ask you where yours is located. You're here for what we're building, and... well... let's just say a few of the clouds in your "Outer Heaven" are leaking a few raindrops. We know where to find you, juuuuuust as easily as my knee finds your crotch... and rests there comfortably. Hehe, still not so much as a wince or a word. You're a lot more stoic than your reputation would have one believe. That's fine <smacking again> I haven't had a true challenge in quite some time.

Truth be told, we were already planning on a strike against your little ragtag bunch. In the conference room just down the hall you'll find maps, blueprints, and strike plans all about it. And yet here you are, dropping right into my lap! Saving the lives of dozens of hardworking Cipher operatives! A true soldier's soldier! Just like The Boss taught you, right? Oooooh, I hit a nerve there, didn't I? You don't like your old mentor being brought up? <laughter> How adorable! Well, what if I were to tell you <leaning down and whispering into his ear> I know what The Boss's cunt tasted like! <kissing roughly and aggressively> Yes, yes it's true! I spent a loooooong weekend in Marseille with the most reviled soldier in the history of American special forces riding my face like a drunk girl at her first college party! <horny laughing> And she tasted soooo gooood, I must say! Oh, look at the way your brow furrows. You can try and no-sell it all you want, I know I'm getting under your skin! Did you two ever perform any bedroom CQC? I must say it's something I've always wondered. Awwwwww, not gonna tell me? That's ok, I'll forgive you, Snake! <kissing, then slapping> We have bigger fish to fry!

What I'm after, what I need, what I require of you is actually pretty simple. A location. A set of coordinates on a map. That's it! Then you can go home and play with your Diamond Dogs or Wooden Wolves or Pearl Pooches or whatever you're calling yourselves this week. I need you to show me... where is it? Where is the Sahelanthropus? I know you got it back from those misbehaving children. I know it's not on your base or hidden along the sea floor. So... <deadly serious> where... is... it? That's Cipher property, even if it was constructed under supervision of that psychopath Skullface. It was on Cipher's dollar, on Cipher's time, with Cipher's resources. I know you have this whole thing about not wanting us to have nuclear-equipped weapons even though you've been amassing them for over a decade, but we're not here to discuss your hypocrisies or plot-holes. I'm here because you're withholding MY <slap> PROPERTY! <slap> Now WHERE <punch> IS <kick> IT? <knee> BEFORE I <slap> GET FUCKING <punch> MAAAAD????!!!

<heavy breathing, regaining composure> My apologies. Awfully unprofessional of me! I know you won't respond to threats of violence. I just get angry when people STEAL from me. For a lesser man, I could rip out your fingernails... electrocute your genitals... the kind of tactics your man Ocelot employs. But a higher grade of captive requires a higher grade of tactics. <disrobing slowly and sensually> Your body is accustomed to harsh treatment and brutal conditions, so let's try something of a softer touch, shall we?

<chuckling> I do believe I see you blushing! Oh my, if I knew it would be this easy I'd have taken my tits out as soon as I walked in! There are no continues, my friend! You don't even know how to function when you're not looking death in face! It's rather sad, really. Poor dear, but we'll make your square peg fit in this round hole, don't you worry... now let's get these fatigues off of you. <cutting off his shirt and trousers, a hint of excitement as you pass the knife just over his skin> Who knows, let your guard down enough and you may even enjoy this <kissing roughly> Now let's get Naked Snake ready for his deployment... <moans of anticipation>

I must say... it's a rather unassuming penis for such a man. It's not small, don't get me wrong. Just... unremarkable. Hmmmmm. No matter. I've done more with less. <stroking and licking> Come now, relax your muscles. You're in no danger. If I were hiding a weapon you'd be able to see it, wouldn't you? <chuckling> We'll have some fun, you'll tell me where Sahelanthropus is, I won't kill you, it'll be a good day for everybody! <licking and sucking> You're getting harder... your body betrays you... you are still a man after all... just stop fighting it... <moaning around oral noises> Gooooood... just like that... you're not going anywhere you may as well enjoy it... <deepthroating, catching breath> There's no need to prove you're virtuous here.

<interrogating in between slurps and licks> Don't you wanna tell me where... I can retrieve my property? Hmmmmm? I don't even have to kill your men! Just... call them off guard for oh... an hour... and it'll all be over with! What do you think... Big Boss? <amused giggling> I can feel you squirming, you know. You try and hold it in and not show vulnerability... but I can feel it... so why not let loose, hmmmm??? Let it all spill out for me! Any little tidbit you wanna share? <sucking deeply and hungrily> Mmmmmmmm you're strong... as expected... but I'll get what I'm after!

<climbing on top eagerly, beginning to ride> I should've known you'd require... UNNNGHHH!... a thorough procedure... Ooooooh fuck... you're loving this, I know... am I not the tightest cunt you've ever felt? I pride myself on it... fuck yes... I'm certainly tighter than The Boss was! <laughing and moaning> Ooooooh you didn't like that, did you? Did you? I hit a nerve? <aggressive kissing> I hit a nerve talking about how loose The Boss's pussy was? She probably fucked her way out of a LOT of hairy situations! UUUUUUUUNNNNNNNGHHH! Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah there's that fire in your eyes! If your hands were free I bet you'd throw me on the floor and really let me... let me have it... wouldn't you? Ooooooohhhhhhhahahahaha but you're mine! You're MIIIINE! So TALK!

<smacking, riding harder> TALK! WHERE... WHERE... WHERE THE FUCK IS MY METAL GEAR, YOU STOIC PIECE OF SHIT! <smacking, angry moaning> Sooooo goddamn help me I'll fuck you until there's not an ounce of moisture left in your body and you're begging for sleep! I've fucked men to death before and I'll do it again! <slapping, degrading amidst moans and growls of pleasure>

<growing pace and intensity, more fire in the words> TALK! SPILL YOUR GUTS BEFORE... BEFORE YOU SPILL YOUR BALLS OR SO HELP MEEEEEEEE I'LL... I'll... I'll cut out your other eye! Fuck fuck fuck fuck... Give it to me! Give it all to me you bastard! Give it to me! You can move your hips at least fucking give it to me! HARDER! FUCK ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT, YOU BASTARD! I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA CUM NOW GIVE IT TO ME! FUUUUUUUUCK! Press the action button! Faster! FASTER! HARDER! MOOOORE!

<build to a furious orgasm>

<breathing heavy, regaining composure> Well... well this first round may not have yielded any whereabouts... but I'll be back and the next round isn't gonna be a sprint... it'll be a marathon. Better save your strength, Snake.

<walking out of the room, calling on radio> Yes, it's me. Just finished the first session. No... no he has no idea that we're not really after that useless husk of Sahelanthropus. Yes, yes sir I'm heading for the MedBay now to extract the seed. Yes, yes now we'll be able to proceed with the next round of the Les Enfants Terribles project... Of course, I'll continue with regular extractions. No, no thank YOU, Mr. Director.