Thump

>Day 681 in Equestria
*thump*
>You are Anony-
*thump*
>Anonymous
*thump*
>And Celestia keeps sending you to the moon.
*thump* *thump* *thump*

>It started about two weeks ago.  Or was it a month?  Or maybe a year.  You seriously don't know.   A solar eclipse of some notability was scheduled to occur and Celestia decided to orchestrate the whole thing in p0nyville in honor of Twilight's one hundredth lesson on friendship.
>Which you thought was totally wacko.  Anyone who would write over a hundred times about the same subject either belonged in a loony bin or posted on the /mlp/ board.
>Not that you knew what that was or anything.
>So there you were, along with the rest of p0nyville standing outside watching the sun and you didn't even have on sunglasses or anything.  You kept trying to find an excuse to wonder off or go grab something to eat while everyone stared at the sky, but Twilight would have none of it.
"The Infinite Eclipse is a once in a lifetime event Anon, you have no idea how amazing this will be.  Now shut up."
>Why you let her boss you around is an issue still pending investigation.
>So you stood there and moped like a lamewad when Rainbow landed behind you.  She was wearing sunglasses.  She had a monopoly on the damn things, but never shared.
"Hey.  This blows, wanna get wasted?"
>She holds out a bottle of Vinyl Scotch
>Hmm...
"We get a head start here and then we can go to my house and watch a movie."
>You like movies.  And you like alcohol.  Your brain needed no further persuasion.  Goddamn, that Rainbow was a genius.

>chugalug chugalug choo choo motherfuckers.
>The sun began to set on the horizon.
>multi-track driftin'
>Celestia's shape was silhouted against the red sphere of the evening.
>livin' life in the fast-lane
>Luna swung the moon around
"Dude you're on your third bottle already, save some for me."
>off da railz

>And the sky turned into a Pink Floyd album cover.  The moon and the sun and a whole bunch of black magic mixed to together and it seemed the sky was filled with an infinite number of suns, each containing an infinite number of moons, each ringed with the gayest of rainbows you could imagine.
>The ponies oo'd and ahh'd.  Even Rainbow was speechless.  Twilight had tears in her eyes and was probably gonna clop to this when she got home because Twilight was obsessive like that.  Everything seemed pretty overblown, it wasn't that cool
>That's when you think , you THINK, shit started to go down.  You were pretty hammered by this point, it's hard to tell.

>"Hey everyp0ny, I got your solar eclipse right here."  At which point you bared your glorious dick to the crowd.   One by one they noticed.  Some were aroused, others were duly terrified.  Scootaloo started crying again, but once again no one  gave a shit because she's an orphan.
>Soon the crowd was in a panic because you thought that doing the meatspin was a good idea.
>"WITNESS HOW GRAVITY AFFECTS ITS ORBIT."
"Anonymous, for Celestia's sake, cut this out, the princess might see you!"
>Ah shove it Twilight.
>"What if the Princess orbits the sun?  What if the princess orbits my dick!?"
"Anon, what are you talking about?  I swear, I'm going to lock you in your house for a month.  I'd sick Pinkie after you if ElGuapo didn't kill her off already."
"Twilight what are you talking about, I'm right here silly!"
"Oh Tartarus, I'm getting continuities confused again."
>At this point you noticed Twilight had a half empty bottle of Applejack Daniels floating around her.
"I cannot believe you Anon, everytime something important happens you have to go and do something stupid like this.  You make it really hard to be your friends sometimes.
>You mumble some cusswords and belch loudly.
"You know what?  It's really hard to be your friend a lot of the time!"  She huffed loudly and stomped off.
>You didn't notice the eclipse beginning to end.  the sun and the moon began to seperate and the cosmic prism was fading away slowly.
>You did notice how your supply of fucks were draining away like flashlight batteries in Half Life 2.
>The Vinyl Scotch told you to turn off your fucks.  And you did.

>You called after that stuck-up, self-important mare.
>"Hey Twilight, can a lunar eclipse and a solar eclipse occur at the same time?"
"I...I'm not sure, I haven't seen o-"
>"Well you better call Carl Sagan up in this bitch 'cus one's coming up right now!"
>You turned around and shaved your ass up towards the sky, waving your moon to the moon.  Your american flag waved proudly on the southern hemisphere.  The wind felt cool on your asscheeks.
>You began to sing the national anthem.  Although which nation, you don't really remember.

>"OH CANADAAAA!"
"Anonymous."
>"OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAAAAAAAND!"
"Anonymous!"
>"TRUE PATRIOTS LOOOOOVE!"
"ANONYMOUS THE HUMAN!"
>"BY ALL OUR SONS COMMAAAAAAAAAAAAND aw fuck."
>There was Celestia and Luna.  You straightened up and stumbled over your pants hanging around your ankles.   So there you were, bare assed and drunk, singing about dirty canadians in front of the two most powerful entities who just finished making the sun and the moon do the fucking tango.
>They looked pretty pissed.  Twilight was standing in complete shock behind them.  You stood shakily to your feet and gave the most self-satisfied smile you could conjure.  You just come up with a great idea.
>"Hey Celestia...what if the earth orbits the sun?"
"I don't see how th-"
>"WHAT IF YOUR SISTER ORBITS MY DICK LOL!"
>Her eyes started glowing.
>"Get it, because your sis-"  and then you were flung into the air.

>There was no flash of light.  No instant teleportation.  She was sending you to the moon, but you were going the long way.
>At first you were terrified she was just flinging you into space, but you were apparently on an arc trajectory to the moon.
>First you could see the forests.  Then you saw the tops mountains.  You saw oceans.  The coastal edges of continents became obscured by the many layers of cloud as you ascended ever upward.  Eventually you could see the curve of the earth and the nightside of the planet.
>There was an all encompassing tingling sensation as you passed through the final layers of atmosphere and you witnessed the clear line between planet and space.  There were countless galaxies.  Nebulae.  Swirls of comets and the birthlights of stars millions of miles away.  Celestia's sun burned with untold glory and pride off on the far side of the world.  The majestic moon that was Luna's domain was creamy, white, pure, and growing ever closer.
>You never appreciated just how beautiful it all looked.  How gorgeous the world that you were exiled to really was.
>Not that you were appreciating it then because you  were chucking your guts out the whole way up.
>"FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
*thump*

>It hurt like a bitch.  You were moving at an unholy speed and you straight up fucking collided with a hard rock surface.  Your bones ached, your head was throbbing and you couldn't stop coffing up dust.
>You were on the moon.  The fucking goddamned moon!  You know that big white thing in the sky that you look at and go "damn that is one far-off ass moon."  YOU WERE ON THERE.
>She sent you to the fucking moon.
>You swore and jumped and threw up some more and eventually settled down.  You started to think things over.
>Okay, sure, you were acting like a bit of an ass.  You've been more drunk before, and you've done more embarassing things in your lifetime, but even those mishaps were nothing exile-worthy.
>Or maybe they were.  Maybe you were so fucking embarassing back on Earth that God had no choice but to banish you to the land of cartoon horses.
>You thought back to your old life and immediately stopped.  You still thought being torn from your homeworld was severe, no matter the reasons.
>You swore once you escaped from Equestria you would bring holy vengeance upon your old home and overthrow SOMETHING for this fucked up sense of punishment.  But in the meantime, here you were.  Banished.  Again.  You weren't thrown  in another dimension, thank God, once was enough, thank you.
>You were just kicked off planet.

>She didn't even have the nerve to give some self righteous speech about your fallibilities, no bananas, no nothing.  Just BAM! ZOOM!  TO THE MOON!
>You fucking hate princesses.
>You sighed and played with a rock for a few hours.
>You made a moon-sand castle.
>You slept.
>You thought.
>You sat back and watched the earth and the stars dance with each other.
>
>
>
>How the fuck did Luna do this for a thousand years?
>This was boring.

>Well, this was her domain, maybe she could hear you.
>"Hey...Luna?  It's me, Anon.  Um.  Yeah, I'm totally sorry about that whole you orbiting my dick thing.  I was pretty shit-faced and you know i'm not like that."
>For a moment you could swear an annoyed "harumph" echoed through the lunar valleys.
>"Anyhow. Yeah, real sorry.  I sincerely apologize and stuff.  Can you tell your sister that?  I don't want to be here for a thousand freaking years and it's not like I tried to ruin your kingdom or anything."
"No, Human, you simply ruined her favorite day."  And there she was.  Standing tall and proud, and pretty peeved at you.  Her mane blew on cosmic wind.
>"Wha?"  There she was, right behind you.  These alicorns had the worst habit of creeping up behind you in weird places.  You remember this one time when Cadence wa-
"The Infinite Eclipse happens only once every ten thousand years.  It is the only time my duties and those of my sister's intertwine so magnificently.  It take us milennia worth of coordination and precise timing to accomplish.  Those of our kingdom witness their rulers using the height of their powers to bring them a sight most ponies cannot even dream of seeing."
>"Um"
"It's one of the greatest gifts she can give to them.  To use our abilities and conjure the most awe inspiring sight in the world.  Celestia believes its like making a promise to always perform to her utmost best, and to always watch over them.  It's a promise she makes to them, and a promise she makes to me."
>"So...she takes the whole...rainbow thing seriously...huh?"
"Yes.  Very 'huh.'  As do I.  The effort of the Eclipse goes both ways."
>"I see."
"And you ruined it.  You levied your shame against the whole town and in front of her most prized pupil, depriving them with your....your depravity."  Tears began to form in her eyes.  "It's no wonder she sent you here.  Granted, now I have to listen to your grumblings, but I suppose that's just a reflexive response on my sister's part.  At least here the only thing you can disturb is dust and rock."
>Damn, you felt like an asshole right now.

>You sat down on the sand and considered things.  You were a selfish jerk, that much you were willing to admit.
>"What happens if I promise not to take my pants off in public ever again?"
"That would be a start, Human."  She crossed her hooves and looked at you haughtily.
>"I'm sorry Luna.  Tell Celestia that I'm sorry.  I didn't know.  At least I can't ruin the next Eclipse, right?"
>She gave a less severe 'harumph.'
"I will relay your words to my sister.  As to how soon will be at my discretion, I also wish to see you confined to solitude for the time being.  But know that your words do not fall on deaf ears."
>"Um...thanks."
>She was gone.

>You sat back down on the white sand.  Fuck it's cold up here.
>After three days or so you ran out of Journery songs to sing out loud and was pretty close to going froot-loops up there by yourself.  You couldn't really jerk off up there in case Luna was watching you, and the last thing you needed was for her to banish your ass somewhere even more desolate.
>You gave consideration towards eating a rock when you started to fall upwards again.
>You hate that you can say this, but it's much more terrifying falling from the moon than vice-versa.  Everything just gets bigger instead of smaller and your brain keeps telling you that the gravity of Equestria hurts a helluva lot more.
>The trajectory of your descent landed you right in front of celestia's throne.  She had the courtesy of not having you fall through the roof of Canterlot Castle, instead you were flung through an opened window.
*thump*
>"Ow...ow...ow ow ow."  Fuck gravity.  Your stomach was shouting at you, feeling completely miserable.  You began to dry heave.
>You opened your eyes.  A pile of cushions lay five feet from where you landed.

"Anonymous."
>"Hi.  Princess Celestia."  You groaned, painfully making your way to a kneeling position.  Hands clutched at your head.
"I hope you're time alone gave you ample opportunity for reflection.  I did not want to do this, but your behavior has been extremely disruptive.  Your actions could prove dangerous not only to your friends, but to yourself."
>"Yeah, def.  Def.  Listen, Princess, I know I acted like a complete heel during your lightshow of ultimate destiny thing.  First thing I do when I get back is getting rid of all the alcohol in my house."
>Actually, just give them to R.D. and visit her place on the weekends, but you didn't feel the need to mention that.
>You crawled towards the pillow pile.
>"Did Luna tell you I was sorry?  Because I am.  Really.  I am...ridiculously sorry you all had to see that and hear me sing."
"Your apologies warm my heart, Anonymous.  I thank you for your effort."  She smiled warmly, and her wings waved gently.
>You cradled a pillow against both your temples.  "Oh yeah, you know.  Anything for my friends.  Y'all only want what's best for me or whatever."  You make your way through the door.  Maybe you could get a letter of to Twilight to send you some bits for a train ticket back to p0nyville.
"However, I don't think you've quite learned your lesson."
>Wut.
>You face her, your expression a mix of confusion and horror.  She's sitting all regal like and sipping tea.
"Yes.  Perhaps you weren't up there long enough.  I do this for you, Anonymous."  Her eyes began to glow
>"So wait, seriously, you're not really gon-" and you immediately found yourself leaving same way you came in.
*thump*

>You had no idea what was going on.  You were very pissed off, however.
>Standing from the ground, you could see a deep Anonymous-shaped depression on the ground.  It was right next to the identically-shaped one you left three days ago.
>Oh you really fucking hate princesses now.
>Why would she do that?  What the fuck was her deal?  You said you were sorry and you really WERE gonna cut back on the booze.  Fuck, didn't they have drunk tanks or something down there?  You were so fucking shocked right now holy shit.
>"LUNA!"
>No answer.
>"LUUUUUNAAAAA!"
>Fuck.  Maybe she was asleep or something.
>You began to pace around your landing zone.  Why would she fucking send you back up here?  Okay, she was probably reading your mind and knew you were bluffing with the whole throw the beer away thing.
>That and you didn't really feel too sorry about messing up their dumb festival.  They should've just let you stay at your house if they wanted to keep it all solemn and crap. You didn't want to get involved.  It was their fault.

>But still...you didn't have to act like such a bitch about it.
>Shut up, brain.
>Your stomach growled.  You were hungry, but you haven't actually felt starving since you came here.  Must be some magic of Celestia's.  She didn't want to actually kill you, it seemed.  Small mercies, you suppose.
>So what DID she want?  To see you suffer?  There weren't any cameras up here or anything, it's not like she was recording this and broadcasting on the fucking NBC nightly news.  There was no possible way she could honestly expect you to learn some retarded lesson on friendship up here. 'Oh dear princess Whorelestia, today I figured out that pony royalty are a bunch of psycho stuck up jerkwads who don't know when to drop an issue.'
>Wait a sec.  Maybe a letter was a good idea.  She apparently thought they were the best thing since sliced bread considering how many Twilight threw her way.  You dig in your back pocket and pull out a sweaty piece of paper.  You still had a mostly intact pencil in your other pocket and you set to work.
>As you wrote it, citing the evils of abusing drink and public exposure, you began to feel pangs in the pit of your stomach.  It wasn't hunger it was...something else.  Sadness?  Regret?  All this isolation on the moon was starting to eat away at you.  It was way too fucking quiet here.
>All there was you and your brain, thinking things at you.  You hated that.  It kept trying to make you feel bad about stuff.
>And it was working.  It kept telling you that you that you were a selfish, lying asshole who didn't know how to appreciate the things giving to you.  There were good things in life, but you still enjoyed bitching out the small stuff.
>You wrote furiously on the paper, trying to ignore it.  However, you failed miserably, considering its poison seeped down your arms and on to the letter's words.
>You read over it.
>It read like it was written by a pussy from kitty-cat town, but you feel an odd sincerity in your gut that you haven't had for a long time.
>Whatever.  As long as it makes her happy and gets you off this rock.

>You spend some time considering how to get the letter to her castle before you get frustrated enough to wrap it around a rock and just chuck it towards the general direction of the planet.  You eyes follow it in amazement as it follows a set path and begins a decaying orbit towards what you think is Canterlot.
>Fucking magic.
>You wait.
>You sleep.
>You jerk off.  Fuck Luna.  Tell her to take it up with Celestia, she sent you here.
>And you fall from the moon.
*thump*

>This time you were only two feet away from the pillows.
"Your letter was very sweet, Anonymous."
>Her face is warm, almost glowing as the sun set, casting orange lights through the stain-glass windows.  You relax a bit.  Maybe this would work.
"I'm glad to know that Twilight is having a positive effect on you.  She speaks about you extensively in her letters.  Most of it is good," she giggles quietly.
>Really?  Twilight has good things to say about YOU?  Fuck.  You can't but wonder what she could write "extensively" about.
"She speaks often of your sadness."
>Oh.  Wait, huh?
"You tend to try to keep to yourself, Anon.  Can you tell me why?  You're obviously a very lively person, judging by your...escapades."
>"Well...I don't know, I just like my privacy, I suppose. I MEAN IN MODERATION, OF COURSE! HAHAHA!"  You were walking on goddamn eggshells.  You wanted to leave.  You wanted to go home.  You did not want to go back to the fucking moon.
"Oh, I understand.  We all need time for ourselves.  I'm very weary at the end of the day, dealing with the duties of raising the sun.  Soothing the troubles of my kingdom.  Sending you back until you come to the conclusion that you need."
>Aw hell.
"I'm sorry, Anon."  The look on her face is borderline heartbreak.
"YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDI-"
*thump*

>There are now three Anon-shaped indentations on the moon.
>Half of the air on the moon is used up by the stream of swear words you use.
>Oh that was it.  You didn't feel sorry for a single damn thing anymore.  You tried, by God, but she's such a...a...BITCH about this.  She can't do this.  This has to be a breach in civil fucking rights or something.  You were like a foreign dignitary for christmas' sake!
>You pick up all the rocks in the local field and throw them at the earth.  Most just go flying straight off into space.  A few you think might actually hit the planet, but none follow a curve that would send them anywhere important.  You tire yourself out after too long and collapse on the ground.
>You were thirsty.
>But the words the princess said linger in the back of your mind.  What she said about Twilight.  That she had good things to say about you.  Honestly, what part of you was 'good'?  It's not like you were a raging asshole or anything, but you couldn't think of an instance where her day was significantly improved by your presence.  In fact, you didn't think you made anyone else's day better back in p0nyville.
>Maybe it was best you stayed up here.  Maybe you should just bury yourself in a hole and sleep so you can't make anyone's day worse.  You'll just have to make a sign next to it. "Here lies Anonymous.  Don't disturb because he's a useless prick and nobody likes him."
>But still.  Celestia said Twilight had good things to say about you.  There was those few times you helped her out in the library.  And that one day you went with her into the Everfree to collect samples of some fungus or another.  But stuff like that was hardly worth remembering, much less writing about.
>You kinda wish Rainbow was here.  She'd know what to say.  She was a helluva motivator. Like the time when you and her helped Fluttershy get the gall to herd that fuckhuge swarm of bees to the p0nyville bee farm to collect enough honey for the season.  You got stung about fifty times, but it damn if that wasn't the best tasting honey ever.
>But stuff like that didn't count.  You still got drunk and showed off your junk to underage fillies.
>You fell asleep.
>You woke up by the sensation of being pulled upwards.
*thump*

"Anonymous"
>"Fuck, give me some warning next time.  I mean, hi.  Okay, Okay, listen.  I think I figured it out, okay?"
"I'm listening Anonymous, I certainly hope so."
>"Ohhohoho, yes.  Okay, I'm a useless asshole, but I need to be better to my friends, and not try to block myself off from the people who want to care about me and stuff, right?  Right?"
>She considered your words.
>"Please say I'm right," you were in near tears.  You don't wanna go back to the corner.
>"Please?"
"Close.  But not quite."
>"GOD FUCKING DAMMI-"
*thump*

>Four indentations.
>Whatever.  Fine.  Let her be like that.  You don't need to live on Equestria.  You can have fun up here all by yourself.  Hell, you'll claim the moon as your own.  If Luna has a problem with it she can fight you for it.  You weren't afraid to hit a girl.
>Okay maybe a bit, but still.
>You made a throne out of rocks and packed dirt.  It barely held beneath your weight, but it was yours, dammit.
>"Welcome to the first official meeting of the Anonymous Supreme Dictatorship of The Moon!  No alicorns allowed.  You must all address me as the one true Glorious Leader, a stupid faggot amongst faggots and pay me tribute in booze, beer, and bitches."
>You hear imaginary applause in your head.

>"To those who accept my leadership, I promise that I will never send you to another dimension, or to any extraterrestrial location.  You will never be taken mysteriously from you home away from your friends and family and into some crazy place where you can't even fuck the natives because you're too weirded out because they're another freaking species."
>You stand and stroll through the immense crowd that is within your minds eye.
>"Sleep easy, my subjects,  no worries about being cast around like an interplanetary fucking game of badmitton, I can't cast you anywhere for shit!  I don't have any fucking powers!  I'm just a normal old regular stupid human, at the mercy of bizarre and terrible forces he just can't fucking comprehend.   Only human in this entire universe in fact, don't worry.  Your king is a kind and forgiving one and you could probably kick his ass if you really wanted to."
>The crowd is loving this.  They cheer, they clap, they call your name and beg for your favor.
>It is good to be king.
>Days pass.  You are still king.  You think.  You black out every now and agai-
*thump*

>You stand ramrod straight.  YOU ARE A KING!  YOU HAVE AUTHORITY TO ASSERT!
>"Hail to the new king!  I am Supreme Dictator Anonymous of the Moon.  Swear your fealty to me, or face...my..."
"I see you were busy with something."
*thump*
>You start running.  You fucking run.  For days, or hours, you don't know.  If you run maybe her magic can't target you so
*thump*
>You roll on the ground, jump up and run for the nearest exit.  You make it past the doors, praise Jesus.  You push guards out of the way, servants.  You grab a plateful of fruit and choke it down, fuck it feels good to eat food.
>You hear the shouts of guards as they mobilize against you.  hahaha, can't catch me, fuckers, I'm the gingerbread man.
>You make it outside.  It looks like a garden.  Maybe you can lose them in a hedgemaze or something, so you dive towar-
*thump*
>You hit a big fucking rock on the moon.  You think you have a concussion and cry like a little bitch accordingly.
*thump*
>"How do you even do that, don't you have a fucking cooldown on that spell or anything?"
"Not really."
*thump*
>Oh you were mad.  You so mad.  You have words to share with he-
*thump*
"Listen you fatass feathery fuck-bitch, I want some answers dammit and you better have some harry potter grey knight shit packing 'cus I'm not leaving unti-"
*thump*

>That was stupid.  Fine.  Whatever.
>You were just going to sit there.  You weren't going to say anything.  You weren't gonna scream.  No cussing.  No kicking.  No nuffin at all ever again.
>Hours pass.
*thump*
>You look at her.
>She looks at you.
*thump*

>You laugh like a madman.  You take a rock and you sharpen it against a bigger rock.  And then you use your big sharp rock to make an even bigger sharper rock.  There was only one way to end this and that was with FIRE AND BLOOD HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*thump*
>"OURS IS THE FURY!"  You yell, you make a dive for her.  She's a pretty big target, so you're sure you can gut her.
>Celestia teleports away before you can bludgeon her to death with your weapon of glorious murder.
>Your chase her about the room.  Laughing with untold glee and rage.  Your arms burn from the repeated stabbing motions, but you can't stop, won't stop, even though she teleports away the instant before you can get her.
>"WE DO NOT SOW!"
>Is she smiling?
>"This would be a lot easier if YOU WOULD JUST STAY FUCKING STILL!"  You jump for her again, but you land on your rock.
>"Ow...ow..."  You get to your knees.  You only cut your stomach a bit.  Now you have a hole in your shirt.  Great.
>"Great."
"Anonymous, did you really think that would work?"
>"Not really."
>She shakes her head.
*thump*

>You checked your stomach.  Oh look, she healed it, how nice of her.
*thump*
*thump*
>There's no pattern to this.  Out of the blue she'll send you back.
>You fly through the air once again.  You fly through the window again.  But you slow as you approach her throne.   You bob upside down in front of her.  Her face inches away from yours.
"Hello."
>"Hi."
>You fall upwards again.
*thump*
>Again and again it happens.  Sometimes you say a few words, sometimes you don't.  Once she had you circle the moon for god knows how long.  Just around and around and AROUND AND AROUND!  THUMPITY THUMPITY THUMP THUMP THUMP!
*thump*
"I'm sorry, Anon, I didn't mean to call you that time."
*thump*
>You're pretty sure you're gonna have PTSD after this.
*thump*
*thump*
*thump*
*THUMP!*

>She keeps doing it.  You've lost count.  You're going insane.  The moon is riddled with Anon-shaped holes.  This isn't happening.  You should be dead.  There's not even air on the moo-
*thump*
>"OH GOD, STOP PLEASE, JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY!  I did something wrong, I KNOW this, but I fucked up so many times, I don't know what to apologize for anymore.  I mean, I know, but I don't know.  Help me, please.  Princess, your highness, your royalty, your beautiful grace, I'm sorry.  I'm so, so sorry.  My bones can't take any more."  You grab onto her foreleg and start to shiver.
>She strokes on your head.  You're afraid to look at her and you're body is shaking too hard to do anything but to clench your eyes and hold on for dear life.  You're saying prayers you haven't said since you were a child.  She kisses your forehead and whispers quietly:
"Not quite there yet, Anon."
>"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  It started slow at first.  A gentle tug towards the window.  The saddest wince escaped your throat as you felt the force pulling on you.  You looked up into her great eyes and you saw tears falling from them.  You tried to hold onto her, then onto the staircase of her throne, on her rug, then onto the frame of the window, but you just weren't strong enough.  It was like a great invisible bird was dragging you into the sky.  You were begging and pleading all the way up.  Why did she look so sad?  Why did she keep sending you away if it was making her sad?  Nothing made sense anymore.
*thump*
>You slammed your face into the dirt and screamed.
>There are no jimmies.  There are no fucks.  You're seriously out.  You're spent.  You've gone straight from mad to crazy to depressed to desperate to you don't even know anymore, and you didn't care.
>You want to go home.

>That was it.
>You start to cry.  That's all you want. To go back to your home town on the coast and not be on the moon anymore.  You want your old bed back.  You miss Sammi.  Fuck, she was cool.
"You bring this on yourself, Human."
>"Luna...please.  Don't."  You don't even look at her.
"She values honesty above all else.  She is the goddess of the sun.  Casting light where darkness once lie.  She seeks to dispel the fear of the unknown, and to spell truth unto the lies that ponies tell themselves to cope with their fears."
>"Why?"
"Because, she sees that there is something that you fear.  This causes you to become angry, to drown yourself in drink and abuse those who would trust and love you."
>She sits next to you.

>"Is that why she won't leave me alone?  I've already told her I won't hurt anyp0ny. I won't.  I promise.  I'll leave the kingdom, I'll go far away and never come back."
"We are not interested in your promises, Human, and you are as far from her kingdom as you could possibly be.  She wants to know why you would be so afraid and driven to self-destruction and isolation."  Luna lays a hoof across your chest.  "When she sent me here...I was not myself.  In my madness truth escaped me.  My thoughts were warped and perverted.  I was angry, furious.  But I was also afraid.  The small pocket of of my mind that was left to me realized this.  Even before my mind fell to darkness, there was something I greatly feared, I wanted to overcome it. The greater evil that possessed me would not hear of it.  So I was trapped here for a thousand years."
>"For a thousand years?  How did you not...lose yourself?
"For the longest time I thought I did.  I never stopped crying.  Ultimately it was through my own doing and it was too late for me to save myself, yet hope remained, for I knew my sister would never forget me."
>"So how were you saved?" She rubbed idly on your chest.
"I needed help.  My sister's greatest subjects gave me the beating of a lifetime and I was able to overcome the bonds of my own mind and found salvation.  In the end my soul was returned to me, whole, stronger and wiser."
>"I'm not strong Luna.   I never was.  And I'm not wise either."  Her hair looked really pretty, waving like a hole in reality.  You wondered if those were real stars in her mane.
"To be strong you must overcome your fears.  And to overcome what you fear, you must face the truth."  Her voice was calm, quiet.  "Know this -the truth hurts.  It HURTS.   It's more painful than anything you can possibly imagine and it can burn you down to the bone if you're not prepared to deal with it.  But your heart becomes like steel after it's been put to the flame."  She looks at you with her intense green eyes.  "I'm not asking you to become steel.  But you must walk through fire if you wish to save yourself, Human."
>And like sand in the wind she vanished.  Fucking dramatic alicorns.
>You thought about what you fe-
*thump*

>You didn't even stand this time. Or crawl.  You ignored the pain in you head and just stared at the ceiling.  It looked pretty, too.
>"You want to hear the truth, Celestia?  You want to know if I'm afraid and why I get angry, and drunk, and act retarded and stuff?"
"Yes, Anon."
>You breathed deep.
>"I am afraid.  I'm fucking terrified.  Every day before I open my eyes I get the most horrible sense of fucking dread in my heart that I'm going to wake up in a place I don't recognize."  You feel a little sick in your stomach.  "Do you know what it was like, the first day I was here?  I had no idea where I was, and no one to explain things to me.  I woke up laying on the dirt in the woods.  The air smelled weird, the animals were wrong, the plants were wrong, even the way the fucking sun rose and fell was wrong.  The people even freaked me out at first.  I was scared, I was so, so scared."
"Go on."

>"Some days...it's even worse.  Some days I think I wake up and expect to be in my room with my dirty comforters and old pillows and look at the dumb posters on my wall.  That my alarm didn't go off and I'll be late for work or class or something.  I wake up expecting I'll be back home, but then I open my eyes and I'm just here instead."
>The goddess of the sun stood from her throne and approached you.  You slowly sit yourself up.
>"So there.  Every morning I'm either having a fucking breakdown at being sent to alien world AGAIN or because I'm not at home.  I'm tired, Celestia.  I haven't slept well in two years.  I mean, I know I was never all that great back on Earth.  Yes, I did some bad shit.  Horrible shit. but...I was doing better."
>You fidgeted with your hands.
>"I had a decent part time job.  I mean, it's a lot better than what a lot of people had back then, and it made my parents think I wasn't a total waste of space, yeah?  I could afford my own gas.  There was some fucking pride.  And I was making decent grades at school.  Community college, sure, but I was taking real classes. -and actually doing good in them!  Another year and I'd be able to transfer to a University."
>She sat around you. and placed her head on the ground.

"And then there was Sammi..." You wiped at your eyes.  "She was my best friend."
>You had to take a moment to breathe.
>"She was...she was pretty cool.  We liked going to the movies.  Bitchin' about our classes.  Going to the beach late at night and BS about getting married if we ever bothered to finish school.   I mean...I hoped we could...you know.  One day maybe.
>"And sweet fuck, was she smart.  Pretty too.  Beautiful.  Most beautiful girl in the world.  I know rings are expensive, but I'd be able to afford a good one if I could get a job with my degree.  There was one I had in mind.  Almost as pretty as she was."
>
>
>
>"I still dream about her...some nights.  The nights when I wake up and think I'm still on Earth."
>She lifted her head and wrapped a wing around you.
>"And then one day I just woke up and it was all gone.  No job, no car, no school, no girl.  How fucked up is that?  I don't know why it happened.  I don't know if God kicked me out or if there was wormhole or something.   If it was on purpose, then whatever, at least I could blame someone...but if it was just an accident...why me?"
>Holy crap, why can't you stop talking?
>Shut up, brain.
>"If it happened once, it could happen again.  I  might have another accident, or I could mess up so badly here I get kicked out.  I don't want to get used to this place.  I don't want to like it, or make friends, or love anyone ever again, because there's this horrible voice at the back of my head telling me I'm just going to lose everything.  EVERYTHING. I don't want that to happen, Celestia.  It hurt too much.  It still does.
>"I don't want to be afraid anymore.  I want a good night's sleep again.  I just want to go home, but every time you raise the sun, I don't think that's ever going to happen."
>You sigh.
>"So yeah.  That's why I drink.  Act stupid.  Show my cock off to half of Equestria every chance I get.  I want you all to leave me alone, so I can...I dunno, minimize the distress or something."
>You are such a bitch.
>You need a drink.
>Celestia gives you a hug.

----
"Lolnope try again faggot lol u mad u jelly deal with it bitch nigga.
>Then Celestia magics a laptop in front of her
>Her wallpaper is tidus.
>She makes a post on her facebook.  She videotaped the whole thing and uploads it marked "Anon is a big dumb faglord lol"
>The ponies leave comments.
"Lol he so ghey"
"My dead gramma bitches less than him."
"Show us ur cawk ur hso hott anon."
>Your spaghetti flows freely from your anus
>She sends you to the moon again which you soon cover with assghetti and rename the moon Italy.
>Luna mad, she so mad.
>Lol fuck dat horse.

----


"I'm proud of you Anon.  That was hard for you, I know.  But you needed to let that out before you did something really stupid," she nuzzled at your cheek, mildly rustling you.
>"Why were you so interested anyway?"
"Because as an honored guest of Equestria, your health, mental and physical is a matter I take very seriously.  The only human in Equestria shouldn't be needlessly unhappy.  And you did ruin my Eclipse."  She smiled so fucking mischievously.
>"Um."  This line of thinking seemed shaky.
"If you need more time to think about it I can send you ba-"
>"NO!  No, no,  I'm fine.  Yes, thank you very much.  I needed to let this all out."
She laughs heartily.  "I'm sorry I had to send you to the moon all those times.  And that I'm so bad at setting up pillows.  I never was very good at figuring out the landing.  I hope you can forgive me, Anon."
>"I'm sorry I just couldn't figure out what you wanted sooner.  You could've given me a hint or something."
"This was something you needed to figure out for yourself.  The journey of self-discovery was your own.  Any outside help may have only set you back."
>You decide to keep your lip zipped about Luna.
>"Thank you, Celestia.  But please, never help me again.  Ever."
>She hugs you again.
"We'll see, Anon."

>And with that, you made your way to the train station.  Celestia offered to teleport you back, but you started screaming and hid inside a fireplace until she assured you she'd allow you to get to ponyville on your own terms.
>You sat on the train.  The sun began to set.   The moon looked rather nice...you know...when you weren't being slammed face first into the damn thing.  It would be a several hours before you would get to p0nyville and you dozed off despite yourself.
>It was the best sleep you had in a long time.