Cillian was actually surprised Lucian followed with Chad’s prank the night before instead of giving him a teeth-eating beatdown his descendants would feel for generations to come, but instead he kept the violence to zero and the comebacks to a maximum, and he did this long enough for the jock to change his plans and abandon them on the side of the road.

“followed through”

Late at night, dead phones and no passing cars on sight they walked their way back to a motel they saw a few kilometers from they were left off. Luckily Chad did not take their wallets and Cillian always brought an extra charger with him, so after they asked the receptionist girl for a room and one of the phones had enough battery charge they called for Hilda to pick them up in the morning.

“with dead phones”
“no passing cars in sight”
“motel that they saw”
“from where they were left off”

That morning was surprisingly kind to them: it was chilly enough to deserve coffee from the restaurant. Lucian got his Irish without being asked for his ID for a change, while Cillian ordered his without much fuss, his height being the best concealer of his age.

"How old is Lucian, if hes under 21
then he cant get a drink if the series
takes place in america"

they went back to their room to get everything ready. Their bodies still hurt with their legs giving both males an unpleasant time when they walked or stood up for too long, hurrying them into getting ready to leave.

"Also, replace "males" with something else,
it seems awkward, kind of like when an extremely
nerdy guy calls girls "females"."

"I would also change "unpleasant time" to "unpleasant feeling"
sounds better."

-- ‘’I’m paying this time,’’ said Lucian as deadpan as always, making sure his wallet was in his pocket.
1. -- ‘’How’s your head?’’ Cillian asked, his eyes trying to find a wound in the shorter man’s head, hidden by his black hair. ‘’Wonder if it was bad enough it made you less cheap.’’

"Restructure this to:
his eyes attempting to find the wound on the shorter man’s head, seemingly hidden by his black hair
Also change wonder if it was bad enough it made you less cheap to wonder if it was bad enough to make you less cheap."

Lucian ignored the younger man and walked away to the reception. Cillian observed him as he sipped from his coffee.

"Use receptionist instead of reception or use reception area"

‘’Man, he could try to loosen up and pull out that emo dildo out of his ass every once in a while,” said Cillian out loud, more to vent his frustration than to himself.

"This is good just replace “more” with “trying”"

A familiar voice replied to a question he never made. Cillian looked around to find the girl from the reception last night closing the door of the room next to theirs, a sardonic smile curling her lips.

"Abridge “girl from reception” to “receptionist” if she was the receptionist"


-- “Like to be in control, huh?’’ The girl could not contain it and laugh escaped from her throat. “Sorry, I’m not supposed to talk to clients like this. That’s why my dad keeps me in the reception.”

“and a laugh escaped”

Cillian and the girl chatted for a couple of minutes when Lucian’s figure appeared a few meters away from them. When Lucian approached him Cillian sported a smile like the one the girl had when he left. Looking at the taller male the dark-haired male’s deadpan expression turned into a frown.

"Stop using “male” as a description. Its awkward and youre overusing it. I'm not going to cut the story any time I see it, just reread the story and redo some of the descriptive words to minimize the use of male"

Lucian stopped, avoiding Cillian’s gaze on him. An awkward silence sets between then. Lucian finally dares to look at Cillian’s face from the corner of his eyes, getting the glimpse of a sly smile.

"“sets” to “set” and “dares” to “dared”"

‘’If it makes you feel better, and I hope it does, you know I won’t tell Hilda about Elise because she’ll assume I was on it all along and we’ll both end up with our skulls crushed. Also--’’ He made a pause, the silence prompting Lucian to stare at the younger male. ‘’—the only good thing about my sister is the package and you know it.

"“I was on it” to “I was in on it”"

She’s not a lady; you can’t make a housewife, or hell, just a girlfriend out of--- her.’’

"“She's not a lady you can make a housewife, or hell, even a girlfriend out of” sounds better"

They both stared at each other for a few seconds, then looked at the gray snake skin of the road, waiting for Hilda’s Chevrolet Impala to materialize in its horizon.

"“then looked at the winding snake-like road” sounds less awkward."