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NitrogenFixation

ahh yes psych wards

NitrogenFixation
May 9th, 2014
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  1. [10:38:02 PM] PUN ROCKER: http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/234/3/9/devil_may_cry___vergil__s_gambit_by_chaoyuanxu-d5c3mqr.jpg this is such a cool piece
  2. [10:38:07 PM] PUN ROCKER: just
  3. [10:38:19 PM] PUN ROCKER: /Man/ I would buy that game/book/movie
  4. [10:38:57 PM] IBLiS: a.k.a what the fuck was vergil doing when we weren't looking
  5. [10:39:17 PM] PUN ROCKER: /Beheading/ /Mundus/, apparently
  6. [10:39:34 PM] IBLiS: reminds me of the au i toyed with once
  7. [10:39:46 PM] IBLiS: where everything was flipped and /vergil/ was the one who got the help he needed
  8. [10:39:52 PM] IBLiS: and da--
  9. [10:39:53 PM] IBLiS: /tony/
  10. [10:39:58 PM] PUN ROCKER: no
  11. [10:40:00 PM] PUN ROCKER: stop right there
  12. [10:40:00 PM] IBLiS: was left to rot in anarchy
  13. [10:40:07 PM] IBLiS: just imagine dmc 3 now
  14. [10:40:40 PM] PUN ROCKER: He probably would've /died/ or otherwise just been
  15. [10:41:30 PM] PUN ROCKER: Totally, utterly trapped in misery and meth addiction and /awful/
  16. [10:42:02 PM] IBLiS: the worst death you can possibly imagine
  17. [10:42:14 PM] IBLiS: where you're all alone and can't even remember you're own name
  18. [10:42:18 PM] IBLiS: i hope you're happy, dante
  19. [10:42:22 PM] IBLiS: you're finally nothing
  20. [10:42:23 PM] IBLiS: nothing at all
  21. [10:42:27 PM] PUN ROCKER: that's a really nasty AU
  22. [10:42:33 PM] PUN ROCKER: I am not ok with this
  23. [10:42:46 PM] IBLiS: but at least vergil is
  24. [10:42:50 PM] IBLiS: bettttter?
  25. [10:43:03 PM] PUN ROCKER: I'm trying to figure out what he'd even do
  26. [10:43:09 PM] PUN ROCKER: I can't imagine him /being/ better
  27. [10:43:11 PM] PUN ROCKER: ("better")
  28. [10:43:34 PM] PUN ROCKER: At least, not while knowing his brother's out there potentially dead in a gutter.
  29. [10:43:47 PM] PUN ROCKER: You get by, you go through daily life, but that kind of thing eats at you.
  30. [10:44:08 PM] IBLiS: now you know how /dante/ felt
  31. [10:44:34 PM] PUN ROCKER: Vergil probably felt like that when he wasn't busy being unspeakably bitter
  32. [10:44:58 PM] IBLiS: it is hard imagining him ever being better
  33. [10:45:01 PM] IBLiS: if only because he's /so/ bitter
  34. [10:45:06 PM] IBLiS: he'd try to break out every chance he'd get
  35. [10:45:16 PM] PUN ROCKER: He's not like Dante.
  36. [10:45:18 PM] IBLiS: i remember we talked about this in a 'what if they got dragged to the same rehab'
  37. [10:45:28 PM] PUN ROCKER: He doesn't /want/ help the way Dante does.
  38. [10:45:35 PM] PUN ROCKER: I still ponder that AU occasionally
  39. [10:45:41 PM] IBLiS: and it was the /only/ reason why he stayed
  40. [10:45:41 PM] IBLiS: well
  41. [10:45:43 PM] IBLiS: 'want'
  42. [10:46:02 PM] IBLiS: it took him some time to want anything at all
  43. [10:46:35 PM] PUN ROCKER: Eh, he wanted it more than Vergil ever would. He'd /accept/ it because anything's better than what he's got.
  44. [10:46:51 PM] PUN ROCKER: And Vergil would probably not admit that because he's too much of a stubborn idiot.
  45. [10:47:02 PM] PUN ROCKER: It'd be some miracle they pulled if he got off the hook and not institutionalized.
  46. [10:47:12 PM] PUN ROCKER: He is /not/ just some poor kid with /nothing/ left.
  47. [10:47:19 PM] PUN ROCKER: (well, he is)
  48. [10:47:26 PM] PUN ROCKER: (but he certainly doesn't act like it)
  49. [10:47:28 PM] IBLiS: (but good luck trying to get him to admit that)
  50. [10:47:40 PM] PUN ROCKER: (he mostly just acts like a sociopath)
  51. [10:49:02 PM] IBLiS: (verge please don't be a giant moron and drag you and your brother out of this)
  52. [10:49:09 PM] IBLiS: (this is the best possible deal you could get you)
  53. [10:49:14 PM] IBLiS: (you /wibbler/)
  54. [10:49:34 PM] PUN ROCKER: (I was actually talking about the other one where Dante /doesn't/ get help but that too)
  55. [10:49:54 PM] IBLiS: i always wondered
  56. [10:49:55 PM] PUN ROCKER: (more or less the same thing, except he's even more resistant without Dante there)
  57. [10:50:01 PM] IBLiS: clearly he doesn't think he needs this
  58. [10:50:04 PM] IBLiS: but does he think /dante/ does
  59. [10:50:10 PM] PUN ROCKER: Uh
  60. [10:50:14 PM] PUN ROCKER: Well, /when/?
  61. [10:50:36 PM] IBLiS: i'm more talking about the "STUCK IN THE SAME REHAB WACKY HIJINKS" au
  62. [10:50:42 PM] PUN ROCKER: At any point where he's reasonably emotionally stable, he'd say yes, but in DMC3 I think he was honestly not even thinking about it -- uhhhhhhhhh
  63. [10:50:59 PM] PUN ROCKER: Good question.
  64. [10:51:40 PM] PUN ROCKER: I don't think he would acknowledge one way or the other, at that point.
  65. [10:51:56 PM] IBLiS: he really is /that/ stubborn
  66. [10:52:08 PM] PUN ROCKER: Well, admitting it aloud is just too much at this point.
  67. [10:52:23 PM] PUN ROCKER: It'd be admitting much more than that.
  68. [10:52:32 PM] PUN ROCKER: And dredging up much more than that, too.
  69. [10:52:34 PM] IBLiS: (that he's broken ),8 )
  70. [10:52:39 PM] IBLiS: ((and it's his fault))
  71. [10:52:41 PM] PUN ROCKER: The status quo is the devil he knows.
  72. [10:52:44 PM] IBLiS: (((all his fault)))
  73. [10:53:45 PM] PUN ROCKER: So I don't think he'd admit it aloud, but he could /not/ fully deny that Dante needs help.
  74. [10:53:52 PM] PUN ROCKER: (or that he cannot provide it)
  75. [10:53:58 PM] IBLiS: that's ok dante's just fine not acknowleding you at all
  76. [10:53:58 PM] PUN ROCKER: ((not to ever suggest that he would or --))
  77. [10:54:07 PM] IBLiS: he's already got enough to deal with
  78. [10:54:09 PM] PUN ROCKER: (((that's another can of worms he'd open by acknowledging any of this aloud)))
  79. [10:54:30 PM] PUN ROCKER: (((there's no way for him to get away from it without taking some emotional blows)))
  80. [10:54:35 PM] PUN ROCKER: (((and he is terrified of that)))
  81. [10:54:40 PM] IBLiS: can barely remember shit
  82. [10:54:48 PM] IBLiS: doesn't know where the fuck yOU'VE BEEN
  83. [10:54:59 PM] IBLiS: THESE PAST
  84. [10:55:06 PM] IBLiS: /SIX/ /MONTHS/
  85. [10:55:08 PM] IBLiS: but
  86. [10:55:11 PM] IBLiS: but you know what
  87. [10:55:12 PM] IBLiS: he is just
  88. [10:55:12 PM] IBLiS: so
  89. [10:55:13 PM] IBLiS: so tired
  90. [10:55:16 PM] PUN ROCKER: (can't even seem to decide if he does or doesn't really exist)
  91. [10:55:31 PM] IBLiS: (it)
  92. [10:55:33 PM] IBLiS: (it can't be real)
  93. [10:55:46 PM] IBLiS: (jesus christ he's going nuts)
  94. [10:55:53 PM] IBLiS: (he's totally lost his fucking marbles)
  95. [10:55:57 PM] IBLiS: (took him long enough)
  96. [10:57:20 PM] PUN ROCKER: You know
  97. [10:57:27 PM] PUN ROCKER: Vergil probably hardly even says a word, at that point
  98. [10:57:32 PM] IBLiS: i can't decide whether it be better or worse to have vergil there
  99. [10:57:33 PM] PUN ROCKER: Because /anything/ would have to give something away
  100. [10:57:39 PM] IBLiS: (oh, /great/)
  101. [10:57:48 PM] IBLiS: (now he's even more like a hallucination)
  102. [10:57:52 PM] PUN ROCKER: It'd probably be better if he actually cooperated.
  103. [10:57:56 PM] PUN ROCKER: (good work, Verge)
  104. [10:58:00 PM] PUN ROCKER: (/A+/ brothering)
  105. [10:58:17 PM] IBLiS: on one hand he missed the hell out of him and felt empty without him
  106. [10:58:25 PM] IBLiS: scared and lost and sad as all hell
  107. [10:58:43 PM] PUN ROCKER: On the other he would never admit that for a /myriad/ of reasons
  108. [10:58:44 PM] IBLiS: most of all because he couldn't remembered what /happened/
  109. [10:58:49 PM] IBLiS: he was here and
  110. [10:58:49 PM] PUN ROCKER: (oh wait you mean Dante)
  111. [10:58:51 PM] PUN ROCKER: (carry on)
  112. [10:58:57 PM] PUN ROCKER: ((8y))
  113. [10:58:58 PM] IBLiS: a-and now he's gone
  114. [10:59:12 PM] IBLiS: (oh, /you/)
  115. [10:59:15 PM] IBLiS: just
  116. [10:59:16 PM] IBLiS: gone
  117. [10:59:27 PM] IBLiS: but on the other hand he was here and now he's GONE but oh he's fucking here again
  118. [10:59:28 PM] IBLiS: GREAT
  119. [10:59:46 PM] IBLiS: and it just
  120. [10:59:48 PM] IBLiS: triggers a lot of memories
  121. [10:59:51 PM] IBLiS: good and bad
  122. [10:59:58 PM] IBLiS: but bad sticks with him the most
  123. [11:00:31 PM] IBLiS: and him just /being/ here-- b-but-- he was gONE
  124. [11:00:32 PM] IBLiS: he can't
  125. [11:00:36 PM] IBLiS: can't just be /back/
  126. [11:00:41 PM] PUN ROCKER: (Verge seriously)
  127. [11:00:44 PM] PUN ROCKER: (if you just)
  128. [11:00:48 PM] PUN ROCKER: (gave just a /little/)
  129. [11:05:26 PM] IBLiS: (come on just)
  130. [11:05:29 PM] IBLiS: (just give him a hug)
  131. [11:05:51 PM] PUN ROCKER: (he won't bite you)
  132. [11:05:54 PM] PUN ROCKER: (he's)
  133. [11:06:01 PM] PUN ROCKER: (way too worn out for that)
  134. [11:08:10 PM] IBLiS: (don't even act like you're not terrified out of your fucking wits when he looks out that reinforced barred window and say he could probably break through this if he could)
  135. [11:08:26 PM] IBLiS: (and how he's so tired of everything being so fucking hard)
  136. [11:08:29 PM] IBLiS: (every single minute)
  137. [11:08:31 PM] IBLiS: (of every single day)
  138. [11:09:35 PM] IBLiS: (and how he's /so/ /tired/ of everything hurting)
  139. [11:09:37 PM] IBLiS: (and no one cares)
  140. [11:09:40 PM] IBLiS: (no one ever sees him)
  141. [11:09:43 PM] IBLiS: (why should they)
  142. [11:09:46 PM] IBLiS: (he ain't nothing)
  143. [11:09:52 PM] IBLiS: (nobody's gonna miss him)
  144. [11:11:31 PM] PUN ROCKER: ((no seriously just hug your brother already))
  145. [11:13:40 PM] IBLiS: (who's gonna miss some whack job)
  146. [11:13:46 PM] IBLiS: (who won't amount to shit)
  147. [11:13:54 PM] IBLiS: (this is it)
  148. [11:14:05 PM] IBLiS: (this is all he's ever gonna be)
  149. [11:14:11 PM] IBLiS: (right fucking here)
  150. [11:14:17 PM] IBLiS: (and he)
  151. [11:14:27 PM] IBLiS: (he just--)
  152. [11:14:29 PM] IBLiS: (/he/'/s/--)
  153. [11:15:43 PM] IBLiS: ((he just wants it to fucking /stop/ already--))
  154. [11:22:56 PM] PUN ROCKER: [should I prepare to be in brackets for the next year and a half]
  155. [11:24:03 PM] IBLiS: (that is up to you, friend)
  156. [11:24:06 PM] IBLiS: (/up/ /to/ /you/)
  157. [11:24:17 PM] PUN ROCKER: [I am /trying/ to figure out an adequate response]
  158. [11:25:06 PM] PUN ROCKER: [pretty sure you had far too much fun writing Dante being that messed up, though]
  159. [11:25:09 PM] PUN ROCKER: [just saying]
  160. [11:30:54 PM] IBLiS: (i am the worst)
  161. [11:31:01 PM] IBLiS: ((even though even i got a little teary eyed))
  162. [11:31:07 PM] IBLiS: (((and by a little i mean a /lot/)))
  163. [11:31:23 PM] PUN ROCKER: [((adorable))]
  164. [11:31:52 PM] IBLiS: (((my heart goes out to broken ass kids ok)))
  165. [11:31:55 PM] IBLiS: (((you kNOW this)))
  166. [11:32:13 PM] PUN ROCKER: [((my inner Sparda wants to give him a big hug))]
  167. [11:32:23 PM] PUN ROCKER: [((and a lot of affection and love besides that))]
  168. [11:32:51 PM] PUN ROCKER: [also there's no good response to this that wouldn't feel wrong besides this single two-line response that would lead to nowhere]
  169. [11:33:19 PM] IBLiS: (vergil continues to do nothing)
  170. [11:33:22 PM] IBLiS: (way to go, verge)
  171. [11:33:51 PM] PUN ROCKER: [Vergil literally just tells him "go the fuck to sleep"]
  172. [11:33:56 PM] PUN ROCKER: [what a good brother]
  173. [11:34:13 PM] PUN ROCKER: [(yes that's literally the only thing I can think of that he'd actually do right now)]
  174. [11:34:35 PM] PUN ROCKER: [(it is the most neutral response possible)]
  175. [11:35:21 PM] IBLiS: ((verge you have gotten /really/ rusty at this))
  176. [11:35:44 PM] IBLiS: ((here he is slouched over the floor like a sobbing wreck and all you have to say is))
  177. [11:35:45 PM] IBLiS: ((GO TO SLEEP))
  178. [11:36:06 PM] PUN ROCKER: [(would he prefer being tucked in)]
  179. [11:50:23 PM] IBLiS: ((/sniff/))
  180. [11:50:27 PM] IBLiS: ((d-don't touch him))
  181. [11:50:30 PM] IBLiS: ((you're not even real))
  182. [11:52:32 PM] IBLiS: ((y-y--))
  183. [8:15:47 AM] * PUN ROCKER The silence was almost suffocating. 'You're not a whack job,' he could've said. You're not insane. You could do so much. You.../he/ would miss--
  184.  
  185. But he said nothing, throat burning. How could he? He'd -- this was /his/ fau-- Dante didn't des-- wouldn't forgi--
  186.  
  187. He reached out for his brother's shoulder on an impulse and stopped short, hovering there uncertainly. "You..." What? /You/ what? He resisted the urge to retreat. Show no fear. Show nothing. Too many questions can be asked of anything else. "...aren't," he choked out in a murmur, though the words came out smooth as honey. They stuck in his throat even so, a hard, painful lump.
  188.  
  189. He had started, but he -- he couldn't. It was too much, it was too --
  190.  
  191. "Get up," he bit out instead, desperate to crush the thrumming pulse of his heart. His hand latched onto the shoulder, vicelike --
  192.  
  193. /Control/ /yourself/. 'Be gentle, Vergi--'
  194.  
  195. The hand jerked back as if it had been burned.
  196.  
  197. [8:27:49 PM] IBLiS: God, he was so sick of this.
  198.  
  199. Look at him. What a waste of space. Lying on the floor like that would do him any good. Like he'd ever stop hurting like this. Too much of a wimp to jump out the window, huh? That's you, alright. All talk, no game. Can't even pull the plug to your own shitty life.
  200.  
  201. Yeah, you fucking lie there. Just lie there and /die/.
  202.  
  203. Worthless piece of shit.
  204.  
  205. He would've stayed like this, forever, were it not for something suddenly /squeezing/ him tight. Like an animal. Like a /monster/. He reeled back from the touch, stumbling backwards into bed frame with a hiss. Shit shit /shit/-- they-- they /found/ him nononono--
  206.  
  207. ...Oh, it was just. /Him/. Always standing there like some shadow. Taunting him. /Mocking/ /him/. And now, he talked. Fuckin' fantastic. An empty ghost with empty words. Just what the doctor ordered.
  208.  
  209. "Oh, so-- so /now/ y'got somethin' t'say, huh?" he managed to choke out in between little gasps, wildly staring into those eyes, those damn /empty/ /eyes/, waiting for... /something/. Anything. /Anything at all/.
  210. [8:28:13 PM] * IBLiS Nothing. Not a damn thing. Not even a blink.
  211. [8:28:27 PM] IBLiS: God, just /looking/ at him hurt. He hated it when he just stood there and stared like that. Why? Why did he have to be /here/? Of all places? He curled up by the bedside, arms over his knees, probably looking /pathetic/ like always. No matter what he did, no matter how much begged, pleaded, /cried/... they wouldn't get rid of him.
  212.  
  213. So there he stood. Just-- just /staring/-- always staring-- god-- would you sTOP-- STOP LOOKING AT HIM-- /STOP/ /IT/--
  214.  
  215. "Well, is that it? Is that all y'got? Huh? /Huh/?" he snarled, furious, daring him to /do/ /something/ for once. Don't just fucking /stand/ /there/-- he hates it when you just-- you /just/-- can't you /see/--
  216.  
  217. ...He stopped, frozen, then somehow willed himself to look away, pulling his head into his hands with the quietest of sobs. What's the use? Why did he even bother? This was-- this was just /stupid/ Stupid, stupid, /stupid/. He couldn't see. He'd never see. Don't you /get/ it?
  218.  
  219. This-- this /thing/, whatever it was, wasn't his brother. Not anymore.
  220.  
  221. Maybe never at all.
  222. [2:04:55 PM] * Nitro The reaction was tense and violent, a terrified animal recoiling with ferocity and panic. There was a flash of teeth and he clenched the hand that still burned with the touch, ready to lash out against the biting and clawing he could all but feel already --
  223.  
  224. A beat of utter silence, two, three. He realized absently that neither of them was breathing, and let out a slow, long breath, watching his mirror image's wild-eyed snarl reduce to panting. His jaw clenched, silent and still at the choking, furious accusations spat in his face. He cast a disinterested gaze over the thin wrinkles in the white sheets of the bed to his left, silent and unmoved. As if he'd never said anything at all.
  225.  
  226. He glanced back. A steel blue wall, unwaveringly cold against a thrashing blue sea of emotion. He watched the expression change -- lips twisting, eyes digging, caught between a snarl and a whimper...and then simply collapsing. Curling in on himself in a little tangle of limbs and white and helplessness. And the steel wall stood in disinterested silence.
  227.  
  228. There was more spitting, more snarling, a growl creeping into the voice. He was not wanted here. He had never been welcome here, he remembered now; why had he made any attempt at all to speak? It would only fuel this loathing and crying. In the silence, at least they could pretend there was no crushing weight in the room.
  229.  
  230. The battered shadow of a boy was sobbing, choking and furious and unwilling to bother moving. Like it was simply too much to lift himself off the ground. It was too much to /look/ /at/ /him/.
  231.  
  232. Something burned in his throat. Without a word, he sank onto the bed, watching the weeping figure by his knees without expression. A hand wrapped over his throat, rubbed uncomfortably, and rested there.
  233.  
  234. "...what are you /crying/ for?" It was a mutter, on a whim. The burning crawled down into his chest, and suddenly the floor was the least interesting thing in the world, worthy of being told this by his passive gaze.
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