arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

AG: Hi John.
EB: oh, hey there, vriska.
EB: can this wait? i was about to check out this castle and see if my dad is here.
AG: Your guardians are not here!
EB: oh...
EB: dang it!
EB: do you know where they are?
AG: Yes, they are in another castle. Don't worry, you'll find them later.
EB: argh, how much later??
AG: In a while! Man, settle down.
AG: I am telling you that you will find them after a little more questing around in your awesome 8lue godhood. So why don't you relax and talk to me for a while?
EB: well...
EB: ok, i guess so.
AG: Why don't you have your hood up, 8y the way?
EB: shrug.
AG: You look gr8 with the hood up. And anyway, we should 8e showing a little pride as the only ones to make god tier, don't you think?
EB: pshhh.
EB: i don't know if it is much of a major accomplishment, honestly.
AG: John, are you mad at me?
EB: um... no?
AG: Then what's the matter?
EB: i guess i just miss my dad. i was hoping he would be here, but apparently i won't see him for another few hours or whatever?
EB: if that is what you see in the future, then i guess there's no fighting it. bluh.
AG: I still find it a little hard to understand the sentimentality you attach to these adult humans.
AG: It just seems so strange to me. 8ut hey, that's alien culture for you.
EB: yeah, i know.
EB: i guess you just have to think of them the way you think of your lusus..ses? lusi?
AG: Yeah, sort of.
AG: Except I never liked mine that much. ::::\
AG: Even after I prototyped her, things were pretty chilly 8etween us! I spent most of my adventure avoiding her. Haha.
EB: that...
EB: is too bad.
AG: John.
AG: Are you suuuuuuuure you're not mad at me?
EB: no!!!
EB: why would i be mad at you, vriska?
AG: 8ecause I tricked you into getting killed!!!!!!!!
EB: oh. right.
EB: i... actually almost forgot about that!
AG: Would it help if I said I was sorry?
EB: why would you need to apologize though?
EB: i mean, i admit i was pretty confused about it at first, seeing my dead body in the cloud and all...
EB: but in the end, you did it to help me, didn't you?
EB: really, i should probably be thanking you!
EB: uh...
EB: are you there?
AG: Yes, I am here.
AG: Sorry, I wasn't sure what to say for a moment.
AG: I am just so incredi8ly relieved you are not angry with me.
EB: heh. i really don't know what reason i would have to be angry!
EB: i mean, aside from the deception involved, but i kinda understand why you did that.
EB: and in any case, you did give me a choice.
AG: Yes, I did.
AG: I don't know, John. You'd 8e surprised how often people resent it when you try to help them!
AG: 8ut see, you really get it. That's why you're special.
EB: shruuuuuuuug!
AG: <33333333
EB: so...
EB: is that what you wanted to talk to me about?
AG: Yes.
AG: Well.
AG: Not exactly.

-

EB: then what is it?
AG: I know how this is pro8a8ly going to sound, especially to a human.
AG: 8ut I just killed someone.
EB: you did?
EB: who was it? you mean like, a bad guy?
AG: Not exactly.
EB: oh yeah, karkat mentioned that he was in trouble, and then had to go.
EB: it made me a little worried! are you guys under attack or something?
AG: I'm not sure what his deal is. I haven't seen him in a while.
AG: 8ut we are not under attack.
AG: Not yet, at least.
EB: oh.
EB: well, then...
EB: who did you kill?
AG: He was a friend.
AG: Someone from our team.
EB: why?
AG: It's a little complicated.
EB: well, did he attack you or something?
AG: Yes.
AG: 8ut really, that's not why I killed him. He was no match for me, and I could have just incapacit8ed him or flown away or whatever.
AG: The truth is I killed him 8ecause at the time, I thought I wanted to, and sort of felt like I finally had to.
EB: uh...
EB: why did you have to?
AG: 8ecause enough was enough! You don't even know how frustr8ing it was to 8e friends with him.
AG: I used to really like him and always wanted to help him get stronger, so that he might stand a fucking chance to actually make it on our world.
AG: 8ut he was just soooooooo weak and indecisive. He wouldn't change!
AG: And when he tried to change, it was too little and too l8. Always l8. L8ey L8ey L88888888.
AG: Too l8 to kiss me.
AG: Too l8 to kill me.
AG: He couldn't do it when I really needed him to. So when I saw he was actually serious a8out trying to kill me now of all times...
AG: I just got SO AAAAAAAANGRY. I am still a 8it upset thinking a8out it.
AG: So I killed him.
AG: And I'm pretty sure he's dead for good now.
EB: wow.
EB: you're right, vriska. that does not sound good.
AG: I know!
AG: I know our races are completely different. And I really h8 the idea of you thinking worse of me 8ecause of this.
AG: 8ut I don't have anyone else to talk to a8out it!
EB: you don't?
EB: what about all of your friends?
EB: i bet karkat would listen.
EB: or what about terezi? she's pretty nice, isn't she?
AG: No no no no no no no no!
AG: I mean, yeah, they're fine. 8ut I can't talk to them!
EB: why not?
AG: For one thing, they would pro8a8ly just 8e pissed off at me for killing Tavros.
AG: And more importantly, there's no waaaaaaaay I could tell them how I really feel a8out it.
EB: well, how do you feel?
AG: Horri8le!!!!!!!!
AG: If any of my friends knew that, they would think I'm weak.
EB: oh...
EB: i guess i understand. i mean, i'm trying to, with the cultural difference and all.
AG: Do you?
EB: like, trolls are more violent and angry, right? kind of like klingons or something, which is an angry race of alien savages from a human tv show.
AG: We aren't savages, you dope!
EB: oh, i know, that's not what i meant! but i am guessing you all have to act tough to make it in your world, and have a sense of honor about fighting, and like to beat people up and stuff, right?
AG: Uh, yeah........
AG: Let's say close enough!
EB: but i think that no matter what alien culture you are from, killing is still wrong!
EB: and it sounds like you do too.
AG: Yeah, see.
AG: This is where our cultures clash, I think.
AG: It would 8e difficult to explain exactly how killing is viewed on our planet with all the nuance involved.
AG: It just isn't the 8lack and white thing humans seem to think it is!
EB: well, you could try. i am listening.
AG: On my world, I would 8e completely vindic8ed for killing him! He is far lower on the hemospectrum than me. He managed to disrespect me time and time again, 8ut I kept letting him live! In fact, the amount of slack I cut him would 8e considered scandalous 8y those in my class.
AG: I had every reason to kill him. And yet...
AG: I feel 8ad a8out it like a lame weak fudge8lood, just like he was.
AG: And the fact that I feel 8ad is why I'm sort of freaking out right now!
EB: i think if you feel bad, it just means you have a conscience. which is good, right?
AG: No. That's not how it works.
AG: I'm supposed to 8e just fine with it.
AG: This was sort of like a test, and I'm afraid I might 8e failing.
EB: how was it like a test?
AG: Well, it was the first time I killed some8ody.
EB: ok.
AG: W8! Ok, that's not really true. What I meant was, it was the first time I killed some8ody I cared a8out.
EB: so...
EB: you killed other people, that you didn't care about?
AG: Yes. Sort of a lot, actually. 8ut there was a really good reason for that!
EB: hm. how many?
EB: or... do i want to know...
AG: Oh, it doesn't matter. Pro8a8ly many thousands.
EB: uhhhhhhhh.
EB: hopy shit...
AG: God, I know how this sounds! 8ut I had to feed her. My lusus I mean. I've 8asically 8een playing this role as a slave in the food chain my whole life. It is what she selected me to do.
EB: i guess that is why you didn't get along with her?
AG: Hell yes.
EB: i see.
EB: still, that is a LOT of killing. jesus...
AG: Yeah, 8ut I never felt anything a8out it. It was just normal life for me.
EB: but then you finally killed a guy you liked, and...
EB: not so cool anymore?
AG: Yeah. OH!
AG: Ok, that's not quite right. He's the second person I cared a8out who I killed.
AG: Man, I always forget a8out her!
EB: uh.
AG: I guess she wound up getting me 8ack pretty good though, so we're even.
AG: Oh, also, TECHNICALLY I attempted to kill that same guy around the same time.
AG: 8ut I just wound up paralyzing him! Oops, hahahaha.
EB: ...
AG: 8ut man. That was sweeps ago.
AG: I think I had a really juvenile attitude a8out killing 8ack then. I think I was trying too hard?
AG: I was always really o8sessed with 8eing the 8est at stuff, and I guess I was trying to 8e precocious in that respect as well, and prove to everyone how 8rutal I could be.
AG: 8ut I was such a confused kid! I didn't know anything a8out what killing really means. I was trying to fake it, and it caused me nothing 8ut pro8lems.
EB: i guess i had no idea how different we really were.
EB: what i am hearing is seriously scaring the shit out of me!
AG: Yeah, I know. I wish we didn't have to 8e so different. I'm just trying to 8e honest with you, 8ecause like I said, I have nowhere else to go.
EB: ok, well i appreciate the honesty.
EB: so... if killing isn't exactly wrong, then what is it?
EB: what do you mean by "what killing really means"?

-

AG: I guess I have to admit I don't actually know that much a8out humans either!
AG: Other than that you are all pretty soft and mild mannered and seem to 8e friendlier, and think killing totally sucks.
AG: I really have no clue what it means to grow up as a human, though.
AG: 8ut I do know what it means grow up as a troll, and what's expected of us.
EB: what does it mean?
AG: When a troll comes of age, you 8etter 8elieve it means they're going to start killing.
AG: It's what we do as a race. We are very effective conquerors, and as such, we practically domin8 our galaxy. Or... used to.
AG: The ones that don't learn to 8e ruthless? They're 8etter off DEAD.
AG: And the reality is, it won't 8e long until they are. That's just life for us.
EB: that sounds terrible!
EB: i would like to be culturally sensitive, but i wish it didn't have to be like that for you.
EB: i have started to really like you guys!
AG: Well, thanks John. That's nice of you to say. 8ut let's face it, it doesn't fucking matter anymore, since our whole race was wiped out!
AG: May8e for the 8est, when you think a8out it.
EB: :(
AG: 8ut at least paradox space gave us some purpose 8efore wiping us out, right?
AG: At least we got the chance to cre8te you guys, and all those twinkly stars you used to look up at.
EB: yeah, that's true.
AG: So 8ecause we got that chance, it means we'll never actually get to come of age and enter troll society, and see if we got what it takes.
AG: 8ut that doesn't mean we stop growing up!
AG: I think the game knows it's always gonna 8e played 8y kids, and it always rigs it so they enter right around the cusp of sexual maturity, whatever the race is.
AG: Which kinda makes sense, since if they succeed, they've got their whole lives ahead of them to do whatever the hell they're going to do in their universe, like start repopul8ing and whatnot.
AG: That means the game also knows it's got to deal with all these damn kids who are coming of age while playing it!
AG: I really think how successfully they mature is tied to success in the game. It challenges the players in all the ways they need to 8e challenged to grow, which is different for every individual, and veeeeeeeery different for every race.
AG: I don't think we were so hot at that aspect of the game. In fact, I'm sure we were quite awful. Hell, even I wasn't that gr8 at it! I actually just kinda fell ass 8ackwards into the god tier, to 8e honest.
EB: hehe... yeah me too. :)
AG: 8ut what really gets me is this didn't even occur to me until just now, while I was sitting around thinking a8out it.
AG: It was so o8vious!
EB: what?
AG: That was why the game split us up into two teams.
AG: It knew as we came of age, we'd pro8a8ly start killing each other.
AG: So it just provided the stage. Red team vs. 8lue. It was so simple! All we had to do was what we were naturally inclined to. It might have worked out 8etter for us.
EB: uh...
EB: i don't really see how you guys killing each other would help you play the game better!
AG: Yeah, you'd think that would 8e counter productive! 8ut then again, may8e not.
AG: If we really did take the team thing seriously, and started killing each other, may8e it would have meant more god tiers?
AG: May8e all of us would have made it????????
AG: Damn, can you imagine? We would have 8reezed through the game even faster, killed the king without a sweat. May8e claimed the reward 8efore Jack even showed up?
AG: Or if he did, may8e we could have 8eaten him then and there instead of scurrying off like cowards!!!!!!!!
AG: In retrospect we failed at this so spectacularly, I am amazed, and kind of ashamed.
AG: It turned out that the only one of us with the guts to kill someone was already DEAD! Hahahahahahahaha. And 8oy, did I have it coming.
EB: dead?
AG: Yes, she was a ghost, and then 8ecame a ro8ot. Then she 8ecame a THOUSAND ro8ots. Then Jack killed them all 8ut one. Then she 8lew up.
AG: Oh, and she also had that exact 8izarre laptop you are using right now. How weird is that?
EB: gosh...
EB: your team is so crazy!
AG: Not crazy enough, apparently!
AG: Actually, this is pro8a8ly Karkat's fault.
EB: how?
AG: When it comes down to it, he was pro8a8ly too good a leader! He actually did manage to get the two teams to work together toward the same goal. It could have easily deterior8ed into a feud otherwise.
AG: He was just so loud and annoying and o8sessed with leadership. He wouldn't shut up! So it was just easier to go along with his plans.
EB: huh...
EB: yeah, i can see how that could be true.
AG: He sure kept us working together, 8ut in the end I think we paid for it.
AG: It wasn't natural! Pretty fitting, really, since he's kind of a freak himself. He's not even on the hemospectrum, the weirdo.
AG: I really dou8t he would have handled it as a leader if the shit ever hit the whirling device.
AG: He likes to pretend he's all vicious and 8loodthirsty, 8ut I know he 8n't got that in him. I have a sense for these things.
AG: He'd 8e so pissed if he heard me say this, 8ut I think he'd cut it 8etter as a human than as a troll.
EB: you probably mean that as an insult, but i think it is a nice compliment!
EB: but...
EB: i won't tell him you said it, heheheh.