Pony Should Pony Pony (Regular + Rule 63) (One Shot)

>Day Mistaken on Earth
>Be Anonymous the melancholy
>You have finished up a long work week in your unfulfilling job and now have a pocket full of money
>Bored and restless, you decide you should have fun
>You quickly clean up and dress in your best
>Admiring yourself for the moment, you roll your weight to the balls of your feet and stare into nothingness
>You have no idea where to go or even what to do
>Slinking onto your bed, you think as hard as you can about why you are so boring
>A few more minutes into self-loathing, you hop to your feet with new found determination
>You will go out and you will have fun, damn it!
>It takes a bit by car, but you find yourself at a lively bar and grill in the lower west part of the city
>Though having never been to this particular area, you figure it will just add to the adventure
>After all, what could possibly go wrong?
>Sitting by people, you think, will increase your chance of making new a friend perhaps
>Even some light conversation would bring your mind back to being a social creature!
>You grab a stool by the bar and start your evening with an easy drink
>It takes a little while, but your position makes it impossible for someone to -not- sit next to you
>To your surprise, the first someone to sit beside you is actually some pony
>You do not mind ponies, you reason, and you work with enough of them to warrant conversation
>"Hey there, you're new around here, huh?"
>The pony speaks coolly with you before flashing a smile
"Yes, just... Passing through."
>You grimace at your own coldness before trying to warm up
"I mean, for a bite to eat. I don't actually live far from here."
>The little unicorn smiles with you and stretches lightly
>Her hair is a flagrant green and she wears a simple outfit as most ponies who live on Earth usually do
>"So, just looking for a good time tonight?"
>Thinking about it, you have to agree
"Yeah, yes! That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Just been such a long time since I've just gone out and done something, you know?"
>"Oh, I can imagine."
>You sip at your drink before sitting it back down
"Heh, you work a lot too, I take it?"
>"Absolutely."
>A little chuckle slips from her  mouth as she stares up to you
>Her blue eyes are full and robust and it makes you feel comfortable
>You take another sip of your drink before noticing that your new acquaintance is just sitting there
"Oh, hey, can I get you something to drink?"
>"Oh, for me? You're quick."
>She winks at you and you laugh nervously
"Haha, well, you know? I just hate eating in front of others."
>"I'd love a drink. Mind if I get your name?"
"Anonymous, but you can call me, 'Anon'."
>She nods with an increasingly wide grin
>"Everyone just calls me, 'Note'. Nice to meet you, Anon."
>You quickly set Note up with a drink
"So, um, mind if I ask you what you do?"
>She eyes you over her drink before setting it down carefully
>"Human and pony relations."
>She smirks again and you nod enthusiastically
"Management, huh? Tough stuff, but that explains your workload."
>She smiles confidently before giggling
>"I suppose you could call it that. So, tell me about you?"
"Well, I'm just an engineer for the radio towers around town. Good work, but boring."
>"And lonesome?"
>You nod and frown lightly
"It can be, I try to keep busy."
>Despite how sad this sounds, you are simply giddy to be talking with someone
>"Huh, that's a shame. I personally don't believe anyone should be alone."
"Hey, don't mind me, but are you hungry?"
>"A little."
"Could I get you something?"
>"Nah, not from here. Personally, the food's lousy."
>She puts a hoof up as to shield her whisper from the staff
>"Hey, come closer."
>You do as she says only to feel a pair of warm lips leave a dry kiss on your cheek
>In a hushed tone, Note speaks quickly
>"Why don't we go to your place and let -me- do the cooking."
>You pull back slightly to see a beaming muzzle
>Perhaps your new acquaintance intends to be faster friends!
>Leaving with Note in tow, you continue learning about each other on the car ride back
>She seems to be like a really upstanding young pony
>Both knowledgeable in various subjects and pretty quick witted, you find yourself being quiet taken by the little pony
>You arrive at your modest apartment and gladly invite Note in
>Thankfully, your terminal bachelorhood keeps your place clean and neat
>"Nice apartment, Anon."
"Glad you like it."
>You take a seat on your sofa and recline lightly
>Note roams about for a few moments before turning to you
>"Hmm, the bedroom looks comfy."
>You smirk at her
"I guess it can be."
>"But, you know what?"
>Note's eyes focus intently on you as she moves towards you
>Her enthused face creeps into a knowing smile as her hooves find their way on to your knees
>"It's been a while. Maybe I could keep you warm tonight?"
>You are both completely terrified and beyond excited about physical company and compose yourself as best you can
"That sounds like a plan."
>The feeling of a warm, slightly fuzzy body slides atop of you
>Delicate hooves take hold of your face and angel your head so as to see eye to eye
"D-do you think we might be moving too fast?"
>"You think?"
>An audible zip raises into the air as you feel your pants loosen
>"I can take it slower, if you want?"
"No, no. This pace seems just fine."
>Your voice is quickly muffled as a soft pair of lips presses against your own
>The night moves onward in the best way you can think of

>The next morning
>Be Anonymous
>You awaken to the smell of food, pancakes to be precise
>Your pelvis hurts and you smell like wet straw
>Stretching out in front of the mirror, you see a hoof print on your side and a dull bite mark on your shoulder
>It was a pretty good night!
>Stepping out into the kitchen, you see Note wearing one of your T-shirts with a plate of food before her
>"Hey, Anon, good morning. I took a shower, hope you don't mind."
>She stuffs some syrupy food into her muzzle and smiles
"Yeah, sure, no problem."
>You sit beside her and she stuffs a bit of breakfast into your mouth
>"You were fun last night. Was it everything you wanted?"
"Um, yes?"
>The question rings strangely to you
>"I'm glad you enjoyed it, but I should be heading back."
"Oh, where do you need to go?"
>"Should be heading to work."
"Where do you work? I'll take you."
>"Oh, near the bar. You remember, right? where you picked me up last night?"
"Wait, I think I missed something."
>"Come on, Anon, you're such a joker. It's kind of cute."
>You stare at her in utter confusion for the moment before she too returns a worried glance
>"I'm sorry, I think we had a misunderstanding in our contract. You were looking for an escort last night, right? That's why you picked me up and took me home?"
>A sudden chill runs up your spine
"Y-you were just working?!"
>"Well, yeah. I saw you sitting all sad in your corner and just knew you needed someone. You said you enjoyed it, though, so that's good, yeah?"
>A sick feeling builds up in your stomach
"So... So, you didn't just find me... Attractive? Last night meant nothing?"
>"Anon, I certainly wouldn't call it, 'Nothing'! I pride myself on excellent service and putting the customer first!"
"Not that! I thought we had something last night."
>"Well, I'll admit you were pretty good. If it's any consultation, I came twice and I can't say all of my clients put that much effort into it."
>You feel betrayed and confused and just a little more than angry
"I... I don't know. It's just... It doesn't matter. How much do I owe you?"
>"Oh, we're a pretty new business. This one is complimentary. I was actually wondering if I could have you leave some of my cards where you work? Networking is half the battle."
>Her smile seems so genuine as she looks to you
>You sigh and nod in despair
>"Hey now, Anon, don't look so blue. As my first human customer, I'll make sure you always can reserve me whenever you want."
>Note's nonchalant attitude tears your emotions in half
>You do what seems right and drop her off where you first met
>As you drive away, you catch her waving in the rearview mirror
>With a heavy sigh, you try to shake away the shame of sleeping with a call-girl while simultaneously adding her number to your phone
>Friendship will never be the same

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>Day Sexual Dimorphism on Earth
>Be Anonymous
>You have finished up a long work week in your unfulfilling job and now have a pocket full of money
>Bored and restless, you decide you should have some fun!
>You quickly clean up and dress in your best
>Admiring yourself for the moment, you roll your weight to the balls of your feet and stare into nothingness
>You have no idea where to go or even what to do
>Slinking onto your bed, you think as hard as you can about why you are so boring
>A few more minutes into self-loathing, you hop to your feet with new found determination
>You will go out and you will have fun, damn it!
>It takes a bit by car, but you find yourself at a lively bar and grill in the lower east part of the city
>Though having never been to this particular area, you figure it will just add to the adventure
>After all, what could possibly go wrong?
>Sitting by folks, you think, will increase your chance of making new friends perhaps
>Even some light conversation would bring your mind back to being a social creature!
>You grab a stool by the bar and start your evening with an easy drink
>It takes a little while, but your position makes it impossible for someone to -not- sit next to you
>To your surprise, the first someone to sit beside you is actually some pony
>You do not mind ponies, you reason, and you work with enough of them to warrant conversation
>"Hey there, you're new around here, huh?"
>The pony speaks coolly with you before flashing a smile
"Yes, just... Passing through."
>You grimace at your own coldness before trying to warm up
"I mean, for a bite to eat. I don't actually live far from here."
>The little unicorn smiles with you and stretches lightly
>His hair is a flagrant green and he wears a simple outfit as most ponies that live on Earth usually do
>"So, just looking for a good time tonight?"
>Thinking about it, you have to agree
"Yeah, yes! That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Just been such a long time since I've gone out and done something, you know?"
>"Oh, I can imagine."
>You sip at your drink before sitting it back down
"Heh, you work a lot too, I take it?"
>"Absolutely."
>A little chuckle slips from his mouth as he rests his hooves on the counter
>His blue eyes are full and robust and it makes you feel comfortable
>You take another sip of your drink before noticing that your new acquaintance is just sitting there
"Oh, hey, can I get you something to drink?"
>"Oh, for me? Nah, I’m cool."
>He winks at you and you laugh nervously
"Haha, well, you know? I just hate eating in front of others."
>"If you want, I’d definitely drink it. Mind if I get your name?"
"Anonymous, but you can call me, 'Anon'."
>He nods with an increasingly wide grin
>"My name is Billet-Doux Everyone just calls me, 'Billy'. Nice to meet you, Anon."
>You quickly set Billy up with a drink
"So, um, mind if I ask you what you do?"
>He eyes you over his drink before setting it down carefully
>"Oh, you know… Rough saddle work."
>He smirks again and you nod enthusiastically
"Outdoors-type stuff, huh? Tough stuff, but that explains your workload."
>He smiles confidently before chuckling
>"I suppose you could call it that. So, tell me about you?"
"Well, I'm just an engineer for the radio towers around town. Good work, but boring."
>"Sounds lonely?"
>You nod and frown lightly
"It can be, I try to keep busy."
>Despite how sad this sounds, you are simply giddy to be talking with someone
>"Huh, that's a shame. I personally don't believe anyone should be alone."
"Hey, don't mind me, but are you hungry?"
>"A little."
"Could I get you something?"
>"Nah, not from here. Personally, the food's lousy."
>He puts a hoof up as to shield his whisper from the staff
>"Hey, come here."
>You do as he says and feel warm breathe tickle your ear
>In a hushed tone, Billy speaks quickly
>"Why don't we head to your place and I’ll -order in-?"
>You pull back slightly to see a beaming muzzle
>You think pizza or Chinese would be perfect right now!
>Leaving with Billy in tow, you continue learning about each other on the car ride back
>He seems to be a really upstanding young pony and you admire his work ethic
>Both knowledgeable in various subjects and pretty quick witted, you find yourself really enjoying his conversations
>You arrive at your modest apartment and gladly invite Billy in
>Thankfully, your terminal bachelorhood keeps your place clean and neat
>"Nice apartment, Anon."
"Glad you like it."
>You take a seat on your sofa and recline lightly
>Billy roams about for a few moments before turning to you
>"Hmm, king-sized bed for just you?"
>You smirk at him
"I guess so. I find myself moving a lot at night, haha."
>"I know that feeling."
>Billy's eyes focus intently as he moves towards you
>His enthused face creeps into a knowing smile as his hooves find their way on to your knees
>"It's been a while. Maybe I could keep you warm tonight?"
>Delicate hooves take hold of your face and slant your head so as to see eye to eye
>A strange feeling grips your gut as the bright, blue eyes peer into you
>His mouth darts towards your own and you are taken in a deep kiss
>A thick, hot tongue presses into your own and you hardly have time to scream
>Billet-Doux pulls back after a moment of your teeth closing on his muzzle
“What was that?!”
>The pony looks visibly shaken as he staggers back a few feet
>”I’m sorry, but you looked like you needed to loosen up a bit.”
“Dude, why did you just French me?!”
>”Look, I know I’m new to the whole human-on-pony thing, but ladies love my kissing.”
>The words echo in your mind for a few moments as bewilderment settles
“Ladies?”
>”Women, babes, girls, mares, whatever you want to call yourself.”
“I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I’m not a girl…”
>He stops for a moment with mouth agape
>”Wait, no, that can’t be. I was sure… Hang on.”
>Billy quickly retrieves a pamphlet with pony scribe on it and looks it over
>He checks the paper, then you, and then back to the paper
>”OK, so I am kind of new, like I said, but this should not have been so hard. It says right here that human females are cute and talkative and like to make friends. On the other hoof, human males are more reserved and like something called, ‘Football’ and nachos.”
>You ask to see his misguided flyer and scan it over
>The advice you see from top to bottom is the most blatant stereotyping possible for humans and it looks as if it was a tourist’s map to another country!
“I am sorry to tell you this, but this guide is terrible and I’m not a woman.”
>”Well, why do you look like the cute human women then?! Why did you pick me up?”
“I thought we were being friends!”
>”We are, Anon! It’s just, well, my job!”
“The hell does that mean?”
>”I’m a masseur!”
“You give massages?”
>”Yes, but also a range of other -comforting- services for humans… You know, like snuggling and… oral sex…”
“You’re a prostitute?!”
>”You picked me up at a bar! Yes, I’m a prostitute and a damn good one… In Ponyville!”
“Is that legal?”
>”Oh, certainly, you see, it works on a complicated system of contract working and…”
“OK, stop! I get it!”
>There is a moment of silence while you stare to the strange pony in your living room
>Your lips tingle with a cool chill as you think about what just happened
>As you touch them, Billet-Doux smirks
>”Oh, um, peppermint flavored lip balm. It goes a long way!”
“I think you should leave.”
>”What? Are you sure you want me to go?”
“Yes, I am sure.”
>”So, you don’t need or want my services?”
“I am not gay, Billy.”
>”Well… I’m not either! In my defense, you look cute.”
>You freeze for the moment at the compliment
>It is strange coming from anyone, especially a pony
>”I’ll just go then…”
“Wait, no, hang on…”
>Billy turns his head slightly over his shoulder with a quizzical look on his face
“H-how much per hour?”
>”Um, I guess it depends what we do.”
“What if we just, like, watch a movie?”
>”Um, I don’t know… 20 bits?”
“What’s that in euros?”
>He shrugs quickly before fidgeting about
>”I’m, ah, well, this is my first day doing this on Earth… It’s kind of a whole new ballgame. No pun intended.”
“It’s… OK? Yeah, it’s fine by me. What do you say about us starting over again as friends and we’ll put all that kissing stuff behind us?”
>”Sure, yeah! I’d really like that.”
>You step lightly to Billy and extend your hand and he puts his hoof in gingerly
>With a light squeeze and shake, you smirk
“So, have you seen any human movies yet?”
>”One, but, umm… No, actually, no.”
>He blushes and his ears bounce nervously
“Well, if you’d stay for a bit, we can watch something cool.”
>”With explosions?”
“With all the explosions…”
>You brandish the complete box set of Transformers by Michael Bay
>It was a platonic kind of night!