Harry Potter and the Unfortunate Orphans

Harry Potter and the Unfortunate Orphans

	The fanfic you are about the read is extremely disturbing. If you are familiar with the Baudelaires and the series of unfortunate events that has followed them, this should be par for the course for you. if you are only reading this for the Harry Potter characters, you might be better off reading some other fanfic. The unlucky Baudelaires will have to deal with burning buildings, Yu-Gi-OH duels, a rainbow staircase, magic wands, ersatz go-karts, a sugar bowl, and the older brother of Carmelita Spats before this fanfic is over.


	A skinny dark-haired boy with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead is running through the back alleys being pursued by ghost-like creatures. He points a wand at them and a burst of bright light in the shape of a stag emerges from it and sends the ghost-like creatures running. The boy, Harry Potter, rushes out of the alley as the light dies down and runs smack into a grey-haired man with a unibrow and an eye tattoo on his ankle.

	"You aren't one of the orphans I'm looking for, Potter", the man sneers. He walks away, leaving Harry wondering who he is and what orphans he is looking for. Harry soon realizes who he just ran into, and rushes off to warn the Baudelaires

	Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire arrive at a library where they often come to meet up with some of their friends. Violet has on a purple dress, Klaus has on a grey suit, and Sunny has on a pink skirt. They notice several of their friends are there. A dark-haired boy and blonde-haired girl with matching orange t-shirts that say "Camp Half-Blood" are sitting together. A brunette-haired girl named Hermione Granger is walking towards them, carrying a stack of books. Klaus, having a bit of a crush on Hermione, walks over to her and offers to carry some of the books for her. A door opens at the back of the room, and the Baudelaires notice a rainbow-colored staircase leading down. Two boys and a girl come up the staircase. Both boys are wearing black shirts and blue jeans. The girl has on a red shirt and white shorts.

	"Juerne", Sunny exclaims, which means "Julie, Eric, and Neal have returned from Droon". The boy and girl with the Camp Half-Blood shirts, Percy and Annabeth, get up and walk away. Julie, Eric, and Neal sit down at the table Percy and Annabeth just left. another dark-haired boy and a brunette-haired girl come down the main staricase from one of the upper floors.

	"Doon and Lina are here too", Violet notes. She suddenly becomes aware that someone is sneaking up behind her. Violet spins around and delivers a punch to the face of the person behind her, a red-haired girl in a fancy pink dress.

	"Watch it you cakesniffer", the girl shouts. Her name is Carmelita Spats. The Baudelaires met her at a boarding school they had briefly attended, and she was an absolute jerk to them. Sometime later, Count Olaf burned down the Spats Mansion and left Carmelita an orphan. She made amends with the Baudelaires and is now somewhat of a friend to them. A white-haired boy walks over to Carmelita and Violet. Violet knows this boy's name is Draco Malfoy and that he and Carmelita are dating.

	"You trying to pick a fight with my girlfriend, Baudelaire?", the boy asks.

	"Carmelita snuck up on me", Violet answers. Malfoy takes Carmelita's arm and they walk off together. Harry Potter suddenly rushes into the building.

	"I just ran into Count Olaf!", Harry exclaims.

	"I hope you didn't lead him here", Violet responds.

	"If Count Olaf does show up here, I can handle him", another male voice shouts. A blonde-haired boy wearing blue jeans and a muscle shirt leaps over a second-story banister, kicks off of a wall, and lands beside Violet.

	"Alex Rider, teen superspy, at your service", the boy remarks. Alex has a crush on Violet and likes showing off his "superspy moves" for her.

	In a nearby restaurant called Very Fine Dining, Count Olaf is gathered with his associates. There's a man with hooks for hands, two powder-faced women, a man with hair but no beard, and a man with a beard but no hair.

	"I followed the Potter boy and saw him rush into that library over there. Since he was in a hurry, he may have recognized me and rushed off to warn the Baudelaires", Count Olaf explains.

	"Why not rush into that library and kidnap the Baudelaires right now?", the hook-handed man asks.

	"The Baudelaires obviously have friends in there with them. We don't know what we will be up against. We cant just rush in there", Count Olaf explains, "we need to come up with a plan".

	"I can help you with that", a voice responds. A dark-haired teenage boy in a black suit and dark sunglasses walks up to them.

	"Artemis Fowl, teenage master thief, at your service", the boy remarks.

	The Baudelaires and their allies stand by and wait to see if Count Olaf will show up. the doors open up, but it isn't Count Olaf who comes through them. Instead, Artemis Fowl charges into the room and leaps at Alex. Alex and Artemis lash out at each other with a variety of punches, kicks, and martial arts moves. As everyone watches the two boys duke it out, Count Olaf suddenly bursts into the room, flanked by his associates. Percy clicks a pin he had been holding and it turns into a sword. he confronts the hook-handed man with it and manages to slash off on of the two hooks. Julie leads the Baudelaires over to the rainbow staircase and tells them to hide in Droon until the fight is over. After the Baudelaires head down the staircase, Julie leaps into the air and flies directly over Count Olaf. Count Olaf pulls out a gun and takes aim at Julie, but is suddenly shoved aside by an invisible person. Annabeth appears out of no where beside Count Olaf, holding her magic baseball cap, and confiscates Count Olaf's gun. Count Olaf and his associates quickly flee from the building.

	Carmelita and Draco sneak out of the library during all the commotion and make their way to a nearby restaraunt called Very Fine Dining for a dinner date. Shortly after they start eating, Count Olaf and his associates come stumbling into the building and collapse. They were obviously defeated at the library.

	"That'll teach you not to pick fights with children", Carmelita remarks. She and Draco finish their meal and leave the Restaraunt. They both walk right over the top of Count Olaf and his troupe on the way out. Artemis Fowl passes them as they head back to the library.

	Carmelita and Draco arrive at the library in time to see the Baudelaires returning from Droon. With them is a blonde girl in a blue dress. She has a golden crown in her hair. Eric, Neal, and Julie run over to her.

	"What brings you up to the Upper World, Keeah?", Eric asks.

	"I want join the fight against this Olaf person", Keeah responds.

	Back at Very Fine Dining, Count Olaf and his troupe discuss what their next move should be.

	"That was an utter failure", Count Olaf sneers, "It makes me feel like burning something to the ground".

	"That boy with Carmelita was Draco Malfoy. I hear the Malfoys are rich. Let's go burn down Malfoy Manor and claim the Malfoy Fortune for ourselves", one of the power-faced women suggests.

	"I like the sound of that", Count Olaf remarks. the whole troupe starts laughing maniacally. Unbeknownst to them, Artemis overheard their whole conversation. Artemis rushes out of the restaurant moments before Count Olaf and his troupe get up to leave. As they walk away, Count Olaf notices some barrels of oil out behind the restaurant. He lights a match and tosses it at them.

	Artemis returns to the library and pushes Alex aside.

	"Count Olaf's gonna burn down Malfoy Manor", Artemis announces.

	"My father will hear about this", Draco shouts. He and Carmelita take off out of the library in a hurry. Lina and Doon decide not to get involved, while Percy and Annabeth had already left to go back to Camp Half-Blood. Everyone else prepares for battle. as they get ready to leave the library and depart for Malfoy Manor, there's a huge explosion just up the road for where they are. Everyone rushes outside to see Very Fine Dining going up in flames.

	"Definitely Count Olaf's handiwork", Violet remarks. Harry points his wand at the blaze and shouts "Agumenti!". A burst of water shoots out of his wand and douses the flames, but the restaurant is destroyed.

	"Count Olaf obviously set this fire right before he and his troupe left. We need to head for Malfoy Manor ASAP", Klaus suggests. Harry holds his wand out again, but doesn't say any spells. He lights up the tip of his wand and a huge purple triple-decker bus appears out of no where. Its doors up and a scruffy-looking man appears just inside the bus.

	"Welcome to the Knight Bus, I am Stan Shunpike, your conductor for this evening", the man explains. Everyone hurries onto the Knight Bus.

	"Malfoy Manor, and step on it", Harry shouts to Stan.

	Draco and Carmelita quickly catch up to Count Olaf and his troupe. Esme grabs Draco without warning. Draco attempts to hex her, but Esme knocks Draco's wand out of his hand. As Malfoy Manor comes into sight, Carmelita runs past everyone.

	"Count Olaf, I challenge you to a duel", Carmelita demands as she extracts a Duel Disk and her dueling deck from her fanny pack. Count Olaf gets his duel disk and deck out of his trunk.

	"I must insist on going first", Olaf demands, "I draw! I summon the Tuner monster Flamvell Magician". a humanoid monster shrouded in flames appears on his field.

	"Next, I activate Pot of Greed, which lets me draw 2 cards" Olaf continues. A green pot appears on hie field and Olaf draws two cards. after that, the pot shatters.

	"I activate Double Summon, which gives me a second Normal Summon. I summon Gaia Soul, the Combustible Collective" Olaf continues. A big fireball appears on his field.

	"I tune level 4 Flamvell Magician with level 4 Gaia Soul to Synchro Summon Vengeance Fire Dragon", Olaf adds. Flamvell Magician turns into 4 green rings, Gaia Soul burst into 4 balls of light and they combine into a huge flaming dragon.

	"With that, I end my turn", Olaf finishes.

	"I draw!", Carmelita yells, "I activate Graceful Charity. It lets me draw 3 cards and then discard 2". A fairy appears over Carmelita as she draws 3 cards and then discards 2 cards.

	"I activate the Ritual spell Cakesniffer Ritual. I send a Cakesniffer Dragon from my extra deck to the graveyard and Ritual Summon Paladin of Cakesniffer Dragon", Carmelita continues. Carmelita extracts a card from her extra deck slot and discards it to the graveyard. A dragon with a rider resembling Carmelita appears on her field.

	"By tributing Paladin of Cakesniffer Dragon, I can special summon a Cakesniffer Dragon from my extra deck", Carmelita explains. Her ritual monster vanished and is replaced with a fat white dragon holding a piece of cake. The dragon quickly devours the cake.

	"Since my ritual monster left the field, I can banish its ritual spell to halve your life points", Carmelita adds. She removes Cakesniffer Ritual from her graveyard and Olaf's life points fall to 4000.

	"Now I activate Monster Reborn and bring back Paladin of Cakesniffer Dragon" Carmelita continues. her ritual monster reappears on her field.

	"Once again, I tribute it to summon a Cakesniffer Dragon", another fat dragon replaces her Ritual monster on her field.

	"Next, I activate Dragon's Mirror. I banish all 3 Cakesniffer Dragons, 2 from my field and 1 from my graveyard, and Fusion Summon Ultimate Cakesniffer Dragon", Carmelita continues. the two dragons on Carmelita's field vanish and are replaced with a three-headed fat white dragon.

	"This dragon gains atk points equal to the difference between our life points", Carmelita explains. Ultimate Cakesniffer Dragon's atk rises from 4500 to 8500.

	"Ultimate Cakesniffer Dragon, attack with triple frosting blast", Carmelita declares. Ultimate Cakesniffer Dragon's three heads fire bursts of cake frosting at Olaf's Vengeance Fire Dragon and cover it in frosting, extinguishing its flames. The frosting-covered dragon explodes and Olaf's life points drop to 0, ending the duel. Just as the duel is ending, Esme takes off running with Draco still in her clutches. Carmelita gives chase.

	The Knight Bus drops everyone off at Malfoy Manor and then vanishes. Seconds later, the manor bursts into flames.

	"Sloknib", Sunny remarks, which means "we got here too late". Count Olaf comes running out of the Manor carrying the wands of both Malfoy parents.

	"Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy are no more" he remarks. Esme drives up in Olaf's car. Draco and Carmelita are lying in the backseat, hogtied with ropes. Olaf and his troupe pile into the car. Draco manages to kick Carmelita out of the car. One of the powder-faced women reaches for her.

	"Leave her. We only need the Malfoy boy", Olaf orders. The woman closes the door and Olaf zooms away. Sunny quickly bites through the ropes and frees Carmelita. Violet ties her hair up in a ribbon.

	"Help me gather up some of the scrap metal and vehicle parts from the Malfoys' yard. I'll build us something we can chase after them in. A short time later, three vehicles looking like glorified go-karts are ready to go. Harry manages to salvage some brooms from the Malfoy's shed, so he, Hermione, Eric, and Keeah will be flying.

	"These ersatz go-karts will have to make do. let's hurry up and catch up to Count Olaf", Carmelita insists.

	"I'd have built jetpacks, but there wasn't anything I could use for fuel", Violet reveals.

	"After all the fires we've seen and been through, i'd rather not have something combustible strapped to my back, thank you", Klaus remarks. Violet laughs, and the go-karts and brooms take off. They follow Olaf's tire tracks all the way back to town and notice the library is up in flames.

	"Why am I not surprised?", Klaus remarks. they race to the burning library, and Harry uses the water spell to douse the flames. A red-haired man notices their arrival and walks over to them.

	"Greetings, Baudelaires and friends, I am Michael and I am here on behalf of VFD", the man explains. He shows them a business card with the VFD insignia on it. Carmelita rushes up to Count Olaf and karate kicks him in the back of his head. Olaf turns around to confront Carmelita, but then notices Michael.

	"Don't I know you from somewhere?", Olaf ponders.

	"Olaf, your pyromaniac spree has gone on long enough. Hand over the Malfoy boy and surrender in the name of VFD", Michael demands.

	"You'll have to make me", Olaf sneers. He arms himself with his duel disk.

	"If its a duel you want, it's a duel you'll get", Michael responds. He activates his own duel disk.

	"If I win, you hand over Draco Malfoy. If you win, i'll give you this", Michael suggests. He pulls an ornate jar out of his backpack.

	"Esme's sugar bowl!", Olaf exclaims, "All right, you have a deal". Michael puts the sugar bowl back into his back pack and then hands his backpack to Carmelita. Carmelita hands Michael some of her cards.

	"I'm going first", Michael insists, "I summon the Tuner monster Kid HERO Invent Child in attack mode. Her effect lets me add an equip spell from my deck to my hand. I choose United We Stand". A monster resembling Violet appears on Michael's field and he adds a card from his deck to his hand.

	"When Invent Child is on my field I can summon Kid HERO Bookworm Child and then Kid HERO Bite Child as well", Michael continues. monsters resembling Klaus and Sunny appear on his field.

	"I equip Bite Child with United We Stand. She gains 800 Atk and Def for every monster on my field", Michael continues. Bite Child's attack rises from 2000 to 4400 and her defense rises from 1500 to 3900.

	"I place two cards face-down and end my turn", Michael concludes. Two face-down cards appear behind the monsters on his field.

	"My turn! I Draw", Count Olaf shouts, "When there are 3 or more "Kid HERO" monsters on the field, I can special summon Count of Greed from my hand". A monster resembling himself appears on Count Olaf's field.

	"After VFD ousted Pegasus and Industrial Illusions, we gained the ability to make whatever Yu-Gi-Oh cards we pleased. I knew you made the "Kid HERO" cards for yourself and your friends, so I made cards to counter them", Olaf reveals.

	"How dare you. You are nothing but an insolent cakesniffer", Michael shouts at Olaf.

	"Now I remember who you are. You're Michael Spats, Carmelita's older brother", Olaf announces.

	"That explains why Carmelita gave him some of her cards. She wanted to help her brother take down Olaf", Klaus points out.

	"Back to the duel. I activate the Ritual Spell card Incandescent Ordeal. I send seven levels worth of monsters from my hand to the graveyard and Ritual summon Legendary Flame Lord", Olaf continues. he sends a lv4 monster and a lv3 monster from his hand to the graveyard. A red magician appears on his field.

	"I summon the tuner monster Flamvell guard and Tune it with Legendary Flame Lord to Synchro summon Vengeance Fire Dragon", Olaf continues. a small dragon appears on his field and then turns into a green ring. Legendary Flame Lord bursts into seven glowing orbs and the green ring surround them. The ring and orbs combine into a huge flaming dragon.

	"So you do have one of the VFD dragons. No matter, I activate the trap card Cakesniffer Judgment. This negates your monster's summon and halves your life points", Michael explains. Vengeance Flame Dragon explodes and Olaf's life points fall to 4000.

	"I end my turn", Olaf concludes.

	"Good one, bro. Stick it to that cakesniffer", Carmelita shouts.

	"My turn. I draw!", Michael declares, "I activate Pot of Greed, which lets me draw 2 cards". A green pot appears on Michael's field and he draws 2 cards. Then, the pot shatters.

	"I activate Brain Control, which gives me control of your monster for one turn at the cost of 800 LP", Michael continues. His life points reduce by 800 and a brain appears on his field. Two hands shoot out of the brain and grab Count of Greed, bringing it over to Michael's field.

	"Truth be told, I knew you made cards to counter my "Kid HERO" monsters, so I made cards to counter your counters. here's one of them now, the spell card Cakesniffer Disguise", Michael reveals. the other face-down card on his field lifts up to reveal the aforementioned spell card.

	"I banish the monster I just took from you and summon "Kid HERO Cakesniffer Child" from my deck", Michael continues. Count of Greed vanishes and a monster resembling Carmelita appears on his field.

	"Level 4 Invent Child tunes level 4 Bookworm Child. I Synchro summon Violet Florescence Dragon". Invent Child turns into 4 green rings and Bookworm Child turns into 4 white orbs. They combine into a glowing purple dragon.

	"I also possess some of the VFD dragons. This one was given to me by Violet for this duel. It was originally entrusted to the Baudelaire family. Furthermore Beatrice named Violet after this dragon".

	"The VFD Dragon cards were supposed to be hidden inside the sugar bowl. Esme removed Vengeance Fire Dragon from it and gave that dragon to me, but the other 3 were still be in there when the Sugar Bowl was stolen", Olaf insists.

	"First of all, Esme stole Violet Florescence Dragon from Beatrice and two VFD dragons from the Spats family. Second, Beatrice stole the sugar bowl and returned Very Fat Dragon and Vicious Force Dragon to us Spatses. Carmelita was given Very Fat Dragon and I have Vicious Force Dragon. Third, I found the sugar bowl in the burnt ruins of the Baudelaire mansion and Violet Florescence Dragon was still inside it. I returned that card to Violet, and she gave it back to me for this duel. I kept my relation to Carmelita a secret from the Baudelaires because I figured they might not trust me if they knew, given how my sister treated them at Prufrock", Michael explains.

	"I made Cakesniffer Dragon myself, to act as a counterpart to Very Fat Dragon", Carmelita adds.

	"Anyway, back to the duel. I activate Monster Reborn and revive Invent Child. I tune Invent Child with Cakesniffer Child to Synchro summon Vicious Force Dragon", Michael continues. Invent child returns to his field and then turns once more into four green rings. Cakesniffer child bursts into four white orbs and they merge into a black and blue dragon that looks extremely ravenous.

	"Now that Cakesniffer Child left my field, Count of Greed returns to my field", Michael adds. The monster resembling Count Olaf returns to Michael's field.

	"I attack with both of my dragons. Violet Stream of Destruction and Vicious Stream of Destruction", Michael continues. Both dragon's attack one after the other, dropping Olaf's life points to 1500 and then to 0. As the duel ends, Esme makes a grab for Michael's backpack. While Carmelita fights off Esme, Michael dives into Olaf's car and rescues Draco.

	"There's other stuff inside that sugar bowl besides those dragon cards", Esme sneers as she and Carmelita fight for the backpack. The backpack tears in half and the sugar bowl goes flying into the distance.  Olaf ushers Esme and his cohorts into his card and zooms off after the sugar bowl.

	When the library fire is finally extinguished, its obvious the library is destroyed. The Baudelaires and their friends stare into the distance, wondering where they will go next.