Thread 60: Stories 31-45

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Rarity"
'AJ'
[Spike]
~~~~
>Welcome to (not so) Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It was during that time that content doesn't matter and I'm totally not invading pony's privacy going into their dreams. Now for our main event...visiting RARITY!!!
Arrives to see Rarity sitting on a fancy sofa with a wine glass next to a fireplace.

"Why hello there Pinkie."

>Hey, Rarity. Whatcha doing?

"I'm relaxing with friends, darling. What's it look like?"
AJ and Spike enter.

'It sure is cold outside.'

"Join me on the couch. There's plenty of room."

[Don't mind if we do.]
They join Rarity on the sofa and cuddle up. Rarity calmly sips her glass.

>...

"..."
Rarity takes another sip and smiles.

>...That's it?

"Whatever do you mean?"

>You're just sitting still? You're not going to do anything?

"I'm relaxing with friends."

>Well, I guess I'll leave then. I can feel the ratings tanking while dragging this on. Why is everypony's dreams so boring?
Pinkie disappears.

"Now..."
She unties AJ's hair.
"...which one of you is going to lick my marshmallows first?"

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>Applejack
"Luna"
~~~~

"ONE OF APPLES AND JACKS! WE WISH TO INFORM YOU OUR SISTER HAS REQUESTED THAT-"

>Okay, for SURE not you.

"...What?"

>Ain't no way Ah'm takin' magic lessons from you. Don't care iffin' yer' good or not, no. Nope. NO. Not happenin'!

"..."

>Look, no offense, but yer' powers are crazy! All yer' dang magics are crazy and are all bout illusions! That's... like... anti me! That's not-me! That's everythin' Ah' ain't! Ah' can't do illusion stuff, that's like lyin', with superpowers! Nope! No! We ain't compatible! It ain't meant to be! NO! So ya'll just march yer' MASSIVE moons right back to yer' sister and tell her Ah' said NO!

"..."

>HAVE A GOOD'UN!

*STOMPSTOMPSTOMP!*

"...What is that, dearest Applejack? We may choose the flavoring of thine monthly cake instead of thee, as requested by our sister? Why, that is a delightful idea! We are sure thou will just adore the horse radish icing... we are sure..."

...

"AND WE ARE DIETING!"

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 >AJ
"Twilight"
'???'

>Hrm...

She turned her head this way, that, and the other, inspecting her mane in the hoof-mirror. Still short, but it had grown the smallest bit out.

>Ah guess it looks...alright,

"Need your mane grow back in a flash, Applejack?"

>...Wh'd you just give me flashbacks to the Flim Flam brothers?

"Oh nothing really...just giving a hint"

>...Waaaaait a second...are y'all suggesting you "help" me?

"No, no, I'm just thinking it's more YOU helping yourse-"

>NUH UH, AH KNOW WHERE THIS ONE'S GOING, AIN'T HAPPENING!

"Applejack, please-"

>LALALA, CAN'T HEAR YOU. MAH MANE'S GROWING BACK THE OL' FASHION WAY AND Y'ALL CAN'T STOP ME

"But-"

>SORRY TWILIGHT, TOO BUSY SAVIN' THE WORLD

Then a very familiar but peculiar voice chimed in, Spike, still carrying the jello Applebutt, and...

'Rero rero rero rero rero rero rero, rero rero rero rero rero rero rero rero reee-....'

"....You still haven't finished it? This is getting ridiculous!"

>...Yeesh Spike, you're really taking your sweet time with mah ass- A-A-Ah mean,.....that thing

'...'

"..."

>...

'ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-ru-!'

"AJ, you're blushing"

>Shuddup

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 >Fleetfoot
"Soarin'"
~~~~

>...Well, this is depressing.

"As the one who is normally pretty optimistic... yes. This is really depressing."

The gym was empty.

Totally, utterly empty.

With the exception of them, of course.

>Where the fuck is everyone?

"Well, Bulk is training the juniors today, Lightning Dust is manning the station in Cloudsdale, and Gilda is hunting down rumors that the prince of her home kingdom is running around Canterlot."

>...Oh fuck.

"What? That all seems... oh, fuck."

>...Fuck.

"...Fuck."

>...That's fucking IT.

"...That... that's it."

>That's all.

"The end. Those guys and us."

>...

"..."

>...Well, on the positive side, job security.

"She completely annihilated the Wonderbolts, essentially, you think she won't set fire to a few more?"

>...Point.

"...Should... should we do something?"

>Her call, she should handle it.

"But she's not handling it! It's been like this for months! We've been attacked by THREE invasions and were all there, we were ALL there, when the chaos reigned! How many more times do we need to get fucked before we finally get going!?"

>...Uh, think this is all my lines, you're supposed to be the one who-

"OH DEAR CELESTIA WE'RE IT! A mild cold passes through and we're down a vast percentage of Equestria's airforce, if not all of it! One lucky guy with a gun lands three lucky shots and we're down by HALF! OH SWEET FUCK THIS ORGANIZATION IS SO FUCKED WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING!?"

>...S-Soarin'? You're scaring me-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

>...Really scaring me-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

>...W-wanna train?

"Yes."

>...

"..."

>...C-can I scream a bit too, first?

"Only if I can join you."

>Fair enough...AHHHHHHH!

"AHHHHHHH!

>"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

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>SA
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
[???]
~~~~

>This is totally not a stupid idea!

"Shiny, I want you to take stock of this for a moment. Me... ME.. and Chrysalis... I'm going to repeat that, CHRYSALIS... think this is a stupid idea. WE DO."

>...

'Even we've got limits, buddy.'

>She worked really hard on this, okay?

"Shiny, Shiny listen to me... this is a dumb idea."

'Really dumb.'

"SUPER dumb."

>Well, we're still going through with it.

"...Really now?"

'HAH!'

>Oh no, don't you give me that, I've put up with jet skiing down a mountainside, laser swordfights and freaking ROCKETS, and you both are going to put up with this FOR ME. Okay? I'm officially calling in a favor!

"...Shit."

'He's got us.'

"Totally has us there."

'I knew our craziness would spell our doom eventually.'

"I just hoped it would be me trying to eat all of the chocolate in Equestria at once, not like this... not like this..."

>WE ARE DOING THIS!... Okay, honey! We're ready!

[Great! I've stacked all Lavender of the sticks, and the minecart is ready to go!]

"Seriously, Cadence, use fireworks or something. Why are we using DYNAMITE to propel a-"

>SNNH!

"...Did you just shush me-"

>GNN!

"..."

'Wow....You totally realize we're the one's who are going to survive, and you're not, right?'

>My wife is doing the crazy stuff with us again, WORTH IT!

"..."
'...'

>...

[WHOOPS! Uh... Shiny? I think I dropped my lighter.]

>Tell Two and Twilight and Eighteen and Forty Two and Mom and Dad and Spike and... you know what? Just send out an all frequency broadcast saying "I love you", that'll cover it.

"..."

>...I have regre-

*BOOOOM!*

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>56
“Spike”
‘???’
____

>…You already know what I'm here for.

“I do. And, likewise, you already know what my answer is.”

>Well… seems like we’re about to have a problem, bro.

“I would say so. I would say… so.”

>Course, you could just squash this right here and now by givin’ me one good lick. That’s all I’m askin’.

“Hm. It’s very admirable to restrain yourself even though we both know you’re lying.”

>Got me dead to rights.

“So you’ll understand why I have to decline, right? If I give you a lick, then everyone else is going to want a lick, and I can’t have that.”

All sense of professionalism flew out the window.

>…Oh come oooooon, man! Look at that jigglin’ mass of apple booty! It’s even got freckles on it! FRECKLES!

“Yeah, yeah it does, don’t it? It’s the little touches that just make it perfect, really draws it all together.”

>I wanna draw it into my FACE! Let me get a taste!

“No!”

>YES!

“NO! Go find Luna and faceplant some moons!”

>I can’t! She left to go find some sorta meal or something, I dunno, I wasn’t payin’ attention!

“Sounds like a personal problem to me!”

>It’s gonna be a my-hoof-in-your-face problem if you don’t stop bein' a selfish big brother!

“You have taps on nearly all the mare booty in this joint and I’M the selfish brother for not sharin’ ONE?”

>The others don’t have a full-scale model of their rears molded in jello, do they?!

“Again, sounds like a personal problem to me!”

The jello mold of Applejack’s ass suddenly quivered as though struck with a tuning fork, waves of ripples bouncing over the slippery smooth surface.

Both 56 and Spike suddenly forgot their argument, turning to watch as Jetset once again prodded the dessert, staring transfixed.

‘It… what is this concoction…? It bears an almost hypnotic resemblance to my second Queen’s posterior. But surely that cannot be… someone would not be so foolish as to immortalize such a private area in such a way, right?’

He glanced up at the dragon and changeling.

‘Right? And you two there… you weren’t possibly thinking about… eating it, right? Because vicariously that would mean you might try to do the same to the real posterior in question.’

>…

“…”

>GRAB THE BUTT AND CHEESE IT!

“GOGOGOGO!”

*VROOOOOOOM*

To their credit, Jetset had never seen two beings sprint so fast in all his life.

Not that it mattered worth a sugarcube because he could teleport, but still.

‘Ah. Chasing little rabbits never gets tiring.’

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Rainbow Dash"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and it's perfectly fine for me to do more questionable things. Now for our main event...visiting Rainbow Dash!!!
Pinkie appears outside RD's house where she's fluffing up a pillow.

"Oh hey Pinkie...wait how are you-"

>Can I come inside, Rainbow Dash?

"...never mind just walk through the door."

>Whatcha doing?

"I'm about to sleep."

>But you're already asleep...is this sleepception!?!
BROOOOOM

"What are you talking about?"

>Nothing. I probably shouldn't go deeper since I don't know what's going to happen. Just sleep tight Dashie.
Pinkie disappears.

"...Pinkie just disappeared in front of me and I didn't even question it...eh."
RD falls asleep. It's here that she finds herself face to face with Spitfire.
"I'm...I'm so sorry."
She tears up in her sleep.

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 >Fluttershy
"Chrysalis"
[???]
~~~

>Um... are you sure this is safe?

"NOPE!"

>...

"..."

>...Oh.

"HAH! Just do it already!"

>I-I'm not sure...

"Look, if you go nutty again I'll just zotz you! It's simple! You want to get a handle on this, right?"

>I... I suppose...

"Then go nuts!"

>...Okay... here goes...

*POOF!*

"...YES!"

>Oh dear, I turned into a... I was hoping for a bunny. I wanted to be a bunny.

"YESYESYESYESYES!"

>...Chrysalis? What're you-OH MY!

"GIGA! DRILL! BREAAKKKAAAAAAAAA!"

>CHRYSALIS NO!

"NO REGRETS!"

~~~~~

[Would you mind explaining to me why the top of my castle has been drilled off, Chrysalis?]

"Chaos powers."

[...Shoot. Well, good lucky getting a hold of those Fluttershy.]

>...

"...This is awesome."

>Glad someone thinks so.

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NC
~Various~
"Chrysalis
>FS
~~~

~Chrysalis! My cake is gone!~

"Fluttershy turned it into a flying saucer, I had to kill it."

~Oh... thanks?~

"Welcome!"

~~~~

~Chrysalis! What happened to my room!?

"The chaos went wild, this is what it looks like turning back."

~Oh... well, I suppose if Fluttershy didn't mean it...~

~~~

~CHRYSALIS! EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE!~

"Chaos."

~Oh... oh, poor Fluttershy...~

"..."

>Your changelings did that.

"Hey, I said chaos did it, they're the ones who assumed."

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>???
~~~~

The dank, cold dungeon was almost suffocating to the poor soul who had decided to take a trip down there. A rank, harsh stench filled their nostrils, almost choking them out with its disgusting smell.

At least they knew they were at the right place.

Well, that and the scorch marks barely lit in the darkness.

It was with a silence that any a mouse would be envious of that they slipped their way into the cell, careful not to touch the ash upon the floor, just yet.

>Why do this...

The thought was quite prevalent in their mind as they carefully hugged the walls, looking for anything amiss. Well, more amiss than a room that had been set on fire, that is.

>Why burn everything...

There were some obvious answers, of course. Spite so that the Queen could not have whatever it was the previous occupant had possessed, a need to leave no trace behind as changelings are want to do, perhaps even just a symbolic measure of burning one's previous life to the ground...

But there was something more, they were sure.

>...Interesting.

From within the piles, a single object was oh so carefully pried free from the remains, barely a sound made as it was lifted before searching eyes. A swift stroke, and the remains of ash fell away, revealing a smooth surface underneath.

>Wine...

It was a small bottle, far smaller than should be. This, alone, set off warning bells. Someone had been bringing the prisoner contraband.

But when the cap was pried free and the previously untouched contents poured into a waiting mouth, the warning bells reached a fever pitch.

>This... is some damn fine quality.

Quality wine of this kind in convenient sizes were uncommon, to say the least. Most 'compact' alcohol was of the disposable quality, meant more for drunks who couldn't wait while traveling than any real taste. This was not only of prime stock, it was aged quite gracefully.

All in a tiny, tiny bottle.

>The perfect way to slip it in...

Still, this was not cause for alarm just yet. While this by far did discount the idea that someone like Seventy Seven had been the one bringing it, seeing as he would know nothing of this sort, the princess had been down here multiple times, and was almost certainly the one who brought him the books who's remains were still quite visible in the ash, it's entirely possible that one such as herself, a native of Canterlot born to higher class parents, must have some knowledge of the finer things in life. She did not seem a drinking type, but then again... it's always the quiet ones.

The answers are not clear yet, still more needs to be searched...

And search they did, every corner, every inch, any sign of remains that could prove useful in this investigation. Nothing... nothing but a few more bottles of equally well made wine, the charred remains of some kind of food, and many many burned papers.

It seems the prisoner had been thorough...

Or at least, that is how it seemed, until a tiny, tiny edge caught their vision.

There, jammed in the corner of the room, hidden by the brunt bedframe pressing against it, was the stocky remains of a book.

Quickly pulling it free, they discovered it mostly unburned, in tact save for a few charred ends. Good, at last they could see what type of story the prisoner had been granted...

Ah, "A Midsummer's Neigh Dream", a classic. They knew next to nothing of classics, but even they knew a name like this. So, that must confirm it, it must have been the princess who brought him these things. Well, perhaps that was a relief, good to see any fears of outside influence being put to rest. She had simply taken pity on her 'patient', and that was that.

Still, there was something off about this book, something they couldn't quite put their hoof on. It felt... light.


For all their care up to this point, it was very nearly all turned to nothing when they nearly dropped the book in abject shock, only barely managing to catch it before it fell free of their hooves.

The cover had hidden a dark secret, one that quickly put to bed all notions this was the princess.

They were not friends with Princess Twilight Sparkle, they did not know them personally or associate with them most days, but even they knew, without any question at all, without a hint of doubt, that the once unicorn would never, ever, EVER...

Cut a perfect hole in the book, and place a bottle of wine in the middle.

It all came crashing down like the ceiling had collapsed. Barring the ludicrousness of even implying she would destroy a book, and a classic at that, she would have no reason. None would search her, none would question her. There was no point to sneaking in something like this in such an out of character way. No, this was brought in by someone else...

But who?

Seventy Seven was not a learned changeling, he was every bit as unlikely as the princess.

The guard was unlikely to have spent such exorbitant amounts on the prisoner.

...Who else had any motive? No matter how much they thought, they came up blank. There was no reason for anyone else to come down here.

Unless...

Unless... it wasn't just one he had swayed to his side in his stint above ground, perhaps more than that pony had been called to his words.

There was another... possibly...

Another traitor.

>...Perhaps.


Whoever they were, they had made a fatal mistake.

The bottle in the book still had the label on it. Now, they knew exactly where to start looking.

Their lead set, they returned the book from whence it had come, just on the off chance someone came back and stumbled upon it. No need to set off any warning bells for their target, not just yet.

Careful to remove all traces they had ever been, down to ensuring that the door was the exact level open it had been on arrival, they quickly made their exit, silent as they raced away from the rancid smell that even now pervaded their sinuses.

Fresh, fresh air filled their lungs as they reached daylight, and it was not long before they had slipped away, unseen by all.

Only when he was far, far away did they look down at the wine in their hoof, and smile.

>...Her majesty will be most interested in this.

Changeling number Zero Zero Seven had failed his Queen once before.

...It would not happen again.

The traitor would be found.

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>29 IS THE HERETIC TRAITOR!

"Who?"

>Wha-what do you mean Who, my queen?

"Who."

>Number 29, he's one of the rogues from our hive

"Narrow it down."

>He's.. uh, hanging out with the ponies now. Popped in to bring 32 stuff.

"Keep going."

>The one with the ghost kids?

"One more time."

>The one that wanted to fuck the princesses?

"Oooooooooh, him."

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"WAIT A MINUTE!"

>ACK! What!?

"...Yay!"

>...Y-... yay?

"Yes yay! Everybody hates him! I CAN FINALLY KILL SOMEONE, AND NOBODY WILL GET MAD AT ME! AHHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!"

>...Y-yaaay?

"AHHHHAHAHAHAHAH!"

'Hey Not-mom! You seen my cuz around here?'

"...GOD DAMN IT!

'Was just a question...'

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>Siegfried
"Guard"
'???'
[???]
~~~

>...Still fucking weird, isn't it?

"Which thing, exactly, are you referring to your highness? There is an awful lot here that is, as you say, fucking weird."

>Her.

He pointed a claw in a vague direction, and yet it was fairly unquestionable what, exactly, he was pointing at.

"Ah... the beast."

Off in the distance, Chitania's ears flickered, but she went back to her book soon enough.

>You know what the town looked like after the attack? I did... went down there myself to try and see what I could do to make the people feel less, just... terrified. They were, you know, completely terrified every second that she was going to turn around, and they wouldn't have a fast farmer to warn them to get flying this time.

A sad smile curled at his cheeks, and he couldn't help but absentmindedly stroke his own wing.

>...Good thing she never flew. She can, you know. She could totally have flown, apparently. Even in her giant state, those wings aren't just for show. She could have just flown...

Slowly, what little smile had been building shrank away.

>...She could have just flown.

The guard shifted, unsure what to say to this.

>...So like I said, weird, right? Just another facet of this crazy place.

"Sire, why are we here?"

The gryphon smiled, and subtly patted his robe.

>You know what? I think Mother needs some smiles in her life. Doesn't it seem like that? She doesn't smile enough, it's crazy. SO! I decided, you know, maybe put a grin on her face.

"How?"

>Welll... heard a little rumor that old stompy's little... 'friend' isn't quite back home yet.

"...You mean..."

He smiled, wicked.

>Oh yeah, I'm totally going to get pics of them together and send them right to-

'OH HI! It's you!'

What had once been a wide, happy smile left his face like it had been blasted off by the waves of a massive, atomic bomb, leaving only horror and shock in it's place.

'Hiiiii! How ya' been sugarstuff!'

Slowly, very slowly, the prince turned his head, and came face to face with a happy smile, and a waving hoof.

Right from the mare standing right next to Chitania.

'You been good? Bet ya' have! Oh! Forgot, Bouncah says you still owe her six bits.'

"...Sire, no..."

His beak was going to hit the floor at any second, he swore.

[You know this guy?]

'Yeeeeahhh! He came down to the docks... woo! Had to have been a year ago! Didn't pick me, though... boy was all like "I ain't nevah been with a zebra before!" and Bouncah was like "Eighty bits" and he apparently only gave her seventy four, but she took forever to count it cause she can't count so well and had to start over a bunch so by the time she noticed he was gone!'

>I DID NO-....

All eyes were suddenly on him.

>...I did not do any of that, you clearly have me mixed up with someone else.

'Suuuug, I don't never forget a face like that!'

>I have a very common gryphon face, it could just as easily be my friend over here.

"...Really?"

'Nuh uh! Ya' totally got a great face, don't get down on yourself!'

>And I would never shortchange anyone!... If I were to partake in this thing I in no way partook in. Because I was in... Batlimare when that happened.

'...But... Ah' didn't tell you when it was.'

>I WAS IN BALTIMARE THAT WHOLE YEAR!

'Alright alright! Ain't the first who don't want nobody to know, chill out! Only called you out on it cause ya' shortchanged my girl.'

>I DID NOT... Because that was not me.

"...Sire."

>IT WAS NOT ME.

"..."

>Oh look! Something else weird! I'm going to go look at that!

Even Chitania, watching them flee from her in masses, had never seen a gryphon fly that fast before.

"...Ugh..."

The guard cast a threatening, hard look to the mare.

"If you try to tell anyone, we will make this very... unpleasant for you."

'Hey! I don't squeal ta'-'

[Did you just threaten me!?]

Angrily, the changeling stomped forwards, and the gryphon felt suddenly very unarmed.

Granted, he would feel the same way if he were riding in a tank, but still.

"I...I was talking to-"

[Oh, you want to go!? Fine! This is a threat to me, justified! I'm justified to do this!]

"...OH WOW, SIRE! THAT DOES LOOK WEIRD! LET ME TAKE A CLOSER LOOK WITH YOU!"

Correction, NOW Chitania had seen the fastest flight of a gryphon, ever.

[WAIT! COME BACK! Don't you want to prove the might of the gryphons? Really, I'm feeling pretty weak right now, you might be able to take me! Just to show I'm a good sport you can have the first shot!... First TEN shot! Twenty! I'll give you twenty shots! Prove you're not a baby gryphon, whatever the fuck those are called! Come back here you coward! COME BACK!... Asshole.]

'...Y-you okay? Ya' seem mad.'

[...I miss hitting things... I want to hit things again...]

'...'

[...Who was that guy anyway?]

'The john? Not a clue! Never got his name, why?'

[He looks SO FAMILIAR. I could swear I saw him somewhere before!]

'...'

[Guess he just has one of those faces, like he said.]

'Guess so.'

[...I miss the punches...]

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Applebloom
~~~

>So... so am Ah' supposed to go back to Canterlot now? Do Ah' live down at the farm again? Am Ah' goin' back ta' Cheerliee's school? Did... did Ah' go to a school up there!? Ah' don't remember ever goin', did Ah' go ta' school up there!? WHAT DID AH' DO!? WHO AM AH'!?

...

>Oh hey, apples! Neat!... What was Ah' thinkin' about again?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Twilight"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I recycle openings. Now for our main event...VISITING TWILIGHT!!!
Pinkie appears in Twilight's library.

"Pinkie? What brings you here?"

>I'm just trying out a new gimmick for my show.

"What show?"

> Oh uh...It's not important. Say, whatcha doing?

"I'm going to do something really exciting. "

> *GASP* What is it?

"I'm going to alphabetize my books!"

>...I'm really looking at the wrong pony for an interesting dream.

"Wait, are you calling me boring?"

>Uhhh...oh look it's time for me to leave. Have fun alphabetizing!
Pinkie runs.

"Hmph, I'm not boring. I'm a fun pony. She should catch me when I'm counting bees in the beehive."

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