Anima, Ch.48: Temet Nosce

--01-- [Scene: Herba Jungle] <BGM: Tears of Memories>
It took quite a while for me to recount the story of my first year and a half in Erinn, especially since
I was starting to forget bits and pieces of it after all the years since then.



--02-- <BGM: Tears of Memories>
Akule listened intently the entire time, and even his two students crept back to listen,
though the fussy red-haired girl got bored and left again halfway through.



--03-- <BGM: Tears of Memories>
"...and that's basically it.
After I...became this...they shut me out of the Soulstream...
Since then, I've been wandering alone, waiting for a death that'll never come,
for...about seven years now?"

--04-- <BGM: Tears of Memories>
(Akule)
They brought you to this world to fix a problem, then cast you away when you became an even bigger problem.
Why can't they ever take responsibility for their own mistakes?



--05-- <BGM: Tears of Memories>
(Akule)
The gods are so frustratingly capricious...
It's a travesty that they've put you through such a life.
I can hardly blame you for wanting to give up on it, but that is precisely why you're here now.


--06-- <BGM: Tears of Memories>
(Merlin)
Don't feel like it's personal.
They've done this for centuries; using one group against another, then turning yet another against them.
The Parthlonians, the Nemedians, the Fir Bolg, now Milletians.


--07--<BGM: Tears of Memories>
"It doesn't make the feeling of betrayal any less painful...
Well, I've told you all I remember, so what do we do now?"



--08-- <BGM: Tears of Memories>
(Akule)
Your problem started right at the beginning.
When they made that elf body for you, and put your soul in it,
it seems they also made a blank personality to fill it, both based on their original forms.


--09--<BGM: Tears of Memories>
(Akule)
That blank slate they created lived, and learned, and grew, and became a complete person again-- that is you.
But as with your body, the original imprint is still there; dormant and buried.



--10-- <BGM: Tears of Memories>
(Akule)
Perhaps the gods didn't count on your original aspects reasserting themselves so aggressively.
First your body, and now your mind...
They certainly seem to have tried very hard to stop it...


--11-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
"But there's the problem, isn't it? I don't WANT my original mind taking over again.
I want to be ME! I just want to fade away quietly and not cause anyone trouble.
Can't I even die as myself?"


--12-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
(Akule)
It would certainly be preferable for you to stay as you are.
But you've given up the will to live, and because of that, now your other self is slowly eroding away your very being.



--13-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
"I'll admit I've gotten sick of my immortality, but I don't want to cause problems for the world, either...
Isn't there any way to stop what's happening to me?"



--14-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
(Merlin)
I'd just as soon not have to deal with any more world-destroying threats.
We've had enough of them lately. It would be nice to prevent one for a change.



--15-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
(Akule)
One would think the right thing to do would be to stop that other will from waking up again.
But that would be a mistake.
What we'll have to do is nearly the opposite.


--16-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
(Merlin)
Don't you have to take that mask off first before you make with the crazy talk?




--17-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
"Why would we want to do that? That seems like the exact opposite of what we're trying to do!"




--18-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
(Akule)
Let me finish.
When you're facing an outside context problem, you have to think outside the box.
Trying to put it back to sleep isn't a permanent solution.
You're going to have to confront it.

--19-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
(Akule)
While this nicer you is still dominant, we're going to try and re-integrate your two wills.
This version of you will remain in control.
...In theory. As long as it's not too late already.


--20-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
(Akule)
Because you've given up, you...who you are now...your will, is weakening.
The other you that sleeps within is just waiting until you fade away, and then it'll...assert itself over you.



--21-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
(Akule)
You cannot remain divided like this.
You brought many sorrows into this world purely by inaction.
If your lose this battle of wills, the other you will do darker deeds yet, with baleful intent.


--22-- <BGM: Prince of Partholon>
"So, I can't put the other me to sleep; I have to...fight her? ...Get rid of her?
If that's what it takes...I guess I'll do it.
I've made enough of a mess. No point making it worse before I go."


--23-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Akule)
All right, then.
I believe you have a strong enough conscience to refrain from bringing harm to this world,
once your darker half is no longer around to encourage you to do it.


--24-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Merlin)
And if not, well, we'll deal with it. Somehow.




--25-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Akule)
You...will be changed by this, regardless of what we do or don't do, but this way,
you'll still be able to remain as yourself.
Though this world probably still won't accept you being a part of it.


--26-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
...what choice do I have, other than lose my mind?
It's one thing to disappear, it's another to be replaced with a destroyer of worlds.
"If there's no other way... So how do we go about doing this?"


--27-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Akule)
I'll prepare the necessary ritual, but you'll need to go find something for me in the meanwhile;
a mirror that can restore the memories of those who look into it.



--28-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
"A what...?!"




--29-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Akule)
A mirror that can restore the memories of those who look into it. A Mirror of Memory, you could call it.




--30-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul> {SFX: huge failure}
"I've been wanting to get my memory back for eight and a half years, and you're telling me there was
something that could have done it here in Iria, all along?!"

What had I been doing with my life?!

--31-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Akule)
I suppose so, yes.
...Merlin, I want you to go help her look for it.
As for you, Meara...
I saw what you did in that dream. I'll ask you not to do the same to my student.

--32-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Merlin)
Me? Go with her?!

...uh, what did she do?


--33-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Akule)
Helping someone that makes you uncomfortable to be around...this should be a good lesson for you.
Just keep an eye on her, and keep her out of trouble.
...And whatever you do, don't kiss her.


--34-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Merlin)
...As if I would! I only have eyes for Starlet!
Besides, isn't that an engagement ring she's wearing?



--35-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
"Yeah, but..."
I still had Devin's ring on, after all these years. I vowed to keep it forever...
"It's just a memento, now. Death couldn't wait to do us part..."


--36-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Merlin)
Oh. Well, that's...awkward. Sorry I brought it up.




--37-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
"It's okay. And, uh, don't worry, I'll be good."
As long as I'm awake, I can resist my other self's impulses...

"So...one more question. If we do this...does this mean I can get my memory back...?"

--38-- <BGM: Mischievous Soul>
(Akule)
...It's a possibility, yes.
I think the elves know something about the Mirror of Memory. Perhaps you should start by asking them.
Be careful out there, now.
I'll have things ready when you get back.

--39--
If I had known all those years ago that a way to get my memory back was here, in Iria,
I'd have found a way here a lot sooner...
All those years, wasted in vain!
In a way, it's infuriating...

--40--
But would I have been ready for it then?
Am I even ready to get my memory back now?
Am I...ready to confront my past, and remember it?

Perhaps I have one thing left to do in this world after all...
[end of chapter]