Thread 4: Stories 16-30

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>Rainbow Dash
“Spitfire”
‘Spike’
__________

“So what’s up, rookie?”

Rainbow lifts a single hoof.

>Fuck you, Spitfire.

“Whoa! Such hostility! And towards your hero no less!”

>Former hero. See that word there? Former. As in, no longer.

“Oh c’mon, things here don’t look that bad. I mean… well, yeah, they look pretty terrible but still! No reason to try and flip me off, Dash.”

>You’re lucky that’s all I’m doing, but I can't get up right now.

"Why not?"

>None of your business why. But riddle me this, Spits....

Dash motions at the nearly bursting filing cabinets and then at the waves of paperwork strewn across her desk.

>How in the hell did you manage to let it get like THIS? How in the name of Starswirls beard did you keep things running?!

“Hm. I didn’t.”

>Say what?

“Yeah, seriously, I didn’t. Princess Celestia offered me this gig awhile back because of my flying ability, and because she needed an attractive face to put over our air force. But Dash, lemme tell ya, I barely understood half the responsibilities that came with being captain of the ‘Bolts- and I still don’t. It didn’t matter much then because Princess Celestia was pretty lazy herself. She probably only checked up on my ‘progress’, if you can call it that, once every full moon? If that? I’m actually glad you came along when you did. That orange princess, Applejack was it? She kept hounding me and hounding me for report this and report that, so I started faking a lot of it just to shut her up.”

>…

“And then you came along, giving me a paid month of vacation! I always knew there was something special about you, Dash. Just, be a pal, yeah? Try and have all this filing done before I get back?”

>Get the hell out of my office, Spitfire.

“Right, can do, you look like you’re busy anyway. I'll check up on you later. Keep on truckin’, Dash!”

With a friendly wave, Spitfire leaves, causing the cabinets to rattle when she slammed the door.

>…

From behind Rainbow’s chair peeks Spike, having stayed quiet throughout that entire conversation as he slowly worked Dash’s sore rear with his claws.

‘I could do it, Dash. I have the gun with me. I could do it.’

>No… no. If she thinks she’s gettin’ this job back at the end of the month she’s got another thing coming. Shooting her would be taking the easy way out and I’m too awesome for that. I’ll beat her my way. And, uh… you can keep going….

‘Oh, right. Sorry.’

>Mmmmmyeah~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>FIRST CHANGELING MEETING CALLED TO ORDER!
~~~~~~~~~
>AJ18
"AJ2"
'AJ56'
-AJ42-
~~~~~~~~~
>Alright, everybody here?

'Where're the plots? I was promised plots'

>*Sigh*, You'll get your fucking plots, just, help me out her-

'You have a nice plot'

>...
>Where's AJ2? She's our only female who we know that's going to come

'We should just PLOT without her'

>....

'Get it? It's because-'

>I GET IT YOU BUMBLING IDIOT-

"I'M HERE! I'M HERE! Sorry I'm late, it was a REAAAAALLY intense game of Candyland with Shiny!"

>Cool, just sit over there

"Okay!"

>....NOT ON 56!

'You have a big plot, AJ2! It's bigger than Chrysalis', even!'

>Stop lying to the kid, 56. Her plot is normal, and you have an obsession
>I'm surprised you know more words than plot
>Two, go sit over there

"Why am I leaving a seat open?"

>Just incase 42 comes-

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!-

>Right on time. Take a seat and lock the doors, loyalist
...
>Good. Now, lets start, shall we?
>Now, who wants to overthrow Chrysalis?

-WHAT!?-

>...Zero
>Great
>Who wants to STAY with Chrysalis?
>...One
>So the rest of you...

'Mhm'

"Rougee!"

>Perfect
>Well this meeting's ajourned
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"Luna"
'Applejack 18'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Auntie Luna! I'm so glad you came over to visit, we never get to talk anymor-HRK!

"Darkest of deceiver, thine foul little creature, did thou really think we would not have noticed?"

*Confused strangle noises*

"Did you really think your competency would slip past? You really think we wouldn't be watching your progress like a hawk? I'm meant to be the vulture picking from your carrion, but I will be the eagle that plucks you from the river all the same!"

>....glkl?

"We know of usurpers when we see them, Princess CADENCE, and we know when the shadows slip beneath unnoticed like Applejack 56 hoping I will sit upon him. For the good of Equestria, it may be within our best interest to kill you now."

>*starts frantically pointing*

"DOES THOU THINK THIS A JOKE?"

*Throne shattering noise*

"As if would would be deceived by such an old and outdated trick! Perhaps this brief ineptitude is a sign you wish for mercy? AS IF WE WOULD BE SO FOOLISH!"

*More breaking noises*

"We know not how you slipped past, CHRYSALIS, but if you really believed we would fail to notice such an obvious deception, thou art as stupid as forewarned, and we were very, very forewarned on the matter. Now, reveal thyself!"

*Minutes pass*

"...hmm, how long does it take a Changeling to turn back after Asphyxiation"

'About ten seconds.'

"Ah, thank you dear Cadence, that is most helpfu..."

'...'

"...Fuck."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack56
“Twilight”
‘Applejack’
-Celestia-
~~~~~~~~~~
Born from an idea two threads ago.

>Hey, Twiiiliiiiiight, where arrrrrrre yooouuuuu-

*the called purple Alicorn teleports to the first floor and fixes the Changeling with a bewildered stare*

“Applejack… 55?”

>56, actually.

“Ah, right, your hair is a bit more boyish than the others. I’m a little surprised you said you were coming by for a visit, did you want to check out some books?”

>Nope! I just wanted to view a hippies lifestyle!

“...pardon? A hippies…?”

>Yeah! We studied early Equestrian lifestyles in class today and Miss Flowerpot said that hippie ponies usually allowed anyone into their home to take what they want and hang out!

“...the library isn’t anything like that, AJ56.”

>Sooooo this a library… and not your home?

“Well, yes, it IS my home but-”

>And other pony peeps do get to come at all hours, right?

“With proper appointment time, I guess they-”

>Hippie Twilight!

“I’m not a hippie, you little-”

>You even got a bed up there! Totally hippie! Hey, mind if I get something from the fridge?

“No you may not! I thought you came for books!”

>Woooow, you got a whole house in this library!

“It’s my home!”

>Your home is a public library! I wish I’d known sooner, I’m gonna be stopping by here more often now!

“…”

XXXXXXX

‘Hawh, knew that’d get her.’

-You mean that actually worked?-

‘Ah swear Ah love AJ56 sometimes. Send ‘im down there for only eight minutes an’ already Twi’s askin’ to have all of her things moved to Canterlot Castle. She can’t be down there hoggin’ all the town’s knowledge ‘cause of her book fetish.’

-Well, I’ll be damned. And here I was ready to spin the wheel and take my chances if it failed. We need to utilize him more in the future.-

‘His prices are shockingly cheap. Jus’ ten seconds rubbin’ on mah rear and he was good to go.’

-...you’re going to get him addicted to butts if you keep that up.-

‘That right there would be Luna’s fault.’

-Long as it wasn’t mine, I couldn’t give less of a damn, dear.-

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Uh, Princess?

"Yet again you come with a question. But I'm going to try to guess it this time. The Twilight's project?"

>Yeah. Ah'm wonderin' why ya' said ta' stop it immediately and never attempt it again. She was really inta' researching the possibility of gettin' ta' other worlds.

"Oh Applejack, I know. And it did so break my heart to tell her not to learn, even for just this little thing, but it had to be done."

>Why? There's endless possibilities out there.

"Of course there are, Dear Applejack. Of course there are. That's why I had to do it."

>Huh?

"For you see, if I were to ever learn that there was a world I could escape to, a world where I could do it all over again from the very start... I'd burn it all to the ground."

>...Come again?

"I'd burn it all. Every town, every home, every single pony who fuels the utter chaos around me. I'd set it on fire, and just watch it burn."

>...Terrifyin'.

"Oh, I wouldn't do it to you, of course. Nor Luna or Twilight or Spike or any of the other four of your friends. I wouldn't dream of moving on without them. And I suppose I would have to make exceptions, besides. Shining Armor, to my dismay, would have to be included, if only to keep Twilight happy. She would be devastated without him... eerily, almost frighteningly devastated. And I suppose Applejack 2 would come as well, I actually rather enjoy her company. And Applejack 42, of course! Competency is so rare, I would hate to lose it, especially from a Changeling. But all the others? I would set them ablaze, and dance in their ashes."

>...What about Cadence?

"...I admit, even though Shining Armor and Twilight love her so dearly, I would take a long, hard debate over whether she would come. There's every chance she would be there, in the fire, while I laughed. And I would enjoy every moment."

>...M'kay. Ah'm... Ah'm gonna tell Twi ta' stop workin' on it."

"Good call, Applejack... Good call."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Shining
“Cadance”
~~~~~~~~~~

>Allllright! I’ve postponed all my royal guard duties, managed to lose Applejack 2 while playing a game of hide-and-seek, blew off 42 by pretending to have a broken hoof, and Applejack thinks I’m in the bathroom shaving myself! My night is free and just for you, my darling!

*Shining leaps on the bed, splayed out in a suggestive position as he lewdly stares at his wife*

“…”

>Well, get on over here, you sexy pink mare, you.

“Oh, yeah, sure… I’ll, uh, just gimme one second to freshen up and I’ll be all set to give my big, bad stallion the ride of his life.”

*with an alluring wink, of her eye, Cadance flicked her tail and vanished into the bathroom while Shining rubbed his hooves together excitedly*

>Finally, good ol’ sexy times with the wife.

*the toilet flushes and Cadance emerges at long last, fanning her glorious hair about with a manicured hoof*

“You ready, big boy?”

>….

“Because I know I a--”

>Let me guess. She escaped through the window just as you were climbing in. Right?

“...Yuuuup. Said something about missing a hooficure appointment as we passed.”

>I knew it.

“...So. Do you still wanna--”

>No.

“Yeah, didn’t think so. That was cold-blooded as hell. But, if I can say? You’re leaking a lot of pent up love. You suuuure I can’t just--”

>No.

“Gotcha.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>applejack
"Spike"
'Cadence'
*Shining Armor*
~~~~~
>Well howdy, Cadence, yer lookin' mighty fine today? How much did it cost the Crystal Empire?

'Uhh... Lots?'

"Applejack, give me the gun."

*Whoa, kiddo! You're kind of young to contemplate suicide, aren't you?*

Spike roughly snatches the gun from Applejack

BANG!

"It's not suicide."

*Sweet Celestia, Cadence!"

"Hey, look at the bright side, you can now get some from her AND she'll be more useful for the next few weeks!"

Applejack slowly takes back the gun.

>Spike... Yer goin' into therapy.

"Ask any psychologist, Applejack, they'll say I just made one of the sanest decisions since making you a Princess."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Spike"
~~~~~
>Spike? Well there ya are-... Ain' that Celestia's forms she's supposed to fill out?

Applejack finds Spike alone in a room filled with stacks of papers, bills, notes, reforms, and books on politics, economics, and other related matters.

"It's fine, I know how to forge her signature and I've been studying a lot lately on how to get these passed."

>It's mighty fine work, sugarcube, but when's the last time you slept?

"Dunno. Not sure. Been pretty busy. Gotta keep busy. Equestria's falling apart. Everything's doomed if we don't work fast. Twilight's too busy with experiments, Dash is doing the best she can, Luna is apathetic, Celestia doesn't care anymore, everything else is just another factor against us. Can't stop. need to-"

Paragon interrupt!

Applejack gently puts a hoof on Spike's shoulder and pulls him away.

>Sugarcube... It's okay. Ah guess Ah make things seem a lot worse than they appear. Ah mighta made it sound like tha world was gonna end without those reforms, but they can wait. You need to rest, we all do.

Spike pushes away, teary eyed.

"No-No! No! I can's stop! I can't rest! I've done so little until now, and now I see what happens when every one else has that same attitude."

>Spike, darlin', Ah know we drop a lot on you, but yer still jus' a little one. You should be in school-

"No, I'm not learning under Cheerlie."

>Besides tha poin'. Spike, Ah'm sorry, Ah haven't been helpin' wit' things. Ah been havin' you run all over 'long wit' everyone else making you run all over when you should be enjoyin' yer life. You shouldn' hafta worry 'bout politics, an' economies, an' stuff. Ah want you ta take a vacation. A nice long one, do somethin' you love.

Spike just smiled and hugs Applejack's leg

"I like hanging out with you, even when everything's really hectic and it's all work."

>Thanks, sugarcube. Maybe Ah need a vacation too.

"Want the revolver?"

>Not that kind, smartalec.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


>Spike
“Mayor Mare”
‘Secretary’
-Applejack-
__________

>Uh, hi! I have a six o’clock with Mayor Mare? Urgent Canterlot business?

‘Name?’

>Really? I'm the only dragon in Ponyville, I've saved everyone’s asses- including yours- from certain destruction and you… Spike. My name is Spike.

‘Spike, Spike, Spi- ah, there we go. Yes, six o’clock, right. Miss Mare should be finishing up with her previous client shor-’

The door down the hall bangs open and a stallion exits wearing a wide, satisfied grin as he struggles to right his tussled Italian jacket, giving Spike a wink as he passes.

>What in the hell…?

‘Alright, she’ll see you now.’

>Uh, yeah… thanks.

Spike enters a rather lavish office, one decorated with awards, trophies, and plaques glinting with Celestia’s handwriting. Mayor Mare is in the process of wiping her bottom lip as she gawks at the dragon taking the seat in front of her desk.

“Spike…?”

>You seem surprised to see me. Wasn’t I on your list?

“Well, yes, er… no. Blast it, I keep telling that secretary of mine to improve on her penmanship! I thought that read Sheeck.”

>I… who is Sheeck?

Mayor Mare grumbles.

“Obviously not the one meeting me today….”

>...okaaaay, well, anyway, I’m here now and I wanted to ask you a question. What’s that stuff in the corner of your mouth? That’s not my question at all but… what is it?

Again, Mayor Mayor wipes at her muzzle.

“N-none of your concern, Spike. What exactly are you here for again…?”

Spike blinks, slowly pulling out a small scroll and unfurling it.

>Um. I come on behalf of Princess Applejack, to see how Ponyville’s fiscal reports are looking.

“Everything’s fine as fine can be. You can tell her that. Now, I think that will do for our meet--”

>Fine as fine can be? Seriously? Okay, look, I know I seem like a ‘young’ dragon but I’m kinda well beyond my age thanks to years of looking after Twilight, and now three other princesses. I don’t really care what public official you happen to be giving ‘mouth service’ to, or that you can’t even clean up properly afterwards, all I want to know is how you can honestly sit there with YOUR town going under faster than the Neightanic and say “everything’s fine” with a straight face.

“…”

>…

“Err, w-well, I am the Mayor and I think I would know if things were askew under my watch!”

>You’re pretty much mayor in name only at this point. Do you even know what your town’s education system is like?

“I--that’s Miss Cheerilee’s area and I--”

>That’s a ‘no’, then. Do you even know how Miss Cheerilee is doing at her job?

“She’s a wonderful, perfectly able teacher, never heard a bad word about--”

>Yeah, I thought the same. What about the immigration forms for the Changelings we sent you like, four months ago?

“I thought those were joke slips considering how the Changelings attacked Canterlot!”

>You dismissed royal documentation….

*POP!*

“Did your eye just…?”

>Yup. And when that happens, it’s time for this.

From his side, Spike lifts a gun and some bullets.

“...What’s that?”

>Oh, you’re about to find out.

Spike loads a bullet and gives the chamber a quick spin, putting the end to his temple.

>Now, we’re going to play a game. And it’s called ‘Truth or Sleep, wherein we make statements that are either the truth, or we sleep. For a long time. For example, I’m a dragon.

*click!*

Nodding, Spike spins the chamber once more and points it at a cabinet.

>But now… that cabinet over there? It’s a fridge.

*BANG!*

Mayor Mare nearly toppled to the floor in response to the loud noise that cracked off in her office, and she stared at the smoking hole put in her prized cabinet.

“Wuh-what is that thing?!”

>It’s called a gun. Nifty little thing, ain’t it? You can imagine what this would do if it went off at your head, right? Good. Your turn.

“Is… is this really necessary, Spike?”

Spike loads another bullet, spins the chamber, and points it at the Mayor, causing her to flinch like she might backflip out the window behind her.

>Eeeyup, it is. Now, have you been doing everything you can to make sure your town runs efficiently? Remember, honesty.

“I--I may have been c-cutting corners, I’ll admit….”

>Take a good look at your cabinet over there. Yes or no, Miss Mayor.

“No!”

*click!*

>And the truth shall set you free. My turn. I spend far too much time trying to solve other ponies problems.

*click!*

“Okay, okay, you’ve proved your point! I’ll--I’ll shape up, I promise! I’ll deliver my reports on time and take a more active role in the going-ons of Ponyville!”

*BANG!*

A steaming hole was blown into the metal plaque on the wall and Spike fixed the shaken Mayor Mare with a disappointed stare as he loaded another round.

>You lied. Consider yourself lucky I decided to aim somewhere else. Leave your turns to me, you’ll probably last longer. So, can you start putting more effort into your job now? Serious effort? Because when you don’t, the slack falls on us at Canterlot and we have to bust tail to correct your mistakes. Which, of course, means that Applejack has to work harder, and so help me Celestia, if my orange princess has to put one in her skull because of your laziness, I’ll come back. And it won’t be to play this game again. It’ll be something much quicker.

*click!*

Spike had the gun to his forehead while speaking and pulled the trigger as he finished.

>Well, whatta ya know. I was telling the truth.

*A month later*

-Ah can’t believe this….-

>What’s up, Princess AJ?

-Hey there, sugarcube. It’s… Derpy just delivered a special letter form Ponyville, and it’s from the Mayor! It’s her first on-time monthly report in Celestia knows how long! An’ it actually looks accurate!-

>Wow! That’s awesome!

-This’ll cut our predicted workload down by at least half! Ah’m so happy Ah swear Ah feel lightheaded. But… how did this happen?-

>Who knows. Maybe the ol’ Mayor just had a change of heart, decided to do things by the book as they oughta be.

Applejack paused, staring at the letter, then to Spike, and bent down to give him a kiss over the cheek.

-Ah know y’all had something to do with this, sugarcube. Ever since y’all visited her, she’s been callin’ at the end of every week an’ givin’ us weekly updates as well.-

Spike just shrugged, smiling.

>I have no clue what you’re talking about, Princess AJ.

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack 42
"Applejack 18"
'Applejack 29'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>ALRIGHT MAGGOTS! This meeting is now... are you two really the only ones who showed up?

"I had nothing better to do."

'I'm with ya' 42 sempai!'

>The hell is a sempai?

'Someone who hits things a lot, I think?'

>Accurate, I suppose. My point is, we need to crack down and start taking stuff over again. Remember when we used to do that? Take stuff over and pound lesser creatures into the dirt? We need to get back to that.

'Ugh, I KNOW! But Cadence told me no, and I got nowhere with Shining Armor. I mean really, she didn't have to laugh at the idea! I told her I'd look like whoever she wanted, but noooo! And don't even get me started on Prince whitebutt. What kind of stallion turns down a free lay? I ask you, really.'

"...what are you, again?"

'A Changeling, fucking duh. What are you?'

"Confused in a great many ways. Not all of which I'm comfortable with."

>Point is, this whole 'sleep with a weirdly specific set of ponies' is just not a viable strategy.

'Well, not for YOU, obviously.'

>...Ignoring that. What I'm saying is, we need to start-

'Hitting things?'

>-attacking... are you mocking me?

'Oh no, you're an unpredictable chessmaster, you are. So much more to you than just hitting things.'

>...You're mocking me.

"Me? Never."

>...

'Oh my, look at the time! Well, I would love to listen to more strategy, and I'm sure you were just getting to the part where we hit them REALLY hard, but Chrysalis just got a copy of "The Diary" and I just loooove these things. Ciao!'

>... I don't like-uh.... hey, 18, was that a guy or.... you're gone too. Just talking to myself now.

....

>I need some corner time.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Luna”
‘Applejack56’
-Chrysalis-
_________

>Hey, Luna? Ah was loggin’ in the equipment invoices for yer’ lunar guards and had a question. Nothing big, jus’- What the buck…?

‘Hm? Oh, hey, orangebutt!’

“Shed no tears over that vagabond stallion! His heart blares blacker than pitch!”

>Err, howdy, 56… what’s… what’s all this here? Why’re Luna and Chrysalis…?

-There’s nothing wrong with wanting true love! You’re not wrong! HE’S wrong! Buck him!-

‘Why’re they bawling like fillies over this comedy? Beats me.’

“Tis not a comedy! Neigh, we are witnessing the purest of poetry in motion! The desperate search for ones soulmate, only to discover the term is laden with treachery and betrayal and heartache!”

-And big, dumb, dummyheads who can’t appreciate a mare for who she is!-

“That too!”

>…

‘Yeah, see? Hilarious.’

>That’s a huge amount of cake they got there….

‘Ain’t it? Something about ‘happy food’ or something. I don’t know, don’t really care. All I care about is my payment.’

>Yer’ payment? For what?

“Have some pride! If thou even thinks of going back to that heartless bastard, we will find you!”

-He’s a dumdum! A stupid dumdum! Not worth your time!-

‘Moons asked me to hang around so the two of them can have a ‘male’ to yell at concerning the movie. But I really think it’s to get out their own personal relationship issues. Either way, for doing it, I get twenty seconds of plot snuggling with moons!’

Applejack56 excitedly clapped his hooves together, nearly drooling.

>…well. Ya know what? The forms can wait. Budge over, Chrysalis. And Luna, hand me some of that cake there.

“Yes! Join us in death-glaring this stallion and his dastardly deeds!”

-He’s a jerk! And he probably smells bad, too! Though he is handsome… he’s still a jerk!-

>Hey, AJ56, is ten seconds with mah rump enough to let me yell at y’all, too?

‘Hell yeah it is!’
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Twilight"
'Rainbow Dash'
[Discord]
+Badguys+
~~~~~~
For reasons inexplicable, all of the main six but Twilight have gathered in Canterlot when Twilight bursts into the room!

"A band of six villains who call themselves The Elements of Discord are wreaking havoc!"

[Elements of Discord? Really? I'm going with you girls to sue the pants of these upstarts for copyright infringement!]

>Sounds like that's our cue fer a good ole fashion adventure!

'It's been too long since we've done this!'

"Elements of Harmony: ASSEMBLE!"

Later...

+You are too late to stop use Twiloser Sputnik! Soon Celestia, Cadence, Luna, and Shining Armor will all be dipped in our Disharmony vat and become evil!"

"... Really?"

Twilight teleports the princesses (and Shiny) out of their binds and next to the main six and wake them up.

+Oh... Well... Guess you stopped us.+

Several sound beatings later, the badguys are lying on the floor, half dead.

[This is your subpena, I'm suing all of you for making Discord sounds lame.]

+... pain...+

And once again the day is saved thanks to gratuitous violence!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack 29
"Cadence"
'Shining Armor'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>C'moooooon!

"NO!"

>C'moooooooon!

"NO!"

>C'moooooooooooooooooooooon!

"NO!"

>But I can turn into anyone you want! You want to get with the guy on the cover of that book? Done. You want an adventure with Daring Do? I can make it happen. I'm a great big book of fantasies, open me up baby!

"I'm married!"

>I won't hold that against you, really!

"I love my husband!"

>Fine, I can look like him. Jeez, complicating everything. Okay, about how big is he? Yaay big, or yaaaaaay big?

"WILL YOU PUT THAT AWAY! I want nothing to do with you, begone!"

>C'mon already! Shining did it with Chrysalis. I know he did. I listened to it... and watched a bit.

"..."

>Okay, a lot.

"She was disguised as me and mind controlling him, do you really think I'm going to hold that against him?"

>Ugh, FINE! You were just plan B anyway. Your husband is way hotter. Would MUCH rather get with him than you... though you do have a really nice mane-

"BEGONE!"

>I'll be back! *leaves*

"...three, two, one."

'NO!'

*Glass shattering noise.*

"That's my Shiny."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


>Applejack 42
"Various Changelings"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>ORDER! Order I say!

"..."

>Really, nobody is going to do the obvious joke? I was actually kind of hoping you would, it always makes me laugh.

"What obvious joke?"

>...Nevermind. Okay, my plan is-

"Hit something?"

>...Am I really that predictable?

"Not to sound too harsh, but I've seen checkerboards less predictable."

>...How is that not harsh?

"Can we get laid now?"

>NO! Chitin of my ancestor, why is that the one thing you go to?

"We feed off love, what the hell did you expect?"

"Yeah, Applejack 12 is right, this is pretty much our biggest thing."

"...Wait, isn't he Applejack 12? I thought I was 14?"

"No, I'm 14, he has to be Applejack 32"

"Like hell I am! I worked hard to be Applejack 21! It took skill to pull that number out of that hat!"

"You? 21? Pffft! You're not even worthy to be Applejack 53!"

"SAY THAT TO MY FACE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!"

"I WILL!... Once I figure out which one you are... Are you-"

"Not him."

"Figured, you looked too ugly to be in the lower double digits."

"FUCK YOU!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"I'm not even in this, but FUCK ALL OF YOU!"

"DON'T TELL MY BUDDY FUCK YOU!"

"I JUST WANT TO VENT MY ANGER AND SEXUAL FRUSTRATION!"

~~~~~~Five minutes later.~~~~~~~~~~~

*Chrysalis opens the door to the Ballroom.*

*Is greeted with the sight of massive chaos as the room is swarming with battling Changelings, green lasers and bodies flying everywhere.*

*Applejack 42 is just sitting there, dumbfounded.*

'...nope.'

*Shuts doors.*

*Goes off to get cake.*
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>Spike

"Changelings"
______

>Alright, I've gathered you all here for a very special reason, do you know why?

"You promised cake, i dont see any."
"Yeah where's the cake!"
"Ooh shiny"
"You promised Moons would be here."
"Where's the Twister mat?"
"Whats that in your hand?"
"Oh hey a bit!"
"AJ#21545 keeps poking me!"
"WTT StoutShaco for 5 buds!"
"I need to go to the bathroom!"
"Why are you so short?"
"Whats that spinning thi-?"
>[BANG]
>[Chunks of plaster fall from the ceiling.]

>Now that i have your attention, literally everyone of you was wrong, which i guess i should have expected at this point.
>Anyway, the actual reason i gathered you all here is because we're trying to figure out why you are all collectively, apart from a few exceptions, absolutely terrible at fitting in with the general populace when you are literally designed to do exactly that.
>I think it's something that's connected to your shapeshifting, but Princess Applejack, yes i really like her mane too.
>She thinks you just have a case of the jitters, which is causing you to make bad impressions on other ponies.
>So! We're all here for something i like to call resistance therapy, because i know from experience that witnessing something horrible or stupid enough times will either break you or make you stronger.
>Try not to break.
>[Door slams]

<Discord>
_____

<Sooo my pintsize potential pony patricians!>
"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4t6JekiGKS4"
[Two changelings dive out of the nearest window.]
<Huh, i think i remember those two from when i stuck your queen to the ceiling....>
<Anywho! I'm here to help turn you adorable little scared-y...bugs, into hardened, social thirsty...bugs. I really should have made cue-cards for this.>

<First, a show of hooves, are any of you allergic to the following:

< Zinc Trisodium Aspartate, Sorbatale, and Bisulfate, Oxide, Beta Caratine, Lactic Acid, Carab Bean, Grade A milk emulsified, Malto-dextrin alkalide, Silicon deoxylite, Lots of sugar, Calcified synthetic salt, Artificial barley malt, Glycerine and aspartate, Folic acid, Monosodium glutamate, Dehydrated calceinate, Soybean oil, butter fat, Caramel centers? >

"...."
<No one? Fantast- waitwait, Yes? You in the back?>
"...I'm not allowed a lot of sugar."
<Then you're excused, Fluttershy's in the hall with a box of crayons for you to play with, ta-ta now!>

<As for the rest of you? Welcome to what i call the Funhouse.>

Outside the room, as the happy but confused changeling scampers off to eat his new colours, fluttershy studiously ignores the flashing lights and smoke coming from underneath the door.
She definitely does not hear the sounds of explosions, screaming changelings, a chortling draconequs and the faint quacking of demonic terror duck from the depths

>Spike
<Discord>
"Changelings"
_______

>Alright, it's been an hour, time to go see whats left of them.

>[Opening the door, he is nearly crushed by a flood of multicoloured, charred, cake-smeared, feather-covered, changelings.]
"FREEDOM, SWEET FREEDOM!"
"ALL I WANTED WAS SOME CAKE!"
"I'LL NEVER LOOK AT A DUCK THE SAME WAY AGAIN!"
"glabble abble jarg boo dammkafarratiknon rep ping harpeleglegleglegl zoom wapang!! "
"THE ICECREAM! IT BURNS!"
"WHY DID THAT CHEST HAVE SO MANY LEGS?!"
<Dont forget next weeks appointment~!>

>[Entering the room, it is immediately apparent that discord did not go easy on them for their first session.]
Craters mark the floor, the charred footprints of...something can be made out on what little floor that isnt other wise covered in softly glowing goop and looking up at the ceiling looking up at the ceilinglookingupattheceiling lookingupattheceilinglookingupattheceilinglookingupatthecei!

>PONYFEATHERS! Okay, just going to ignore up until fluttershy fixes it. Should have known this wouldnt wo-What.

Sat in the middle of the room, covered in multicolored goop, wing tips slightly smoking and with a pie tin embedded through it's horn, is a single changeling staring at the floor.

>Well blow me straight to tartarus, this plan actually did something! You okay little guy? Whats your number?

"..."

>Hello?
>Stepping face to face with the changeling, it suddenly jumps with fright.
"Hey! Dont startle a guy like that!"

>Spike

"Changeling 471"
__

>Buh-wha?
"Hey where did everybody else go? And what happened to the room? Looks like somebody had a big party in here."
>Why did? how are? What.
"Are you okay? You like the queen when she tried to read that dinosaur book about words for the first time."
>Why aren't you a broken jibbering mess or running and screaming with the rest of them?
"Huh?"
>Okay, tell me what you remember, i gathered everybody here and then....
"Oh, you got up on your little box of soaps, asked us if we knew why you had done that, i looked down and then you were in front of me."
>Dude, like, the craziest hour in canterlot has just gone by in this room and you're telling me you didnt even notice?
"I guess!"
>Okay, show me where you were looking.
"It was right oveOoh shiny.
>What, the floor? Yeah i guess this part is extremely polished, the maids must have gone overboard in he-
"...."
>Thats it? Your reflection is enough to make you dead to the world?
"..."
>As much as i want to pretend this never happened, if i left now you'd probably starve to death, come on noHRRK.
"..."
>Okay, you're apparently an immovable object. Of course, why not? Hey you wont mind if i borrow some of this glowy stuff and smear it on the floor would ya? Thanks.
"Oh hey spike, why's your claw covered in pudding?"
>Because I've lost control of my life, whats your number again?
"I'm Applejack471! Pleased to meet you Spike1!"
>My names not-oh whatever.
"Can we go get cake now?"


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