basically, im just kind of mad at myself because i put myself down because im gay or different. i want to be like the other guys and enjoy going outside and riding bikes and hanging out with friends and doing things but thats not really who i am now and to change that is sort of weird of me. i've stayed inside all this time and for me to just change and become this person who loves going outside and doing things. i'm not good at sports and all my fiends know me as someone who hates doing stuff like that so im never really invited anyway. i feel like its too late now to be a sporty guy and although i wish i were like that i don't think its possible. i also have social anxiety and im afraid to go outside and do things by myself and feel that its awkward for someone like me who never really goes outside to start doing stuff like riding my bike. i also have bad fashion sense i guess because i don't were the sport shorts and sweatpants that everyone else wears, its just not me. but i also want to be like other guys so maybe i should. regardless i don't really like doing stuff by myself as i feel that if i see other ppl it would get awkward since they know im not really the type to do those things.