Thread 5: Stories 46-60

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>AJ12
"Big Macintosh"
'Granny Smith'
~~~~~
Tonight we find Applejack 12, the unemployed Changeling enter the property of the Apple Family.

>I can't believe what an idiot I've been until now.

Meanwhile, inside the house...

'Well, 'ccordin' ta Jackie's letter, we got ourselves a changelin' comin' to ask fer a job. Now Ah'm a welcomin' sort but you gonna have problems workin' wit' differen' sorta folk, Big Mac?'

"Nnnope."

The door knocks.

'That should be them right now! Be a dearie an' git tha door.'

Door creaks open

"AHHHHHH!!!"
'AHHHHHH!!!"

>What's wrong?!

"'Zompony!'"

'Mac, git tha shotgun!'

>I'm not a zombie! I'm a changeling!

"Zompony Changelin'!"

Bang!

>Holy sh-!

"Back ta hell wit' ya'll!"

>APPLEJACK! i BLAME YOU!

Tonight's episode was brought to you by: Mane & Tail shampoo for horses and humans! "Yes! This really exists!"
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>AJ 12
"Conductor"
~~~~~~~

>What do you mean "I can't let you on!?"

"Well, generally that phrase refers to a singular pony, such as myself, having an inability to let someone else, that's the 'you' in this conversation, onto something. In this case, a train."

>B-but I have a ticket!

"Yes. ONE ticket. Unfortunately for you, everyone else, who adds up to a great many tickets you see, have made it clear they will ask for a refund instead of riding with you. Now, simple math dictates that one is less than many, so you see my problem."

>Oh come on!

"Just change into someone, or something! I don't WANT to keep you off, but I have an entire train full of Canterlot citizens who honestly do not like you. Because you shot at them. With green laser beams."

>I can't even shoot laser beams! No, I seriously can't, I was born without the gland that lets us do that.

"My condolences. Look, just change into someone else or fly home. Your call."

>...

"..."

>...I'll fly.

"Thank you! Here's your refund, have a nice day."

>...Freakin' ponies.
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>AJ 12
"AJ 29"
~~~~~~~~

>This is SO MUCH PONY SHI-

"Oh my! Such language! And in the middle of Canterlot too. Tsk tsk."

>Oh, shut up you!... aw crap, 69?

"It's 29 now, actually. Has been for a while. Oh, I know what you're thinking, but my prospective targets kept rolling their eyes and giggling, so I had to make a change. Whatever has gotten you down, my unattractive brother?"

>What do you think? Another failed attempt to get a job.

"UGH! Working? For lesser ponies in a coffee shop!? Really, have some dignity! At LEAST try shagging a mayor or something. Governor might be a bit much for you, but at least don't go below manager!"

>I take it you're still trying to get with royalty?

"As if I would ever stop!"

>How's that working out for you?

"Oh, sadly not up to my usual standards. I swear I almost had that yellow one, but then a giant pack of robotic weasels swarmed me and tossed me out the window!"

>...

"...I don't know either. Starting to think she might have a gypsy curse or something. I have a salve for that, but I'm saving it in case of an emergency."

>Why don't you just give up?

"Why don't you? We're Changeling, my homely broodmate! We don't quit until we win. Or we die. Whichever comes first."

>...Huh.

"Well, I would just LOVE to talk, but I think that purple one is finally all alone! Did you know she's actually a princess? Right!? I was shocked too. SHOCKED. So, she's been added to the list. Good luck in your life of servitude to lessers! Tata~!"

>...I hate that guy.
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>AJ12
"Applejack"

"So ah take it this one didn't go well either?"

>No, actually it was alright.

"Seriously?"

>Yeah the used cart salespony was real nice with telling me he couldn't hire me and keep up a reputable business. He explained to me that his business is all about putting on an honest face and changelings, by definition of our shapeshifting, have a naturally shifty aura which he said was a shame because he bet I was a great worker.

"So nothing went wrong with this in yer eyes."

>No, why?

"Because ahm lookin' at a bunch of used carts piled up in the middle of the ballroom."

>They were fifteen percent off with no money down! ...whatever that means!
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>Spike
"AJ12"
'Celestia'
~~~~~
AJ12 fidgets nervously in his seat while Spike looks over his resume and application

>Well... Everything looks good. Your lack of experience outside of "being a changeling" is a bit concerning, but I can't really hold that against you. And that "being a changeling" experience may come in handy.

"Well, yeah, the job market's tough."

Spike looks up with a serious look for a small dragon.

>Now, before we continue with anything else, I want you to understand something about the kind of work you would be doing under me.

"Uh huh..."

>I need a right hand, or hoof as this case may be. I need some one who will assist me in some dirty deeds which, if you get caught, I will immediately renounce all knowledge of our relationship.

"I-I think I can live with that. I mean the Queen's not much nicer."

>I need someone able-bodied and able-minded to assist me in crucial tasks which can alter the face of Equestria forever. If the full extent of these missions are discovered, we stand to lose everything, and no less than four nations will be after both of our heads.

"Okay... Kind of heavy... But I don't have to deal with demonic forces, do I?"

>You will deal with much... much worse...

Later..

'WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY CAKE?! WHEN I FIND YOU, I'M GOING TO RIP OFF YOUR HEAD, SHIT DOWN YOUR THROAT, AND FORCIBLY KEEP YOU ALIVE THROUGH DARK MAGIC!'

>Run, dammit! Run!

"I'm running as fast as I can boss!"

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR
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>42
"77"

>Feeling better?

"Traitor."

>Excuse me?

"I realized it the third time you had them tie me up, you're all traitors and this is the last vestige of resistance against the Queen's mighty rule!"

>...are you fucking insa-wait, yes you are.

"Here me now, traitors! When I break free of this place I will find the Queen and personally lead a detachment to destroy you all!"

'...'

The ballroom bursts into laughter. 77 frowns.

"You doubt the Queen's wrath!?"

>Look buddy we've told you a million times, we lost, we're living here on Princess Applejack's good will, and the Queen's mission for you was a punishment for eating her cake. How is that so hard to believe?

"My mission can't have been for nothing! I came to far, fought to hard, lost too many..."

77 looks down.

>Uh...you okay?

"..."

>Would you like to use my crying corner?

"That would be great...could you just kind of scoot me over there? I'm still hogtied here."

>No problem.
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>SA
"Cadence"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~~~~~~

>Caddy, please, help!

"With Chrysalis?"

>No, with the strange sound of my sanity slowly dying. Yes with Chrysalis!

"Well, I don't know. Last I heard she was helping you with how 'pent up' you were!"

>...oh come on, we both know that-

"That you're giving her all our good milk! Do you know how long it takes me to get more of that? We have to import it, Shiny! We can't just go down to the store and grab a bottle! Ooooh, but we're just BURSTING with it in your eyes, aren't we?"

>...Okay, one, you do know I didn't give her that, ri-

"And besides that, we both know I'm completely useless here!"

>Oh honey! Don't be so hard on yourself!

"...What? What do you mean?"

>...What do you mean?

"I mean that my magic is literally the worst possible type to use against her. Not figuratively, literally. Magic that doesn't do anything would be better. My magic will super-charge her!

>Oh, right. Crud.

"So when you said, 'don't be hard on yourself', you meant...."

>Errr-

'HOLY HOLES IN MY LEGS, SHE'S RIGHT!'

>Wow, now Chrysalis is saying something! Let's pay attention to that!

'Cadence! Listen to me, ya' listening? You need to listen... what if we, and follow me here, what if we double teamed someone!'

"I told you no with that! Will you let that idea go!"

'But come oooon! We could totally blow away anyone we wanted. Just think, your skills, my skills, enhancing each other and leaving destruction all in our wake. Think of the possibilities!'

"Oh, like I never considered that. I mean, your transforming abilities alone offers a bunch of different possible outcomes. But it's just not worth it! Me and Shiny work best as a team right now. Sure, we could throw you in the mix, and we'd probably be really surprised at all the new levels we're capable of! But double-teaming someone only works when both parts of said double-team trust and care about each others happiness, otherwise it's one side of the relationship trying to take advantage! Can you really say you wouldn't abuse the situation to your own benefit?"

'...I guess not.'

"Sorry, but me and Shiny are a solo act... though, maybe on a special occasion, I'll allow someone else in. Maybe 42? Shiny kind of likes her, and she seems like she's got plenty of stamina and training. Maaaybe 18 if we need someone more tactical and methodical."

'Who?'

"Nobody you'd know. I'm sorry, Chrysalis, but it just won't work out unless you change this selfish attitude of yours. Good day!"

*She struts out with class.*

'...So are you not sure what she was talking about either?'

>...Nope.
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>Shining Armor
"Cadence"
'Various'
~~~~~~~~~~

*Shining Armor flops down onto his bed*

>So... today sucked.

"It'll be better tomorrow, sweetie."

>Will it? Oh, that's so glad to hear. I was worried Chrysalis wouldn't burst into flames tomorrow, and she'd keep tormenting me. What a relief.

"Hah hah, dear. Why don't you send for Applejack or something?"

>Honestly?... Well, I'm kind of worried it'll void this stupid test Celestia's giving me.

"Hm?"

>Oh, don't even act like you don't know Celestia's the reason she's over here. Chrysalis hid it as well as a supernova in a DJPON3 concert.

"So, sort of well, but you can still tell if you're not stoned?"

>Exactly. I figure she's doing another one of those "You have to overcome the mistakes of the past!" things she does with Twilight all the time, and my lucky number just came up.

"That kind of makes sense."

>I mean, it's not like she would send Chrysalis over here to torment me just because. She has a perfectly legitimate reason, I'm sure.

"....mmhmmm!"

>...That's not very confident.

"N-no! Of course it is! Totally a test. Yep yep!"

>You're scaring me.

"Oh, don't be silly. Goodnight dear!"

>Goodnight. Goodnight Applejack 2.

'Goodnight! Goodnight Applejack 18!'

'Goodnight. Night Somby.'

'Graagh. Graaagh!'

'Goodnight. Goodnight-aw, there's nobody else for me to say night to.... HEY! SHINY!'

>...yes, Chrysalis?

'GOODNIGHT!'

>...Goodnight, Chrysalis. Please don't steal all the covers.

'I'MMA DO IT ANYWAY!'

>...I know.
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>AJ56
"Diamond Tiara"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Wow... amazing!

"Thank you."

>...Alright, how much?

"How much?"

>How much did this all cost? The warehouse, the giant tanker, the crane wrench, and I don't even want to KNOW where you got what looks to be a fuckload of gallons of acid. Seriously? I just saw you dissolve a cragodile. Those things are made of rock! We're not even getting into the miscellaneous stuff like the chain, which I'm pretty sure is expensive too, and labor costs to move all this stuff. And the costume! How much did this set you back?

"...uhhhh.. eight bits?"

>...WHAT!?

"Yeah. The warehouse is owned by one of daddies friends, and it's not going to be used for another three months. They store excess crops in here for Winter Wrap Up, you see."

>Uh huh...

"The giant tank is actually something they used to store medical waste in, but it became too rusted and unsafe so they threw it away. Just took a bit of welding to get it to work for this."

>No kidding?

"Yeah. The chain and crane were already here, because you know, food storage. Costumes we made ourselves, and the acid is just a cocktail of household chemicals done right."

>Makes sense.

"And all of this in labor didn't cost me anything. I told them they were getting their cutie marks in super-villainy, and those three idiots did all the work."

>Impressive! Wait, then what did you spend the eight bits on?

"Uh, three of them were for the sandwich I used to lure you in here, three of them I left behind when I forgot my change, and two of them were for a drink for Silver Spoon and me. We got thirsty waiting."

>Wait... where's SS?

'I'M NOT COMING OUT!'

"Oh, come on SS! Be a team player!"

'NO! THIS COSTUME IS STUPID!'

"But you're my henchpony!"

'...FINE!'

*She walks out.*

"Good! And now, you die-... could you please pay attention?"

>*Drools*

'I told you the catsuit was a bad idea!'

"...You're right, moods ruined. C'mon, Spoony."

*They leave*

>...Uh, guys? Guys?
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>Shiny's mom
"Shiny's dad"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~~~~~~

>Oh my.

"Yeah, uh, weren't expecting you here. To put it lightly."

'Hi mom and dad!'

>Please, if you have any shred of mercy still in your large, horrifying form, you will never call us that again.

'Oh, fine! Spoilsport. Shiny's out 'getting some air' he said. Personally, I think he just wants to hang out with Sneaky Applejack for some alone time. You know what I'm saying!'

"I really, really don't."

'Yeah, she SAYS she's not hobnobbing him, but come on. No stallion is actually like that. They just don't exist. Right, Shiny's mom?'

>Wow, did not expect to have flashbacks to my morning sickness here.

'Yeah, you know. Why the visit?'

>To visit our son. We missed him.

'Daww, that's nice! He told me you were an awesome mom. I feel him, my mom rocked too.'

>Thanks? My husband is nice too, you know

'Pffft, yeah right. Dad's don't get to be awesome! Dad's are just, like... things that are awful. Dads suck. My dad? Freakin' stupid, that's what he was. 'Oh, you're a horrible creature from beyond the pits of hell, and your witch of a mother killed my wife!' Blah blah blah! Ugh, I swear. Who expects a four year old to listen to a monologue? Was I supposed to take notes? He was thicker than month old frozen slime, I tell you.'

>...Sounds charming.

'What? No he doesn't! Did you even pay attention?'

"So, wait, you were going to kill my son too?"

'...Well, I mean, no. It's not like he was ever going to be a dad or anything!'

>Why not?

'Hey! I like my heart right where it is, thank you very much! Last thing I need is a little spawn chewing it out so she can succeed me.'

>If that made sense to me, I would be horrified. So before I understand any more of this, I bid you good day.

'G'day Shiny's mom! By Shiny's dad! Try not to suck too much!'

"I'll do that."

'Messin' up Shiny's paaapers!'

>...I am so confused.

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR
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>Chrysalis
"Sombra"

>'Twas the night before tuesday, and all through the castle, I made it my goal, to give Shiny a hassle, heh, I kill me.

The door to Shining's office opens, torchlight from the halls illuminates the small room...then the door slams.

>Wha?

Chrysalis opens the door again, it slams once more.

>Hey! What's going on here!?

"Grah!"

>You again! You think you can keep me out, Cloudy!?

"Rargh!"

Chrysalis uses her magic to open the door, it creaks to a stop midway, Chrysalis can see the red of Sombra's magic fighting her's. Slowly however, Chrysalis' wins out, forcing the door open.

>Ha! Take that you-

Wap!

>Ow! What the!?

Wap wap wap!

>A newspaper!? You're hitting me with a-

Wap!

>I AM NOT A DOG!

She uses her magic to take control of the paper, levitating it.

>Aha! What do you have to say now-

The door slams shut again.

>...I hate you.

"Greheheh."
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>AJ 56
“Luna”
‘Applejack’
________

“No!”

>Pleeeeease?

“We said no!”

>You may have said ‘no’ but that booty be saying yes!

“Hmph! Our posterior is quite incapable of speech, little bug pony.”

>The way it’s wobbling up and down says otherwise, Moons….

“It is NOT wobbling! The royal rump has been declining in mass and weight since we’ve started adhering to our diet! Look for thyself if there exists a lingering doubt!”

>Wait, what? L-look for my… is this a trick?

Luna only arched her back in response to his question, her flanks pushing themselves out all the more prominently.

“We are determined to see thee eat thine words! Go in and inspect!”

>I… I, uh… are you sure?

“Unequivocally so. Thou may knead, pinch, press, nibble, and inhale our backside until there remains no question to our dieting success! If thou so desires, apply some tongue to the area as well, whatever need be done to gain an accurate measure!”

A healthy amount of drool had poured over 56’s bottom lip, and he reached out with a trembling hoof… but then shook his head and dashed from the room.

>I CAN’T DEAL WITH THE PRESSURE!

As he leaves, Applejack walks in, turning from the fleeing Changeling to the Lunar Princess.

‘Ah got those forms Ah need ya to sign and… okay, what’d ya do to him, Luna? Little thing looked scared half to death.’

“Hmmm, we did nothing, Applejack. We merely gave him what he wanted.”
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