Ideal Reflection-Cnote 1/2020

Ideal Reflection

by Cnote

contains Gardevoir, transformation, an ugly bastard, mind control, spanking, bondage, minor pet play, bondage poetry, hand holding and Existentialism 101. lots of text in between.
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"I want to become a Gardevoir!"

I typed on the message board, deciding to attach a picture of Gardevoir to my cheeky and intelligent post on the board. Surely my wit and brevity would earn me the attention I so desperately craved. Of course I didn't actually want to become a Gardevoir,  with their long elegant limbs, the flowing gown, the big cute eyes, the phenomenal cosmic power. I leaned back in my chair and awaited the flood of (you)s I would receive for my high quality contribution to the thread.

After a moment, I got a single reply. 'Granted, but the smelliest and most degenerate person in this thread catches you immediately.' I laughed to myself and switched the tab. Because there was no more Gardevoir centric content (looking at you TPC!) on the board, I decided to hit the hay as I was coming down from my sugar rush from my 2-liter of Mountain Dew, and I had a lot of shitposting to do in the morning. I left a picture of a particularly curvaceous Gardevoir on the screen, so I could look at it as I fell asleep.
I lay in my bed and looked out my window. The stars were twinkling and seemed unusually bright. As I was about to drift off, the vision of the perfect Gardevoir wife on my screen, one of those twinkling stars smashed through my window. The light bounded around my room, and then landed on my chest. I sat up and tried to push it off, but I couldn't move. I could barely move my head, and I saw the light floating before my computer, illuminating the otherwise dark room, appearing to be looking at the monitor.
"I was flying by and I heard your wish. I hope this makes you happy!" The sparkle said, and now that my eyes had adjusted, it was a Jirachi.  I recognized him from my years of playing video games. I was glad all that time and effort I put into learning Pokemon and its various strategies, monsters and trivia finally came to use! The Jirachi didn't seem to speak directly to me, I just sort of had the idea in my head that he said what he said.

"What do you mean my wish?" I asked him, my body still trapped. It felt as if something was holding me down, an intense pressure all over, but it didn't hurt. I could still move my fingers, wiggle my toes and move my head slightly.

"I was browsing the Internet and read your post, and replied to it. You didn't think I'd actually come here, did you?" The Jirachi let out a gentle giggle, and the pressure around me began to intensify.

"I..." I swallowed. "I don't actually want that! Can't I have some money or something?" I said sheepishly, hoping against hope maybe I'd get some of that student debt wiped out.

"You only get one wish, and its already begun. Since you left this handy reference for me, I'll get you into your new body and you can start your new life as the Embrace pokemon."

I struggled to look down, and I could already see the change. My feet had turned ivory white and my toes had turned into one large 'stocking foot', like I had socks on. Panic began to build up. This was not right. "Please, no more! If this is some lesson about appreciating what I am and that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence, or that I should be careful what I wish for, I've learned my lesson, loud and clear!" I continued to try to resist the force holding me down, but only my new white feet moved.

"No, its not that." Jirachi landed on the top of my chair, facing me. He was completely adorable but the most terrifying thing in the world at the moment. "I just don't like you. You keep messing up my threads about me. How am I supposed to get attention if you keep posting stuff like this?" Jirachi indicated the sexy Gardevoir on the screen.

As the magical change passed my knees and I watched it creep slowly higher on my body, I pleaded with him. "Please, I'll make a Jirachi general thread. Every week! I'll even post sexy Jirachi stuff!"

Jirachi's little cute face distorted disbelief; he blinked a few times staring at me, and then his face turned into anger. "Are you serious right now?" He looked over his shoulder and back at the sexy Gardevoir. "You think that is what I want? You really are awful. Just for that, I'm going to turn you into what you seem to idolize most. And you will suffer. Yes, that will be your punishment!"

"You mean...?" I watched the magical line moving up my legs reach my thighs, still moving slowly up, leaving only perfectly smooth and ivory skin as it passed.

"You've lost penis privileges. Not only are you going to become a pokemon, I'm turning you into a girl as well. Don't get angry at me. I'm sure SOMEONE who would enjoy that sort of thing is willing it to be so. Absolute degenerates." Jirachi looked up at the sky a moment, then waved his little hand and the line advancing up my body shimmered slightly.

"No...let me go!" With renewed terror I fought the restraints. I twisted and pushed as hard as I could, trying to find some angle, some way to get out from under the weight and escape. But all I saw was my own hands as more magical lines had appeared on my hands and were up to my wrists. I could feel my hands turning bigger, and eventually my index and middle fingers were forced together from the change in my bones, and then my pinky and ring finger. They fused together and smoothed out and my thumb got bigger to match, leaving me with three large, white fingers on each hand. I could feel the bones changing inside my hand and arm, but it didn't hurt. It was surreal, if I had been more calm I may have been curious. "Please...let this be a dream...I know what I said...but I didn't mean it..."

"Any last words?" Jirachi touched off from his perch on my chair and started to float above me, seemingly amused.
"You...you are going to kill me?" I felt the pressure return to my arms, forcing me back to a completely prone position, arms outstretched, only my new fingers and my stocking feet able to wiggle under the pressure, the lines on my arms reaching my torso, the one on my legs approaching it as well.

"No, but in a moment you'll only be able to say your name." Jirachi smirked. "I tell you what, if you give me your best and most sincere apology, I'll stop this and let you go."

I immediately pleaded with him. "Please...let me garde! Garde stop!"

Jirachi seemed surprised. "What was that?"

"Garde-please-voir-gard-stop-evoir!" I wanted to cover my mouth, but I could now feel the change coming up to my neck from my shoulders, which were much thinner now. I struggled to breathe, my gasping for air with my usual deeper voice becoming higher pitched and quieter. As the line advanced on my head, my sight and hearing disappeared. I was suddenly in a black void I felt the line pass my mouth and I could feel my skull changing, my eyes getting larger, my hair stiffening and forming the long single bang gardevoirs are famous for. My ears began to grow larger and longer and then split, into the three tasseled ears on each side. No pain, no sensation other than the change itself. I was floating.

After what seemed an eternity I opened my eyes. The room seemed infinitely brighter now. I closed my eyes and tried to cover them with my hands but I was still trapped. My hearing returned shortly after, and I heard the whirring of my computer fan, the crickets outside and Jirachi's jingling bell sound as he floated above me. "Garde...gardevoir?" My vision was partially obscured by the single peekaboo bang, but as my eyes adjusted I could now see better than I ever had before, especially given how dark it was.
"Almost done." Jirachi said. He indicated further down my body. He'd actually paused the line at the top of my legs. "I didn't want you to miss this." He freed my legs and I felt my feet lift themselves up off the ground, moving upwards, my lower half of my body straight up in the air now, the bands of light on my legs stopping at my pelvis.

He wanted me to see the change to my genitals. "Garde! Garde gardevoir!" I pleaded, as my body was lifted up and I could now see the line about to pass my crotch. I closed my eyes and shook my head side to side, not wanting to believe this dream. Then I was met with a completely alien and unknown sensation. Its hard to put to writing as there are no words for it, but I feel the best way to describe it was some sort of energy emanating from Jirachi forced my eyes open. A heretofore unseen force had slipped into my body and took control of my eyelids. He then made me look up as the line passed my genitals. I braced, expecting a good deal of pain as it passed, but it did nothing. "Voir..." I said, disoriented and afraid. All I saw was my masculinity shrink until nothing was there, and then, rather gently, a slit appears and formed into small lips between my legs, ivory white and perfectly smooth like the rest of me. I couldn't believe it. A thousand thoughts swam into my head, and all I could utter was what he was turning me into. "Gardevoir! Garde---voir!" I feebly struggled against his hold.

Jirachi set my bottom half down and watched me wiggle and struggle, as the line slowly advanced up my torso, I could feel my ribs shrinking, my waist getting smaller and smaller. I could feel the perfect smoothness of my legs as they brushed against each other.  There was no hair, and unlike human legs there'd never be hair.  As the line advanced I could feel my hips pop into a new configuration, and as I closed my legs by touching my knees together, I could tell there was still a tiny gap directly under my new...

The line reached my now incredibly slender neck, and it disappeared from sight. I lay there, some new parts giving me information I didn't know how to process, my body screaming from having parts of it suddenly missing. I couldn't move. The pressure from my body was gone. "Gar...gard gardevoir..." I said to myself, slowly sitting up. I tested my hew hands, not nearly as dexterous as they had been before, it felt as if I was trying to grab things with little oven mitts over my fingers. I ran my now ivory white, three fingered hand down my perfectly flat chest, down to my belly, where I still had a small dimple where my belly button had been.
Then I felt another wave of that strange energy, and this time I could tell it did indeed come from Jirachi. Had it always been there, and with my new body, I could now just sense it? Or was this some power that made Jirachi and legendary pokemon? I stared at him, unblinking, and he seemed quite amused by this situation.

I pointed at him and repeated what I had said before, this time as a question. "Gar...gard gardevoir?"
"No, you are awake. You can't go home, because you are home." Jirachi indicated the room around me.
I shook my head, a surge of powerful emotion came over me. I began to cry, tears coming much more easily to my now huge eyes than had ever before in my life. "Gar? Devoir voir voir?" Without waiting for an answer, I carefully moved to the edge of the bed, made as if to stand, stood on my feet and immediately fell backwards onto the bed.

"Have you ever watched a Gardevoir walk before, you idiot?" He seemed to enjoy this.

I thought to myself. They don't have feet. They have little round nubs. I looked down at my foot, which looked almost human excepting the lack of toes, there was even still a point where my big toe would have been. I tried again, and the same result. I turned to him, and lowered my head. "Gaaar-de."

"Well, since you asked so nicely." Jirachi, with that power, took my legs and forced my ankles to point my foot downward. They seemed to lock in place, but it didn't feel unnatural. I'd seen ballerinas walk on their toes, perhaps that was the trick?
I once again tried to stand and this time fell forward, going almost 10 feet across the room without stopping and I grabbed onto the wall to steady myself. Once I calmed down, I realized I was now floating.  I looked down in wonder, my little stocking feet floating a few inches over the ground. I steadied myself and moved along the wall to steady myself, to the door which I opened with some difficulty, as my new fingers, while also bigger than they had been, also were very smooth and hard to grip with. I ended up having to use both hands to open the door.

Jirachi floated behind me and seemed to enjoy it. "Where do you think you're going? You're not done yet."

"Gard gardevoir gardevoir gaaaaaaarde." Having recovered a tiny shred of confidence as I could float, I let go of the wall and stepped through the door...but I didn't move. I looked back at him, then asked politely again. "Gaaar-de."

"You don't use your legs to walk. You use them to steer and to accelerate and brake. Think of it more like skating."

I tried this, and I felt myself sliding across the air, and I 'wiggled' my 'toe' (as it somehow was able to bend even further) I slowed down. Using this new freedom I managed to stop at the door I had been aiming at and opened it with both hands, going into the dark room. I flicked on the light and it overwhelmed me, my new eyes seemed to be much more sensitive. For a moment I stood, staring out the door. I don't think I could handle what I was about to do. The nightmare of changing, losing my body and the sensation of flying. I was dreaming. I would look in the mirror, which I couldn't look at the moment. I was afraid. I didn't want it to be true.
Jirachi seemed to notice my inner struggle, and wrapped me in that same strange power again and made me turn around. I struggled with him for my eyelids, but eventually he won over and made me look into the mirror. It was exactly as he said. I looked just like the picture on my computer screen...short a few things. I put my new hand to the glass and saw that my eyes were welling up. I couldn't handle it. I didn't want this. "Garde, gard gardevoir?" I asked Jirachi, hopefully.

"You're right, your body isn't complete yet. I promised you you'd get your wish, and now its time to finish."
A sudden fear shot up my spine. I straightened up, my heart was racing. I put my hands to my chest and realized what he was talking about; I had no red horn in my chest. Dread began to fill me. I again begged him, "Garde, gard gardevoir!!" I could feel a change quicken within. My heart was beating so quickly I felt dizzy. I leaned against the mirror, leaning my head against it, the firm yet pliable gardevoir hair not parting or losing its shape as I leaned against it. I felt that strange power again, this time it was intense, and focused in my chest.

Jirachi mocked me. "Once this happens, there's no going back."

"Gardevoir! Gardegarde v-v-v-voir!" I spun to look at him, sitting on the bathroom counter. A powerful 'thud' in my chest. Then another. My heart had stopped beating. Pressure building. Was he going to kill me after all this? Then the first 'poke'. Something was trying to come out of my chest. Was all that autistic head canon on that message board right? Was the gardevoir horn the literal heart? I put my hands to my chest and felt something growing. I went cold. The emotions flooded through me, knowing what was about to happen. "Gar, gard gardevoir...gard gardevoir..." I lay on the counter and waited. Seconds went by like hours. My heart hadn't beat in what seemed like an eternity.

Suddenly, a surge of that same power as before. I felt it between my shoulderblades first, something piercing my skin. Something had grown out, I could feel it whenever I moved my arms. I cried out, as this time it hurt. Not excruciating, as it should have been, but it was still intense. After a moment it seemed to stop growing, and it suddenly just stopped hurting. I lay on my stomach, gasping for air, my body not responding to me. Then my chest. I looked into the mirror and saw the red growth cut through my chest, and it kept coming even after it had pierced out. There was no blood and the same intense, but not paralzying, pain. I rolled onto my side and coughed as it continued to grow. It made no sound, and finally it stopped growing after it came to a point. I couldn't take it any more. I wanted to wake up. This was too much.

Jirachi sensed this and wrapped me entirely in that power, making me float before the mirror. "Look at your new horn. Its quite fetching."

"Gar...garde." I ran my hands up and down my new body, touching the horn for the first time. It was extremely sensitive, and surprisingly soft and pliable. My heart began to beat again, and I felt my entire body relax. I then noticed I was missing something else. "Gardevoir, gar?" I didn't FEEL naked, but not having a gown like every other gardevoir I'd seen made me feel as if I should.

"You'll have to earn that."

"Voir?"

"Shut up. One last change. I'm going to make you everything you desired. You'll have it all, and your wish will be fulfilled."
I wrapped my arms around myself, turning my back to him. Then I felt it. A burning sensation. An intense warmth at certain spots. First was my hips, which I watched in the mirror, and then my thighs. They visibly got larger, giving me a pear shaped body. I turned and looked at my butt, which was now perky and well proportioned, it was a handful for me. Then I realized the absurdity of it.
"Garde, gard gardegard gardevoir?"

"That doesn't matter. You're a pokemon, only your trainer's opinion matters." Jirachi said.

"Voir?"

 Then my chest started to burn with the same intensity. I looked down and saw my chest expanding into large breasts on either side of my horn. They expanded to where my larger Gardevoir hands were barely enough to contain them, and then they mercifully stopped. I could immediately feel the new weight on my chest and back and I hunched over. I looked in the mirror. Large, soft, nipple-less 'breasts' with my horn right in the middle. I'd seen several hentai pictures of Gardevoir like this before, and I regretted it now, as their weight was making me lean even with this power I was using to levitate.

"Admire yourself. Your wish is granted. How do you feel?"

I lifted them up, squished them together. They were heavy and...pointless. No nipples. Gardevoirs don't give milk. Why did I even have breasts? "Gardevoir, gardegarde voir gar voir gardevoir gargar ga-aa-arrrrr!" As I released them, their weight made me lean forward again. I wondered if I could get a gown with good bust support.

"I told you, they aren't for you. They're for your new trainer. Who is already expecting you. Enjoy your new life, and I hope its what you wanted!" Jirachi said in a happy and cute voice and looked up and a portal appeared above him. I felt that same power wrap around me and pull me towards it. I tried to grab onto something, but his grasp undid my grip on the countertop and pulled me towards him. We went through the portal together. I went into the portal upside down, with my last view of my old life being my dirty bathroom floor.

*****
Time passed. I'm not actually sure if it matters how long I was out. A few minutes, a few hours or a few days, it doesn't really matter when you wake up somewhere completely different.

As far as I could tell, I had woken up in a garden. A kind of idyllic one, with large vegetables growing, looking as if they're about to be harvested. Large gourds and carrots and even some corn, that was all I could recognize. I sat up and rubbed my head...which was much larger than it should be. My three fingered hands touched the three extra sensitive tassels on the side of my head, and I realized I was still dreaming. Or I wasn't dreaming.

I tried to stand, failed, then remembered my feet, then pointed both my feet at a 180 degree angle and I started to float again. Wobbly I stood, and I slowly careened to a nearby fence where I took better scope of my surroundings. I felt panic building up in my heart...horn. It was very curious, my emotions felt...external. They were still part of me, but more like a hand or foot rather than something inside. I could feel panic, and alertness, and concern, and suspicion...and confusion, as none of these emotions were mine. None of them made sense for me to be feeling, except for confusion. I thought to myself, this is the empathy that Gardevoirs are known for? Then genuine panic, my own, came to me. If I was feeling emotions from someone else, it means they were near me. Had I already been found?

The answer was yes. Through the corn I'd seen before, with what I'd consider to be the most run down shack I've ever seen behind it, came a large man with a brown...creature with him. The creature was moving too fast for me to focus on, and it took position hiding behind one of the comically large vegetables growing. Alertness and suspicion coming from that creature. Now that I could tell they were different individuals, I could tell them apart, just from their emotions.

The man stopped about 20 feet from me, sizing me up. He was tall, stout, balding and was wearing a filthy shirt with a hairy belly poking out, jeans with holes in them, and was barefoot. He was holding no weapon but what looked like a red tablet. He pointed one end of the tablet at me, and I immediately recognized the voice coming from the tablet. It was a pokedex!

"Gardevoir, the embrace pokemon. It apparently does not feel the pull of gravity because it supports itself with psychic power. It will give its life to protect its Trainer." The man felt a twinge of fear and a lot of confusion. The pokedex continued. "Wild specimen, female. Approximate combat level of 40. Capture to acquire better analysis."

I'm level 40? I thought to myself. Then I realized how much trouble I was in. I could barely walk, let alone use the powerful fairy and psychic type attacks I was undoubtedly capable of.

He reached into his pocket and withdrew a few pokeballs, and not just the regular red and white kind. As I tried to figure out what kind they were, his pokemon jumped out of its hiding spot, and stood before me, being between him and myself. It was a Lopunny. The big floppy ears, the cute clueless face and the pompoms just made it adorable, and one of the favorite non Gardevoir pokemon I liked. And, ashamedly, had pornography of.

It called asked its trainer what to do, and he said to it. "Be careful. A wild fully evolved pokemon isn't a joke. Go all out with Iron Tail!"

It switched stances and came at me with speed I would not have thought possible in reality. Its tail glowing white, the blur was suddenly in front of me, and before I could even move my arms to block its attack, it moved its hips in such a way that the cute bunny tail hit me full on in the gut, just below the horn.

If I ever get out of this, I'll never use a super effective attack again. I immediately crumpled from the attack, falling to my knees. It had felt like a solid punch, but with a sledgehammer. The residual energy from the attack also burned fiercely. Worse than the horn growing. Worse than any pain I'd felt as a human. I looked up, laboring to breathe. I asked the Lopunny, "Garde...gar...devoir?"

The Lopunny seemed uninterested in my plea for mercy and took my arm and brought it behind my back, painfully wrenching it and then pushing my head into the dirt. I played dead. "Lop lopunny punny loplop." It said to me. I definitely heard the Lopunny say its name over and over like pokemon are expected, but I fully understood it. Could this pokemon's trainer actually understand it as well?
I looked up at the human, and saw him selecting a pokeball. "Use Pound attack on her until she stops wiggling." Not even a second after the command, the Lopunny gives me a solid smack to the back of my head. I stay in the dirt, trying my best to not be a threat to it, but it kept hitting me. I had to do something. I didn't want to be captured. I didn't want to get knocked out by a pokemon I'd jerked off to before.

I withdrew into myself. I tried to sense things. I had new powers, I just needed to find them. The pain of its attacks spurred me on. I closed my eyes, silenced my thoughts, and I just tried to feel. It worked. I could sense life all around me. Even in the dark, I could FEEL the energy from the Lopunny, the human, the plants and even some pokemon that were underground and off to the sides. I needed to escape. I focused on the closest pokemon that was not Lopunny and kept focusing. I imagined myself drawing closer to it, moving my perception to it. I felt a surge of power coming from within me, and I just let it flow.

I opened my eyes. I was sitting on top of a Tauros. The Tauros didn't seem to appreciate this, and started to run wildly in the opposite direction of the little farm. I held onto him as tightly as I could, but after getting across the field he broke because of a ditch in the way, and he flung me off. Given that I was still levitating, I flew much, much farther than I should have. I kept going, the momentum still carrying me into the next field, and nearly to the treeline. I had to put on the brakes somehow, and I subconsciously unlocked my ankles and gravity took over, rolling me onto the ground. Each time my horn touched the ground it hurt, and when I finally landed on my front half, my breasts squished and ached and I had to turn over one more time to relieve the pressure.

I lay there, staring up at the sky. It was beautiful out. A little chilly, now that I had time to collect my senses. The grass was long and kind of scratchy, but it felt comfortable to lay on. I wanted to lay down and rest. No, I wanted to wake up. The Tauros nearby bayed at me one more time, then hoofed off somewhere to do Tauros things. I closed my eyes as I had before, I reached out one more time to find if I was truly safe. The Tauros and his herd, a few bug pokemon in the trees near me. Maybe a few underground. But I did not sense the Lopunny or her trainer...and it surprised me that I had already learned so much. That human and pokemon energy felt different. I couldn't describe it, but it was definitely different. So I finally let myself relax. I looked at my own new hands, flexing the fingers and once again exploring myself. My hair was still in its perfect shape, my feet were still missing their toes. I was completely white all over, and I still had these huge bags on my chest that seemed to get in the way no matter what I did. I felt my horn and I shivered; it was hot to the touch and almost as pliable as the breasts around it.

"Gardevoir...garde...gard." I said to myself. I had to figure out what to do next. I once again withdrew into myself, reaching out with my senses. It was immensely calming. I focused and meditated, using a method I'd had learned when I was a human, but now it had profound results. I'd never taken it seriously before. I sat up, crossed my legs and sat up best I could, holding my three fingered hands in certain positions. My mind was calm and clear now. Emotions seemed far away. I could do more than hear and see now.
What do I do? Do I try to find a way back? The thought drifted freely in my head. The focus was unreal. Assuming I was not dreaming, and I refused to consider that it wasn't possible, I could not imagine I'd find much help here. If I were to tell a pokemon I was a human, they wouldn't believe me, or care. If I were to somehow communicate with a human, they seemed to have a predictable reply. Send out a pokemon and attempt to capture me. The farmer man also seemed to be weary about me being wild and fully evolved. Did that make me a brute? A dire wolf that needed to be tamed or put down, in the eyes of society?

Would that be so bad? I asked myself. I knew what pokeballs did. I knew that I'd be forced to obey anyone who could capture me. I knew the reputation Gardevoirs had for the depths they'd go to defend their trainer. All of this power and awareness, that I could feel bubbling under the surface of my mind, came with a huge cost. This vulnerability. As I thought about my vulnerability, I noticed something about my perception. I could feel lifeforms. I could sense emotions. I could see and hear and taste, though I seemed to have lost my nose in the transformation. Yet, there was another sense that I didn't understand, one that didn't sense anything. Its lack of perception, that I didn't sense anything with it, seemed to bother me deeply. I wasn't sad, but it was a tiny bit depressing. I tried to delve in further to understand, but it slipped away, leaving its mark on me. A tiny bit of emptiness.

Did I NEED a trainer to be complete?

If that was the case, I'd have to choose one carefully. One that would treat me well. And as I was rapidly gaining understanding of my abilities, far faster than I'd ever learned anything as a human, I came to the conclusion that I had that luxury. I could pick and choose, given that I could sense humans from hundreds of yards away. I decided to test myself. I focused all my energy on sensing humans. I reached out as wide as possible. I could sense him now. That one man who trained that vicious Lopunny. He was a long ways away though...just how far had I teleported? I continued to reach out. Farther and farther, until I hit a lot of them. Suddenly 10 to 15 of them. I couldn't make out any individual, but they were there. I could not tell how far they were, nor pick up any emotion at this distance.

My mind was flying. Faster than it ever had before. Did all Gardevoirs think like this? All psychic types? Or was I special because I was once a human?

I relaxed, letting my mind quiet itself. I was relaxed now. Wrapped in my own bubble. No one could sneak up on me, no one could threaten me. I was safe.

Then I thought about my life before. It had been lonely, yes. But I had been free. Free to do as I pleased, my only real worry, from my new perspective, had been deciding on going to school further or attempting to find a better job. That didn't matter now. I had shed those shackles, and I was now afraid, and sure, that I'd unwittingly been thrust into new ones. Heavier ones. I had the niggling feeling that I wasn't as free as I thought I was. That tiny little emptiness inside...it would grow into a large crack in my heart if I didn't find out how to soothe it. Given that my heart was now visible and vulnerable to all to see, emotional pain seemed suddenly very real and dangerous.

*****

I had done remarkably well for myself over the next few days. The forest I'd found myself near was chock full of weak and nonthreatening pokemon, so I was able to practice my new abilities with little interference. I decided that Teleport was the first skill I should master, and I had it down in under an hour. Though rapidly teleporting took a lot of energy and winded me, I could make 4-5 jumps consecutively now, and without a target like I had on my first time. More offensive psychic abilities, like what I can only assume is Confusion, require living targets and I don't feel it right to practice on the relatively weak pokemon around me. I have yet to tap into what I assume is my 'fairy' half, as I don't understand what it means. On that topic, I do seem to be unusually aware of the moon and its phase.

I was 100% sure that my movement is telekinetic, but I couldn't find a way to 'land' without moving my feet, nor go higher. I also couldn't jump very high.

Food was not an issue. Berries were surprisingly plentiful, as trainers would come by and plant more every day. They were also much larger than I had presumed them to be from the games, a Sitrus berry was the size of an apple. I also determined that my favorite berry so far was an Aspear berry. I looked for those exclusively once I tasted one.

Sleeping and shelter were also no real issue; I had found a cave and just made a nest of sorts out of leaves. Sleeping as a Gardevoir was also very unusual: I could still 'see' when I was asleep, despite me having very deep and comfortable sleep. Unfortunately I don't seem to dream, or I just can't remember them.

I figured out where the Gardevoir gown comes from. Its knee length on me now, and seems to grow each time I expend psychic power and recover it via sleeping. It grows significantly, at its current rate it will be to my ankles in 2 days. The gown is also very warm and surprisingly durable; I took a tumble after teleporting wrong and my knee was scratched through it, and the gown showed no sign of wear. My arms and hands are now green, and the gown's gloves have improved my grip on things so that my hands are actually useful now. My breasts definitely get in the way of anything I try to do with my hands. If I look down, all I can see are those big white orbs framed by my gown. Jirachi told me that they were for my trainer. Which brings me to my final point.

I was correct in my assertion about that little emptiness. Its nearly consuming me at this point. I'm getting desperate. I remember that Gardevoirs cannot evolve without a bond with a human, and I'm wondering now if thats why...there's a gaping hole within me. My training, foraging, sleeping, all of it is overshadowed by this need. I need human contact. I need a trainer. Else I wll never feel whole. In 4 days it went from a slight sadness to a nearly overpowering need, akin to being starving or thirsty. Its almost like craving caffiene or nicotine. I can feel it affecting my body as well. I don't feel cold, but I don't feel warm either.

In the few moments of clarity I can still grab onto, my current state being nothing like it had been the first day, I decided I needed to find a human as soon as possible, else my standards will erode, and I'll end up latching onto the first child that throws a pokeball at me.

As for turning female...I don't feel any different, aside from these useless things on my chest. My emotions seem to be much more powerful, especially negative ones, but that I think is more because I'm a Gardevoir now, not because I'm female now. Perhaps my attitude will change when I find another Gardevoir? Or a sufficiently attractive human? Or am I mixing those two urges together? I did jerk off to Gardevoirs a lot when I was human. Will that cross species lust resurface when the conditions are right?

*****

I thought I'd found him. The ideal trainer. I'd been watching him for 3 days now.

He had 5 pokemon with him, I could sense them. One of them was a fairy type; they seem to have an unusual energy about them even inside the pokeball. I hope that he'd be able to teach me about myself. I overheard a conversation he had with a different trainer; he said he felt he needed a pokemon that is strong in the special stats, and that a ghost or psychic would be perfect.

He was also generous. Fed his pokemon the nice, top shelf stuff they sell at the pokemon center. I'm not sure if it would be better than berries. He sets up a blanket and a plate for each of them every day. I didn't stay around when they come out of the balls, as he undoubtedly has at least one pokemon that could sense me.

Finally, he's determined and confident. These traits were perhaps the most important to me. I find myself getting rosy cheeked when thinking about him. I imagine his hand petting my head, telling me I did a good job...just the thought of which is blissful. Not to mention handsome. If I were still a human man, I'd consider him to be a touch effiminate, but he's...perfect.

He'll be gentle and firm with me. I'll lose a lot of battles at first, but he'll never give up on me, and he'll inspire me to do better...and one night when we sit around the campfire, the others asleep, I'll ask him if there's anything I could do for him...anything...maybe becoming female was having an effect on me.

I'd appear in front of him, and he's be stricken by my power and my beauty. He'd confidently battle me, and after a long, hard fight, he'd determine I was worthy and he'd claim me as his own. The fantasy actually kept the emptiness at bay. But it was still looming. I had to act fast.

From my usual perch on top of the pokemon center, he struck out in one direction, towards the edge of the forest. Near where I'd landed after my Tauros ride. I kept about 100 yards from him, keeping his energy in close check. I decided I'd appear to him in the tall grass alongside the path once he broke the treeline.

I teleported there, and waited. And waited. Time seemed to move so slowly. Where was he? I turned to my senses and found him there at the treeline. Perhaps having a snack? I was about to teleport closer to him, but then I realized I'd been focused too much on him, and someone had snuck up on me. I leapt to my left and was nearly hit by a brown blur. It was that Lopunny again. I looked up from my position laying in the grass, and there was its trainer, looming over me. "I knew you wouldn't have gone far...not after the thrashing I gave you. Lopunny, Dizzy Punch!"

The Lopunny pivoted and leapt at me, its fist brought up behind it. I scrambled to teleport but the hit connected first, right on the chin. I wobbled to my feet, everything around me was in double and triple images. I tried to remember how to teleport, and I succeeded, only to trip and fall over only a few feet where I'd started. If I ever got out of this, I'll never get angry at pokemon for hurting itself in confusion.

"Iron Tail!" I panicked, trying to run now, abandoning my teleportation. I was no match for Lopunny's speed and she got me from behind, just below the horn. I fell over like I had before, the wind knocked out of me. The pain was intense.

Lopunny loomed over me, gloating. "Lop...lo-ah-ah-ahp."

"Now, Thunder Wave." I could seem him readying a pokeball.

No. Not like this. Not when I was so close. My fantasy trainer flashed before my eyes. I had to escape. I had to Teleport. I tried once more, I stood up, focused all I could...then the Thunder Wave struck me. My entire body tensed all at once, like a full body cramp. I was fully paralyzed.

No. Please. I saw the pokeball thrown. I couldn't move. I couldn't dodge. The red light enveloped me. I was in a dark place now. I could feel...something. In the ball with me. Ordering me to obey. Ordering me to submit. I fought. I resisted as hard as I could. I could feel something that felt like a net wrapping around me. Each time I resisted it shocked me. But I broke through. The red light appeared again and I was back outside the ball.

I was laying flat on my back, the Lopunny still there, taunting me. I tried to teleport again, and the spasm wracked me with pain again. Another pokeball. This time it was blue on top. The grip when it pulled me in was stronger. The net turned into ropes, binding me even tighter as the voice grew louder and louder, demanding I obey. I couldn't. Not when what I wanted was so close. Once more I broke through, back onto the ground. This time on my knees, I looked up at Lopunny and its trainer. The battle had attracted an audience. My trainer was here, watching. I looked up to him, reaching for him. "Garde...gardevoir...voir...voir..." The Lopunny saw I was still capable of moving and gave me a thwack from behind. I fell on my side, reaching up to him, pleading with him to throw a pokeball at me. "Voir...garde..."

But one did get thrown. And this time, it was black with yellow lines on it. I felt the light envelop me. It went dark. The ropes had turned into chains. Tighter and tighter they squeezed me until I felt as if I was going to pass out. They restricted me like Jirachi had during my transformation. This would have never happened if I was human, I thought. The ball shook once.
More chains tightened around me. My senses had been blocked. All I could do was think now. I thought of the perfect trainer and mustered all my strength. The ball shook twice.

I let out one last blast. The chains loosened around me momentarily, I slipped out from them, I had freed myself. But the chains had other plans. They looped around me even tighter, pulling me down, down, down...the third shake. I felt probes in my mind. I fought back, but I was helpless. I could feel them rewriting my mind. The words OBEY and SUBMIT being engraved deep into my soul. All I could do is feel it change me into what it wanted me to be. An obedient pokemon. Where my mind had once been open and free, now there were gates and blocked off areas. I was not allowed to think certain things any more.

No choice, no freedom. I was never going to escape, was I? This was always going to happen. The red light turned off. A loud dinging sound rang out.

My master's new Gardevoir was ready.

*****

I was certainly changed. I was no longer sure what was my own desire, or if the pokeball had altered my thoughts to make me think a certain way. I was alright with being inside a pokeball. I was without form, but still comfortable. I knew I was still injured from my fight with Lopunny, but I felt no ache or pain or exhaustion. It was a sort of grayness of sensation. I was aware of my surroundings, but no more so than I could physically hear. My existence at this time was just that, existence. I felt no restrictions, but I couldn't do anything either. A terrible, terrible limbo.  I was not suffering, or bored, or afraid. What was left of my humanity seemed to be fading away, I knew I'd never be alright with this if I were still a human man. Time seemed to pass, but it seemed to not pass as well. Like I was in stasis but the world around me was not.

There I existed, waiting patiently to see the sun again. I'd cry if I could, but the notion of crying because I'm in a pokeball seems strange to me, and I don't know if thats my own thought or if it was part of my new programming. I'd always been like this. Time passes.

I suddenly feel something new. A surge of energy through me. While it came with no physical sensation, I could feel my injuries disappear. No soreness, no bruising. I was restored. But I was still hungry.

I tried to focus all I could, to once again fly in my mind like I had before. The world around me felt like it was blurry and unfocused. I couldn't glean any information. I could sense I was with my master. His energy was familiar to me now, as if I'd been with him my whole life. I realized that it wasn't too far from the truth.

More time passes. My pokeball was no longer physically moving. Had he set me down? Was I to stay in here forever? What if he put me into the PC? I heard a loud click. A bright light flooded my being. I was being called out. The light around me died out, and I stood there levitating in the middle of a cluttered living room. Bottles and other drink containers all over the place. A lone couch facing a decently large television. His Lopunny was curled up on one half of the couch, staring at me, but seeming to not be on guard. I looked up, and my new master, the thing my life now revolved around, was scanning me with his pokedex again.

"Level 39. Bold personality. Ability, Telepathy. Known attacks: Teleport." The large man waited for the pokedex to continue the attack list, and seemed angry that it didn't list any more. He looked at me, and I could feel frustration from him emanating from him like a human would be able to smell something. "Are you telling me you only know how to Teleport?"

I didn't know how to respond. Do I tell him what he wants to hear, or do I tell him the truth? I looked around and simply apologized to him. "Gardev?" I lowered my head, looking down at his dirty feet. Had he ever worn shoes in his life?

He didn't like my answer, and he flopped down on the couch next to Lopunny, who bounced when our master. He went to browsing his Pokedex, mumbling about a wasted pokeball. He looked up at me. "How? How did you evolve then if you can't fight?"

I sighed. May as well tell him the truth. Not like he'd understand me anyway. "Gardevoir, garde voir ga-ah-r devoir devoir, voirvoir gardevoir gardevoir." I said, matter-of-factly.

Lopunny looked up at me and started to laugh. It rolled off the couch it was so funny.

But my master surprised me and he asked sarcastically. "You're a human are you? Is that so? Then why do you fit inside a pokeball then, Ms. Human-mon?"

"You can understand me?" I asked.

He looked at me as if I was dumb. "Yes. I can hear your voice in here..." He pointed to his head. "I can still hear you say your name over and over, but I can hear what you mean. You're a psychic type. You shouldn't be surprised." He stood and crossed his arms, looking down at me. He had two strong emotions coming from him now, frustration and now curiosity, and a very small bit of...something. So tiny I couldn't grasp it.

I felt a rush of elation. Pure joy. Someone to talk to. "Yes, I was a human. A pokemon turned me into a Gardevoir."

He was skeptical. "I don't believe you. Now. Consider this an order from your trainer. Tell me the earliest thing you remember."
The word 'order' zipped through my mind. My body and mind immediately stood at attention, and I felt myself compelled to obey. "Being in a garden." No, that is not right. My earliest memory was watching my first dog play with a ball when I was three. I tried to correct myself. "Yes, being in a garden."

"My garden?" Frustration was building within him.

"I don't know. Just a garden. With vegetables and corn and stuff."

"Why are you lying to me?" Frustration was peaking.

"I'm not lying!"

My master then showed me a picture of myself, as I was right then. It was obviously some sort of data screen, but I couldn't read it, as it wasn't in English. "It says here that you were caught at level 5 in Hoenn. I've been to Hoenn, no one has gardens there, the soil is only good for local berries."

I could not reply. This was obviously fraudulent information, but how was I supposed to disprove that? "Please, master, I mean it. I am a human, please help me." The word 'master' had slipped out.

"Come here." He pointed at the ground next to him, and I found myself floating to him. He took me by the shoulder and pulled me down across his lap, pulling me so that my butt was in it. He then parted my gown and gave me a healthy swat right on my butt, sending a stinging sensation up my spine. I wiggled and kicked my legs, but I didn't dare try to move or stop him. "Tell me the truth. How did you evolve with no battle abilities?"

I lay there, humiliated, and completely unable to resist. I didn't want to. "I..." I hesitated, unsure what he wanted to hear. He was angry now, but I could sense him restraining himself. This was calculated. He gave me another swat on my helpless ivory butt. I could feel his handprint afterwards, and I let out a tiny and meaningless 'Gardevoir' when he did.

After my silence, he continued to spank me, like a disobedient child over his knee. I could feel two handprints, one on each cheek, beginning to form. "Tell me, or I'll let Lopunny do it." He was serious. I felt warmth spreading about my torso. Each swat stirred this up within me. It hurt, but also it was good...I needed to end this. I decided to play pathetic.

"I...I was abandoned." I said, going limp in his grasp. I lay there face down, and I heard Lopunny let out a little whimper.

"Abandoned huh. What did you do?"

"I...I don't know. I remember just being taken to a pokemon center...and...I don't remember how I got into your garden." Only a partial lie. I braced myself for another swat.

Of all things, I did not expect pity from him. A tiny bit of it, but it seemed to sway him. "Abandoned huh. You lose everything, even your ability to defend yourself, and then you get attacked by a strange trainer in a land you don't know." He got quiet, then lifted me up and onto his lap, placing me there. He held me from behind like I would hold a teddy bear. I could sense a torrent of emotion within him. Something had struck a chord.

He was so much larger than me. Hands that were larger than mine, even as over-sized as they were. Larger than I'd been when I was a human, and I had been a pretty big dude. I had never felt so tiny before. So helpless. Something was very impressive about him now, that emotion within. He'd probably gone through something similar. I could sense the turmoil with him, his words were choked by it.
I took one of his hands and held it within mine, running my big fat fingers through his. I held his hand as tight as I could and spoke to him. "Do you want me? I don't know any attacks or anything..."

Surprise from him. "Of course I do. We can figure this out. We'll get you back up to speed lickety split." He moved his head and looked into my eyes, gripping my hand tightly. He was holding back tears.

He was now afraid of me, but couldn't break this contact with me. I couldn't read his thoughts, but it was clearly written on his face and in his heart. We had common ground. I had pried open something inside him that did this to him, and he was afraid. But he was also comfortable with me. Perhaps because he knew I was his pokemon, servant, property, slave, what have you.  He probably didn't think I was capable of deception beyond simple white lies, like trying to get out of trouble for taking a cookie.

Once his emotions settled he let me go and patted my shoulder, his giant hand and fingers covering most of my back. "Tomorrow we'll figure this out. Good night." He pointed my grey and white pokeball at me, I felt the red light swallow me up. And I was back into my cage.

I lay there in my floating void, sort of comfortable, sort of restrained. I reflected on what just happened. I'd turned his entire opinion of me with a simple sentence. Which wasn't a complete lie. I'd pried off his armor and attacked his heart. I didn't know how to read minds, I didn't know how to use my telekinesis. Using just my natural empathic abilities found his weakness that quickly. I had some power in the relationship. I had something to leverage. I felt a lot better now, and I felt the chains around my mind begin to slacken.

I had also noticed something else. I hadn't been a female for long, but when he forced me onto his lap and spanked me, feeling how easily he manipulated my body to his desire, how it had only hurt the first and second time and after that...I won't even admit it.

Those big, strong hands...

*****

I had fallen asleep somehow within the pokeball. Given how uncomfortable I'd been in it previously, I was surprised. Still no dreams. Did Gardevoirs dream?

I felt the surge of energy through me once again, and this time I was let out immediately. I was in the pokemon center. I'd snuck in here before after hours before to explore, so it was a little strange to be in while it was open. My master was beside me, and he pointed at one of the counters. Obediently I floated over and waited for him while he talked to some humans.

"Hello, little Gardevoir." A male voice from behind me.

I didn't hear him. I was too focused on trying to listen in on my master's conversation.

"Gardevoir, dear?" I felt a tiny tickle on my neck, I turned to see the man at the counter using a little pokemon toy to get my attention. It was basically a feather on a stick, and without thinking I batted at it. He seemed pleased. "My dear, your trainer asked me to help you. Could you put your hand on here please?" He held out a pokedex, similar to master's though it seemed a lot more advanced.

I did as I was told, placing my gloved hand on the tablet. It brought up the same screen that master had shown me the day before. I still couldn't read it.

"I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but your trainer is concerned about you. I'm going to ask you some questions you may not want to answer, and any answer you can give me will help. I'm also a certified psychic trainer, so I can understand you. You don't need to project your thoughts into me."

I nodded at him, then let my hands droop to my sides, and looked down. I hoped this is what sad Gardevoirs looked like.
"So, you were abandoned at some point and you don't remember when or why?"
I nodded again.

"Did your old trainer give you a name?"

My name? I had a name as a human. Without thinking, I blurted out, "Gardev, voir gardevoir garde..." I stumbled over the words now, but unable to stop myself, I opened my mouth to say my old name. But it wasn't there. Not that it didn't translate into Gardevoir, but I didn't remember it.

"So you did have a name, but you don't remember it? Thats fine. Don't worry, you're not in trouble or anything."
How did I not remember my name? It was...was...was this the work of Jirachi? The transformation, or the pokeball?

"Do you remember any big human events? Like say, a war, or meeting a famous person?"

I shook my head in the negative.

"Do you remember battling against any powerful pokemon? Did you have a favorite attack you used a lot? Do you remember if you ever had an egg?"

"Gar?" I let slip out. I hadn't considered that before.

"Yes. If you have any children it might help find out where you are from."

Egg? I put my hands to my belly, over my gown. I hadn't realized that before.

"Ms. Gardevoir?"

I could be a mother. Which means that I'd have to let a male...

"Ms. Gardevoir?"

I felt the tickle on my neck again, and I batted at it again. "Gardev."

The man at the counter looked up and nodded to someone, I looked over my shoulder and my master had approached. He put his big, wonderful hand on my shoulder and drew me closer. "Any luck?"

"Well, we could have a powerful psychic type rip around in her head to find answers. But that would be very traumatic."

"Gardevoir! Garde, gardevoir!" I shook my head and put my hands on my tasseled ears.

The pokemon shrink then spoke to master. "Its quite a mystery. Its very, very rare to meet a psychic type with amnesia."

Master asked, "Why is that?"

"Psychic types tend to have very strong minds. So my guesses are, she was overcome by an even more powerful psychic attack that wiped her mind clean, she saw something that traumatized her, or perhaps it was as simple as getting hit on the noggin. Once she lost her powers, she was abandoned." The shrink pet my head, which I enjoyed immensely.

"What can we do then?" Master was genuinely concerned. Some of that same pity from the day previous was there.

"Well, since you mentioned you want to get her ready to help on your farm, I recommend a TM. Get her a simple new attack and maybe that will jostle something. Thats the best I can do without having my pokemon dig into her mind."

I again shook my head, covering my ears. They both thought it was cute. But after what a mere pokeball did to me, I wasn't sure what a powerful pokemon would do to my head.

Master thanked the man and then turned to me. I've bought some lunch for you. Its at that table. Go sit there and finish it and behave until I come back."

I nodded and floated over. A small tray of pokemon food. I picked up one walnut sized piece of it and put it to my nose to smell it. But as I had no nose, it just left a small mark where my nose should have been. I decided then to pop it in my mouth. It was. AWFUL. It tasted like dog food smelled. Dry, but at the same time it was mushy and nearly textureless. It was like eating raw oatmeal and cooked rice at the same time and just as flavorful. No hint of berry, no hint of meat. I wanted to get up and get some water, or better yet, teleport away and find some berries. As I rose, I felt a sudden urge to sit back down. It was powerful, like the urge to back away from the edge of a cliff. I sat back down, and immediately was relieved of it. I understood now. Master had specifically instructed me to sit there, finish the food and behave until he came back. So I sat there, and behaving simply seemed to mean not causing trouble.

But did I have to finish this...awful, awful food?

Yes. Yes I did. I closed my eyes and took another morsel and popped it in. Then another. The man at the counter, the same as before, came by. He held a glass of water in his hand. Just what I needed! I reached for it, but instead he poured it into the dish. I watched in disbelief. I'm sure it would be much more awful now that it was soggy. I asked him why he did it. "Garde, gardevoir devoir?" Pointing at the now even more so unappetizing tray full of wet chunks.

He leaned down close to me, and whispered into my ear. "That doesn't matter. You're a pokemon, only your trainer's opinion matters."
 He gave me a gentle pat on my head, winked, then went back to his position at the counter.

Where had I heard that before? I thought to myself as I tried a now wet chunk. Was more like a glop now. The tray wasn't even halfway finished. I looked back up to him. Then I felt that energy again. The same energy that had held me in place during my transformation. It took my hands made me pick up the tray, and put it to my mouth, where I began to eat it. Ravenously, like a dog would. The texture and flavor hadn't improved. I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't move my arms, I couldn't stop my jaw.

Once I had licked the plate clean, which I really, really did not want to do, I dropped it and regained control of my hands. I wiped my mouth off with my sleeve and stood up to confront him, but that same feeling came back. It was a really, really bad idea to be standing, I felt, so I sat back down. Placed my hands in my lap and watched the man who'd ruined my meal. He didn't look at me any more. I tried reaching out to him empathically, but it was interrupted by my master calling to me.

"Gardevoir, come here. I want you to try this on."

Obediently I stood up and floated to him. He gently placed a big set of headphones on my head, large enough to envelop even my tassels, then gave me what looked like a CD player.

"This is a TM. Listen to it and you'll learn how to use a new attack." He guided me over to another bench and sat me down next to him, then he pressed play.

I've encountered so many strange things and sensations since becoming a Gardevoir, and this was the strangest yet; not because it was alien, but because it made absolute perfect sense. I held the player close to me, curled up into a ball, and let myself drift off. The 'music' was 1 part white noise, 1 part human speech, and 1 part pokemon speech. It explained perfectly how to use this new technique. It was very comforting, finally having something I could understand. The entire world was gone, it was just me and this invisible tutor, guiding me to unlock some hidden power within me. And I learned. It was so easy. It was like I was remembering something from long ago, and it suddenly awoke within me. I was powerful, I was alive. And now I had a weapon.

Once the music stopped, I felt master remove the headphones. "All done. Did it work?"

My eyes began to water, now that it was over. I was sad. But also happy, happy that I'd gotten to experience that. I held the player to me like a treasure, I didn't want to let it go. I wanted another. "Master...may I listen to it again?"

"It only works once. I can't afford another right now. Maybe in a month or two. Did it bring anything back?" He asked, curious and concerned for me.

I sadly let it go and the shopkeeper took the set away. My tears didn't stop though. I sat there in awe of its beauty and in pain because of its loss. That tiny bit of order in this chaotic world...I hugged myself and began to sob. Apparently loudly, as everyone at the center could hear me.

Master picked me up and bridal carried me out of the center, then into the woods a little bit. We sat down together on a stump, then he whispered to me. "Go ahead, let it all out."

I cried and cried and cried. All the pent up frustration, all the disappointment and fear and danger had finally caught up to me. I cried because I'd lost my old life. I cried because I didn't understand anything about the new one. I cried because I knew I had so much power but my body NEEDED me to be controlled by another. I cried because of the powerful Iron Tail attack that I could still imagine striking me. I cried because of that awful, awful food. He simply held me, in those big strong arms of his. I was crying on his shoulder, one hand under my butt, one on my back, stroking it.

Once I calmed down, I could feel his hand running up and down my back. Each time it neared my back horn, between my shoulder blades, he'd intentionally go to either side. With this rhythmic flow, I could feel his emotions. He was on the verge of crying too. "Master, please don't cry on my behalf, I'm such a worthless little thing..."

"Don't say that. You're valuable and worth keeping around. Whoever left you didn't deserve you." He said bluntly, not looking at me. I could tell he was keeping a straight face, but inside was a torrent. He'd spent the last of his money on an off chance of me getting my memory back. He wasn't bitter about it. He was concerned that the TM had hurt me in some way, and he'd moved us out of the center to protect my own dignity, and thought nothing of his own. Those words of his. Strong message behind them, but a little slanted. He had been told that before in his life. I saw a woman he cared for dearly call him worthless. He saw a bit of himself in me, from that very moment he heard the word 'abandon'.

In this proximity, I realized that these images I was seeing; I could read his mind, as if it were a book laid open before me. I wondered if it was two ways.

We both just held each other for awhile. His hand slowly moving up and down my back. I curled up into a small ball, trying to keep my breasts and front horn from pressing into him, but he didn't notice.

He finally broke the silence. "You can read my mind, can't you."

I decided to stop lying to him. "Yes. I saw many things. You're in pain. I don't know what I can do to help you."

He stayed silent now, looking at me. He stood up and started to carry me towards his house. He walked on for several minutes at a time, staying off the path, gently making sure I didn't get leaves in my face.

This level of intimacy was too much. I wasn't sure what was him and myself anymore. He had a long life of suffering behind him. I was weak, I couldn't help him bear it any longer. I asked to be let down and he obliged, letting my feet float back down so I stood before him, myself nearly 18 inches shorter than him.

"Do you really want to help me?" He asked me, after we continued our walk, now side by side.

"Of course."

"When we get back, there's two jobs I need you to do for me." He'd shut himself off to me. I wasn't sure how he did it, but he was a complete blank now. Even passive neutrality would still register, but I felt nothing at all from him.

I nodded up at him, silently swaying next to him. Walking was so much easier when I didn't have to move my legs.

"Firstly, use that new attack of yours on the generator behind the house. 10 times or should be enough juice for awhile."

A purely practical task. That was easy. "And the second?"

He cleared his throat. I could feel the emotion welling up in him again, but he looked down at me. "Once thats done, go out to the fields and zap the largest bird pokemon you can find. Taking down the big ones will make the little ones fly off. These will be your chores every day. Lopunny has her chores and so do you, now."

He was clearly disturbed by how readily he opened up to me and had slammed shut. "I understand, master."

"Also, Gardevoir. If you remember anything, come talk to me." He swallowed, very nervous and uncomfortable. "I know we started off on a bad foot, but I mean to keep you around. My home, as crappy as it is, is yours now." With that, we'd reached the end of the treeline. He pat my head, and then walked off in the direction of the shack.

I decided to sit there on the fence. I was alone and out of my pokeball for the first time since being captured. What was stopping me from leaving? I looked out at the forest from my perch. I was wild for a about a week. I sought out a trainer to help fill the cracks in my heart. I touched my front horn. It was warm to the touch. Leaving my master, if it was even possible, was counterproductive. I had no goal, no purpose by myself.

The pokemon who put me here wanted me to be miserable. The best thing I could do to spite him is find joy. Even if I'm no longer capable of acting without someone to control me, I could be happy to just be what I am. I could bring ease and comfort into my master's life. And in return, I would be a good and happy little pet, or servant, or slave, or whatever I am now, free from responsibility and worry.

So I teleported to him. I startled him as I appeared in front of him. He seemed taken aback. "Please don't do that again."
"I'm sorry master. I just came here to ask a favor."

He crossed his arms. "And what right do you have to ask a favor?"

I mirrored him by crossing my arms. "If I'm stuck with you, you're stuck with me."

We stared each other down for a few heartbeats, then he cracked a smile. "Well, what do you want?"

I floated to him and took his hand. "Since I'm stuck with you, you need to start taking better care of yourself." He was confused, so I elaborated. "I think I remember parts of my old master. He never took care of himself either. He just lived in his room and did nothing but spout mean things to people, only worked as hard as he needed to to not starve to death. Never tried to improve."
Anger began to swell within him. "How...how dare you...compare me to..."

I took his hand again. "You made me face the reality of my situation, and I'm only returning the favor. Please. I have seen what you went through. I know it is still raw. If you're willing to do so much for me, all I'm asking for is a little more." I gave him my best sad eyes and floated up higher, steadying myself on his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek.

He went quiet, again throwing up his shield to guard his emotions. He walked off, shaking his head, muttering under his breath.
I breathed a sigh of relief, and hoped for the best. In the mean time, I had chores to attend to.

*****

I had snuck up on them. A pack of spearow with a large Fearow in the middle. They were pecking at the ground, probably waiting for bugs and worms to surface. I had taken a new joy in my chores, and I was as expressive as possible. I approached them, walking backwards in the air and I stopped, tipping my large straw hat to them as I got within range. They started shouting at me to go away. The big Fearow approached on the ground, spreading its wings to show aggression.

I did a neat twirl in the air, then took both of my hands and moved them from side to side, sliding in the air from left to right as I did. The Fearow was unimpressed, and lunged at me with a Drill Peck. I deftly dodged it, spinning in the air. I stopped and started to accumulate power in my hands. I stopped the spin leaning backwards at the knees, I moved my hands in a certain motion and kicked one leg out, making the sign of the Thriller in the air and spinning. When I stopped, I pointed at the Fearow and a bolt of lightning came out of my right hand, zapping him good.

The Fearow hit the ground, and its pack scattered. I continued my dance, repeating it up until the zappy part, and the Fearow got the message. Getting up and flying away in a hurry, I aimed the other Thunderbolt at him from my left hand and intentionally missed, hoping he got the message. He'd be back, but perhaps I wouldn't seem him again for awhile .

That was the last batch of intruders I could sense, so I set myself to auto pilot, having mastered my 'instinctual telekinesis' as it was called, and drifted into myself. I could feel him. Perhaps a half mile away, at the house. Another male human was there. Master had said that he'd be having company today, and that he thought my presence would scare his guest.

Which he was right. I was triple threat; beautiful, graceful and horrible. Beautiful to behold, graceful as I moved, and horrible to face against. Truth be told, Lopunny could still destroy me in a battle. But these wild brutes that infested my master's fields? They were nothing.

My master. The term came so easily now. It had been a month since my capture. I don't know if its the pokeball, or my own fondness, but that is what he was to me now. My entire life. The pillar of strength on which me, a tiny flower, grew. I had known it was inevitable. I remembered the Gardevoir pokedex entries. They were 100% true. He was more precious to me than life itself. Whether the pokeball, my Gardevoir nature or whether I truly loved him, it was there, and thats how it was. Reasons seemed to matter less and less.

I hoped Jirachi was watching. I hoped he hated what I had become, so happy I was.

I paused outside the house, taking control of my movement back. I rolled up my gown a few times so that it was just under my knees and kept it there, as when I was outside the ends of it would get dirty and dusty, and I didn't want it to get into the house. Which was clean now. It was still barely above a shack, but we'd gotten rid of all the garbage. The house now smelled like dinner and wood fire, as opposed to stacks of garbage and rotting food. At least according to Lopunny. My sense of smell had disappeared completely, and with it, my sense of taste. I could only get flavors out of the most spicy, or the most sour, or the most sweet berries now. It helped with the food budget, as berries were getting harder to find, and everything tasted the same to me now anyway, I could eat that nasty kibble with no complaint now.

I drifted inside, knocking on the door to announce I was coming in. My master and his guest, a businessman, shook hands and Lopunny escorted him to the door.

Master turned to me. "I'm sorry about that."

"I understand." I could feel his trepidation. I reached out to soothe him, to steady him. He was nervous. After our talk a few weeks back, we'd exchanged favors and made rules about 'us'. One of which was me only reading his mind with permission. "What is wrong, my master?"

"Nothing important." He sat down in his new chair, positioned to the side of the old couch. Lopunny had claimed the entirety of the couch now. "Lopunny, go do your weeding." She gave a quick double-lop and hopped outside.

I reached out and closed the door with my telekinetic 'hand'. While still weak, things like opening doors. If I could see it, I could manipulate it with the same force as I could with my regular hand. I locked the door behind our bunny friend, then I turned my senses to him.

I knelt on the ground before him, facing away as he sat in his chair. He took out his pipe, smoking being the one habit I couldn't nag him out of, and he leaned back and relaxed. He put his hand on my head, stroking it with those giant hands. I'd learned my place. I operated on my master's desires and my master's schedule. I would sit patiently and wait for his invitation.

Feeling his affection on my head relaxed me. I withdrew my senses into myself. Now that I had accepted my place, there was much more space for my mind to 'fly' in. The chains I had imagined when I was captured were of my own creation. So afraid I was of embracing my new nature. I desired only to be a good girl. A good servant of my master. I had no interest in being his equal. Never to challenge him. Despite the power I possessed, I knew I was nothing without him. He was the one that filled the hole in my heart, he was the one that gave me purpose.

I meditated on this. I was at peace. My master was the star by which I navigated now. My heart was shaped by his, not the other way around. His desires became mine, and my entire being adjusted to him.

And more practically, with all the nagging I did to him, it was good for his soul for me to be obedient and subservient to him every now and then.

"Gardevoir."

I snapped out of my meditation. "Yes, master?"

"Are we alone?" He said, emotionless.

I nodded to him, without facing him. My heart began to beat furiously.

He put his pipe aside and pat my head. "Face me."

I picked myself up with levitation and turned to face him. I looked up at him. He'd come so far. Five o'clock shadow, lost a bit of weight, hair was no longer greasy, and he'd gotten a real haircut. He was wearing clothes that fit. He'd gone from an ugly bastard to a chubby, rugged lumberjack, minus the beard. He had a serious expression. All at my behest.

I knelt before him, keeping my head low. He'd done so much for me. What he is and was going to ask of me was very little. It came naturally to me anyway.

"What are you?" He asked me.

"I'm a pokemon." I answered, keeping my head down.

"And what does that mean?" He asked me, our ritual continuing.

"It means that I belong to you." I said, still keeping my head down.

He closed his eyes and sighed. He loved hearing that. "What belongs to me?"

I swallowed and licked my lips. This was the hardest part:

/Master, this vessel belongs to you
/I bear your marks to prove it true
/when frustration and heat will not cease
/punish my flesh for my master's peace

/Master, this mind belongs to you
/I must obey your will in what I do
/when stresses and labors do not end
/my energy and power you can expend

/Master, this soul belongs to you
/My pledge to you I now renew
/when your heart becomes heavy and scarred
/unburden your secrets unto your garde

I knelt before him, slowly lowering myself which each verse, until my head rested on the ground. It was exhilarating. I could feel the passion within him growing, his desire for me burned hot. Weeks ago I had uncovered his deepest, most forbidden desire. He wanted control. Not just obedience, not just a promise. He wanted to hold my life in his hands. He wanted to control whether I suffered or felt great joy. He wanted to control my body completely and utterly. At first I was scared of this. But on searching his soul, even deeper, I found it was because he valued trust and wanted me to trust him with my body, mind and soul.

And so I did. I wrote this poem for him two weeks ago and recited it to him, then I asked him to leave his mark on me. And he did. He knew my skin was sensitive to iron, so he pressed a fork against my shoulder. Lengthwise, not penetrative. Four lines next to my my heart on my back. I had never expected to enjoy this sort of treatment, but it was the undeniable desire and passion for me.
I lay there, moving my gown so that he can see his mark on me. I waited for his approval. I lay there, completely submitting to another. It was so liberating. His control squeezed me tighter than the pokeball ever had. For when he gave me an order, he trusted me to see it through, just as I trusted him with my life.

Luckily, he only seemed interested in submission. The slight whimpering I did when he held me tightly or bound me up was enough for him.

"I accept your pledge. Let me show you my love." He removed some rope from the side of his chair.

I assumed the position, leaning down and holding my arms behind me. He took each arm in hand and wrapped it gently around each gloved arm, then bound them together tightly. I lay there a moment, wiggling my hands and trying to get out of it, again for his pleasure. It was slightly uncomfortable, but once he was done I'd be rewarded.

He wrapped more rope around my neck, measuring out different lengths, then pulled down. He made a tight but not choking collar around my neck with it, then used it to anchor several ties around my torso; feeling the rope dig into my skin, especially those framing my breasts, the knots that dug into my horn, both sides of it. He wrapped my torso up in nice, pretty angles of rope, so that no matter what I did, no matter which way I leaned or even if I breathed, I'd feel his love. Inescapable, binding, leaving its mark deep in my ivory white skin, which he enjoyed leaving little red marks on. Finally, he bound my arms to it, so that if I tried to move my arms to escape, it would tighten around my neck. I knew this was dangerous. But I let him do it anyway.

Once he finished, he let me go and I had to adjust my position and breathing. He'd tied it so the only comfortable position would be bowing. But I never bowed after this point. I loved the sensation of his will being pressed into me.

He was so good at it too. My limbs never went numb, and there was always one comfortable position. Once I was adequately tied, he picked me up and sat me in his lap. He intentionally pulled on little loose parts to tighten certain spots, to keep me from relaxing too much. Once I'd wiggled and struggled enough for him, he let me rest, and gave me my reward. He showed me a large Aspear berry, used a knife to cut a chunk off, and fed it to me by hand, piece by piece. Each time he pressed the delicious sour fruit to my lips, he'd ask me a question, like, "Who is a good girl?" or "Who do you belong to?"

Once the berry was gone he'd tease my more sensitive parts. Full cup of my useless breasts, nibbling on my ear tassels and neck, and if he wanted me to stand at attention, he'd grab my horn and squeeze it at the base. This was actually kind of painful, but he enjoyed my reaction. I enjoyed my reaction.  A physical manifestation of our relationship.

Once he had sufficiently teased me, he'd undo the ropes around me and order me nude, then run his fingers up and down the now red areas on my skin, sit me on his lap facing him, and kiss me as he would a human. This was the only time I was allowed to move, I usually took his head into my hands and pulled him more into the kiss, though sometimes he'd take each hand in his and we'd hold hands.

The only thing I'll admit is that it didn't feel like an intrusion, like I thought it would. Rather than a foreign body invading me, it felt as if I was welcoming a long missing piece of me home. And no risk of pregnancy, so I feel everything.

Past that...I don't want to commit it to paper.

Though in my little Gardevoir dreams, that's all I ever thought about. Holding an egg in my lap, his big strong arms wrapped around me. I freely admit now. I regret being a Gardevoir during these dreams. Knowing that I'll never give him a child...the only black cloud in an otherwise perfect sky.

Are you reading this, Jirachi? It is only the trainer who matters. I do not. You were right. You've won.

I am suffering. Suffering because of what I am, and knowing I can do nothing about it. I know that ultimately, I am just a toy, a servant, a slave to him. While his love for me is sincere, he won't grow as a man if I can never meaningfully challenge him. Sure I brought about positive change, but I bribed him with unquestioning love, service and sex. Which by all accounts was his right to demand from me anyway. I am no different than that Gardevoir I had on my computer screen that night. Perfect, submissive, never questioning and always consenting and available.

If you hear this, no returning to what I once was. Leave my old life on that dirty bathroom floor. I won't endanger him. If he decides he needs a child to be whole, I'll help him and celebrate whatever relationship he finds. Even if he never touches me again. Even if he releases or trades me, I'll understand.

And that is the essence of us Gardevoirs. To fall into so deep a love that its second nature to sacrifice. No matter how much pain it inflicts on us. Perhaps whomever abandoned me before I met my current master understood this and wiped my memory clean to spare me. Will he eventually do the same?

Is this what you wanted? Did I fail the first time, only for you to force me to try again?

And if I've earned some sort of reward, another wish? I wish for deafness and darkness and chains and a need for control, a complete and full pokemon mind. So that I am unaware of my past successes.