old poems i managed to dredge up

Jealousy Poem

There once't was a Fragile young foal!
Bitter Envy caused her little heart to wither!
So it was that she became a Troll!
Spite urged her to call your fine poems blither!

For the crime of trampling on your hard work with her thick hoof
This silly old filly'll pay her penance! + jump off a high roof.

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"spat loves steve"

Your passion's steamy, Steve Buscemi,
Though some say your face looks wonky.
But in my thoughts, you're radiant, dreamy
With seminal emission like a donkey.

Your skin is creamy, Steve Buscemi,
And your steel-stiff member's rough and rowdy
Like Nucky Thompson's hard-ass weenie
Or Donny's hard luck in "The Big Lebowski".

Unironically date me, Steve Buscemi.
My name is Phillip Keck and I'm in completely serious gay love with you.
This is not a poem anymore but a serious plea for your attention.
Here is my telephone number.

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"gamma's real shitty poem"

Your mom's a corpulent hottie, with svelte legs like a sylph.
But I have a few cross words to say about that hefty MILF.
it's a personal idiosyncrasy. I think fat bitches are foxy.
But your mother's cunt has grown too lose to bring pleasure to my cock, see?
Your momma is so stupid that her skull's an empty shell.
Your momma is so poor she buys her clothes at Taco Bell.
Her ugly mug is so repulsive, she temps as a gargoyle.
Your momma is so greasy BP be tappin' her for oil.
Your mom is such a sleaze, she sees a phallus and she blows it,
Your momma is so loose she gives birth and doesn't know it.
But I love her all the same.
We are getting married Sunday. I am going to be your new mom, Gamma_Metroid.
Happy Valentine's Day.

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"some people think its sexy to get eaten and killed but i dont"

All I wanted was a reprieve
From solitary gloom
Now for my coming death I grieve,
Soon to be consumed.

Bound and gagged and doomed am I,
In the web of an arachnid.
Perfect prey, oblivious was I
A lonely little fat kid.

Your kind words made my mind go dotty
You weaved your little lies.
Gossamer thread now chokes my body,
and I am about to die.

Eight eyes triumphant, gnawing hunger
Fangs tear into my meaty flesh,
My soft tissue is rent asunder,
You drink the blood that's flowing fresh.

May I make but one request?
(though the time for talk has passed)
If you truly say you loved me the best,
Save my beating heart for last!

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"romance of the big trucks"

I met you at the truck show, gulping whiskey from a cruet.
The "Carolina Crusher" was for our romance a conduit;
You flattened my resistance like a line of shitty Buicks.

Our first time was in Easy Rider's trunk
Our second, in a Hyundai
Valentine, you know it's true, tll I met you I was ungay
You unstraightened me out in your flatbed bunk
So for a Valentine's gift, my big-wheeled hunk,
VIP passes, two free tickets, for Sunday, SUNDAY, SUNDAAAAAAY!!!!!!!

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"hot date on the couch"

One weekend with the 'rents away,
with run of household empowered,
I invited you to stay on my couch
It was there that I was deflowered.

No cushions could prepare me for
the squishy force of your amour.
Chest to chest, heartbeat to heartbeat,
We rutted, writhed on sweatsoaked loveseat.

Your love made me feel like royalty,
from my words, all sense was parted.
Babbling lovers, perched on our thrones
Picture it now: on sofa, kings retarded.

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"burnt chip at the bottom of the bag"

Lover, you lied to me,
Like a bag of Ruffles that says "no MSG"
You're shattered Doritos; you're no longer enough for me.
Our Wheat Thins have withered, blighted by wheat rust;
My heart, like these Fritos, crumbled to fine dust.

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"if you wanna be my lover you gotta play video games"

To summon the demon of my love, you first must shoot your temple
Devotion is a labyrinth; the paths of courtship never simple.
Your words must carry massive effect, be steadfast as Colonel Shepherd,
Choose option B, speak kindly thoughts, with tender sentiments peppered
With infinite love like space above,
Boundless, endless, startless,
Like a key-waving asshole, you bring redemption to
One who was formerly Heartless.

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REFRAIN OF THE WEREDOGS
A poem by John Boy "Snowypaws" Templeton

http://i.imgur.com/cHUqk.jpg

the weredogs home, hidden deep in the trees
the weredogs are separated by ranks and degrees
fuzzy funny animals who are strong yet big hearted
a garous bond it shall never be parted
unlike the leeeches(vampires) who are just plain fucking retarded
a weredog knows incredibly way too freaking well
of the blood lust that impels them
to seek out and destroy all who would fell them
and get mixed up in doggy fights
and beat up other clans and put out their lights
overcome a weredogs defenses? the ideas hilarious
garou tang clan's alpha dogs are imperious
garou tang clan's got styles that are various
messin with the garou tang? you must be delirious
your motives are obscure, your judgment is curious
your vampiric hubris sorta makes us furious
and it makes us consider if you are even serious
about challenging us
because you would seriously die
Fangs of the canine pop out on this Hallowe'en
So if you see a Garou, dont emit out a scream!
Just give him a handshake, a hug and a steak!
let him sniff your body, and try not to freak!
big furry hands will caress you with tenderness
this 'knotty' red rocket will probe your soft wildnerness
let your freak flag fly, let your inhibitions all shut down
let your lupine lover give you a hunky doggy rubdown!
take my hand, friend, join me and the garou, and i'll show you a new world the likes of which you have never dreamed.