Treasure Hunter Elaine: Chapter 3: Hedonism HQ

Previous chapter: http://pastebin.com/PivzJsCn
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It was a long flight, but now I'm finally back in Rome, and on my way to the 14th. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can drop the sarcophagus off to Pius and contemplate ways to obsessively wash out my inventory. I don't care that's she in a sarcophagus, having a dead body in your inventory is gross as hell.

Tearing my thoughts away from what's in my inventory, I'm again floored by just how massive the building of the 14th Officio is. It's at least 400 feet tall, and it extends who knows how far underground. The building is about 600 feet in diameter at the surface, easily taking up four city blocks here in Rome. It's almost five times the size of the standard American unit of area: the football field.

From the outside the circular building has three levels visible, each level having a dozen small towers rising up a couple dozen feet. The entrance to the Officio is also massive, being at least 150 feet tall and looking like the front of a Roman cathedral. The entire Officio looked like it was cut from a single, absolutely massive block of stone. The outside was decorated with carvings, statues, and emblems made out of brass. Surrounding the Officio were 300 foot pillars of stone with brass statues of magical girls standing on top of them. The doors—

…You know what? Just take my word on it. The entire office building and everything on it is fucking massive and gaudier than the tomb I just got back from, and that was filled with gold and jewels. I'd even say the pyramid was subtle compared to the 14th. Point is, everything is shiny and impressive, and if I were to try and describe every detail of the building, I'd be here all day. The effort and energy needed to make this place is just mindboggling, I don't know how Pius made it and did it without anyone noticing, other than with some half-assed explanation like "Callidus hid it" or "alien space magic."

I open the doors and walk inside the Officio. I'll try to keep the descriptions brief this time.

The inside of the Officio is just as gaudy as the inside, but replace half of the bronze sculptures and carvings with gold, the other half with marble, and throw valuable paintings of the Blessed Lady on almost every wall. The hardwood floors are polished to the point of having a permanent sheen, and red velvet carpets and tapestries cover the floors and parts of the walls respectively. No, I don't know how the velvet remains in its perfect pristine state week after week of use, or how you never slip and fall on your ass with the velvet on polished hardwood floors, but that's the 14th for you.

Oh, hold on. I missed one rather important aspect of the fourteenth.

Most of the statues, paintings, and other artwork on the inside of the Officio that doesn't involve the Blessed Lady in some way are all of naked women. Whenever I walk by them I try not to pay attention to the statues, the lewd positions some of them are in, or how others look suspiciously similar to the Warmaster.

Yeah… it's… a fairly lewd Officio, and many of the girls in it are just about as lewd. At least they keep the worst statues inside the Officio and not display them on every available space on the outside of the Officio. Granted, Pius had to step in and enforce that himself.

Enough of that though. I think I should stop by Pius's office for now and drop off the crazy magical girl in my inventory.

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Several lewd statues later, I find myself in front of Pius's office. Compared to the rest of the Officio, it's rather tame. It's just a door about twice my height, made of solid oak, and stained to look a deep, dark brown. Other than a few carvings of the Blessed Lady and a few words inscribed on the surface, "GAUDE PUELLA MAGI ", there are no other decorations on it to speak of.

Without hesitating I open the door to the incubator's office and walk inside.

Pius's office looked like the inside of a Christian church, except instead of in the shape of a cross the room was rectangular with a rounded wall opposite the door. The room itself did not have much light to speak of, only relying on the glow of several screens to give it a faint blue light. The room also lacked any pews, and instead just had a red carpet lead up to the altar, which Pius used as his desk. The altar cum desk was the same color as the door, but with certain parts gilded with the Officio's logo. Instead of murals and stained glass of Christ, the Saints, or any other holy figures you might find in a Christian church, there were about twenty electronic screens that currently had images of The Blessed Lady on them. That was Pius's screensaver so to speak. It flipped through a number of images of the Blessed Lady when he wasn't using the screens or his computer to contact his brothers.

Pius himself looked like most of his brothers. White fur, opposable ears, fluffy tail, the works. He's slightly taller than the other incubators, but not by all that much. What sets him apart from his brothers though is the miniature red gown that he wears, along with the large and rather silly pope hat sitting on his head. As far as I know, not one of the girls has ever seen him without the hat on. The few times that he's been killed he came back with a new pope hat already on his head.

When Pius herd the door open, he stopped what he was doing and looked up at me immediately. "Hoh? It's unusual to see you here. You've never accepted my invitations to meet me after your trips. I take it this means something happened in the tomb, Elaine." He says in his deep voice. Yes, a deep voice. Unlike the other incubators his voice isn't some sickeningly sweet high pitched noise, it's a deep, oily voice.

As for Pius himself, he often acts like a priest whenever he can, sans sermons. It's part of the reason why he doesn't mind if one of his girls barges right into his office like I just did. He'll drop everything to listen to our problems and try to offer solutions. Problem is, he's still an alien cat with the barest understanding of how humans work, so his help isn't all that useful or wanted most of the time. Often his help is even detrimental to us, to the point of needing a grief seed after seeing him.

From what little I know of the guy, when he came to earth God knows when, he was fascinated by the human concept of "religion" and wanted to spread one of his own. He never got a chance to spread his own, but he saw how many magical girls already worshiped the "Blessed Lady" and he set out to help spread the religion to magical girls worldwide along with his brother in the 2nd. He likes to see himself as the "pope" of the religion, even though there isn't a recognized pope for the Blessed Lady, and if he ever made any decrees about the religion no one ever listened to him. Girls often end up calling him a fake pope or fake priest behind his back because of that.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand about the girl in the tomb.

"Hey Pius, I hit a bit of a snag over in the pyramid in Egypt that I thought you should see." I tell him as I pull the sarcophagus out of my inventory and stand it up.

"Oh? Very well. This is the first time you've sought my assistance."

I pull the lid off and the girl from the pyramid falls out onto the floor.

"I found her in the tomb, and she claimed to be Cleopatra," I answered. "Or at least she sincerely believed she was Cleopatra."

Pius tilts his head bewildered, as if he was a confused puppy or something. I spend the next few moments filling him in on everything that happened in the tomb.

"I see… This is serious, indeed," Pius says as he hops down from his desk and starts examining the girl. "May I see her soul gem?"

I pull the sapphire soul gem out of my pocket. It's no longer crystal clear, but some darkness has begun to form in the gem. Probably because I kept her body and her soul apart for so long. I hand the soul gem over to Pius to examine. He probably would have easily caught it had I tossed it, but throwing souls is typically frowned upon. If anyone in the 14th can solve the mystery of where this girl came from and what she was doing in Egypt, it would be Pius.

"Hoh? Interesting." Pius mutters as he examines the soul gem with his… ears? Arms? Earms? Anyway, after a few moments he sets the soul gem down and looks up to me. "I am unable to determine when exactly she was contracted, or who the incubator that contracted her was, Elaine."

See? I told you he'd be able to—wait what?

"Nothing?" I ask surprised. "You don't have any idea who she is? No idea at all?"

"All I can tell about her contract from examining the soul gem is that she could have been contracted at any point in time between a million years ago and about a week ago." Pius continues. "I can tell you that she would be an Eversor, and she has a large amount of magic available to her, but I do not know the details of her powers or what her wish could have been."

"So what, are you trying to tell me that she could in fact be Cleopatra?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course not." Pius answers. "It's impossible that Cleopatra could have lived for two thousand years without us knowing about it. She would have fallen long before now had she actually been in the pyramid that long without a grief seed. What possessed you to think that she actually was Cleopatra?"

For the record, "falling" is the Pius's way of saying "turn into a witch." His rationale behind it is that us turning into witches parallels the "fall from grace" featured in many religions.

Anyway, I ignore his attempt at being condescending and continue on. "Well good, she's not Cleopatra. At least now we know who she's not." To be honest I'm more curious now at how he could not know a damn thing about who she is with the soul gem right in his…ears. "Isn't it your job to make and fiddle with soul gems? How is it that you cannot know where she's from?"

"There are a number of reasons why this could be unknown to me Elaine." Pius answers me patiently. "Most of them are classified however, and the rest are so unlikely they're not even worth mentioning."

I let out a frustrated sigh. So the answer is beyond my pay grade. That's nice. And here I though Pius could answer all of my questions about this girl. Silly me for assuming he'd tell me jack shit. Oh, and silly me for thinking that the alien cat that makes soul gems with the contracts would know anything about them.

"If it's any consolation, if something has affected her soul gem enough that I cannot learn much from it, her mind would be equally affected," Pius states. "More likely than not this girl was being sincere when you met her, so you shouldn't have to worry her trying to kill you in your sleep."

No, it wasn't any consolation, as now none of my questions about how she got in the tomb can be answered. "So what do we do with our insane girl, then?" I ask instead of voicing my frustration any more than I might have already.

"If she means no harm and if I am unable to learn her Officio of origin, I can talk to her and try to convince her to work with us in the 14th." Pius states, with his tail starting to swish back and forth. "She would be a very powerful Eversor, and I would never say no to having another Eversor under my employ."

Somehow I knew he'd go there. 90% of the whole Officio is already made up of Eversors, and he still went there.

"Good luck convincing her." I tell Pius. "For some reason I don't think she'll take working under someone very well. She's more likely to be insulted by working under someone than thrilled by the idea."

"I will keep your advice in mind, Elaine," Pius says as he grabs the soul gem again to wake the girl up.

Almost immediately the girl jolts upright, gasping for air. She looks around wildly until she spots me. "Loyal Peasant! Where am I?" she demands.

"You're in the Fourteenth Officio in Rome." Pius answers for me. "Elaine, your loyal peasant, works for me and she saw fit to inform me of your return to our world, Lady Cleopatra."

Wait, what? Lady Cleopatra? What is the cat doing? Why is he encouraging her delusion?

The girl's eyes widen as she spots Pius. "A talking cat! Ah, the wonders this age has." The girl then turns to me. "You must have been lucky to be able to serve a cat such as this before meeting me."

Oh, that's right. Cats were sacred to Egyptians, mostly because they killed vermin and cobras.

And she thinks I'm lucky to be working for one. Someone kill me.

…Then again, it could be worse. I could be in the 10th… or the 8th… or the 9th for that matter.

"Indeed she is, Lady Cleopatra," Pius continues. "But for the moment, I must speak with you about your plans now that you've returned."

"My plans? I wish to have the world recognize me as its leader once more and to rule over it, just as it should be!" The fake proclaims. "But first, I require knowledge of this world so I may rule over it with as few problems as possible after my ascent."

"Indeed, which is part of the reason why Elaine brought you to me," Pius says as he starts walking in circles around us. He has a bad habit of doing that when he has things to say. "You have been given an opportunity to learn of the world in secret and get your bearings without worrying about anyone attempting to take your right to rule away from you before you are ready."

I just stand there stunned, wondering if I'm actually hearing Pius help the girl plot world domination or if some Callidus with way too much time and magic on their hands is trying to prank me. It might not be a Callidus, though. I could just be drugged for all I know.

"You see, in this day and age you are what we call a magical girl. I will go over the details of what that entails later, but what you need to know at this point is that in this time all magical girls work for Incubators such as myself, and those who don't tend to not last very long." Pius explains. "Obviously someone like you would not work for someone else, lest it imply anyone had power over you. However, if you were to just pretend to work for me, you would have an opportunity to learn of the world with little trouble.

"What an interesting idea…" comments the tan girl. "The best way for me to stay hidden would be to hide in plain sight. That cover shall do nicely until I've learned of this world. What else do I need to know to keep this cover and not have the others suspect me?"

"To make sure no one looking too closely discovers this deception, you will have to do a few jobs for me to keep up appearances." Pius mentions. "You will be paid for them like anyone else, and the extra funds should help you gather the resources you need for your goal."

"Yes, true. Even in my time not everyone would do things for free for royalty. Even our slaves had to be paid a minimal amount to keep them working." She says. "That is acceptable. What else do I need to know for my cover that I should know about?"

Did she not even realize she was just roped into working for the cat?

"Outside of explaining what I can of the modern world and what it takes to be a magical girl, there is not much to tell," Pius says. "Elaine shall be your guide as you travel around the world. Heed her advice, as she will tell you of the people of the world and their needs, wants, and beliefs. They are things that you will need to know in your attempt to rule over them in this age."

"Good, it would be wrong to have my loyal servant separated from me for too long." The girl says.

If I wasn't dumbfounded at Pius getting this girl to work for him, I'd be more annoyed at being demoted to servant in this girl's eyes, and irritated that I'd have to put up with her even longer now.

Pius finally stops circling around us and jumps onto his desk to face us. "Good. In a moment, I shall try to tell you as much as I can of this world so you will not be too lost and bewildered by this world's wonders on your travels. At the moment though, I suspect that Elaine has something she wishes to speak to me about in private."

Oh, you bet I do furball.

"That is fine, I shall wait for you to finish." The girl says. "The world has waited over two thousand years for me, a few moments more will not be much longer for it to wait."

As the girl wanders away from Pius, I walk over, glaring at the cat. "What the hell are you doing?" I hiss. "I thought you were just going to get her to join the Officio, not encourage her delusions!"

Pius just looks at me. "You were the one who told me that she wouldn't take working under me very well, so I decided to convince her that it was in her best interest to do so."

"You flat out fucking lied to her." I snarl. "I thought you were above that."

"I did not once lie to her." Pius replies. "She said that she wanted to rule and needed to learn of the world, and I offered her a method to do so."

"You called her 'Lady Cleopatra.' You were encouraging her insanity."

"She answers to Cleopatra, and things would naturally go smoother if added a suitable title. To my knowledge, none of my brothers have had any success with contracting young males, meaning she must be female and making 'Lady' is a suitable title." The cat states. "As for her insanity, I saw no need to make things more complicated by attempting to cure her of it."

"What about that part about people after her? Who the hell would even be after her? The only ones that know of her are in this room!" I continue.

"I'm sure those in power won't sit quietly if she has any sort of success in taking power away from them. Someone will sooner or later want her gone," He answers.

Tilting his head, Pius asks me a question in return. "Why are you so upset over the matter anyway? This is the easiest solution that doesn't require killing her, is it not? I know how you dislike killing; after all, it's why I decided to make you a Callidus instead of an Eversor in the first place," Pius states. "Think about it, Elaine. This way we don't have to shatter her worldview and risk her falling when she learns that everything she knows is a lie. While she's being paranoid of enemies watching her and waiting for her to reveal her plans, she'll be more likely to behave like a normal, if a bit egotistical, magical girl. If anything, the extra paranoia will be good for her and help her survive longer as an Eversor."

The worst part is that he's right. I can't even try to tell her of this now without making things worse. "It's just wrong to lead her on like that." The whole thing just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. This is why no one goes to the cat for help. He pulls shit like this and occasionally makes comments about "the good old days."

"Your opinion on the matter has been noted."

"I'm not calling her Cleopatra, though." I say, giving up on arguing my point.

"I will convince her to use another name while she's here," Pius says as I walk away. "Lady Cleopatra, it seems Elaine and I have finished. It may take some time for me to explain what being a magical girl entails, so you might want to get comfortable." Pius hops down from his desk again, no doubt getting ready to start circling the girl once he starts monologuing. "Elaine has many things she needs to do before she's ready to go, including heading to the Warmaster. Do not worry though; Elaine will be back in a few hours."

Taking my cue, I leave Pius's office and head towards the Warmaster's office. Anything to keep my mind off of what just happened.