Tiger King Suddenly Becomes Black Panter

You are Simba, an owner living at the largest privately owned big cat zoo in the world. You have an eye ring and a mullet. You are looking for the next easy way to save money. You have found that you can cut costs drastically at your zoo by keeping the animals on leashes.

You are in the middle of feeding one of your lions when you hear a noise outside. It sounds like it is coming from up ahead but then again so does everything else around here. The sound grows louder as you get closer and then suddenly stops completely.


> You investigate.
The noise continues to grow louder until you finally see what caused it. A group of men dressed in black with their faces covered by hoods stand behind some crates near the back wall of the enclosure and they look ready to spring into action if necessary.

"What's going on?"

"The people of Wakanda have seen your violence, Simba..." One of the hooded men said. "They want peace."

Simba looks at them all and shakes his head. He knows better than anyone how dangerous this situation could be.

"I'm sorry, I must refuse," he says.


> You pull out a gun and shoot them.
You raise your arm and point the barrel at the nearest man.

"Shoot!" you say. "We don't need any more war."

He raises his gun and fires, hitting you in the chest. You fall backwards onto the ground while still holding your own gun.


> You say "Good thing I had bullet proof armor..."
You continue to hold your own gun and fire several shots at the men who were shooting at you. They duck down and drop their guns. You run over to where Simba lies dying and kneel beside him. He doesn't move or react in anyway.


> You say "Wait, who am I then?"
You turn to Simba and ask him who he is. He doesn't answer, just stares at you.

"Who are you? What do you mean 'we'?"

He doesn't respond, he just keeps staring at you. His eyes seem empty and lifeless...


> You say "SIMBA!"
You shout, trying to wake him up. He doesn't respond, he just closes his eyes and falls asleep. You feel terrible about killing him though; you didn't even know why you were doing it!


> You say "People of Wakanda, Simba is dead. We must leave back to our land of Wakanda."
You walk away from the scene of the crime and make your way back home. The people of Wakanda are shocked by what happened, but understand that you had to protect yourself. When you arrive at your house, you find that everyone has gathered around the body of Simba.


> You say "I claim full responsibility for Simba's death."
You stand there with tears streaming down your face as you look at the crowd.

"I killed my son because he was a threat to me. I should've never let him get close to me in the first place."


> You say "Please Kill Me If It Satisfies You."
You beg for mercy. No one seems to care, they're all too busy mourning the loss of their beloved family member. One man approaches you and puts a pistol to your head.

"What do you want from us?" he asks.


> You say "... I just said you can kill me if you want."
You stare at him in disbelief.

"Why would you want to kill me? I'm not a bad person, I just need help."
"Because you're the only one who could've stopped this! You did nothing wrong!


> You say "I murdered your king!"
You raise your arms defiantly.

"That's ridiculous! King Mufasa wasn't responsible for anything! He was just following orders!"
"Yes, but you did something very wrong. Now I'm going to show you what real justice looks like."

He then gives you a hug. A long, awkward hug that brought out emotions in all of you. You cried for a long time. Finally, you release him and turn away.

"Thank you," you say.
"No problem," he says and walks off.

You return to Wakanda where you begin to pick up the pieces of a nation shattered by Thanos. There, you also see the people of Uganda. They've been doing well under your leadership, though it hasn't always been so peaceful.

The Ugandans have been fighting a war against another neighboring country called Zanzibar. This conflict has resulted in the deaths of many innocent lives and the destruction of entire villages.


> You say "I will do what I can to avenge your people."
You walk into the throne room and sit on the throne. The rest of your council sits around you.

"We must act now before we lose more territory," you say.

They nod eagerly, ready to take action.


> You say "We must ally with the Tiger King."
They look at each other.

"How is that possible?" one asks.

"By becoming allies with the greatest warrior in the world."

Another nods his head. "Very well, we shall be working together to defeat our enemies."


> You contact the Tiger King.
You call upon the Great Spirit. He appears before you.

"What is it that you require?" he asks.

"I wish to make peace with my enemies and become friends with my allies."


> You say "I also wish for you to ally me with the Tiger King."
You smile. "Perhaps you should, but first, I need to know if this is even possible."

The Great Spirit smiles back. "It is not impossible. It requires the cooperation of two great beings who share a common goal: defeating my brother.


> You say "Who is your brother?"
"My brother is none other than Thanos, the God of Evil. He seeks to conquer worlds through fear and force. We cannot allow him to succeed."

You stare at him blankly. "So...you're saying..."

"Yes, you could join us as well."


> You say "But... Tony killed Thanos..."
"No, he did not. In fact, I would like you to help me destroy him."

You stare at him blankly again. "What? Why?"

He laughs. "Because he's evil! And that makes him worthy of death!"


> You say "I know, but... I saw him disintegrate. Tony died so that Thanos wouldn't exist!"
"That was merely a side effect of his own plan. I am sure you will understand when we meet."

You sigh and shake your head. "I don't think I'll ever get over that event."

The Great Spirit smiles.


> You say "Fine... Let me assemble the Avengers and we shall take on Thanos."
You agree immediately. The Great Spirit agrees, and you begin assembling the Avengers.

Unfortunately, you could only get Rey Skywalker, who isn't an Avenger. She has her own reasons.

Meanwhile, the Great Spirit is busy trying to convince the rest of them. Unfortunately, they all refuse his offer. They still believe in their mission against you.

Finally, he decides to do something about it...by killing you.


> You embrace death, trusting that the Great Spirit has a reason.
You turn around and look into the eyes of death itself. "Thank you," you say.

Then, without warning, you feel a bolt of lightning strike your chest.

It was Thor... The Great Spirit was Thor the whole time! Which meant that Thanos... was Loki!

Thor had been planning this since the very beginning! He wanted to kill you, but he couldn't because you were too powerful. So he decided to use Loki instead. This is why he sent the Red Skull after you...to make sure that you didn't become a threat.

But the Red Skull did not come. And Rey's presence threw everything off.

So now you are alone. You have no idea what to do next.

Then, on the television, you see a man by the big cat zoo you and the Wakandans raided. He says: "I'm Joe Exotic, otherwise known as the Tiger King, the gay, gun-carrying redneck with a mullet."

He then points to you. "This is my son, Jack." Then, he turns to the Wakandan people. "And this is my daughter, Jade."

Jack looks at you and smiles. He walks up to you and hugs you tightly. You hug back.


> You say "There is so much I don't understand, father."
"I know there is," you reply.

"Well, let's start from the beginning. How'd you meet?"

You think for a moment. "We're just friends."

Joe chuckles. "Friends? Well, yes, but not really..."

"You and I are connected by the Circle of Life." Joe said. "That's where we both came from. We've always been here, even before we met each other."

"What does that mean?" you ask.

Joe shrugs. "Nothing, except that it means I'm going to help you get home."


> You say "I've been wanting to go home for a long time... Help me kill Thor and Loki."
"Oh, I'll help you kill them. But first, I need to know how you plan to accomplish this task."

You nod. "The only thing I can think of is a combination of stealth and magic."

Joe nods.

He then contacts two people to help with this task: Solid Snake and Harry Potter. They appear on screen.

Solid Snake is a young man who has lived his entire life underground. He wears a gas mask and carries a pistol. Harry Potter is another boy who lives in the same house as you, but unlike Solid Snake, he doesn't wear any kind of protective gear.

"Kept ya waiting, huh?" Snake asked.

Harry nodded. "Yes, sir."

Snake looked around. "Alright, let's begin."

The next day, you and Joe head out to the jungle. The pair of you sneak into the jungle and hide behind some trees while Joe goes ahead to scout ahead.

Joe then sees Thor and Loki making out. He immediately runs over to warn you.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?!"

Joe tries to explain himself, but you interrupt him. "They're naked men having sex!"

"So what if they are?" Joe says.


> You say "We can take them out right now!"
"No, no, no! That would be wrong!"

"It wouldn't matter anyway. It's not like anyone's gonna see us! Besides, I thought you were supposed to be helping me find a cure for cancer."

Joe looks down.

"What? Where the hell did any cancer cure come into the picture?" Joe asked.

"Well, my uncle had one of those books about curing cancer that was all the rage back in the seventies. My dad told me about it when I was little. Apparently, there wasn't much success with it either."

Joe sighs.

"Fuck it." He then yells at Thor and Loki. "Sorry! You guys are no longer important to this story! Now we gotta cure cancer!"

Joe then begins to run off. You quickly follow after him. Joe soon finds a large group of monkeys eating a small rat. Joe turns around and points his gun at the monkey who was eating the rat. "Now, these monkeys are going to die because of this."

He shoots the monkey. A bunch of other monkeys start running away from Joe.

"I'm sorry!" Joe yells. "This is how it's gonna be now! We gotta stop this shit before we get too far!"

He calls for Snake to do a napalm run on the jungle. When you arrive, Joe has already killed most of the monkeys. You notice that Joe hasn't even bothered to check to see if there are still others hiding nearby.

Joe continues shooting at the remaining ones until he finally falls dead from blood loss. "Oh well,"


> You say "Wow, that's like... How many fathers that are dead now?"
"Yeah, that's pretty fuckin' bad."

"How many fathers that are dead now?"

You look up at the sky. "Fourteen."

The rest of the day passes in silence as you both sit in silence.


> You say "I don't want to cure cancer anymore. I don't want world peace anymore. All I want to do now is spend the rest of my life isolated, socially distanced from the rest of the world."
"That's not what I said."

"No, but it sounds like what you're trying to say."

You stare out at the jungle. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm happy right now."


> You walk into the burning jungle.
You stand up slowly and walk into the jungle. The sun is setting and you feel like you should be getting home, but you know that won't happen. Instead, you decide to stay here in the jungle and enjoy yourself for as long as possible.

Which turned out to be a minute or so because you burned to death.

THE END