Thread 92: Stories 46-60

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 >Applejack
"Poindexter"
~~~~~

>FUCKIN' ROCK MONSTER!... Poindexter? How do ya' normally beat a boss monster?

"Hit the glowing weak spot three times."

>...Why would ya' have a glowin' weak spot?

"So the heroes have something to hit."

>But like... do they know it's a weak spot? Can't they cover it or somethin'?

"They usually are braindead monsters."

>Yeah but... someone sends them ta' fight us, right? Can't THEY put somethin' over it? Ah' mean, they're usin' it ta' fight us, right? So don't they wanna win?

"Well, sometimes. Sometimes it's just a monster wandering around."

>And yet, despite it killin' a buncha' things, nobody ever said 'hey, let's shoot that thing right there what's glowin'?

"I guess that's why we're the hero?"

>...So this ain't so much 'we're grand adventurers who are the best of the best', it's 'we're the least stupid in the land.'

"How many times did we have to do basic stuff like go gather berries or get medicine?"

>...

"And how many would have, logically, been something they could easily have done themselves?"

>...Oh dear lord we are just top o' the idiots.

"How's that any different from real life?"

>...

"...I stand by it."

>Ah' know, it's just... Ah' wanna argue you, but... but...

"..."

>...dang it.

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OOCO
>AJ
“???”
~~~

“Zzzz….”

>…

“ZzzzHRNKzzzz….”

>…Ya know, Ah’ gotta be honest here.

“…Zng….”

>When Ah’ woke up? There was no prior indication that Ah’d be seein’ y’all here.

“Grrrrngh….zzzz…”

>In mah’ bed, right next tuh’ me.

“Pheeeeee….zzz…”

>Droolin’ on mah’ custom-made pillowcase.

“Gruuuuuungh…gruuuuungh…zzz….”

>An’ lettin’ loose sounds like some beast arisen.

“…zzznrk…”

>So you’ll forgive me when Ah’ do this.

*HOOFBOOT!*

*thud!*

“Owwwwww! W-what the hell…?”

>An’ a good mornin’ tuh’ y’all too.

“…A…AJ?”

>That's mah’ name.

“You… you’re not ‘Tia….”

>Golly gee, Shinin’, why don’cha tell me more ‘bout the giant assed alabaster mare Ah’ ain’t.

“…Well, to be fair, your hips are getting pretty w-”

>GET OUTTA MAH’ ROOM YOU NITWIT!

“MA’AM YES MA’AM!”

>And maybe next time how ‘bout y’all look at whose room ya’ stroll into!

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OOCO
>Arana
“Jetset”
~~~~

>-started crying all over the place! I mean, seriously, Jetters, I’d never seen fully grown manticores weep like foals before. Until that day. Course, my mom ain’t one to be moved by tears.

“Certainly not.”

>She made the four of them fight each other to the death and then the winner got to fight momma for a chance to leave alive. It was kinda funny- well, not really but really kinda- when he just gave up on the spot. Like, literally, he took one step into the ring, said he gave up and then stabbed himself in the chest with his own spea-BLAAAAARGH!

“…”

>…ugggh…

“…Am I to assume that vomiting is par the course every third paragraph you speak? This would be the second time.”

>N-no… no, it’s not, I’m j-just squeamish… extremely squeamish… thinkin’ about blood… and guts… and spilling org-BLAAAARGH!

“I find it most amusing that a seemingly docile breed of bug such as yourself is the heir to one of, if not the most, deadliest changeling leaders.”

>R-right? I’m defective as fudge, heh… can’t do nothin’ but weave bombs and mind-controlling clothes….

“…”

>…and I love popcorn.

“Why?”

>’Cause it’s fluffy, easy to chew and comes in a bunch of flavors!

“Sounds like the description your mother would give after eating a rabbit.”

>…BLAAAAAARGH!

“I… did not think that statement through before I spoke. I apologize.”


>It’s alright! R-really, it’s fine, it’s my fault for being so weak, not yours, Jetters.

“Faust above I do not like the nickname Jetters….”

>Hm? You say something?

“I asked if it’s your job to sort my Queen’s letters.”

>Oh… yes! Yeah, she was nice enough to give me something easy to do!

“So what is this pile over here, this heap of ripped envelopes?”

>I… I get the jitters sometimes and with e-eight legs I tend to, uh… well….

“…”

>I’M SORRY PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!

“…”

*flicker!*

>…Jetters? Where… where’d you- why did you leave? Oh no… w-wait! Please don’t tell what I di-

*reflicker!*

“And this is why tape was invented.”

>…You’re so cool, Jetters.

“Have some popcorn. I can only imagine your hunger after projectile spewing everywhere.”

>Thank you….

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 >Guard
"Changeling"
~~~~~~

>AND THE FIGURES GO DOWNNNN!

~Yaaaaaaahhhhh ha ha hoeeeyyyyyy!~
~cymbal TISS~

"This is Fuzzy and the Buzz, coming at you live! In recent news, the robot uprising two point O came to a sudden halt today thanks to a collation between the races."

~Ebony, ivory, living in perfect harmony!~

>But not before the city took some serious damage, not to mention poor Coltsly's reputation.

"It's almost as bad as Fuzzy's last date!"

~Whop whop WHAAAA~

>At this rate, ponies are going to trust the robots as much as little old ladies do Buzz with their purse!

~MINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!~

"Ha ha! But in seriousness, lets give a moment of reverence for those who did the fighting."

>And those who brought it live!

~YOU LOVE ME! YOU REALLY LOVE ME!~

"Well, that's all for right now, but stay tuned! We'll be keeping you up with THE BUZZ!"

>Unlike Buzz last night.

"OHHHHHHHHH!"

~Sound of a balloon letting out~

>GOODNIGHT!

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"DT"
'Shadow DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and we keep the nightmares away!

"Pinkie? Was that you? I could have sworn that I heard-"

'Well well well, look who it is. It's a me.'

DT looks around and sees a copy of herself. She smiles
"Heh, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you know"

'I know. Mom said it herself. Not that it matters. She's gone now.'

DT immediately wrestles her copy to the ground and punches her.
"You shut your mouth. You don't get to talk about Mom."

The copy smiles back.
'Why not? She's my mom too. What's the matter? Aren't you going to boast about how great you are? The truth is you're just a broken girl desperately trying to get the closeness you lost. You're a rotten brat that never deserved your friends. Watch as they all slowly leave you when they realize how clingy you are. You already know you're an awful bitch, so you cover it up in boasts and showboating to make yourself feel better. Can you lie any harder to yourself?'

DT starts strangling the copy.
"Shut up...just shut up."

'HAHAHA look daddy, I'm committing suicide! I learned from mom! Killing myself is so much fun! It's great being you!'

Pinkie rushes in.
>DON'T SAY IT!

DT punches the copy in the face.
"YOU'RE NOT ME!"
She gets sent flying backwards from a gust of dark aura.

'Heehee AHAHAHAHAHAAAA...did you learned that from 42?'
A part of her face cracks and falls off, a hallow darkness.
'I am a shadow. The true self!'

>Snickerdoodles, looks like things just got harder. Don't worry, we can take it together.

"No..."
TBDRLIATU humms to life.
"This is personal."

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>Twilight
"SA"
~~~~

>... You ever wonder what normal ponies think when they see stuff like this?

"Giant rock ice monsters? I feel like it never comes up."

>No, just, in general. Just seeing giant larger than life monster things.

"...Scary?"

>Well, yeah. But I mean... You ever think some of them want to, I don't know, join in?

"Join in on fighting these things? Uh... No, I feel like they're happier not doing that."

>But we do it, even though we don't want to.

"...you don't want to?"

>What, you do?

"Kinda, yeah? I mean... It's awesome."

>...

"... Don't tell Cadence."

>I feel like you really should.

"And I feel like we should tell mom about that thing you did in the bathtub-"

>Shutting up!

"But seriously, they're probably just worried and afraid, and want us to save them."

>So...

"So lets do it and look good while we do?"

>...

"..."

>...you haven't changed you know. From when we were kids.

"And I hope I never do."

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 OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
'SA'
~~~~

>...fine, Ah'll concede on this one point.

"Thank you. And, I will add, totally told you so. Stallion has talent."

>Is this why ya' kept him around?

"That and the roguish good looks."

>Now, ya' just ain't playin' fair.

"I take the steps nessecary to ensure I get the best, nothing less."

>Honesty beats flattery every time.

"Somewhere, Rarity has just gasped in shock, and fallen over."

>Well, let'er, cause fer once Ah' finally found somethin' useful fer' the guy!

'...you know, it says something about our society when I'm only useful or appreciated in the kitchen.'

"Shiny, don't be silly, I appreciate you!"

'Aw, thanks-'

"I especially appreciate when you give me the pancakes with the most most blue berries and add on the little extra swirl of whipped cream. And you know what I appreciate the most? Double cherries. That's all the appreciation."

'...'

"Hop to it bubblehorse."

'...'

>She meant ta'day.

'...least the kitchen isn't being set on fire.'

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>Vekir
"Watchdog"
'Anton'
-Herald-

>'Oooooh.'

"It's...a door.

-Yes.-

"You have big oak doors."

-Ornate, really, we spared no expense carving them.-

"But we're in a tent."

-Yes.-

"...I don't...but..."

-Ahhhh, I see your confusion, we paid the finest Unicorn hedge mages to construct special hingest that can sturdily attach to anything.-

"...but...why?"

-Appearances! This is no mere tent, this is the tent of royalty! Of the future rulers of all Gryphondom! Flaps are for commoners, these doors are a testament to our regality!-

"...that's fucking stupid."

-People put a lot of money into seemingly stupid uses for their time. For example, someone must have spent quite a large amount of bits to keep your horrible life going.-

"...low blow."

>Ha! Jokes on you, prissy catbird, Twience Princess did it for free!

-...Twience Princess?-

>Yes! The Princess Twience-er, Twilight Sparkle! Vekir is muchly a friend with her magical sciencing!

'...isn't that an oxymoron?'

>Hush-shush, small catbird, it is not for we to question the Princesses and their magical science ways.

-I'm sorry, Princess Twilight Sparkle?-

>Yes!

-Of Equestria?-

>Yes!

-The same Princess Twilight Sparkle that has an assistant who is a dragon?-

>YES!

-...with a gun?-

>Yes! Whyfor do you question Vekir so?

-...oh nooooothing, my Lord will be happy to know we have such...special guests.-

"You're being super pausey right now, guy."

-Oh I'm just trying to make pur interactions while the Prince and Duke finish up...whatever it is they're doing outside.-

'They're telling our soldiers you probably won't kill us.'

-Ah.-

'But to kill you if you try.'

-Wouldn't dreeeeam of it.-

'...'

-...oh look, if you notice in the detailing right here you'll see how our house's founder married the last living Princess of Griffonstone and ascended us to our lofty position!-

>Oooooh. Suit! Take picture!

Ka-Flash!

-GAH!-

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>13
"Chitania"
~~~~

>So...

"..."

>...Didn't feel like helping?'

"..."

>...I don't really blame you, buuuuttttt...

"..."

>...Heh, 'just do it yourself', right? Cept I can't mind control robots, I don't think.

"..."

>...You would've punched them if they came over here, right?'

"Yes."

>Oh, okay, just checking.

"..."

>...Thanks mom.

"...I know."

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>Actarius
"JJ"
~~

"NO HEALTHCARE!?"

>...JJ?

"What kind of bullshit half rate stupid ass backwards fucking EMBASSY DOESN'T PROVIDE HEALTHCARE!?"

>Juuuuuggglejack.

"I'll burn that asshole to the ground! THEN WE'LL SEE WHO NEEDS HEALTHCARE!"

>Jugglejack-

"TO THE GROOOOOUUUNNNDDDD-"

>JUGGLEBUDDY!"

"..."

>...Equestria has free health care.

"...oh."

>...

"...neat."

>...

"...Can I have your lolipop?"

>No.

"BULLSHIT! I need something to suck on right now, and if I can't have that candy I'm getting it from you one way or another!"

>My lollipop!

"...Friggen... glad we're in public..."

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~~~~~~~~
"...What does the little red light mean?"

This, as one might expect, was not something that ever preceded good tidings.

Sometime after her master stroke, after summoning her final act in this grand tale she had so 'expertly' woven, quite a lot of them had shown up. Swirling, blaring, angry sounding lights flickering on and off throughout the various screens before her. She, of course, had no possible idea what they could have meant, or what they entailed, but she was pretty sure they weren't supposed to be there, nor were they indicators of congratulations for her obvious masterstroke.

"Should... should we stop to ask? This seems... important."

It would seem a waste, she knew. If indeed it was bad, then they might ask that she stop the game, finish before at last this could all finally make sense to them and her story be told. Nevermind breaking the immersion, this would literally break the whole story.

"Well, we suppose nothing too terrible is happening... it should be okay. Really, tis all just a simulation, what's the worst that could occur?"

Oblivious to the seemingly cosmic laughter shaking the room, she turned her attention back to those within, and did her best to ignore the lights. For there were much more important things to think of.

For instance...

"Shiny, it's not that bad."

"Really, you look fine."

"Stop huffing, it's nothing like what you're making it out to be."

"It's fiiiiine."

The stallion in question denied them their attempted platitudes, and continued merely to sulk, limbs completely limp and face downtrodden.

Or, at least, that's how he looked. When one is dangling in the air, nothing but a strap around his middle literally carried on by his wife it's quite hard to tell when he's in a slump, or when gravity is just doing it's job.

Luna, ever the expert judge of character that she is, could tell just fine. And it brought her great joy.

"I'm fine."


As he was surrounded by literally ever single other member of his party, all held aloft by wings holding them airborn, it was just a touch insincere sounding to their ears.

"Well, are you sure?"

"Oh yeah, totally fine. This is escapist fantasy, right? Totally, totally fine."

"Are you suuuure?"

"...Totally fine."

His sister did not need a lifetime of knowing her brother to sense that was an utter load, but it certainly helped.

"Well, if you're sure."

He wasn't sure, but the others knew there was precious little time to lament the matter. For this was the fastest way to scale their mountainous enemy, and this Shining Armor's current mental state would have to take a backseat to necessity. At the very least, he could assuage himself with the fact he wasn't the only wingless one in the room, for once, surely the others were having a time just the same as him, right?

...Right?

"THIS IS AWESOOOMMMMEEE!"

Not right.

For it was all worth it, decided Spike the dragon. It was all worth it. The humiliation, the mistakes, the denials, the cursed armor, the undead status, everything was all worth it just for this one ride through tornado winds on the back of a certain special pony.

"Oh, you just like being on my back, darling!"

If the drake atop the alabaster mare had anything to say to it, he choked it down as best he could and left little more than a blush to show his admission.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"PINKIE WILL YOU HOLD STILL!"

Dash should have known asking that was like asking a lion to tell a particularly racially insensitive joke, but it was habit. The bard astride her was giving her some trouble.

"~Ohhhh, we're riding into battle, for victory to claim! ~We're going to win the day and break his brain! ~But it's just a pity we're not all the same! ~Because Applejack is just going to still complain!"

"Ah'm not complainin'!"

"You kind of are."

"SHUT UP THIS IS A LOAD!"

The nerdy earth pony on her back was only a little hurt.

Only a little.

"You lost the game, darling! He rides me today!"

"Friggen... get stuck with Poindexter... should'a had onna Shiny's friggen group come get him... everyone else friggen can fly over there...'"

"Um, Applejack? Are you complaining because they can fly, or because they can all fly better-"

"SHUT YER' CAKE HOLE!"

Fluttershy did, in fact, shut her hole through which cake is regularly inserted, but only because she felt her point was made, and not out of fear.

For how could anyone fear a pony chasing them down, when they could barely keep from flopping over themselves?

"FRIGGEN WIND! Why couldn't ya' just bring that stupid monster!?"

"Hats was not stupid! He just, uh... decided to scout ahead."

"He ran off."

"He didn't run off!"

"He took one look at the giant freaking lava ice thing, said "fuck this" and ran off."

"He didn't say that!"

"..."

"I can't confirm he didn't think that, but he didn't say it!"

"FRIGGEN WIND!"

"It wasn't exactly going to be smooth waters up here, AJ."

"And you really do need more practice."

"...Oh, for the love of... another friggen test!? Fine, Ah'm tested! TURN IT OFF!"

"Don't think that's how that works-"

"SHUT UP!"

"You shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"You shut-"

The winner of that stunning debate would never be decided.

Or rather, it would, but more by the one who hucked a giant pike of burning ice at them, but it was debatable further if that counted and none of them wished to risk it, as he had made his stance on debates of that nature well known, they all felt.

"...So can I go back to enjoying myself?"

"Of course, darling!"

"WOOOOOO!"

It was all worth it, he asserted.

...Even if he would secretly wonder to himself if maybe he would be having more fun on Applejack, but he sure wasn't ever going to voice that kind of thought, no sir. Velvet had taught him better than that.

She taught him guys who said stuff like that got kicked.

She needed not say where.

"Let's just get this over with!"

"Applejack, that's not the right attitude! This is the cusp of our grand adventure, the finale of our final tale! The ending to the story we've lived in for so long! This is the curtain call!"

"This is ya'll actin' like a ninny."

"HEY! I am merely trying to get into character... oh..."

"Oh? Why... oh..."

The world, ever so slightly, had grown blurry.

Not in the immediate sight, of course. That was as crisp and clear as it ever was. But for reasons they could not fathom, the world beyond had grown a thick, fuzzy fog. Anything past the immediate sight became unfocused, hard to see, harder still to make sense of. It was like someone had thrown down a curtain to hide anything too far out of sight.

Which they supposed made sense, this thing was letting off streams of cold and hot at the same time, there had to be steam of some sort, but nonetheless it was a little chilling to see.

Not quite as chilling as what had actually made them pause, of course.

Across from them, somewhere about the waistline if this titanic monstrosity, a set of seven eyes looked over to them with every bit the awkwardness they themselves had right then.

"...Heyyyyy, guys."

Twilight, ever one to broker peace, was the first to speak up.

For once, it didn't help. Because, of course, they only had one thing on all their minds. A single, unifying, concurrent thought.

"Soooo..."

"Fancy seeing you all up here."

"Quite... interesting."

"We do so hope you are not still angry about earlier transgressions."

"Oh, us? Of course not! Water under the bridge, of course!"

"We expected nothing less, and of course we share the sentiment."

"Oh yes, really quite so."

"It's fascinating, really, how silly it all seems."

"Yessss... interesting."

"However, we notice we are, in fact, still playing a game, and on that note..."

"Sooooo... how about we have us a friendly-"

"RACETOTHETOP!"

"NGH!"
And they were off! Both sides tearing in some cases quite bountiful ass up the side of the heated frost.

"We've got this one in the bag, appleass!"

"Not on yer' life, bug monster!"

"Ha! Trying to keep up with the fastest flier in Equestria? NOT A CHANCE!"

"Oh, really? Where is she? All I see is someone about to get their ass beat!"

"Oh wow, you can see your reflection in that ice? Neato!"

"I didn't rule Equestria for a thousand years just to get shown up now!"

"As opposed to all those other times?"

"That didn't count!"

"Um... this is getting kind of-"

"Intense? Yeah it is!"

"It's great!"

"We're gonna wiiiin! We're gonna-OW!"

As if to smite her for her arrogance, Pinkie had to admit that as far as smiting went a giant pillar of ice emerging and smacking her off her 'mount' was a fine way to do it.

"PINKIE!"

"I've got her you baby."

Magical finger of the spell 'lay on hands' grabbed hold. Normally used for healing, the fact that it literally summoned hands to do this in the current iteration of the game proved quite useful. Within seconds, the pink party animal was placed back where she belonged.

"Thanks Chrysalis!"

"HAH! I've still got the lead-"

"Heads up!"

"GAH!"

She ducked, just before a fireball could consume her and somehow freeze her like it did the plains below when it landed.

"...Thanks, Flutters."

"Of course!"

"So, I'm not the only one trying not to laugh at Shining, right?"

"SHUT IT, SPIKE!"

"Bet you were hoping to ride your wife, but once again are now left limp and she's just got her head in the clouds. Just another day, eh Shiny?"

"HAH!"

"Traitor!'

"Oh come on, even I can appreciate a good barb, I don't care if Lizardo was the one who did it."

"I thank you, I thank you."

"I mean, that's perfectly true. He's riding her with everything he has, and she's not bothered at all. Not like you, you're a strain to hold, but nobody seems to mind!."

"...fuck you."

"And you have redeemed yourself."

"Always pick the winning side."

"Speakin' o' sides, LEFT YA' GIANT ASSED IDIOT!!"

"YAH!"

"...I'm not the only one who finds it funny Celestia was the one who instinctively reacted to that, right?"

"Apparently, Twilight, I failed to teach you a little thing called tact."

"Heh... huh."

"Huh?"

"Huh. Uh, guys?"

"Which one, me, Spike or Poindexter?"

"No no, Ah' meant in general."

"So, one of the other ten mares?"

"...This is a little skewed, I'm noticing."

"No no no, ya' dingus! Ah' meant just... look, everyone? That better?"

"Clearer, yeah."

"Okay. Hey, everyone?"

"Yeah?"

"One, Ah' noticed that a lot more... weird lookin' metal things are fallin'. Like the one that fell on me."

"And that the ground keeps flickering in colors."

"And that the sky keeps looking... bent?"

"When it's not completely changing you mean."

"...What in tarnation is goin' on!?"

That was a very good question. One that only one mare had the answer to.

The mare watching everything start to spark and smoke.

"...oh dear..."

Something about 'processing power' this or 'memory' that was flashing across every screen, though she couldn't make heads or tails of it. All she knew was that it made more red lights come on and a couple of screens spark and then fizzle out.

That was probably bad.

"...C-computer? Computer, please... I..."

She was so close.

She was SO CLOSE.

They just had to make it to the top and she could finish it, they just had to make it to the crest and then she could end this game as she wanted it to. She was ready, they just had to make it to the top.

But when it starts screaming 'data corruption' at her, the idea that this was going to come to pass seemed less and less likely by the second.

Any moment now, it was going to fizzle out, break down, and leave in a disappointing anticlimax of 'we broke the game', and all would have been for nothing. She was going to let everyone down...

Just like she always did.

"Computer, please... we don't know what we did wrong, but please come back. Please fix this! Just one time... just one time we want an event to end right! We know it's been troubling sometimes with this game, and it didn't go exactly right, but we just... we just want them to..."

She slumped, her world crashing down around her just as it was to those inside.

She had failed her sister yet again...

KSSSKKKKKK!

"-AND IF YOU DON'T WORK THIS TIME I'M GOING TO GO IN THERE PERSONALLY AND FU-"

"Computer!?"

There was an awkward, uneasy silence on both ends. Unseen to Luna, this was because a certain mare was shuffling out from underneath her desk and managing to hit the top more times than if she had been bouncing. To Luna, all she heard were funny, but surely explainable noises.

Surely.

"...beep boop?"

"COMPUTER! Thou hath returned! Oh, we missed thee so, and we're so sorry for whatever we did to turn thee off! Oh, thank thee thank thee thank thee! Our finale was about to be ruined!"

"...finale?"

"Oh, yes! We combined the two forces, and created a new monster! Tis a blank slate that is forged whenever the two powers are joined, by whatever feelings were within them when it was combined! So, it's bent on war."

"...Huh, that's... that's pretty clever. Punishes them for taking the renegade route, makes the player feel like they have a vested stake in what they created, no cheap tactics... huh..."

"Yes, but it's all about to be ruined!"

"Oh? Why, did you accidentally make the weak spot too easy? Or-SWEET MERCIFUL FAUST FUCKING A CANDYCANE IN ELYSIUM!"

"....thou have been programmed with an odd vocabulary."

"OH FUCK! The data is getting corrupted! How is it still functioning!?... oh, parts of it aren't... PARTS OF IT AREN'T!? OH FUCK! This is bad! THIS IS SO BAD!"

"B-but, but thou can fix it, right?"

"...uh..."

There were many things going through Pennydrop's mind right now.

First and foremost, coffee was evil.

Secondly, she was worried that any second now the Princess who ruled a country was going to be as smart as a second grader and put together what was the equivalent of a four piece puzzle and realize she was not, in actuality, a computer.

Thirdly... she was somewhat focused on the princess's voice.

It was one she heard all the time, really. That defeated, downtrodden song. "Oh, I just wanted it to work." "Oh, I know I failed, but it hurts." "Oh, I see, there was no saving it... and it's all my fault."

"Oh" it said "I tried so hard, and I just couldn't measure up to make it work. I wasn't good enough."

This, though she would never admit it to anyone, for this was a weakness that could never be tolerated... Pennydrop had, perhaps on occasion, very briefly, very momentarily, just for a split second really, felt something that if one were looking at it from a distance and tilting their head at just the right angle and crossing their eyes so it was unfocused, something somewhat similar to that, maybe just once.

Still, she couldn't accept this, right? She had her own goals and things she wished done. She had her own life, what did she care if the princess felt bad? Was no concern of hers, no, that would be a sign she was accepting weakness.

Still...

"...hrmm...but it's not just you."

And, it was here that Pennydrop realized that, yes... this campaign was as much her own as the princesses. Of course, she internally cried! She had forged stories with her, enemies, played characters, voiced the boss monsters and edged the heroes back where they needed to be. While it was no concern of hers if Luna failed, it would be such a shame if all of that went to waste. She had a reputation to uphold, after all. Why, what would everyone think if they found out? That little old her couldn't run a simple OnO campaign? Her reputation would be shattered.

Somehow the thought of jail time never entered into this, but nevermind.

This was for her, she knew now.

This was for her.

"...I've got this..."

A tiny spark, no bigger than a flick of a lighter, lit up in Luna's eyes.

That spark began to grow when she heard the crackle of static that sounded oddly like bones, and the processor began to whirr in a manner strangely reminiscent of typing.

She didn't ponder that too hard. Couldn't really, since there were more pressing issues.

"If this game's data is getting corrupted, well then... I'll just fill in the blanks."

Strange icons of folders appeared on the screen, each with different names, different files. Each one opened up...

And with it, the world began anew.

"This is getting really freaky!"

At his chest, by now, the group that had been dodging attacks was starting to get worried.

Twice the sky had turned pitch black, a stalactite had gained the voice of one of the NPC's, their wings stopped worked for a horrifying moment, even their cloths had switched around and switched back.

Then, just a little bit, it began to stop.

"...Okay, while Ah' am really happy that this stopped just a bit, is it just me, or are those things over there kinda... weird."

"Are what kind of-OH FUCK IT'S THE ENDERMARES!!"

The group as a whole paused, stunned in their tracks. Not because of the strange black, long legged mares with strange faces and even stranger blocky designs, no.

More the fact that it was Rainbow Dash who had shouted this was of a pressing issue to everyone. Most notably, they nerd of the group.

...The earth pony nerd, not the science or card game or hyperspace related nerd.

"Rainbow Dash? How do you know about the main enemy of the TunnelForge boardgame?"

"Pfft! They're not the main enemy, they're- I mean... I don't know what you're talking about."

Her shifty eyes said that was about as true as 'I'm a modest and kind pony.'

When said by Chrysalis.

"Uh huhhh..."

"...It's so addicting!"

Rarity, in a show of dramatics, brought a hoof to her mouth.

"Oh my! It seems we have a bit of a hidden truth in our midst! Really, Rainbow Dash, playing such a childish game? Whyever would you waste your-"

"HISSSSSSSS!"

"AHHHHHHH!... Oh, go jump off a cliff, Chrysalis!"

"Wasn't me."

Indeed, it was not.

It was the green mushroom looking plant thing shuffling towards her, hissing all the way.

"...AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Really, Rarity?"

"IT'S A GAME ABOUT CREATING! HOW CAN I RESIST!?"

"HA! Told you! THAT is the main enemy of the game! SCREW YOU FOR WRECKING MY DIRT HUT!"

"What the heck is a Tunnelforge foe doing in a OnO game!?"

~Foools.~

The rumbling, chilling voice above them rang out, shaking them to their very bones.

~This war has granted me power... such power. The more you fight, the more you struggle, the more you feed to my nature. Fools, I am of that which was, a constant rooted in things beyond your comprehension of mere sight. I reach down into the primal things, into the core of what is and was. I am not of this world, this was to be plain to any with eyes. I am of something far more. I am something of not the stars, or the sky... but of reality.~

"And jus' what the hay does that mean?"

~It means I am of a constant to this reality... and maaaannnnnnnyyyyyy!~

With it's deathly call, the world shook once more, and once more the world stabilized a bit.

In exchange, though, something else had arrived.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

The call, let out shockingly enough by Cadence of all ponies, did not do the strangeness of this sight justice.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, could have done that justice.

"...Awwwwww!"

So Fluttershy was just going to pet the hamster with little pink bows in their hair and roll with it.

"FLUTTERSHY NO! THAT'S A SONGSTER!"

"Oh? Does he sing?"

It did, indeed, sing.

"~BLOOD SPILLS! ~ON THE FLOOOOOOOOOOR~! HATRED! GIVE ME MOOORRRRREEEE!~"

Scream metal, to be precise.

And it hurt.

Literally.

"AHHHH!"

The group collapsed clutching their ears in pain. Physical pain, at least for most of them. Pinkie was just ashamed.

"IT'S SO RANDOM AND OUTDATED!"

"WHAT!?"

"I SAID... Oh! I know! I need something even more random and overdone! I shall defeat you, with song!"

"WHAT!?"

"...Let it goooo! ~Let it goooooooo!"

SPLAT!

"....Or Forty Two could just step on it, whatever."

"I am a mare of practicality."

Applejack, being a worker with no time for this kind of bullshit games, was the first to voice what most of them were thinking.

"So, wait, which one is that from?"

"Bubblegum adventure. That's... a completely different game."

Yet more strange truths were revealed.

Chrysalis seemed unfazed.

"...What? I thought it was funny."

"You would."

"Shut it, Diamondass!"

"I'VE GOT IT!"

Twilight, once again it seemed, had figured it out.

"This thing... is bringing in enemies from other universes! Those strange glitches must've been warping space and time to pull them here! We made a universe ending threat!"

"...Ah, snickerdoodles."

That, despite the fact it came from the usually modest and clean Fluttershy, just did not cut it.

"So then-"

"Then we have to get up there before-"

Too late.

With clanks of metal and chunks of obsidian scattering with their landing, they arrived.

The worst case scenario.

"...I TOLD you the Juggernaut was supposed to be pink!"

"Twili, that was not even remotely the problem-OH SHIT!"

Missiles went flying, TunnelForge and tiny animal enemies started dying, it was a bad time.

"THIS IS AWWEEESSOOOOMMMMEEE!"

For some.

Not everyone.

Okay, maybe just a remote few who may or may not be actual ponies and or various other species of note.

In fact, when even more enemies from countless more games began to rain from the sky and fill every inch of the place, some might say, only some of course, that this was the opposite of a bad time.

"This is... holy crap, Luna! This is really, really clever!"


"Right!? This is letting us fight something nobody expected instead of just stock fantasy monster stuff!"

"It could be anything from any game!"

"And it's still fitting into the lore since he's an elder thing!"

"And now we... we..."

"Chrysalis? Is something the matter?"

"..."

"Chrysalis?"

"...eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHHHEEEEEEE!"

Even Luna heard that one, and she was not afraid to voice her displeasure.

"Can we please kill the bug!?"

"WORKING!"

Pennydrop's hooves were a blur, typing, tapping, frantically slamming on her keyboard at a rate that surely voided every warranty, and she owned that company. In a fit of desperation, her idea to take stable code, slightly rework it to work in this setting, and then place it in to fill the corrupted gaps had worked. Made quite a lot easier thanks to the fact all these games were programmed by the same mare, for the same system, in the same setting and using the same specs, but still, reworking them was a challenge.

But a challenge she would pull off, for herself and her campaign of course.

...maybe a little for the princess excitedly clopping her hooves together and laughing.

"It's working! It's working! THEY'RE ALMOST THERE!"

And, indeed, they were.

At the front of the line, of course, was Twilight Sparkle. Unusually for her was that she was not using magic. She was, in fact, using a machine.

"GET SOOOOMMMMMEEEE!"

BRAKKAABRAKKKABRAKKA

Machine 'gun', to clarify. Machine 'gun'.

"CHECK IT! DUAL WIELDING!"

Spike, ever her faithful assistant at her side as he should be, yet never being her same, had decided dual wielding guns against hordes of nameless, samey ponies with her was the choice for him.

"Really, you two? First pony shooters? I'm so ashamed."

"No taste, absolutely none."

"I get the appeal..."

Behind them, and even further back behind a literal army of small, seemingly endless enemies, stood Poindexter, Eighteen and Fluttershy.

"PFfft, RTS's is where it's at."

"Managing your armies and your time, micromanaging all their works, figuring out what every single class does... mmmm..."

"...I just like the type that lets me build a cottage and places to put the animals."

"NERDS, ALL OF YOU!"

Heroically, Rainbow Dash swooped through the enemy hoards, holding above her head a glowing sword as cerulean as herself while enshrouded in glittering, wavey glowing armor.

"Indeed, Rainbow Dash! They know not the joy of creating!"

Nobody wanted to question why she was riding a horse that was covered in diamond armor. Or why her bow never ran out of arrows.

She just didn't seem interested in talking.

"Pfft, why create when you can FIGHT! SHORYUKEN!"

Much like how Forty Two didn't seem interested in explaining where her new fighters outfit came from, though honestly nobody really wanted to know.

"FIGHTING GAMES RUUULLEEE! PINKIECOPTERRRRR!"

What everyone did want to know was why Pinkie was in a schoolfilly's outfit, how she was literally spinning in the air like a helicopter and staying up, and what the hell that had to do with a fighting game.

"My character is a school girl, fighting moves go off superpowers and Japaneighs games are weird!"

She was helpful, that one.

THOOMWHUP! THOOMWHUP! THOOMWHUP!

"Honey? How do I-"

"Pull the stick on the left down."

"Oh, okay, and to shoot the missiles I-"

"Push the big red button that says 'missiles'"

"Oh! This is so easy! Why are there so many knobs? Just give me that one button and we're good!"

Helpful like Shining Armor, who had introduced his lovely wife to the genre of tank command games. It was complicated, needlessly so some might imagine, but at least it didn't have motion controls.

And it was oh so satisfying to watch the little things go boom when she hit the buttons, that was a treat.

"Am I really the only one who likes the platformers?"

There, coming up the rear, was interestingly enough the one with the biggest rear.

A rear she was putting to excellent use as she literally stomped her enemies out of existence, every one of them vanishing before they could leave so much as a tiny stain on her blue overalls.

"I feel insulted, really I do. These are the purest of games!"

"Y'all just like 'em cause they're shiny and new in the arcades."

"They're going to be big and never die, count on it! And... are you still a barbarian?"

Applejack, the only one still actually playing the game as before, shrugged. What more could she say? She liked it when it worked and wasn't keen on shaking things up.

"Never one to rock the boat, are you?"

"Ah'll leave that ta' her."

"AHHHHHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"

The endless cackle of pure glee impossibly was perfectly audible over the hair of gunfire spitting out from the twin railguns strapped to the side of the strange, bipedal monstrosity the Queen of all Changelings was piloting. She supposed it was supposed to be a mini-boss, probably, but upon setting her eyes on it, she knew she had to have it.

And then she had it.

And now she was shooting everything in a weird, on-rails style fashion as the machine automatically walked without any input from her. Not that she needed it, she was content to push the buttons and make the the bullets go into things.

She was not a complicated mare, sometimes. She was just someone who was having fun.

Much like, for once... Luna.

"YES YES YES! Look at them! Look at the joy! This is working! It's almost over! It's almost over! We're going to finish!"

Pennydrop didn't have the heart to point out the fire going on behind her. Or the attention, but anyone who says Pennydrop had a heart was clearly lying, and she needed to stress that.

"Almost, almooosssstttt!... NOW!"

She resumed control.

For, at last, they reached it.

The top of his head.

"THERE IT IS!"

And the pillar of twisted, living lava and swirling, writing ice that wrapped around one another in twain at the very summit.

~NO!~

His massive hand tried to come down and crush them, only to be effortlessly dodged.

~I AM THAT WHICH IS!~

His hand curled into fire, lobbing sphere of flames down from the heavens like a meteror shower cast from god.

~I AM THAT WHICH WILL BE!~

His other hand curled into ice, a wave coating the ground beneath them. They leapt in time, the wave and frost passing by harmlessly beneath them.

~I AM THAT OF WAR! OF HATE!~

Rows after rows of armies went at them, summoned from the ether. They mowed them down without paused.

~I AM! I AM!~

Above them, the sky threatened to shatter. Below them, the ground became featureless, and warped. The skin they walked upon became flatter, less jagged. The world around them was crumbling.

~Don't you understand!? YOU MADE ME!~

In the midst of all of that... they paused.

All of them, every single one, paused. They looked to each other, as if searching for something unknown. The locked gazes, locked eyes in turn, every one of them.

It mattered not, alicorn, earth pony, unicorn, pegasi, changeling, dragon, princess, civilian, queen... it didn't matter.

Right then, at last, they understood... it didn't matter.

"...Yeah, we did, didn't we?."

Amid the crumbling steel from above them, surrounded by the smell of some strange smoke encompassing them, atop this grand thing so high the world itself seemed dotted below them... they understood.

It, the thing they stood upon, did not.

It did not understand when they stepped forwards, one by one, and surrounded the spinning, twirling center that was it's very being. It did not understand when they smiled.

It did not understand when they spoke.

The first to speak was, of course, Applejack.

"Look... we're sorry, okay? We didn't know, and wouldn't have done it to ya' iffin' we did."

The second, naturally, was Celestia.

"We were going off on our own little choices with so little regard for the others all around us. I suppose... that wasn't very fair."


After her, Twilight.

"We just wanted to be our own thing, even if sometimes those choices got made for us, and we didn't like it."

Then came Cadence.

"We were just having fun, really! It wasn't meant to be serious, or to make you feel like you did, but... well, we did."

Next came Shining Armor.

"We did, and then instead of stopping it when it wouldn't have been so bad, we just decided to see it to the end."

Next, strangely, was Poindexter.

"And we did it because of our own problems and hangups, not anything you did. We had our own stories we wanted to tell."

Next, Pinkie and Dash.

"And it was fun! Super duper fun!"

"But it also was kind of... much, sometimes. Okay? Even I can admit we went 'much' sometimes."

Next, Eighteen and Forty Two.

"We just saw this whole thing as a competition after we got separated, which was fine! It was a game, after all. That's what games are all about, competition."

"But any competition, like any fight, can go badly if everyone isn't on board."

Next still, Spike and Rarity.

"And then there was us thinking that stuff against one of us was some kind of slight when, really, it was just a game!"

"It was never personal, even if we felt like it."

Next, Fluttershy.

"So... we're sorry for making you like you are."

And finally...

"Yeahhh, we took stuff too far, and we made it really hard to go back because of it. Could have stopped earlier and made it easier on everyone, but we didn't, and now we've got to clean it up...but HAH! Wasn't that fucking awesome!?"

"Meeting all those new friends!"

"Fighting in a giant war was just marvelous!"

"Heck, I'll admit it, I had fun burning down some places. There! I admit it!"

"And all those cool outfits and strategies!"

"And even the weaker of us got to feel like the strongest, that was always great."

"Wrecking buildings, fighting badguys BOOM BOOM BOOM! It was all we thought about!"

"And I got to sing the whole time!"

"So... yeah, you got born when we decided 'hey, I really want to fight those guys'."

"But you know what was also there? Kind of hard to see, but it was there."

"Even when we were commanding armies, throwing spells and occasionally barbs, one thing never changed."

"One thing was always there, and will always be there."

"Deep down, no matter what..."

As one, they leaned in, and reached out.

"...We wanted ta' be friends now, and we always wanted ta' be friends, till the very end. No matter what, we wouldn't have it any other way. So iffin' ya' are supposed ta' be what we were feelin' when ya' were made, well..."

And touched it.

"Don't you want to be our friend?"

At last, the world could hold no more.

It flickered, it crumbled, it shattered and broke and warped and blank spots appeared in the world and textures simply vanished and then...

It was over.

They were back on the ground.

The mountainous beast was gone.

Instead, only a tiny facsimile of it remained. A tiny thing that only barely looked like it had.

The world beyond their sight was crumbling, but that didn't matter.

Right now, in this moment, the system had just enough power to render a beautiful, perfect, picturesque field of pure beauty, and a crowd of faces to cheer them on.

Right now, in this moment, the land was clean once more, the evil was gone once more. It was neither too hot, nor too cold. It was balanced, at last. The world was, they knew, as it should be.

~...Yes, I do...~

And with that...

It was all over.

The systems could hold it no more. The world could be no more. And it was all gone.

The game... was over.

"...That was great!"

They agreed in their own way, their voices mingling together in a slurry of sounds, and high above them, looking down with a tired smile, the Princess of the Night felt more tired than she ever had in her entire life.

But right now... she also felt higher than she had in a long, long, long time.

"...We thank thee, computer. We know thou art just a bit of spells, recorded words and strange devices, but we feel that... no, I hope that you can understand, just a bit, what this meant to me. It was... good to have fun with them again. It was like... being a part of it, for once. Even if things didn't go so well for all of it... this was something I needed."

The computer, as she expected, remained silent. Gone, no doubt, due to a short as the world had crumbled. The game was over, their task was done, there was nothing more to be said. In the end, just a machine.

"It was... fun.... and it'll go better next time."

There was static, and then once more... silence.

Her starlight mane snapped up, swishing back and forth as she looked all around. But every monitor, as she had seen, was dead, it was over, the game was done, so why...

"Computer?... computer!? Computer, are you-"

"Who are you talking to?"

Twilight Sparkle, no doubt here to check on the stability of her machines, had the oddest look on her face as she looked around, searching every bit as the elder princess was.

"We... uh..."

"Wow, you did a number on my computers here."

"We are so sorry, we know we should have stopped when it started sparking..."

"Nahhhh, no big. It was fun, that's what was important."

She was oddly nonchalant about this, about her computers and systems being so severely damaged. Strange, she expected a different reaction...

"Well, hurry up and come down! Everyone wants to congratulate you, we had a ball. Really, you did AMAZING for your first time! Some of these twists threw all of us for a loop, and we've been playing for years! Those twists and morality plays were great."

"...Sparkle, we... have a confession."

"Oh? What's up?"

"We did not... do this alone."

"Ahhhh, expected that much. Alright, who helped? Glimmer? Knew she was around here somewhere-"

"No no, t'was not our guard, or anyone living for that matter."


"...You... summoned the spirits of the dead to play a game? I feel like that is a gross misuse of-"

"No no no, we... used your computer."

"...like... my strategy guide?"

"No, like thine little funny voice that helped us out, talked us through certain aspects, took over occasionally and played the part of several characters."

"...huh?"

"T'was that machine that spoke when the Ice Witch cast thou into the maze, and it was their idea to hand off the powers."

"...I... I don't... is this in like binary?"

"No! A voice! A voice spoke to us and helped us! It was... what does thou call it... ah! Fake thinking!"

"Artificial intelligence?"

"Stop changing thine monikers!"

"...I don't have an AI in that computer..."

The room grew as cold as the icy tundras they had created not so very long ago, and as one both looked to the monitors.

"So... so..."

"So that was a real voice."

"So..."

"Really helping you."

"...So...."

"And doing stuff."

"...so...

"So you just let someone into my computer..."

Magic atop her horn glowed, and a single display came to life, telling Twilight in words Luna could never understand what exactly had happened.

"...And they downloaded all the data off it."

Then came the royal canterlot voice, minus the regalia.

"DEAR LORD WHAT HAVE WE DONE!? We have exposed our secrets to them! Knowledge of our country has been divulged! What horrors hath we wrought!? What future terrors have we given birth to as we so callously let others peer into the mind of our state, and WHY ART THOU NOT FREAKING OUT!?"

Shrugging, the lavender alicorn dimmed her horn, waving away floating numbers and data she had summoned with but a bit of magic on her end.

"Because this is the Subspace, Alternate Reality Simulation Room?"

"...S-so?"

"So, why would I have a whole bunch of my library data on a giant reality simulation device? That would eat up so much memory. And, oh, you know, make it vulnerable to the soldiers that come and play with the thing. You know they spilled a drink on it once?"

"...So... so they didn't seek out any vital data?"

"I guess not? It says here that the download for all this finished over two hours ago. That's before Poindexter even got the power. They could have accessed the main system if they wanted, but they only downloaded the direct stream and stopped. I guess they just downloaded it to-"

"To help us?"

Gone was the frowny face, it was dead now.

In it's place was smiles, that happy face.

"You mean, in our moment of sadness when all went wrong, someone came in here and helped us of their own accord? And asked for nothing in return, even when we were melting the very walls!?"

"Wait, what's this about melting? That could seriously-"

"WE HAVE A HELPER WHO LIKES US!"

"Yes, but also illegally accessed private data without consent, and risked the integrity of the entire nation by being within arms reach of just... a ton of classified data."

Gone again was smiled, the happy face. And yet, Frowny had not been resurrected.

Instead was a face of blankness that had no name.

"Oh yes, quite horrid of them. In fact, that is something we take personally, and will not stand for! We insist on investigating this ourselves."

"To arrest them, right?"

"...mmmhmm!"

"You're just kind of nodding, I was hoping for an 'of course' or something."

"Oh yes, we shall find this individual and make sure they get what they deserve!"

"Which is... jail time? Because this was illegal? REALLY illegal?"

"...mmm!"

"Stop nodding and say something."

"Come, Twilight Sparkle! We wish to bask in praise for our adventure!"

"Don't you ignore me."

"Come come, and we shall-"

"Luna..."

The dark mare froze, becoming quite still as a tall white, regal presences moved before her, standing over her with a warm, joyous look on her face.

"You did... so well. Thank you so much, it was wonderful to game with you again."

Tears, only a few sprinkles, formed on the corner of dark colored eyes.

"It... was nothing, sister. Merely as you requested, was it not? Did you doubt me?"

"No, never for a second... I knew you could do it."

She flinched, an odd pang ringing out in her chest.

"It... it was nothing."

"No... it was a lot."

Nothing more to be said between the sisters, not a word. Only an embrace. Only one more long, strong hug, to remind them of what had been before.

"This was-"

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED OUT HERE!?"

The mares went deathly silent only for a brief moment, and then they were off. Tearing down the ramp and to the front door where all were gathered, smooshed into the frame and staring out into the hallway beyond.

The very, very destroyed hallway, littered with broken walls, robots, and-

"MY FIGURINEEEEESSSSSSSS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Through that wreckage, a single, stoic white stallion trotted forth, a rock solid look of emptiness on his face and a rigidness to the salute he gave his Princess.

"A-hem, Princess Celestia, Twilight, Applejack, Luna, Rarity, Cadence, Fluttershy, Prince Shining Armor and Queen Chrysalis."

They all just stared, jaws dropped, heads nothing but static.

"...Princess? How's... uh... how's our legal division, and what's the standard payout for every guard shooting someone with lasers?"

There was only one thing to say, really. Nothing else would have sufficed.

"....ARE YOU FU-
~~~~~~~

In a room all alone, a single, wide set of eyes stared at raw data, at code and numbers passing by the still sticky screen before her. Numbers that, while she was no expert on this new technology or anything, did not look like classified info or documents, oh no.

It looked an awful lot like game and hologram coding.

When she noticed the 'end' time on her download, and the myriad of other files she could have downloaded next had she only been paying attention, she went numb. Totally numb.

This was a once in a trillion opportunity, a lifetime of waiting would never give something like this again, oh no. This was her one, and only shot. To do so now would blow her cover, so she had to every bit as numbly destroy the device attached to the wiring, and cover her tracks, leaving her with nothing but a game.

Nothing but a game pretty much summed up this whole day for her.

"Uh, miss Pennydrop? I know you said not to bother you at all, but there's an... issue with our robots in Canterlot... a big one... how good is our legal team? "Accidentally invaded Canterlot" good?... Miss Pennydrop? Miss-"

She silenced the intercom in the only way appropriate, smashing it hard with her hoof into crumbly bits, and without a second thought pulled out her emergency hard liquor, and poured a glass.

Yet, before she could take a swig, she felt inclined to do something, and even she didn't understand why. She felt the unnatural urge to lean back, put both her hind hooves on the desk, hold her glass to the air, and tilt it ever so slightly as if to chink on something not there.

"The end. Roll credits."

Then she kicked her monitor clear across the room, ripping it free from the system it was plugged into and shattering it against the wall in a million pieces.

"Game over."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~~

>Okay, so, Two is okay.

"How could you possibly know that!?"

>The little thingy I stuck in her brain to monitor her at all times says she's fine.

"..."

>Just kidding, I just looked out the window. Hi honey!

"...You'd never actually put something in her brain, right?"

>Naahhhh... not till she's a teenager.

"..."

>Good, with my fatherly duties squared away, I'm now going to sob in a fit of uncontrollable anguish over the loss of the figurines I painted, SANS MAGIC, BY HOOF, for HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS AND DAYS AND WEEKS AND MONTHS, as a teenager now being little more than crumbly garnish.

"Uh-"

>BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Chrysalis
"Applejack"
~~~~

>...

"...so this wasn't you, right?"

>Wha-NO!

"Ya' suuuure?"

>Yes!

"...Double check for me."

>HOW!?

"Just... just do this fer' me, ya' didn't do this right?"

>How was... YOU WERE THERE!

"Ah' didn't see ya' the whole time."

>Oh for the love of... CELLY! COME HERE!

"That don't prove nothin'."

>HOW!?

"She'd lie. Does it all the time."

>I am three seconds from punching you!

"This ain't helpin' yer' case."

>...

"..."

>...

"...Shoot, there's three. Dang."

>Thank you!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Dash
"Pinkie"
~~~~

>Wow... thank goodness I don't see any Wonderbolt stuff around here. I'm in the clear again!

"..."

>What?

"My right eye just kind of started twitching."

>What... what does that mean?

"...Here's some cream."

>What's it for?

"Oh, you'll know... you'll know."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Siegfried
"Ignus"
'Vekir'
-Watchdog-
~Herald~
=Anton=

~And behold! The great and mighty centerpiece of our main tent: The Pit!~

The oak doors swung open to reveal a large circular room where various gryphons were sat around a large hole in the ground with a cage built over the top of it. The gryphons cheered and waved bags of bits in the air as roars and crashes came from below. Around the periphery of the room were groups of gryphons lounging next to cages housing exotic creatures of all shapes and sizes.

'=Oooooh...='

>Well now, this is interesting.

"Indeed."

~We spared no expense, all the comforts of home. The creatures you see are all the most wondrous creatures in my lord's private menagerie, each champions of the Pit of a Thousand Corpses.~

>I mean that.

Siegfried jabbed a claw towards the fighting pit.

>You realize your little bloodsport isn't allowed in Gryphos, right?

~We did, but we're outside Gryphos, now aren't we?~

-Guys, just...just let me know when I can punch him, okay?-

>"Can do."

~Now now, if you wish for violence, by all means, enter the pit. For now let me show you to your seats.~

"I beg your pardon? I didn't come here to gamble! We came here to talk to Lord Cloudwing!"

~Ah but you are but the latest petitioners to come groveling at his neatly pedicured claws. You will simply have to wait in line, I'm afraid.~

'...okay, you're swiftly graduating from punch to dropkick.'

~Come come now, we'll seat you next to one of Lord Cloudwings favorites.~

The Herald lead the way over to a collection of pillows sat next to a large glass aquarium filled with crystal clear water and housing...

-The HELL is that thing?-

It was a pony...of sorts. It was a slim and angular thing, looking quite at home in the water with a placid look on its face as its mane billowed out behind it. Gills lined its throat, its forelegs ending in long clawed appendages rather than hooves with its back ending in rough flat feet, and its tail far more resembled an alligator's than any kind of equines. It floated absently within the aquarium, barely giving a glance towards the approaching group.

~This, my good dog, is a Kelpie, a sort of amphibious ambush predator that lures in unsuspecting prey by generally looking like an attractive female. Once the prey has been suckered in, it pounces them, drags them into its watery territory, and drowns them for devouring at its leisure-stop doing that!~

Watchdog looked up from where he'd been poking the glass.

-Aw come on, it's a dumb fish. What's it gonna do?-

~You'd be surprised, this one was actually bought from a hunter in Shetland, he'd made a habit of catching the things-you see, their abilities as predators evaporate when dealing with a keen, non-drink addled mind unlike your average Shetlander- and had been keeping them as macabre pets on a diet of fish. Lord Cloudwing ordered five of the beasts for the Pit, but the fools we hired for transporting them put all five together in the same container.~

-And?-

>Uhhh...

"Oh dear."

=Get away from the glass!=

'Oooh! Neat! Cheese!'

Ka-Flash!

-Huh-WHOA!-

Watchdog jumped back of the sight of the Kelpie, a look of sadistic cleverness upon its face, pressed up against the glass, mouth open to reveal row upon row of sharp teeth.

~This one ate all the others. Turns out Kelpies are quite solitary predators. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must announce your arrival. Tata!~

With that, the poncy Herald pranced off, a smug look still plastered on his face.

>Well shit.

-...guys it's staring at me.-

"Don't look at it, you fool!"

-I'm not, I can feel its eyes on me!-

>I hate this place.

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