Dungeon Crawl Storytiem

This is a slightly edited version of the story I told to my irc buddies for entertainment, the comments of my friends were edited out and most

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Become Death:
Guys, you up for some storytiem?

Just a quick little tidbit from my latest Dungeon crawl session.

It's not long

Like, I could probably tell it in less then 10 sentences. (Edit: I have never been this wrong before)

Ok, so I'm playing Dungeon Crawl, things are going well; I'm a lvl 3 spriggan assassin, and I can utterly demolish anything and everything that gets in my way.

I had an enchanted dagger, enchanted blowgun, some clothes, explosive and non-explosive sling ammo, poisonous needle, and some needles that caused you die painfully (my fav), needles were for the blowgun, and some various loot I had picked up in the dungeon.

I had sling ammo, but you will notice there is no sling listed

I didn't have a sling, so you can guess how psyched I was when I saw a hunter's sling on the corpse of a goblin I killed.

But then I make the most n00b-est mistake one can make in a rougelike

I actually wielded the sling I found

I don't know what was going on in my head, but I was somehow surprised when the sling turned out to be cursed.

And I couldn't take it off, because it was cursed.

Since this was a weapon, it meant that my dagger and blowgun were off limits, which removed my means of crushing enemies to dust.

But here come the cool part.

I am running throw the dungeon, avoiding enemies, trying to find something that might un-curse my gear

In my search, I came across a room filled with sleeping enemies.

And I needed to get through it

But, I was an assassin

Which meant I could go full on dick-ass-thief if wanted to

So I tried my hand sneaking through the room

And almost made it out

Then one enemy woke up

Tried running anyway, but all the other enemies woke up on the same turn but the one enemy that woke up shouted to wake everyone else up

And they surrounded me

Take a moment to try and imagine this from my perspective:

I doesn't seem like I could easily kill them off, seeing as I had a shitty cursed Sling

I can't run, because they have surrounded me.

So guess what I did?

I swear this was probably the closest I will come to being an evil genius

I took an exploding sling bullet

and targeted myself

and everybody dieded

Except for me.

Somehow.

All hail your lord and ruler Become Death the lvl 3 Spriggan assassin.