Nothing Speaks

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A high school full of delinquents, prone to judge.
Fucked with every day of the week. Still hold a grudge.
They said I had problems...like I was the only one.
They said I'd shoot the school up. I didn't own a gun.
My best friends were shooting heroin and smoking weed.
Nodding off in class...At lunch, they'd go to sleep.
Rolling deep, with drug addicts and goth kids
with bad parents and hard lives. We took what we got, then.
My mind was slipping. Spent the year crazy and not knowing.
Broke down every month from no rest and fucked up serotonin.
Got kicked out two times by two different people.
One day, I'm my mom's world. The next day, I'm not her equal.
Broke all the bottles left over from mom's drinking.
My thoughts were killing me inside, so I stopped thinking.
Shut down. Kept spacing out, without a heroin dose.
I wanted out...but there was nowhere to go.
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All moments, weak to me
When nothing speaks to me. (One more)
Surrounded by parasites
And no friends to cherish life with
No words are reaching me
When nothing speaks to me anymore
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At 18, I'd already dropped out and paid the price.
Smartest in the class, but dumbest when it came to life.
A life that fucked me raw without boots or a garter.
Failed me like a lost cause, my mind was the martyr.
I had tasted adulthood and wished it done.
I was wasted. Not faded, but I wished I was.
Tried to stay being a kid, when it was fun to be.
I was done with childhood, but it wasn't done with me.
I wasn't ready. Never recognized the world around me
'till I was shook for twenty minutes when my head was cloudy
Saw life for what it was; a death trap
filled with hatred and "White Men for Dead Blacks"
The gears running, the machine headed to damnation,
Run by slaves of old killers who damn nations
for money, oil, commodities and profit.
My revelation came, and I didn't stop to believe in the Prophet.
Nobody's saving us. Only the Devil may care.
Life's a Children's Hospital. Not a daycare.
That was the night I realized I was on my own.
Population of 7 million, but I'm all alone.
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All moments, weak to me
When nothing speaks to me. (One more)
Surrounded by parasites
And no friends to cherish life with
No words are reaching me
When nothing speaks to me anymore
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At 22, I was broken and my mind was dented.
Whenever I said "I love/hate life", I fucking meant it.
Ripped apart by symptoms of manic-depression.
Five girlfriends, then a boyfriend, all of them exes.
I walked dead-eyed with dead dreams and a dead mind.
Had no funds to pay for fun, so I spent time
Getting mine. Didn't like money, but I needed it.
No job. Had to donate plasma and bleed for it.
When alcohol came knocking again, I opened wide.
Had my first drink the same year Stan Lee died.
Left the family to get away from the demons and lies.
Got my granny, told the others "I'm leaving, goodbye."
The hits kept coming. Homeless for seven months.
A night in a doorway instead of a shelter bunk. I wasn't drunk.
Saw an overdose while I was waiting on a city bus.
The man survived in a miracle. The cops said it was shitty luck.
The same cops got rough sleepers out of driveways.
Said "You can't stay here", and looked at them sideways.
I rolled up and smoked my first joint that same year.
Sat back and said to the world "I don't want to be here."
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Half my idols are dead, the other half crazy.
People I looked up to are never going to save me.
But lately? I've made peace with the fact that the world's out to rape me.
That life's the bad joke, and I'm the dead baby.
2020 set my home state on fire.
Pandemics and riots left my whole nation dire.
This place is dying. I'm staying alive to see the heroes and villains fall.
I said it on my first EP: Kill Them All