Reddit WP - Laptop Gods

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WP = You are sitting in a coffee shop watching a man type on his computer. He types the words "It begins raining outside" and it instantly starts raining.
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I stared at the words on the screen as the man who wrote them leant back in his chair to enjoy the rain as it fell in a large torrent around them. I was sure it was just a lucky coincidence, a freakish incident of nature. But then he wrote on the screen, 'Lightning flashes, thunder booms and hail the size of fists begins to fall.'

Do you know what happened?

Wh-

IT FUCKING HAPPENED!

Woah.

I was like a white guy in a horror movie. I just HAD to investigate.

Hey Thats racist

Shut up Karen.

Yeah Karen!

Rrrrrrgh.

So I sat in the shop for hours just watching this dude pump back coffee after coffee and I knew my time was coming, cause his was. There's only so much liquid a mans bladder can hold and I knew his was brimming.

Ew

Shut UP Karen. Now this guy keeps writing things and shit. KEEPS. HAPPENING! "The Waitress will fall over after bringing me my pancakes." and that bitch fell! "I have paid for my breakfast" Motherfucker never got a bill! Im not kidding I was waiting for that prick to write "My bladder is no longer full" and I swear to me if he had done that I was gonna go over their and deck him anyway.

Oh I totally would have done that

Shut UP Greg. Or whatever the fuck you call yourself now.

Hey motherfucker its not Greg its ARES now.

Yeah yeah whatever. So im sitting just waiting, trying to be all hidden and shit and sure enough this motherfucker closes his laptop, gets up and walks to the rest room so I rush over their and open that baby up. I look at the scroll bar and that thing is so damn tiny we wouldn't be able to see it even now. I look at how many pages there and the number goes OFF. THE DAMN. SCREEN!

Oh man this story gets better every century!

So I do what any sane learned man like myself would do. I went to the first page and it was boring as FUCK. I mean like typical generic shit "In the beginning, I created blah blah blah." And there are dates on each page man and I am talking like billions of the damn thing the first page was in negatives for fucks sake. So I switch back to the last page right? and I type "The Crappy Patty formula is before me." and ho-lee SHIT. It was there.

Oh yeah we should have that for dinner.

Totes should

Yeah yeah yeah shut up. So now I know this thing is legit and I am talking more legit then Karens ass.

HEY!

So im sittin their typing away on this shit wh-

You didn't wish for world peace?

......

Yeah stupid question.

Im typing away when this guy comes back out of the toilet, he sees me and 'gasp' he is NOT happy. He shouts HEY and I scream FUCK YOUU BUDDY! and I am gone. I mean I am OUT of there. Faster then a kenyan chasing down dinner know what I mean?

Dick!

Yea yea so im running and this guy is FAST like he has cheat-mode enabled or some bullshit but you know how I couldn't fly? Well you know my buddy Shit Sherlock first name No? Tippy tappy on that keyboard and motherfucker I was floating away like no tomorrow.

Wow must have been a strong keyboard to support your fat ass

BITCH I AM A GOD

Fuck you so am I.

Yeah and what good does it do ya we've all seen the god damn Batman tapes.

Yeah Karen, that WAS kinda sick.

Fuck you both!

Let me just put on my batsuit.

Grrrrrrrghh

Bitch... So anyway I am floating away from this poor bastard and he is screaming up a STORM man like whinging like no tomorrow. And I am just smacking away at this keyboard. Did someone say billionaire playboy philanthropist cause I sure as fuck did. S-

You don't even know what a philanthropist is.

...God damn it Karen.

Sorry.

......Right so I think to myself Greg. Greg would LOVE this shit. Tippy tappy and there he is floating right next to me. The sky's turning purple but who gives a fuck we're having fun. A few hours later we're riding our dinosaurs when Greg gets the best idea EVER. He says le- W-wait what the fuck was that?

Doorbell.

A doorbell.

Yuhuh.

To the god damn pantheon.

Yup.

....Well WHO. THE FUCK. IS IT?

Oh! Let me check.

Hey guuuuys! Guuuys Its the poooope!

WELL WHAT THE FUCK DOES -HE- WANT?

Something about a tsunami? Killing LOTS of people down there.

Fuck sake its all just me-me-me with these people whatever i'll finish the story next year. Back to work ladies.

Hey!

Fuck you Ares.