[07:58] SE: I νωaz a šυgjυgglatoя... ᖴoя a νeяy long tıme..
[07:58] WD: ((Should I prepare for tears? Should I maybe go somewhere private to cry?))
[07:59] SE: (( maybe? maybe not. idk. ))
[08:00] -- wanderingDreamscape [WD] rolled onto his side, looking at the purple blood through the dark. He'd slink off the bed and move over to the other, crouching in front of him, watching and listening closely. --
[08:01] SE: ᕼoω mυch đo yoυ κnoω aвoυt oυя mılıtaяy.. ᗰy ρeoρle...
[08:01] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] doesn't bother to move, or even look up, just saying where he is, curled up --
[08:02] WD: ... not too much.
[08:03] SE: ᐯhen yoυ aяe ten šωeeρz, yoυ aяe conšcяıρteđ ınto ze Imρeяıal ᖴoяcez. Yoυ, haνe no choıce. ᑭυяρlez, νhıle aвle to đo.. ᗰany zıngz... ᗩlmošt all of υz zoυgh, вecome šυвjυgglatoяz. ᑭoρυlatıon contяol. ᗪole oυt ρυnıšhment, anđ đo ρяetty mυch νhateνeя νωe'яe tolđ.
[08:04] SE: ᐯωe aяe nozıng moяe zan a νωeaρon foя ze ᕮmρıяe'z đıšρošal.
[08:05] SE: ᗪoešn't šoυnđ too вađ, яıght?
[08:05] SE: ᔕυвjυgz aяe šυρρošeđly ze mošt ınšane, oυt of all gяoυρz of tяollz. ᗩnđ.. I νωoυlđ šay νωız goođ яeašon.
[08:06] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] pushes a hand through his hair --
[08:06] SE: ᕼoω đo I conđenše zız đoωn...
[08:07] -- wanderingDreamscape [WD] moved to sit down next the the troll, remaining silent for now. --
[08:07] SE: ᐯhat вetteя νωay to maκe a νωeaρon, zan to вяeaκ zem, mentally, anđ яefoяm zem ınto νhateνeя yoυ νωant.
[08:08] SE: Ze olđeя offıceяz, of coυяše, νωoυlđ jυšt υše zeıя νoođooz on υz. ᗰoяe eχρeяıenceđ anđ štяongeя zan υz, tяollz zat вaяely eνen hađ coloя ın zeıя eyez.
[08:09] SE: Yoυ can't štoρ zem. Ze νωay zey taκe tυяnz. ᕼoυяz, anđ hoυяz. ᗩnđ ze ρяactıce ız šo common, alzoυgh, I zınκ mošt lıκe to ρяetenđ ıt đoešn't haρρen.
[08:09] SE: Zey maκe yoυ a ρяıšoneя ın yoυя oωn mınđ. ᗩnđ.. ᗩνoıđıng ze... ᕮχρlıcıt đetaılz.. ᑭeяhaρz yoυ can ımagıne νhat zat'z lıκe.
[08:10] -- wanderingDreamscape [WD] narrowed his eyes, subtly scooting a little closer to the troll. --
[08:10] SE: ᑭeяıgeez can ρašz lıκe, zat, νωız only hoυяz goıng вy ın яealıty.
[08:11] SE: It ρяoвaвly jυšt šoυnđz lıκe I'm вeıng đяamatıc.. Oя....
[08:11] SE: ᗰaκıng ıt υρ.
[08:11] WD: ... I doubt it.
[08:12] WD: I'm sure you're telling the truth.
[08:12] SE: ᕼoneštly, ıf yoυ tяy to tell any of ze ozeя caštez.. Zey'll tell yoυ to get oνeя ıt, oя, šay ıt'z вυllšhıt.
[08:12] SE: ᗷecaυše all ρυяρlez aяe cяazy, яıght? ᐯωe'яe jυšt вoяn zat νωay.
[08:12] SE: Zey đon't яealıze νωe'яe mađe lıκe zız.
[08:13] SE: ᗩ lot of υz, can't hanđle ıt.
[08:13] SE: It'z lıκe... Yoυя zınκ ρan getz melteđ.
[08:14] SE: Yoυ'яe neνeя яeally ze šame ρeяšon. It'z... ᔕomezıng šρecıal. ᕮνentυally, ze onez zat manage to štıll вe fυnctıonıng afteя all ze, qυote υnqυote, tяaınıng, aяe ρυt to νωoяκ.
[08:15] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] shifts a little, scratching at the side of his neck --
[08:15] SE: Yoυ can't....
[08:16] SE: To đo zat joв, yoυ ρяetty mυch haνe to leaяn to loνe ıt.
[08:17] SE: Ignoяe ze fact yoυ'яe teaяıng aρaяt a lıνıng ρeяšon. It'z a caše, not a caυše. Yoυ'яe jυšt đoıng yoυя joв. Ignoяe ze šcяeamıng, anđ ze ρleađıng.
[08:17] SE: Yoυ'll leaяn to loνe ze νωay zeıя вloođ ρoolz on ze flooя, oя ze šlıcκ šoυnđz of zeıя flešh вeıng šlıceđ off.
[08:17] SE: ᕼoω elše đoez anyone... *ᗪeal*.
[08:18] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] shrugs a little --
[08:18] SE: Ze neχt šteρ, ız đoıng to tяaıneez, νhat zey đıđ to yoυ.
[08:18] SE: Ze cycle contınυez. It šυcκz.
[08:19] SE: I đon't zınκ I яeally neeđ to go ınto anymoяe đetaıl ın zat facet of my lıfe.
[08:19] SE: ᖴıfty šωeeρz zoυgh. I đıđ zat.
[08:20] SE: ᔕo. Zeяe'z one štoяy az to νhy I'm only, yoυ κnoω... ᗩ lıttle fυcκeđ υρ.
[08:20] SE: I'm not a ρeяšon anymoяe ᒍacκ.. ᖴoя šo long I νωaz jυšt a tool.
[08:23] WD: ... but you *are* a person. A used one. A very. Very broken one.
[08:23] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] lets out a little laugh --
[08:23] SE: I'νe taκen a νhıle tяyıng to... ᑭυt ze ρıecez вacκ togezeя.
[08:24] SE: ᕼantal šet zat вacκ a lot zoυgh.
[08:24] WD: ((:v ?antal?))
[08:25] SE: (( lord jesus ur on ur phone one sec ))
[08:25] SE: Hantal*
[08:25] SE: (( there u go ))
[08:25] WD: ((Ty -u-))
[08:26] SE: Zat... Zat vwaz a train vwreck.
[08:26] SE: I don't even know if you vwant to hear about zat.
[08:27] SE: Like, if my subjugglatorz are ze tip of ze iceburg, zen, Hantal iz ze rest of it.
[08:28] WD: ... Hantal? Yeah, I do... that is. If... you want to.
[08:28] SE: Oh goody. Let'z dredge up everyzing. Tonight.
[08:28] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] rubs his face --
[08:29] WD: Look, you don't have to.
[08:29] WD: You can... tell me. When you feel like you can.
[08:29] SE: It'z not hard to talk about.
[08:29] SE: I don't zink.
[08:29] SE: Honest.
[08:29] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] Honestly* --
[08:29] SE: I don't know anymore.
[08:31] WD: If you want to tell me, then go ahead.
[08:32] SE: Vhen I first got out of ze military, I vwent to ziz nice colony to spend some time. It vwaz called Aelion 7. I got a place to stay zere, and just... Took some time off for once. Looked around at ozer career optionz besidez ripping people apart for shitz and gigglez. I enjoyed going out. To clubz. To barz. Just... Let loose. And of course, zat'z vhen I ran into Hantal. Ziz tall, gorgeouz seadweller
[08:32] SE: . Long hair halfway down hiz back.. Zin, sharp featurez... Almost vwolfish looking. He vwaz honestly just... Beautiful, and immediately I vwaz smitten.
[08:33] SE: Vwe started dating. Going out. Having a good time, and, he'z ze one zat helped me make contactz, to get into entertainment. First, just vwiz a few modeling jobz, but... later I found out I'm a fantastic actor.. Of course.
[08:33] SE: Vwe vwere togezer for... A total of almost twelve sweepz. Vhich isn't even zat long.. But zingz vwent downhill fast after ze first few sweepz.
[08:34] SE: He got... Possessive. Progressively so. One of zose instancez vhere...
[08:35] SE: If you zrow a frog into boiling vwater, he vwould hop out but..
[08:35] SE: If you turn it up slowly... Ze frog vwon't notice...
[08:35] SE: It'll just..... Die.
[08:35] SE: It vwaz like zat.
[08:35] SE: I didn't realize how bad it vwaz, until I vwaz trying to leave.
[08:36] SE: He vwould go zrough my phone... Accuse me of zingz. And zen of course guilt trip me. Very few timez vwould he actually lay hiz handz on me. If he did, he made sure not to leave any markz. A smart fellow, he vwaz. And of course, I took it, assuming it vwasn't even zat bad, at first. I had been zrough *way* vworse.
[08:37] SE: He vwould start... Degrading me. Constantly. Small zingz at first, trying to chip, and chisle at my self esteem. Put zose seedz of doubt in my mind.
[08:37] SE: You might be surprised to know, I haven't alwayz zought so highly of myself.
[08:37] WD: ((And thus I feel for Zakhar harder than I've ever feeled.))
[08:38] WD: ((Too much feel and understanding.))
[08:38] WD: ((And now I'm going to go curl up in a ball.))
[08:38] SE: (( indeedity. same, such same. ))
[08:39] SE: He vwould tell me... How lucky I am. How... I vwaz just some... Charity project. He took care of me because he knew no one else vwould. I vwaz pazetic. Vworzlesz. A vwreck. Vwake up from my nightmarez, and he tellz me to get over zem. I became an object, again.
[08:39] SE: Ziz time not a tool, or vweapon.
[08:39] SE: Just a trophy.
[08:39] SE: Anozer pretty zing to have around.
[08:39] SE: No one vwill love you Zakhar... No one... Vho could love somezing so.... Damaged... And uselesz...
[08:40] WD: ((Sweet fuck-))
[08:40] WD: ((Okay that hit hard))
[08:40] SE: Zey'll only vwant your body.. No one vwill... Ever... *Ever*.. Be able to fix you...
[08:40] WD: ((Yeah that hit really hard.))
[08:40] SE: (( i told you. shitstorm was incoming. ))
[08:41] SE: (( i warned u bro. dog. ))
[08:41] SE: Liez.. It'll all be liez.
[08:41] SE: After a vhile... You believe it.
[08:42] SE: Vhole heartedly you believe it. Every vword. And honestly it'z...
[08:42] SE: Coming back from zat, iz ze hardest zing I've ever done.
[08:42] SE: My solution.. Just lie. Lie to myself, until hopefully I can believe it.
[08:43] SE: Because no one vwill love me. I'm a tool. A trophy. Zere'z nozing special or important about me. I'm just anozer project for charity.
[08:44] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] trails off, and goes quiet, his breathing a little heavy, the way it gets before you're going to start crying, but, he doesn't go *that* far --
[08:46] -- wanderingDreamscape [WD] had a stoic expression, being eerily quiet, staring straight ahead, a faint glow in his eyes. --
[08:48] SE: I found out.. Ze best defense.... Iz a nice... Zick vwall.. Arrogance, and narcissism... Be full of yourself.... And no one vwill bozer even trying.
[08:48] SE: You'll be alone...
[08:48] SE: But at least you are saf.e
[08:49] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] safe.* --
[08:50] -- splendiferousEpicedium [SE] lets out a heavy, tired sigh --
[08:50] WD: ... Zakhar.
[08:50] SE: Zat iz me... Ze famouz Zakhar... Alexei...
[08:50] WD: Zakhar.