Thread 9: Stories 46-60

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>SS
"AJ56"
{Robots}
[???]
~~~~

They were surrounded. No hope. No way to escape. Anti-material rifles pointed right at them from ever corner. Doomed. The two small figures hugging each other were doomed.

>W-well, 56, this is it!

"Maybe? I don't know, I might be okay. Kind of inconsistent."

>B-before I go, I want you to know that I... I think...

"Well, I assumed you did that occasionally. I don't do it that often, but to each their own."

>No! I mean... I think I have a c-c-c....

"Crab? Are we going for crab? I had one too, but Luna ate him."

>N-noo! I HAVE A-

{ARMING! FIRING IN THREE, TWO O-}

It probably would have finished if it hadn't suddenly came down with a terminal case of rocket.

[Get away from her you BITCH!]

>M-MR DT'S DAD!?

[Hi sweetie! I came out to make sure you made it home from school today. You doing okay? Have a good day at school? I heard you learned about reproduction, that's got to be interesting!]

>...
"..."

[Ohhh, don't be like that, it's a natural fact of life, something everyone's got to go through to make it here in the first place. Nothing to be grossed out by.]

>...
"..."

[Oh, excuse me for a second.... GET SOME!]

The ringing in their ears would die down eventually, they were sure. More importantly, SS made a mental note to ask him to show her how to reload a rocket launcher that fast.

[Now come along, children! I've got brownies waiting for my little pumpkin whenever she gets back from her field trip, I'm sure she won't mind if I share a few before that.]

He leads the way to his house, whistling without a care in the world, and occasionally blowing the fuck out of various robots.

"...I like this guy!"

Silver Spoon just let out a sigh, and realized whatever sanity she had left died just a little more that day.
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>DT
"Filthy Rich"
~~~~~~~

"Sit down, Diamond Tiara."

>Daddy? What's wrong?

"I went though your room today."

>W-WHAT!? You can't just go through my stuff like that!

"Oh? Is there some reason you don't want me to go in there? Some reason like... THIS!"

>N-no! No daddy! That's... um... I was holding that for a friend!

"Don't lie to me, Diamond Tiara! Did you think I didn't notice the stains on your hooves, the bags under your eyes from staying up late? Did you really think I wouldn't SMELL it! How stupid do you think I am!?"

>Daddy I'm sorry!

"Not good enough! Where did you get this stuff? Did that purple princess ask you to do some tests? Have you been stealing it? Where did you learn how to do this!?"

>YOU! ALRIGHT? I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!

"...Go to your room."

>B-but daddy!

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

She left in a sea of noisy tears, and he knew she would be crying into her pillow for the rest of the night.

Alone, he simply picked up the Sidewinder Missile schematics, and used it to brush away the tears in his eyes.
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>Spike
“Spitfire”
_______

Once again, the common area found Spike and Spitfire seated at the same table. Her eyes left her mug of soothing cider and settled on the glass in Spike’s trembling claws. Just from the golden amber color it looked like some hard, hard liquor. The kind that knocked you out and kicked you back awake with a raging hangover.

“Whoa there, buddy… you can’t be the right age to drink. Can ya?”

>Not even close. But this isn’t alcohol. It’s apple juice.

“Ah. Well, why ya shakin’ like that? You look like somepony walked over your grave. Repeatedly. With a chainsaw.”

>Oh, it’s nothing. Nothing at all. Or at least those’re the lies I keep telling myself. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. I’m fine.

He took a long swig while Sptifire just stared, hardly touching hers.

“Okaaaaay… well, what’s wrong?”

>Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s fine. I'm fine.

“…then let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that something were wrong? What would it be?”

>Hypothetically?

“Purely hypothetical.”

>Well, first off, ‘wrong’ is putting it mildly. Something is very much fucked up, but no one except me seems to be a target right now….

“Target? Target for what? Another assassination attempt?”

>I almost wish that were it, but no… this is… something else. Something very dark and hairy, with multiple legs, and a weird body. It won’t leave me alone.

“…Spike? You’re scaring me here….”

>I’m past scared. I’ve crashlanded at Stress Avenue and built a home.

He drained the rest of his drink and slammed the glass down, not hard enough to shatter it but with enough force to bounce Spitfire’s mug.

>Spits? I… if I don’t come back this time… can you tell Applejack and Rarity something for me?

“Tell them? Me? And come back from what?”

>Tell them that they were the best mares a dragon like me could have ever hoped to-AAAAAAARGH!

“SPIKE!”

It all happened in a blur to Spitfire: one second, she’d been staring at Spike, wondering just what in the world he was going on about, and the next, what looked like two, triple-jointed tendrils had wrapped themselves around the dragon and swiftly dragged him off his stool and right out the room. She could clearly his resisting claw marks dug into the floor.

“What… what the hell…?”

But even through all of that, the faint sounds of laughter began to echo down the hallways, the origin probably some dark roost of the castle.

NON CANON
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>Rarity
"Handy Dog"

The magc circle on the bottom of Charity glows bright white and in a magical light Rarity appears with her horn replaced with Charity completely repaired.
>Wow, that actually worked.
She feels the gun in place of her horn.

>Not quite what she expected but close enough.
Looks at her transparent and skinny body.

>Oh it's good to look skinny again, but to bad it's not really my body.
Charity's chamber slides open and rotates.

>Hmmm...feels like 5 bullets...can't tel what kind.
An explosion rocks her to her senses.

>Right, a burning room.
She runs out the doorway and looks around.

>Spike? SPIKE! Okay, I've got to save Spike, but where can he be? ...Hmmm, I wonder if he's still got some gems in his stomach.
Charity glows and something in the distance glows also.

>Please let it be Spike. Looks like he's about 3 floors up.
She makes her way down a corridor and stops t a closed door. When she attempts to open the door with her hooves, they just pass through it.

>Oh, if I'm not corporeal I can just fly up.
The gun hits the ceiling with a clunk.

>Okay, we learned that whil I'm pretty much a ghost, the gun is quite solid. Good to know. I've got to get Charity to Spike.
She uses her magic to open the door.

>Stairs, stairs, stairs. Where are the stairs! *sighs* What are we going to do, Charity?

Speaking in a masculine voice.
[Oh, I don't know, dear. Let's talk to ourselves and make us think we're crazy.]

>You're not much help at all.

[Spike des this much better don't you think?]

>Indeed he does.

A Handy Dog walks in.
"Stop making so much noise!"
It throws a bolt of lightening which passes through Rarity. She just smirks.

>My turn...
She points Charity at the Handy Dog and shoots it in the heart. The handy dog explodes violently, flinging Rarity back a little.
>Okay...I'm loaded with explosive rounds...

"I want to...sleep."
Once the smoke clears a hole in the wall reveals a stairway.

>YES!
She runs up the stairway and follows the glow of jewels to a door that says Detention block. She looks through the small window and spots Spike.

>SPIKE!
She tries to open the door, but it's locked.

>Good thing I have a key.
Points Charity at the dor and fires.
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>Blueblood
"Flim"
'Flam'

"Flash called..."

'...He's captured one of the intruders.'

>Captured? I wanted them dead!

"He says you ordered him to handle them..."

'...you weren't specific.'

>For crying out loud! Tell him to go kill the other intruders! Flim Flam, you two can go kill the prisoners.

"This would be the perfect time..."

'...to test our latest prototype.'
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>Celestia
"Luna"
~~~~~~

>Well, things are going swimmingly.

"Yes...almost too swimmingly..."

>...What are the odds that the attack from the train area are just a diversion.

The rock of the mountain behind them suddenly shattered outward, raining stone and earth upon the city of Canterlot. From withing the cloud of dust and smoke, the sound of a spinning drill screeched over the crumble of the explosion. Tubes of slapped together, only partly in tact metal fell down into the city.

With a hiss, one of the planks popped open, and the machines were firing before they even made it out.

"..."

>...Me fucking damn it.
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>AJ 12
"Various Unicorns"
~~~~~

>Damn, are we just all stupid? I'm honestly kind of wondering if all the racists don't have a point.

"OH GOD! ROBOTS! With guns! I so did not expect this!"

"So cast a spell! You're a unicorn!"

"Most of my spells are lens based, like for telescopes or microscopes! Not shooty things! What about you?"

"Enhancing flavors of stuff. You?"

"I'm more... fluid about what I do."

"Oh goddamn liberal arts hippies!"

"IT'S A LEGITIMATE CAREER!"

"I'm able to change colors of stuff."

"Just levitation, but something that big has to be standing still."

"I can make myself look thinner."


"I can make fireworks!"

"HUZZAH!"

"...It would appear the robots are fire-work proof."

"SHIT!"

"Get the earth pony to hit it with a stick, that'll work!"

"BRILLIANT!"

>...On second thought, never mind.
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>Fancy Pants
"Fluer"
[???]
{Robots}
~~~

{CLEANSE THOSE WHO STAND WITH THE MUD PONY}

{EXTERMINATE!}

A saber made of magic swiftly cut off anymore talk of death from that one.

>I knew that unseemly fellow was going to start trouble.

Beside him, the pink haired unicorn could only shrug.

"Really darling, I should not have doubted you. But he seemed so..."

>Incompetent and whiny, I know. But it would appear he has a few hidden skills yet left!

"Quite, but these things don't seem all that-LOOK OUT!"

In hindsight, he probably should have done as she said first, and not tried to look behind him before dodging. Time was a precious commodity, after all. Using it unwisely was never smart.

Were it not for the blur that slammed into his chest, he would likely have had none left to use.

"Beloved! Are you okay!?"

>Y-yes, a little shook up, but I am fine. Thank you...

"Dear! There's a Changeling on your chest!"

[Hi! Um. Yeah. That's, uh, that's me. Nice to meet you. Well, probably wasn't nice on your end, what with the tackling and the missile. Nice for me, though, cause you seem nice...]

"...And it's clearly on something!"

[What? Oh! Yeah, sorry. I'll get of ya' now. Sorry. Bout the sitting. We cool?]

>...Pleasure to meet you, and thank you for the rescue.

[Sure! No prob. Well, 'cept for the missile. That's a problem. You good? You look good.... not in a-]

"We get it."

>Dear, really, I know you don't much care for them, but this one DID just save my life.

"Oh, fine."

[So, hey, small question. Do you know how long this is going to last? The robot thing, I mean. I kind of need to get back to work at the Empire. Big issue there. I don't think she'd fire me, buuuut...]

>...

"..."

[...Right... dumb... I, er, uh...]

They could only stare as she lowered herself farther, and farther to the ground, and eventually slid off. How she moved while stiff as a statue, they had no idea.

"..."

>Didn't I tell you? They're quite fascinating when you get to know them.
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>DT
"Flash Sentry"

>Stupid bug monster leaving m to do all th work.
Sets dwn another C4

>And that's the last of the C4. This oughta be plenty enough to blow up the main computer. Those blank fanks are going to have to thank me later when I save their sorry flanks.
She looks toward the doorway and sees Flash blocking it.

"..."

>Oh hello...goodbye!
Uses TBDRLIATU to launch a salvo of rockets at the doorway. When the smoke cears there's a larger opening where the door was but no Flash. She looks up and sees Flash coming in from above. Diamond Tiara barrel rolls away while Flash smashes the spot she was standing. When DT stands up, she smiles with 3 pins in her mouth.

>Heheheh

Flash looks down to find 3 grenades at his feet right before they explode sending him flying back.

>Check out my new gun!
She stands on her hind legs, pull out thr anti-material rifle and fires back forcing DT to find her own cover.

>Okay, so you have the same gun...but do you have grenade launchers?
She pops back up dual wielding grenade launchers and unleashes everything on Flash's cover.

>Hmph, don't try to beat me with range.
Out of the smoke, a damaged Flash pounces on DT, sliding them both across the floor. As he raises his hoof to crush her head, she spits a pin at his face and he realizes there's a blue grenade on her chest.

"Clever filly"
She winks as it explodes in a blue ball of energy.

>EMP grenades. I thought they might be useful against robots...and cyberponies.
She kicks Flash.

>I'm Diamond motherfucking Tiara...BITCH!
*KICKS*

>Ow ow ow ow...
She. Picks up TBDRLIATU.

>C'mon Sexy...we got shit to do.
After walking some distance she pulls out a detonator and detonates the C4 behind her.
*BOOOOM*
>Heh...you're welcome.
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>???
"Various Guards"
[ROBOT]
~~~~~

"Well boys, this isn't looking so good."

"...Is it because of the robots surrounding us?"

"It's mostly that."

[PREPARING TO MAKE SALSA!]

"Why would they program it to say that?"

"That's just mean."

"Totally unnecessary."

"Kind of wish the vast majority of Alicorns hadn't run off."

"Dicks."

[FIRING IN THREE, TWO,-]

>KABOOM!

A wash of color, and suddenly the robots were nothing but scrap.

>Howdy!

"...Oh, shit, I forgot about you."

>WHAT!? How could you forget about me!? I'm, like a standout character!

"You just haven't done all that much here lately."

"Not really leaving an impact."

>Oh, screw you guys!

"Wait! We're sorry!"

"COME BACK PINKIE PIE!"

"WE'RE SOOOORRY!
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>AJ56
"Chrysalis"
'AJ42'
-Celestia-
__________

The door to Celestia's room opened and 56 trotted in with a broad smile.

>Hellooooo all! I was in the neighborhood and just wanted to see if...

Words were beyond the dumbstruck Changeling as he bore witness to his not-mom and Celestia, both of them up on their forelegs with their backlegs against the wall. Now, there was nothing strange about doing hoofstands in the slightest, but what had his jaw dropping was the way they had their backs arched, plots thrust out and jiggling with every jostle.

-And you're sure this is tap-dancing...? The thing your colony is, uh... good at?-

"Yes! Awesome, ain't it? Works out your forelegs and your booty at the same time!"

-Feels more like upside-down plot-shaking to me....-

'That's because neither of you are doing it right! I can't take this anymore! Your majesty, scootch over will you? And Celestia, slide to your left, I'm going to show you both how to do this the right way!'

And, just as silent and stunned as when he entered, 56 watched as one of the most fiercest fighters Canterlot had to offer promptly flipped up, her back legs to the wall, and began to shuffle on her hooves, her rear-end bouncing and swaying almost rhythmically as a tapping sound filled the room.

'This... is how... you do it!'

-Oooooh, okay, I see now! So, umph... like this?-

"Gotta get those hips in there, gotcha 42."

>...

'Oh, hello, 56. Did you...*pant*...need something?'

>...HNNNNNNG!

Red-faced, leaking blood from his left nostril and gripping his chest, 56 fell over backwards stiff as a board, leaving the three mares to wonder exactly what had happened.
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>AB
"SL"
[SB]
-???-
~~~~

>This is a load o' horse sh-

[Applebloom!]

>What!?

[Do you think robots dream of stuff?]

>...

"You can't be serious."

[I'm just saying! If they dream, maybe we can ask Princess Luna to go into their dreams and telling them this is bad!]

>...

"...Applebloom, you were saying?"

>Jus' sayin', everyone else get's rockets, er' are wrestlers, or are indestructible bug monsters or somethin', but we don't get nothin!

"Well, I mean, we did kind of fail at Cutie Mark Crusader Crusaders."

[I tried to cleanse the infidels, but I don't know what that means! How am I supposed to clean them if I don't know what they are?]

"Maybe we should try fighting them?"

>Ya'll want us, three small and under-developed fillies, ta' get together and fight giant robots who can shoot through pretty much anything. No weapons, 'er training, or really anythin', and just go fight 'em.

"..."

[...I like this plan!]

"Let's do it!"

>["CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ROBOT WRECKERS!"]

~~~~~Seconds later.~~~~~

-And what did ya'll learn.

>Iffin' Sweetie says it's a good plan, at the very least double check?

"And if it's a plan involving violence, and both me AND Sweetie are for it, don't do it at all?"

[And that robots are, in fact, totally marshmallow resistant. No damage at all.]

-...Eeeeyup.-
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>Spike
"Pinkie"

Spike wakes up in a holding cell.
>Ugh...my face...where am I?

"You're in holding cell."
Spik gets up and puts his ear to the wall next to him.

>Pinkie? Is that you?

"Yup yup. Right next to you."

>How did you get here?

"I'm written into where ever Anon thinks I'm needed. I was in Canterlot earlier kicking robot flank."

>...what?

"I mean, I rode on a robot and got captured by Flash."

>Oh, are you hurt?

"I should be asking you that, silly. Your face looked a little messed up when Flash brought you in."

>Agh, that guy wasn't fair. He had longer limbs. Ow, my nose hurts.
He rubs the dried blood off his nose and examines the iron bars.

>Just iron bars?
He takes a bite of the bars and tears it off.

>Bleh

"Oh you bit it off?"

>I can eat jewels, so bars like these are nothing.
He steps out of his cell and frees Pinkie too.

"This might be the most lines I've had in a while."

>Huh?

"I mean you should find your stuff."
Spike finds his belt on a table.

>aw, its missing a bunch of bullets.

"They probably dropped."

>They're not much use when I don't have Charity. *BOOM*
The door explodes and on the floor lies Charity.

>Whoa...how?

[Uh...magic?]
He picks up Charity.

>...and all your scratches are gone.

[Don't question it, darling. I'm just glad to see you.]
He checks the chamber and loads some bullets.

>I'm mixing and matching bullets. This can't be good. Anyway, Pinkie, I better take you to the Highwind.

"That's okay. I'll be fine on my own. You do your thing."

>No, that's probably a bad-

"A word of advice. There's always a choice. You can just...stop."
With that she disappears out of the door.
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>Hold em back! Hold em back! We almost have it!

"Captain I don't know how much longer we can hold!"

>Just keep up the fire an-

Before the captain could continue his moral raising speech to his fellow soldiers a unearthly screech is heard over the din of battle, the sound was so loud that the robots the Canterlot guard where fighting shortcircuted as their face plates suddenly cracked and the windows around the ponies blew outwards to rain deadly shards of glass upon the group.

Taking cover from the glass the squad could only watch in horror small blue skinless dog like creatures with reptillian skin burst from the enemy lines gnawing and swarming over the robots that attempted to shoot the creatures.

[ERROR ERROR MAGAZINE EMPTY EN-]

CRUNCH

{Engaging in Hoof to, MUH LEG!]

(Fight you dogs! FIGHT!)

*We're not even dogs!*

(Regardless kee-)

The robot which tried to organize its brethern is quickly silenced as a hulk of a the swarm twice the size of a pony casually rips the head off leaveing the body to splutter and twitch as its command sequence experiances error messages.

*That tears it, ENGAGE FLAME THROWERS!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!*

"Uh...Captain?"

>Yes corporal?

"Should...should we help?"

>No...no, just...lets just fall back, quietly.
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>Chrysalis
"SA"
-???-
~~~~~~

>....

"Zzzz..."

>.....OH MAH GAWD!

"ZSNK!? Who- wha- how-shitthisisfucking... Oh good, you're awake."

>AH' UNDERSTAMBED I' NOW!

"And are still high on a cocktail of painkillers."

>Ah've sheen za' trush!

"And are also half asleep, from the sound of it."

>SHINY! Shiny ah' go' it, AH GO' IT!

"What do you have, Chrissy?

>BLUE... IS.... THE NUMBER TWO!

"...Wha-"

*SLAM!*

-HAH! I told you so!-

>AH'M SHORRY FER EVER DOUBTIN' YA!

-AT LAST! SOMEONE CAN UNDERSTAND ME!-

"Yes. A burned out bug monster Queen half awake and strung out on enough painkillers to make Celestia see the dancing pink elephants."

-...Must you crush my every happy moment?-

>ZASH MAH LINE!

"It is. She says it all the time."

>AN' YA KNOW WHAT!?....

*THUMP!*

>Zzzzzz.....

"Hah! I-"

>BLARGH!

"..."

-O-oh my gosh, Shiny!-

"No no... this usually means it's over."

-Are you sure?-

"Watch."
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