The Good Realtor

John Milhouse Burton woke up bright and early at 4 AM ready to face another beautiful day of embodying the American spirit though his accumulation of profits. To begin his day he stretched, shaved and combed his slick brown hair and put on his outfit: a respectable white shirt, red tie, grey pants, black belt, grey suit jacket black socks, polished black shoes and a grey fedora with a black rim. John looked himself in he mirror and nodded his head, he was ready to face the day. He walked down the stairs and said “Wife! Bring me my coffee” his wife, who describing in any serious detail except that she’s a white American housewife would be far too libertine and feminist for John’s taste, responded with an obedient “yes dear” and handed him a mug of coffee, black no sugar or cream Mr Burton was no communist queer he’d have you know!
As John sipped his good American beverage he took a moment to pause and reflect on the origin of his recent success. Mr Burton’s first wise move was his ability to get himself conscientious objector status from  the Second World War on the grounds he objected to fighting in the behalf of Shifty eyed Chinese or Miserly Jews. The second blessing to come John’s way actually came ironically enough from the socialist Democratic government which he hated, as all the soldiers came home from the war with slovenly GI bill handouts. This irresponsible policy nonetheless allowed John to begin making allot of money as a real estate agent selling property in the Milwaukee suburb of Elm Grove, nothing so far he thought could possibly go wrong.
Mr Burton walked out of his house after finishing his coffee (he of course wasted no time speaking to his wife he would not interact with her at all until he came home to ask for dinner and then proceed to physically discipline her for her inevitable dinner time transgressions). Mr Burton got into his Cadillac and drove off to his office. Upon entering his office at promptly 6 AM he asked his secretary for the list of names of prospective clients. She complied handing him the list she had complied the proceeding day and he grabbed it, slapped her on her rear end and casually walked to his desk to determine which client he wished to met with first: the names where Robert Fritz, Edward Tyler Carlson, Peter Ackerman, George Jansen, Philip Bergen and Carter Jefferson. While all these looked like good respectable names that denote a  Teutonic pedigree he was most impressed by Mr Carter Jefferson, how honored he would be to sell a home to the descendant  one of this great nation’s founders! He quickly yelled for his secretary to call up Mr Jefferson to set up a meeting right away.
Mr Burton’s happiness was soon to fade to horror. He waited patiently for Mr Jefferson to arrive and things started to go downhill when despite the appointment being set for 9:00 AM, Mr Burton finally heard a knock on his door at an absolutely unacceptable 9:01 AM, surely a descendant of such an important man would not be so irresponsible! Burton muttered to himself. When the door opened John could barely contain his horror when he saw the Negroid face staring back at him.
“Surely....you must be Mr Jefferson’s assistant?” John asked nervously the suited Zulu standing in front of him let out a boorish chuckle “No sir, given that I am Mr Jefferson I wish that I could afford to have a personal assistant it might be kinda nice.” John swallowed hard “I didn’t expect that my apologies, it’s just that...when I read the name Jefferson I’d assume you’d look more like the founding father” The darkened man responded “I do get that allot, but as an amateur student of history myself I have found that I may indeed be related to our former President yet. Thomas Jefferson actually had some illegitimate children with his slave Sally Hemmings” John cringed to see one of the historical figures he admired most be accused of such a vile perversion as miscegenation. “That’s very interesting Mr Jefferson! Now...” John had to think fast, he couldn’t just outright say that the thug couldn’t buy from him since he did not live in the southern states but at the same time if he began selling Elm Grove homes to Negroes it would go form expensive real estate  to  a virtual Haitian slum in Wisconsin overnight! He thought fast and responded “...I’ve been thinking Mr Jefferson, a descendant of an American hero deserves a much nicer home than Elm Grove come back to me this time tomorrow and I will have a better property picked out for you!” Carter said “Oh well that’s awfully nice of you Mr Burton! I just hope I can afford the luxury you’re offering!” “Oh you will  Mr Jefferson, I promise” John said with a subtle smirk as his he watched the foolish Bantu walk out the door.
Latter that night Burton prepared to do something polluting, yet needed in order to preserve the purity of Elm Grove. He was to drive into the inner city, already the home of scummy working class whites many of whom were not even Germanic much less Anglo-Saxon! But Burton sighed as he thought of how he was going to pollute this dump even further. He got down from the car and applied a surgical mask as he prepared to enter...Triangle North! He anguished at the sight of so many Poles Jews Irishmen Hungarians Greeks and even Negroes as he walked down these streets, almost a painting out of Dante’s Inferno. He looked around until he found a dilapidated apartment building with boarded  up  windows and broken glass but with a sign a name he felt could trick the so-called Jefferson  “Diamond Heights”. He walked into Diamond Heights and we greeted by a fat slovenly Slav wearing a red pollo shirt, blue jeans and an absolutely satanic  gold crucifix  around his neck. “The name’s  Glenn Bukoski, can I interest you in an apartment? You look richer than our usual crowd, a doctor I’m guessing?” John cringed at these questions and said “Well yes, in fact I’m seeking to buy all the apartments in the building!” Glenn laughed “Ah a real rich guy huh? What are you offering?”  John winced “listen I’ll pay you enough to be able to buy a home in a nice suburb outside of town, but I really need these apartments, I’m a real estate agent and well I have an emergency...” Glenn scratched his head and said “Hey if you’re serious I guess I’ll go for that, my wife’s been wanting to move somewhere with a good school we have a baby on the way you see...” John rushed him “yeah yeah that’s nice and all, here,” he wrote him a check for a high sum of money quickly in the table and handed it to him “thank you for helping me out!” Glenn said “hey no problem! I’m just glad you can help me move up in the world!” John ran wordlessly out and began to drive away form this ghetto back to his home, and he came to a realization of something bigger, a way he could secure the existence of the white neighborhood and ensure a future for white suburbanites.
Luckily for John it was late enough that his white wife was asleep so he did not have to worry about dealing with her yapping. He slammed the doors of his study open and began to take out maps of Milwaukee he kept for work. Sending that jungle man Carter  to Diamond Heights (while of course still charging him an even higher price than he would for Elm Grove) was only the beginning. Burton had just created a free market solution to keeping the races separate which  would surely be superior and more long lasting than the socialist Jim Crow approach of the South. Thinking of how communist allowing the negroes to move up North was in the first place Burton grabbed a red marker and began circling the worst of the worst inner city properties  to be marked as “black zones” and used a blue marker to circle  the  nicer suburbs to be “white zones”. Burton went on to expand his ideas in realtor conventions to like minded real estate agents from all over the country, eventually it came to be known as redlining and helped save us from total integration in urban areas. His son Fredrick Thomas Burton  is sadly a Democrat and Biden 2020’s  largest Wisconsin donor  but he still keeps his father’s legacy alive in his own real estate business. Truly Martín Luther King Day should be replaced  with  John Milhouse Burton Day, a forgotten American hero.