accents are just mouth fonts,

when you show someone a photo in your gallery and they start swiping,

when my nephews tell me they like fortnite, not minecraft, hit them harder bert, they’re just kids,

stan lee never saw captain marvel, I sleep, stan lee never saw endgame, real shit,

me trying to explain why the pages in the shrek graphic novel are stuck together, my mom, the librarian,

girls dm first, you just haven’t experienced it because you’re ugly,

look at the lower left, dummy this is lower right, clever,

student, I’ve snapped my arm and split my skull, school nurse,

I wanna be this high, I’m high as fuck, me too, lol oh shit that me,

dad, dad, dad, daddy, that’s weird, it was cute to call you that when I was 4, at 33 it’s fuckin gross, anyway, wake up, we gotta talk, what could you possible have to say to me right now, and from now on, just call me mark, I’ve been thinking, if the band toto, tommy lee, and marvin gaye formed a band it would be toto lee gaye, you don’t deserve people to love you,

bert suddenly realizes that his new friend didn’t say that he hated juice,

do you want to hear a joke about ghosts, I really don’t, that’s the spirit,

me, opens window for .000000001 second, mosquitoes,

perfect phone case doesn’t exi-,

rubs eyes aggressively, me,

getting older is realizing smooth radio is banger after banger,

me, takes off the hat to cool off, everyone else on the moon,

when your mom and dad are arguing about if they should’ve aborted you in front of you,

me trying to explain that saying f in the chat doesn’t mean the f word, dad, mom,

I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver,

me when I play minecraft for the first time, this is some serious gourmet shit,

me, pees in the pool, everyone else playing 8 ball,

policeman, where are the drugs, police dog, his ass,

me trying to explain the deep lore of bionicle, everyone else at the funeral,

once you pass 27, every day becomes a game of am I sick or is this just how I am now,

when you play minecraft after 6 years and it starts to give you a tutorial, did you forget who I am,

literally no one, ted talks, what your dog can teach you about aliens,

one to eat, and one to use,

sex is cool but have you ever woke up from a dream went back to sleep and the dream picked up where it left off,

one a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is your pain, pi, pi, yeah, low level, but never ending, 14 year old student,

me explaining why the house is decorated with minecraft stuff, dad, mom,

minecraft, turns 10 years and is still a great game, everyone,

soviet russians, can we please have food, stalin,

detective pikachu writers are interested in a super smash brothers movie, never in my life have I needed something so much and never known until I received it,

if the girl with 4 highlighters and 78 colored pens says she’s screwed for a test then you probably are too,

when you’re tryna sleep but remember that awkward text you sent on october 24th, 2014 at 8:40:21 pm, fuck,

what’s betrayal, when you carry your pet to your room and it walks out,

name a toxic trait you have, takin another cup upstairs knowing there’s already about 15 in your room,

it’s a good job people tell me how small I am every, single, day, honestly if they didn’t I think I’d wake up every morning thinking I was 6 foot,

DC, announces a new batman film, batman’s parents, ah shit, here we go again,

mom, why this homework file is 64 gigabytes, I have to go,

if a transformer died could you just use its body as a regular car, like, respectfully though,

me, wins a brand new expensive car from the lottery, my dad who went to walmart 16 years ago,

when someone says be more pacific,

when you post a minecraft meeme to thank the game for raising us right on its 10th anniversary, it ain’t much but it's honest work,

her, come over, me, I can’t I’m under arrest for double homicide, her, my parents aren’t home, me, about that,

we’re 5 months into the year, how much have you achieved, I don’t like your tone,

I made a new emoji that I call mild panic,

the big met theory how I bang your mother,

congratulations ma’am you have a baby boy in absolutely perfect health, I’m so happy please cut the skin off his penis for no reason,

snapchat is so weird man like I have friends who literally just send pictures of our faces looking like thumbs, no words nothing just thumb heads,

do not wear boat shoes unless you have been hit by an actual boat,

when your mom sends you to the store and you don’t want to to give her change back, what did it cost, everything,

you’ve seen elf of the shelf, now get ready for sock on a cock,

I love you 3000, I love you 3 times 10 cubed,

teacher, today we’re going to talk about japanese culture, me after 500 plus hours of hentai, I was made for this,

1950, in the future we will have flying cars, 2019, blind myself with light for no reason,

girlfriend, excited, me, noticing a big bulge from her pants,

I want to see everything, thank you,

like for a literal black picture ignore for james charles,

microsoft minecraft, you new here, minecraft players that haven’t played since java, not exactly,

she makes songs for girls who think they’re psychopaths and capable of murder when in reality they’re too scared to ask for more ketchup packets,

why aren’t the noodles fixing my grades, you forgot to add the seasoning,

when your cousin challenges you to a pillow fight and you have the one full of bricks, activate instant kill,

rays sexting has gotten weird, wanna see me do a cartwheel, whoops I dropped my hat,

my spirit animal doesn’t exi- penguin eats all the fish, gets fat and refuses to walk, mate and communicate,

target acquired,

ASMR, eating cheeseballs on the beach,

bruh, how did you know I was from the US,

women want me, fish fear me, straight men on tinder holding up a fish in their first profile pic,

I’m interested in buying this for 1000 dollars, hi how much please, 1000 dollars, what, 1000 dollars, oh too much thank sorry,

the two settings in my brain, yee-haw, ho boy,

how today was supposed to go versus how it went,

when you go to church and the priest starts coming your way, he is coming, cover your butt,

I just caught my dog trying to climb up a pole what the hell, she’s just trying to payoff her student loans leave her alone smh,

rapper, raps about doing hard drugs 24/7, fans, love it, supports rapper and his music giving him lots of money to fuel their addiction, rapper, dies of drug overdose, fans,

when you take your little brother to school and see your old teachers, hey there, demons, it’s me, ya boy,

I really love back on my bullshit because it implies, 1, you have bullshit to be on proud of you for that, 2, you took a little break, for self care, maybe, and 3, now you’re back, refreshed, and on your bullshit,

here i come world, me getting out of bed at 8 PM after taking an accidental six hour nap,

30 illegal photos smuggled out of north korea,

when you realize that spongebob had it before thanos,

iphone would like to share a photo, where’s my fuckin son,

how old is minecraft, 10 years, how long does minecraft live, infinite years,

man sues McDonalds for still being depressed after eating happy meal, this is america,

walnut face scrub, kylie skin may 22nd, lmao thought kylie had her own range of lincolnshire sausages coming out for a second,