The Afterturnabout

WITNESS TESTIMONY: ISABEL

STATEMENT 1: Aniq is absolutely right. It couldn't have been me that killed Edgar.
STATEMENT 2: It must have been Grace, just like I thought.
STATEMENT 3: She was alone with Edgar all night. She could have killed him any time she wanted.
STATEMENT 4: Edgar must have ate the Adderall in the cake. He simply got too fired up at the afterparty.
STATEMENT 5: There was no poison. It's all in the imagination of this detective.

PRESS Every STATEMENT

DANNER: '(Edgar must have been poisoned at some point. All the stories about him at the afterparty are too dramatic. But I can't prove that Devil's Trumpet is definitely involved without letting this sheriff take over and check the body for poison. Damn, is this a dead end?)'

HOLD IT!

ANIQ: 'H-Hannah? Do you know something about how Edgar died?'

WITNESS TESTIMONY: HANNAH

STATEMENT 1: Wait! Grace couldn't have killed Edgar in the bedroom.
STATEMENT 2: I didn't want to say this before because it makes Grace look bad, but...
STATEMENT 3: Grace left the bedroom and came to my yurt after the afterparty.
STATEMENT 4: She was with me all night! And she left right before Edgar's body was found.
STATEMENT 5: She must have found the body right after she returned to the bedroom.

PRESENT [Pistachio Trap] at STATEMENT 3

OBJECTION!

DANNER: 'Hannah. You say that Grace left the bedroom after the afterparty. But that's not possible. Our other detective here was trying to catch Edgar sneaking out, so he slept by the door and put down these pistachios to wake him up when someone stepped on them. Travis never woke up, so Grace couldn't have left the room. How could she have come to your yurt?'

HANNAH: 'H-How should I know? I didn't know anything about pistachios. All I know is that she came and stayed for the entire night. So she didn't kill Edgar.'

DANNER: '(Large as he is, I think Travis still would have woken up if someone tried to leave this way. So...is there another way out of the room?)'

ANIQ: 'Come on, Danner. You figured out that Yasper jumped off the balcony. There has to be some way for Grace to leave the bedroom.'

PRESENT [Trampoline]

TAKE THAT!

DANNER: 'This is going to sound crazy, but Grace, did you maybe jump out the window onto the trampoline outside?'

GRACE: '...yes. It's true. I was so mad at Edgar for ruining our wedding night. And he told me that Hannah would be moving out immediately. I just had to see her. Then I saw the note she typed out for me. I couldn't go out the door, so I just jumped. Like my character jumped out of the gyrocopter that one time.'

DANNER: '...and did you come back to the bedroom the same way...in your wedding dress?'

GRACE: 'Uh-huh. You can really get some air on that thing.'

ANIQ: 'See? Grace couldn't have done it!'

OBJECTION!

REARDEN: 'This is ridiculous. People just making up stories about trampolines and wedding dresses trying to find an alibi. Let me see the bedroom with the body and I'll tell you exactly who killed Edgar.'

HOLD IT!

ZOE: '...uhh...sheriff...there's no need for that. Everyone's already seen that place anyway. It's not like there's any clues in there or anything...hehe...'

ANIQ: '*whisper* Z-Zoe...what did you do in the bedroom with Travis?'

ZOE: '*whisper* Well, I checked Edgar's pockets and his phone and his watch, so a lot of stuff really and umm...Travis almost knocked over a teapot but luckily I caught it. But yeah, the teapot, there's...something inside of it and Isabel was coming in so I kind of hid it in the bathroom...'

ANIQ: 'W-WHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT!'

WITNESS TESTIMONY: ZOE

STATEMENT 1: Okay so this probably has nothing to do with the murder, but...
STATEMENT 2: I was looking around the bedroom, when I noticed something.
STATEMENT 3: The teapot on the bureau. There was some tea in it.
STATEMENT 4: Probably just some leftovers from another day.
STATEMENT 5: But Isabel startled me. So I put it down in the bathroom and left.

PRESENT [Teapot] at STATEMENT 3

OBJECTION!

DANNER: 'Z-Zoe! This is very important! When did you hide the teapot in the bathroom?'

ZOE: 'Ah! It was after Travis microdosed with tea. That made me think of the teapot, so I wanted to check it out.'

DANNER: 'And when did Travis knock over the teapot?'

ZOE: 'It was right before you and Aniq arrived at the bedroom. Before you brought Travis in to interview him.'

DANNER: 'And when you caught the teapot that Travis knocked over, what direction was the spout facing?'

ZOE: 'It was facing...it was facing down! AHHHHH!'

DANNER: 'I think you get it. When Travis knocked the teapot over, the contents would have spilled out if it was full. But Zoe now says it was full after Travis knocked it over. Someone filled up the teapot with what I bet is poison after the body was found! Someone is trying to frame Grace!'

OBJECTION!

REARDEN: 'Again with this nonsense! Just people making up stories about magic teapots that get conveniently get filled up. I'm taking that teapot back to the lab, and it'll come up positive. We know whose room that teapot was in, and one of the occupants is dead. So Isabel was right all along.'

ANIQ: '(What do I do? If I say nothing, then Grace will be arrested. But if I do say something...then the Zhus will still hate me...and I'll never get to propose to Zoe...NO! I'm not effing the arsonist here! I'm going to find the truth!)'

HOLD IT!

WITNESS TESTIMONY: ANIQ

STATEMENT 1: Hold on! There's one thing everyone needs to see.
STATEMENT 2: Bring up the video that Kyler shot on the TV.
STATEMENT 3: During the afterparty, you can see that Feng accidentally takes Edgar's glass.
STATEMENT 4: It was full of Grace's Adderall, so that's why Feng was up all night coming up with ideas.
STATEMENT 5: Edgar accidentally drank from Feng's glass!

PRESS STATEMENT 5

ZOE: 'Aniq! What are you doing!?'

DANNER: '(If this has anything to do with the murder, only one person could have put poison in Feng's glass. They would have had to have been trying to kill Feng but accidentally killed Edgar.)'

PRESENT [Profile: Ulysses]

TAKE THAT!

DANNER: 'It's possible that Edgar might have been poisoned by-'

HOLD IT!

ULYSSES: 'Yes, it's true. I killed Edgar.'

EVERYONE: 'WHHHHHA-WHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT???'

WITNESS TESTIMONY: ULYSSES

STATEMENT 1: I killed Edgar. I was trying to kill my brother.
STATEMENT 2: I knew about the Devil's Trumpet when I saw it in the flower arrangements.
STATEMENT 3: I brewed the poisoned tea in the shower in Zoe's room.
STATEMENT 4: I put it in Feng's glass, but it got swapped with Edgar's
STATEMENT 5: This is all my fault. I couldn't lose Vivian again.

PRESS Every STATEMENT

DANNER: '(I can see it in his eyes. He's lying! He's trying to protect Grace, who he thinks is his daughter. He's sacrificing himself for Grace! But I can't prove it! If he says he did it, that's more than good enough for the sheriff.)'

REARDEN: 'This certainly took an unexpected turn. But the killer confessed, so...'

HOLD IT!

VIVIAN: 'No! Stop this! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW! You're lying, Ulysses. I know you're lying because...'

WITNESS TESTIMONY: VIVIAN

STATEMENT 1: I'm so sorry, Feng.
STATEMENT 2: When Ulysses arrived, I continued the affair. He swept me off my feet again.
STATEMENT 3: He never brewed any poison in the shower. I know because I was with him.
STATEMENT 4: I poisoned Edgar's whiskey with the plants I took back to my room.
STATEMENT 5: When will this nightmare be over?

PRESENT [Afterparty Map] at STATEMENT 4

OBJECTION!

DANNER: 'Enough of these lies! Vivian was with Aniq for the whole afterparty. She couldn't have tampered with Feng or Edgar's glass. And you love Feng! You're lying about continuing the affair too! If people would just stop trying to cover for somebody and stop trying to blame themselves for two seconds we can figure this S out!'

REARDEN: 'I have no idea what the hell is going on! So Ulysses did it, right?'

DANNER: 'No, fool. And here's why.'

PRESENT [Koumiss]

TAKE THAT!

DANNER: 'If Ulysses accidentally poisoned Edgar, he would have seen him tripping. But Ulysses knows how to cure the poison. He did it with Travis earlier! Instead of risking going down for murder, Ulysses would have cured Edgar and made up some story about how he accidentally ate the flower arrangements. Wouldn't you, Ulysses?'

ULYSSES: '...'

DANNER: '(He's still trying to cover for Grace. Damn, I know I'm right! But who really did it? Did Grace do it, or was she framed? Who is the person who could have framed Grace?)'

PRESENT [Profile: Hannah]

TAKE THAT!

DANNER: 'Hannah. You went back to the bedroom to collect Roxana's corpse after the body was found, didn't you?'

HANNAH: 'Y-yeah. I already told you that. I needed to measure her so I could make this coffin.'

DANNER: 'And you didn't notice anything about a teapot?'

HANNAH: 'The teapot was there, same as when we first saw the body.'

DANNER: 'But maybe you-'

HOLD IT!

[HANNAH UNDERGOES A VILLAINOUS CULPRIT TRANSFORMATION, INVOLVING SUNGLASSES, A FUR COAT, AND A BERET (NOT THE OTHER THING SHE USUALLY WEARS IN HER HAIR)]

WITNESS TESTIMONY: HANNAH

STATEMENT 1: I didn't touch the teapot, ever.
STATEMENT 2: Grace was having an affair with me, remember?
STATEMENT 3: Why would I try to frame the person I was in love with?
STATEMENT 4: And needless to say, I couldn't have killed Edgar.
STATEMENT 5: I remained faithful and true to my brother. Everyone can see that!

PRESENT [Opaque Glass] at Statement 4

DANNER: 'Hannah! You most certainly could have killed Edgar. You could have brewed Devil's Trumpet at your yurt, and hid it in this glass that you were drinking from that night. No one could see into it, so no one would notice whether it was empty or full. You could have poisoned Edgar right before you toasted him, and pretended to take a sip!

HANNAH: 'What glass?'

DANNER: 'B-but I saw it in your mind movie.'

HANNAH: 'Again with these mind movies? No one has any idea what you're on about. I toasted Edgar with a regular glass.'

DANNER: 'H-huh? Did anyone see what glass Hannah was drinking from at the afterparty?'

EVERYONE: '...'

HANNAH: 'See? Sheriff, it was clearly Ulysses. He admitted it. I didn't do anything. I would never kill my brother, let alone my niece.'

DANNER: '...!'

HOLD IT!

DANNER: 'Wait a minute! I need to ask one more question to someone!'

REARDEN: 'Seriously? Make it good.'

PRESENT [Profile: Grace]

DANNER: 'Grace, when you went to the yurt to meet Hannah, was Hannah already there, or did she arrive after you?'

GRACE: '...'

ZOE: '...! Grace! You have to tell the truth! Just trust me! I'm your sister!'

GRACE: '...............ngh...she arrived after me.'

HANNAH: 'GRACE! You...I can't believe you...what about all that time in Europe? I can't believe I...'

WITNESS TESTIMONY: HANNAH

STATEMENT 1: Grace! You can't seriously believe I had anything to do with this, right? I'm trying to help you!
STATEMENT 2: I invited Grace to the yurt with the letter I typed the night before.
STATEMENT 3: I was overjoyed when she actually came.
STATEMENT 4: I had to go to the bathroom before I met Grace. There are no bathrooms at the yurt.
STATEMENT 5: And who cares when I arrived at the yurt? I didn't kill Edgar either way.

PRESENT [Hannah's Letter to Grace] at STATEMENT 2

OBJECTION!

DANNER: 'You say you invited Grace with the letter you typed the night before? When exactly did you deliver it to Grace?'

HANNAH: 'You said it yourself. The night before. She ignored me before, but she came last night.'

DANNER: 'Really? You told me before that you never actually delivered it to Grace, because the typewriter was broken, so it looked like you were taking about 'My sweet race'.'

HANNAH: 'Well I...I decided it was good enough, so I delivered it anyway.'

DANNER: 'And when did you do that?'

HANNAH: '...'

DANNER: 'You did it after you stopped by the afterparty real quick. You needed Grace to get out of the bedroom. See, no one is clear in their mind movie when you arrived and when you left. But in the footage that Aniq showed, you're not there at all. So I'm thinking you stopped in to poison Edgar right after the footage was shot, then dropped off the letter in the bedroom.'

OBJECTION!

HANNAH: 'ENOUGH! This is a complete farce! Why would I need to get Grace to leave the bedroom anyway? If what you're saying is true, I already poisoned Edgar by the time he went to bed. Who cares whether Grace was there or not? Because you can't prove I killed Edgar either way. You don't have the glass, you don't have the letter, you don't have the poison, YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING!'

DANNER: '(This is it! I can figure it out right here!)'

REVISUALIZATION

DANNER: 'Hannah must have needed Grace to leave the bedroom for some reason. I know I'm on the right track here. But why did she need Grace to leave so badly?'

CHOOSE: 'TO KILL EDGAR HERSELF.'

DANNER: 'She must have needed to be alone with an unconscious Edgar. And there's only one reason for her to do that: if she needed to kill Edgar right then! But that would mean...'

CHOOSE: 'THE POISON WAS NON LETHAL.'

DANNER: 'Travis took a dose of the Devil's Trumpet but he didn't die. There must be a non lethal form of the poison. But why did Hannah intentionally make Edgar drink non-lethal poison?'

CHOOSE: 'SHE DIDN'T WANT TO KILL ROXANA.'

DANNER: 'Roxana was Hannah's niece. She was innocent. She didn't want to kill Roxana, only Edgar. But she needed Edgar to get the poison into his system, so the autopsy report would be consistent with the tea she would use to frame Grace. But wait, if Hannah wanted to kill Edgar and frame Grace, then...

CHOOSE: 'SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH EDGAR AND NOT GRACE.'

DANNER: 'It sounds completely bananas, but it has to be truth. Edgar and Hannah lived together, just the two of them, before Isabel moved in. Hannah has been playing us for fools this whole time! But if Hannah was in love with Edgar, why did she want to kill him?'

CHOOSE: 'TO STUFF HIS CORPSE'

DANNER: '..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There's just no way. Is she really that kooky? Did she seriously get rejected by Edgar...but didn't take no for an answer. And wanted to keep his perfect hair preserved forever!'

REVISUALIZATION COMPLETE

DANNER: 'Hannah. You were really in love with Edgar, weren't you? Him and Sebastian were your only companions. The only people who would help you with your hobbies. And you weren't attracted to Sebastian.'

HANNAH: 'This is a total joke! I tell you that you have no evidence, and instead of presenting some, you just double down and come up with even more baseless accusations.'

DANNER: 'Here's what happened: you brewed non-lethal poison when you told me your were packing your suitcase. It had to be non-lethal, or Roxana would die too. You then spiked Edgar's drink at the afterparty. Edgar freaks out, so Grace has to take him to the bedroom. But before they show up, you hide yourself in the closet.'

ANIQ: '(Again with the closets. I really need to stay away from those in the future.)'

DANNER: 'Grace sees the letter you left in the bedroom. Your plan worked: she was furious at Edgar and wanted you to help. So she jumped out the window. Then you smothered Edgar with a pillow, took the letter, and left the room the same way you saw Grace do. Then when everyone was busy snooping around the next morning, you planted lethal tea in Grace's teapot. You didn't give a S what happens to Grace, she was the perfect patsy.'

HANNAH: 'That's not true. Grace is the ONLY thing I care about! And all this effort for a lizard. Edgar was the one who was obsessed with lizards, not me. Have you not been paying attention? I could care less about lizards!

ANIQ: '...!'

DANNER: 'I think you got it from here, puzzle boy. Get that blessing.'

ANIQ: '(What Hannah just said is a huge deal. Because...)'

PRESENT [Minnows Family Photo]

TAKE THAT!

ANIQ: 'Hannah. You just said 'lizards' plural. There's only one lizard involved with this case. Edgar has a lizard on his shoulder in that painting over there. In fact, he has a lizard in every single picture of him. Sebastian said Edgar had a lizard when the two first met. But he didn't say it was Roxana. Isabel, did Edgar have a lizard before Roxana?'

ISABEL: 'I remember it well. Philip was Edgar's best friend since he was a baby, but he died some years ago before Edgar got Roxana.'

ANIQ: 'And what happened to Philip after he died?'

ISABEL: 'Hannah made him a coffin, just like the one she's making now. After that, I don't know.'

[HANNAH USES NEW SPRITES TO SHOW THAT SHE'S CRACKING]

ANIQ: 'I'll tell you exactly what Hannah did to Philip.'

PRESENT [Taxidermy]

ANIQ: 'Hannah stuffed Philip after he died. You see where I'm going with this? The dead lizard we've been seeing all day isn't Roxana. It's Philip! Hannah swapped the lizards after she killed Edgar.'

DANNER: 'Also she was probably planning on stuffing Edgar. Just throwing that out there.'

[HANNAH SUDDENLY GOES BACK TO HER SMUG SPRITES]

HANNAH: 'Right, Philip. That was his name. I guess it's possible. But I've been so busy cleaning the pool and making this coffin, I might have forgotten where I put Roxana. I guess we can look around for her, but I'm not sure if we're gonna find her. Oh well!

ANIQ: '(Of course Hannah got rid of the evidence after making sure everyone had a chance to see it. But there's no shot she's getting away with this!)'

OBJECTION!

ANIQ: 'There's no need to look for Roxana. I know exactly where she is!'

[CORNERED: THE AFTERPARTY MIX STARTS PLAYING]

CHOOSE: IN THIS VERY ROOM

ANIQ: 'Hannah has been concealing Roxana on her person for this entire time! And I can prove it!'

PRESENT [WHITE CHOCOLATE]

TAKE THAT!

ANIQ: 'Edgar told me something very interesting when I was tying his bowtie. Roxana's favorite food is white chocolate. She goes gaga for the stuff. And I just happen to have some right here. What would happen if I hold out some it close to Hannah?'

HANNAH: 'H-hey! Wait! WAIT!'

[ROXANA POPS OUT FROM THE SCENT OF THE IMPOSTER CHOCOLATE AND CRAWLS RIGHT UP TO ANIQ]

DANNER: 'Gotcha.'

[HANNAH UNDERGOES AN ELABORATE BREAKDOWN ANIMATION WHERE SHE STAMMERS TO TRY AND COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE. THE CAMERA GRADUALLY VEERS OFF CENTER, AND HANNAH GRABS THE CAMERA IN INCREASINGLY DESPERATE ATTEMPTS TO CORRECT IT. EACH TIME THE BACKGROUND LOOKS LESS LIKE A TWEE DIORAMA AND MORE LIKE REALITY. FINALLY, HANNAH LOSES CONTROL OF THE CAMERA AND IT WHIP PANS TO A STUNNED GRACE]

GRACE: 'Hannah, you were in love with Edgar? Ew, that's incest!'

HANNAH: 'NO IT'S NOT! It's not incest! It's not! I'm adopted! A-DOP-TED! I said it like four times! This wedding is HORSESHEET!'

TRAVIS: 'Step Brothers. Funny, funny movie.'

HANNAH: 'Oh, F you Travis. Who even are you? Why are you even here?'

SEBASTIAN: 'It is a very funny movie.'

HANNAH: 'F you too Sebastian. How about you go to the Catalina Wine Mixer one of these days? You can use your real accent for once instead of that that BS, annoying British act.'

ISABEL: 'Hannah! I trusted you! ...well, actually I thought you were gaslighting me along with Edgar, so, never mind.'

HANNAH: 'You never gave a S about me, and you never gave a S about Edgar either. Can you tell me who still cared? Huh?

ISABEL: 'MMMBop.'

HANNAH: I was the only one who really cared! Then he falls for this Grace woman who, by the way, couldn't wait to sleep with me. She could care less about Edgar. She just wanted his money. She wouldn't even sign the prenup!'

DANNER: 'It is pretty convenient that you two swing both ways.'

HANNAH: 'I tried for decades to get any kind of emotion out of Edgar. Nothing. And then he puts that idiotic box on his head and spills his guts to the girl that's cheating on him! This was some kind of mistake. I was the one he loved. Me and Roxana. I knew how much he loved Roxana, he would never let me lay a finger on her. We could be together, just the three of us, just like before mother and Grace showed up.'

DANNER: 'Well, Edgar's dead, so hopefully he's grateful Roxana's not, but I doubt it, crazy B.'

ANIQ: 'Citizen's arrest!'

[EVERYONE STARES AT ANIQ IN CONFUSION, AND IT TAKES HIM A MOMENT TO REALIZE THAT THERE IS AN ACTUAL SHERIFF HERE]

ANIQ: 'Err...uhh...sorry, I just really wanted to say that for some reason.'

REARDEN: 'It's all right. I haven't been entirely truthful here. See, Alexander Minnows was very successful in life...'

[READEN REMOVES HIS DISGUISE, REVEALING HIMSELF TO BE NONE OTHER THAN ALEXANDER MINNOWS!]

ALEXANDER: '...but he was not successful in death.'

ISABEL: 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I KNEW IT!'

ALEXANDER: 'I'm sorry for deceiving you all. I faked my death as part of some corporate espionage. I had suspected that my company was conducting the largest Ponzi scheme in American history right under my nose. And my own son was the ringleader. But I never did find any evidence. And now Edgar's gone and it's all my fault.'

TRAVIS: 'Evidence? I think I can help you with that.'

[TRAVIS TAKES OUT SEBASTIAN's SPY CAMERA FROM THE OFFICE AND PLAYS THE RECORDING HE MADE OF SEBASTIAN CONFESSING TO FRAUD EARLIER]

TRAVIS: 'I am gonna get so much Reddit Gold for this one.'

SEBASTIAN: 'Well, there's a perfectly good explanation for this and it's...'

[SEBASTIAN BOLTS TOWARD THE FRONT DOOR. HANNAH WATCHES HIM FOR A MOMENT, THEN DOES THE SAME THING, ONLY FOR THE TWO OF THEM TO SEE CULP STANDING OUTSIDE THE DOOR WHEN THEY OPEN IT]

CULP: 'Sup.'

ANIQ: 'Seriously? This too?'

DANNER: 'Yeah, I figured I should call the real cops when things were starting to get weird earlier.'

[HANNAH AND SEBASTIAN ARE ARRESTED. ANIQ GETS FENG AND VIVIAN'S BLESSING. ALEXANDER OFFERS TO HELP FENG WITH HIS BAOBING AND OFFERS TRAVIS A JOB AT THE COMPANY. GRACE AND ROXANA ARE STANDING WITH ISABEL, WHO OFFERS ROXANA A SIP OF HER GIN. GRACE TAKES THE GLASS AND DOWNS IT BEFORE BEING REASSURED BY ZOE. ULYSSES RIDES OFF ON THE WHITE HORSE, ONLY FOR ALEXANDER TO DEMAND HE BRING IT BACK. ANIQ PROPOSES TO ZOE AND EVERYONE AWWWWWWS. DANNER SUGGESTS STARTING A CONSULTING AGENCY WITH CULP. HANNAH IS IN A PRISON LIKE THE ONE IN THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL. YASPER ANNOYS SEBASTIAN IN THEIR SHARED CELL.]

THE END