on 5:JOIN:#:{ .timermsg 1 $rand(4,8) /msg $chan Hey, $nick $+ ... $read(lines.txt) }
on *:TEXT:!greet:#:{ /msg $chan Hey, $nick $+ . $read(lines.txt) }
on *:TEXT:!line *:#:/write -il1 lines.txt $2-
on *:TEXT:!yow:#:{ /msg $chan $read(zippy.txt) }
on *:TEXT:!help:#:{ /msg $chan Commands: !rules !greet !help !kafka (Franz Kafka) !yow (Zippy) !ben (Ben Franklin) !ralph (Ralph Wiggum) !deep (Deep Thoughts) !quote (IRC quotes) !8ball [?] !write [?] (writes to wall) !wall (message from wall) }
on *:TEXT:!ben:#:{ /msg $chan $read(ben.txt) }
on *:TEXT:!8ball *:#:{ /msg $chan $read(8ball.txt) }
on *:TEXT:*rectum*:#:{ .timermsg 1 $rand(4,8) /msg $chan Wrecked 'em? Damn near killed him! }
on *:TEXT:!ralph:#:{ /msg $chan $read(ralph.txt) }
on *:TEXT:!write *:#:/write -il1 wall.txt $2-
on *:TEXT:!wall:#:{ /msg $chan $read(wall.txt) }
on *:TEXT:*no homo*:#:{ .timermsg 1 $rand(4,8) /msg $chan No homo? Come on, dude. You don't have to hide it from us. }
on *:TEXT:!deep:#:{ /msg $chan $read(deep.txt) }
on *:TEXT:*drunk *:#: { .timermsg 1 $rand(4,8) /msg $chan Bottoms up! *hic* }
;on *:TEXT:*lonely*:#: { .timermsg 1 $rand(4,8) /msg $chan Lonely? So is PoohBot. :-( }
on *:TEXT:!quote:#:{ /msg $chan $read(fa.txt) }
on *:TEXT:*8===D~~~*:#: { /msg $chan O_-- }
on *:TEXT:*( o )( o )*:#: { /msg $chan BOOBS! :-O }
on *:TEXT:!kafka:#:{ /msg $chan $read(kafka.txt) }
on *:TEXT:!chatrules:#: { /msg $chan 1. Don't be an asshole. This goes for sexist generalizations, racist and homophobic slurs/remarks, ad hominems, etc. In general, respect people's boundaries and be civil. } { /msg $chan 2. If someone finds your humor or choice of topic offensive, please respect that. } { /msg $chan 3. On IRC, please take people's age into consideration. Not everyone is 18+. } { /msg $chan 4. OPs reserve the right to kick or ban at their discretion in any situation. }
on *:TEXT:!hug:#:{ /describe $chan gives $nick a big robot hug :-D }
on *:TEXT:*!greethelp*:#: { /msg $chan !setgreet !delgreet !greet on !greet off }
on *:TEXT:!setgreet *:#: { set %personal.greet. $+ $nick on
  writeini greet.txt $address($nick,2) GREET $2-
  notice $nick $nick , Your Personal Greet Has Been Set To: $2-
}
on *:TEXT:!delgreet*:#: {
  set %personal.greet. $+ $nick
  remini greet.txt $address($nick,2)
  notice $nick $nick , your greet has been deleted!
}
on *:JOIN:#: {
  if (%greet.hide [ $+ [ $chan ] ] == off) {
    if (%personal.greet. [ $+ [ $nick ] ] == on) {
      if ($readini(greet.txt,$address($nick,2),GREET)) { .timermsg 1 $rand(3,6) /MSG $Chan Hey, $nick $+ ...  $readini(greet.txt,$address($nick,2),GREET) }
      } {
      if ($readini(greet.txt,$address($nick,2), GREET) == $null ) {
        notice $nick Set your own personal greeting with !setgreet <GREETING>! Type !greethelp for a full list of commands.
      }
      if (%personal.greet. [ $+ [ $nick ] ] == off) {
        notice $nick Your Greet is Set off To Turn On Type [ !greet on ]
      } else { halt }
    }
  }
}
on *:TEXT:!hidegreets*:#: {
  if ($nick isop $chan) {
    notice $nick Greets Will Now Be Hiden On $chan
    set %greet.hide $+ $chan on
  }
}
on *:TEXT:!showgreets*:#: {
  if ($nick isop $chan) {
    notice $nick Greets Will Now Be Displayed On $chan
    set %greet.hide $+ $chan off
  }
}
on *:TEXT:!greet off:#: {
  set %personal.greet. $+ $nick off
  notice $nick [ $nick , Your Personal Greet Has Been Set Off]
}
on *:TEXT:!greet on:#: {
  set %personal.greet. $+ $nick on
  notice $nick [ $nick , Your Personal Greet Has Been Set On]
}
on *:TEXT:*HEAD ON*:#: {  /msg $chan HEAD ON. APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD.  }