I'm Sorry

I'll admit it, I've been an asshole lately, and I've caused a lot of unnecessary trouble for the community. Going all the way back to the KH Community Marathon where I bitched out people saying the layouts were bad, getting unnecessary attention on SRG, to Twitter fights with X-Keepers, to shit I've even said today, and probably a lot more stuff in between that I haven't even touched on. I don't like being an asshole or super arrogant. When people call me out on it, I feel like shit, because that's not the person I want to be. I want to be a likeable person, but I make it hard on myself when I say or do unnecessarily douchey things sometimes. A lot of the time I wish I could just say fuck it and not care about what everyone thinks of me, but unfortunately I do. I spend every day in constant fear that everyone in the community secretly hates me, for whatever reason. I need to work on just stepping back, being the better person, and just not saying anything in these situations. I need to work on a lot of things, tbh. It sucks because at this point, being 21 years old, I still don't feel like an adult. I still can't act like a mature person, avoid unnecessary fights, avoid unnecessary attention drawn to myself (I say this but I have a Twitch account w/ 10k+ followers, so maybe I am somewhat of an attention whore :3). I want to feel like I've earned what I have, that I've actually earned 10k followers and however many subs because these people genuinely care about me and want me to succeed. It's a shitty feeling to say the least, and I'm sorry you have to put up with it.

If you want to talk to me about shit I've done, how you feel about me, whatever, just talk to me. I'm an open book, I generally like talking to people, so don't be shy, I guess.

Thanks everyone for being extremely cool and nice to me, when sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it.