Jill's Heart

EvoLast Saturday at 12:57 AM
well it feels like you're tangled
likes look a jungle tbh :thinking:
something tying you up?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 12:58 AM
interesting, what do you think that might signal
EvoLast Saturday at 12:58 AM
or making you feel tangled?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 12:58 AM
tbh finances have been a struggle, since mike and i are still pretty broke and we decided to work on a shared doc for everything
but he didn't put everything in, so i woke up not accounting for $500 i thought i had
EvoLast Saturday at 12:59 AM
if i pull back the "limbs"
it seems like a darker center
covering something up
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 12:59 AM
it just feels like we're enmeshed with finances, which is normal enough given we're basically married, but i do feel like on my own shit like finances, diet, the house being in order, etc would be so much better
but i'm with him so it
s not that easy
EvoLast Saturday at 1:00 AM
you're open to me pulling the limbs off
but the darker center feels like :thinking:
hmmmm
like a dark light, that's squishy, but impenetrable
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:01 AM
if i can find an aura drawing a woman did for me when i was 18, would you want to see it?
i think i have the file somewhere
EvoLast Saturday at 1:01 AM
sure
hm i see finances
yea that's a tough situation i have sorta been there before with an ex
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:02 AM
but don't let me interrupt you lol sorry i have been so much
EvoLast Saturday at 1:02 AM
no ur fine
really that seems like the biggest issue is the being tangled part
let me see :thinking:
in the back one of the "limbs" is bleeding
you're hurt but lol you don't seem to uh
hmm
be affected?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:03 AM
aw can't find it
EvoLast Saturday at 1:03 AM
emotionally?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:04 AM
but shit that's interesting, the aura pic had a scary looking red thing coming from my back
EvoLast Saturday at 1:04 AM
it's turning to stone and falling off
and crumbling
very similar to the Red Keep crumbling :sweat_smile:
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:04 AM
the other side looked almost like a fairy wing, and there was a lot going on above/around my crown chakra, she said it was like xmas lights? but intense
damn intense
EvoLast Saturday at 1:05 AM
perhaps something that was like very important to you
like a foundation
that used to be
but now is "behind" you?
and you've let it go or something
i'm not sure
it feels like that one scene in like
you know Inside Out?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:05 AM
yeah, i talk about it a lot, but going from having a healthy retirement fund, a lot of savings, investments, etc to totally fucking broke wrecked me
like that wasn't just an identity, it was my entire sense of security and autonomy
EvoLast Saturday at 1:06 AM
where like the play time or the friends lands started to crumble?
it's similar to that
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:06 AM
oh, yeah
EvoLast Saturday at 1:06 AM
let me back read
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:06 AM
ok, i appreciate you taking the time/energy to do this btw
EvoLast Saturday at 1:07 AM
no probs
i mean is it energy work?
idk if  i can label it that
lol but i've been um
trying to foster it more
because lol people are always like "  O_O "
when i tell them what i see
and i have never met them
that's the fun part
i love that
hm i see
i didn't know that you had that happen
that's super fucking scary
and lame AS FUCK
because i totally relate
not that i ever had something and lost it
but i don't have it at all
and it's a major insecurity of mine
anyways hm
the limb for marriage is soft and upfront
flexible
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:09 AM
yeah, i always used to calculate my net worth and convert it to 'time i can spend without having to work'
EvoLast Saturday at 1:09 AM
yea haha
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:10 AM
but it really meant a ton to me, like idk who i even am if i'm not doing that, and it's been like 4+ years now so whoops lol
EvoLast Saturday at 1:10 AM
the crumbling is in the right, the far right back
something is preventing me from going left
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:10 AM
btw found the pic, photobucket added a giant watermark

EvoLast Saturday at 1:10 AM
a wall
hm i see
slightly different than what I have imagined
I could draw it for you some time
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:11 AM
even if this is legit it's from like 2005
EvoLast Saturday at 1:11 AM
AFTER i find a job
lmao
i find that i can't draw if i'm feeling unsettled
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:11 AM
haha sure, that would be awesome as long as it's fun for you
EvoLast Saturday at 1:11 AM
but i'll totally draw it because it's something i would love to draw
that i'm great at
LOL
rocks and limbs
are my jam
nielleLast Saturday at 1:11 AM
(this is very interesting to read!!)
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:11 AM
haha nice
EvoLast Saturday at 1:11 AM
(ty!)
hm the left side is walled off
steal wall
beyond the steel wall is like
fog
which from what i've gathered
from other people
that means you possibly don't want me to see it
something you're either ashamed of or embarrassed of
i can stop if you'd like
i don't like to pull back the fog lol without consent :smile:

o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:14 AM
hm may as well?
like nothing about that seems bad atm
EvoLast Saturday at 1:14 AM
well before i do
on the right side there is a limb of a few friends
or the "limbs for friends" area i guess lol
and there are people jumping off
:thinking:
tbh i've never ever seen tiny people
or people
before
so idk wtf that means
it seems like they're having fun?
using you as a slide?
a lot of this is metaphors
so i'm not sure what they translate directly to LOL
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:16 AM
does it seem like i'm good with that? or is it more that they're using me, if you can say?
EvoLast Saturday at 1:16 AM
that's one i've never had before
let me look :thinking:
off first impression
no beuno
they are scratching the surface at you
and clawing now
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:16 AM
yike
EvoLast Saturday at 1:16 AM
bro this is weird af lmao
idk if i'm close or not
do you feel like this about your friends? :thinking:
if not i might have to back up
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:17 AM
tbh most people doing readings on me are like 'damn this is weird'
i do have a core group of friends i love and only bring good into my life
but i have some friends where there are a lot of misunderstandings lately
like they don't really get that i'm changed now, from the money stuff, the drug and wd stuff, etc
EvoLast Saturday at 1:18 AM
it seems like some are using you as a slide
and some are using you as a jumping point?
then there's some that are clawing
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:18 AM
and don't seem to be receptive to me when i tell them these things
EvoLast Saturday at 1:18 AM
when i get closer
it's a mix
the ones that are jumping and happy
might be you being supportive of them or something
encouraging?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:19 AM
i do have several friends like that, like internet kiddos tbh lol
EvoLast Saturday at 1:19 AM
the ones that are clawing are like clawing to not fall down?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:19 AM
also a couple people around my age who i feel supportive of pretty unconditionally
EvoLast Saturday at 1:20 AM
yea the ones that are jumping look like they're jumping into a pool
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:20 AM
yeah some of my friends i mentioned who don't seem to get that i've changed might fit there? like they're trying to maintain the friendship and are resentful that i'm not doing my part
its nobody's fault really imo, just a shitty situation (from my end at least)
EvoLast Saturday at 1:20 AM
yea
that happens
with change :/
lame
change does so much to people lol
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:20 AM
i also have a job where literally nobody has my best interests in mind lol
EvoLast Saturday at 1:20 AM
oof relatable
smhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
a;lskdf j;askjdf;alsjf;lasj df;sjldf;alsjdf;alskjd
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:21 AM
like it's not overtly hostile with cowokers or staff
EvoLast Saturday at 1:21 AM
TOO RELATABLE
als;kjd f;lasdj
oh for me it is lol
my boss is a bitch
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:21 AM
but everyone is after money i make, even if it's only a tiny bit, everyone has their hands out and i need to pay em off cuz that's the business
EvoLast Saturday at 1:21 AM
yea hm i see
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:21 AM
and customers often only have like, 'mileage' in mind, trying to get the most out of me for the least money
EvoLast Saturday at 1:21 AM
hm yea
O_O
yikes
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:22 AM
some customers are great and not entitled but many see the whole thing as a way to game you
so after 12 years of it i'm pretty sure that's affected my energy lol
knowing i can't rely on anyone but myself ever at work
EvoLast Saturday at 1:22 AM
so if i go past the steel wall
into the fog
on the left
let me see
I'm gonna try to peel the
fog away o.o
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:22 AM
and that people are always going to be predatory twd me
EvoLast Saturday at 1:22 AM
looks like a crazy person
like your
stereotypical possessed crazy person
in a tv show
not that i think it looks crazy lol
but there's a lot of rage
running around and screaming
person with darker hair
like pacing around the room
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:23 AM
do you think that person is me, symbolic of other people, maybe both?
EvoLast Saturday at 1:24 AM
but i say the word crazy because
they think they are crazy
they "feel" "crazy"
hm no sure
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:24 AM
that is a big theme in my life ngl
EvoLast Saturday at 1:24 AM
the fog usually represents something you don't want others to see though
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:24 AM
the idea of 'madness' or w/e, also plenty of people who do act that kind of stereotypical crazy wind up in my life
EvoLast Saturday at 1:24 AM
trying to mask the episode with fog
like the person is shaking their head and talking to themselves and like really really really shaking ther head
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:25 AM
i've been publicly crazy before, had a psychotic episode at 18, largely due to sedative wds, no sleep, too much weed
but that was pretty traumatic
EvoLast Saturday at 1:25 AM
idk the face looks like they want you to think they're possessed
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:26 AM
as a kind of like, abdication of responsibility maybe? something else?
EvoLast Saturday at 1:26 AM
hm
hard to talk to her
definitely a female
it's a mask
she's taking it off
that was intense
O_
O_O
gulp
LOL
:blobsweat~1:
i thought she was going to kill me
there's nothing under the mask
a blank face
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:27 AM
damn
EvoLast Saturday at 1:27 AM
brown semi long hair
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:28 AM
maybe it's my mommy issues
EvoLast Saturday at 1:28 AM
still female
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:28 AM
she's very emotionally stable for someone who acts completely toxic and intense, like she has no mood swings she just tries to cause pain
EvoLast Saturday at 1:28 AM
i need to clear myself lmao hang on
LOL
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:28 AM
but she looks like that lol
i mean tons of women do but w/e lol
EvoLast Saturday at 1:29 AM
i think because it's bringing up my own insecuries
nothing to do with you lol
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:29 AM
can i ask how? or would you rather not get into it
EvoLast Saturday at 1:29 AM
that was super intense look her in the eyes
O_O
well i've just been like paranoid lately of things i never used to believe in
like a darkness
i didn't back read
one sec i still need to clear that
it gave me a fright ngl LMAO
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:30 AM
i get a sleep paralysis hag who always says she's my mom :/
when i realize she isn't, which is quick, she screams in what sounds like an ancient language and dives into my chest
so yeah idk maybe it's related
EvoLast Saturday at 1:31 AM
hag is a good word for it
lol
no eyes
all black eyes
black hair
up to her neck
pale face
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:32 AM
oof yeah sounds like my sleep paralysis hag
recurrent figure in nightmares too :/
EvoLast Saturday at 1:32 AM
ok it's better now
that was suppppperrrrr intense
LOL
:blobsweat~1:
ehem
ok where were we
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:34 AM
haha idk, it's all so intense
was there anything else in the fog you think?
EvoLast Saturday at 1:34 AM
let me see
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:34 AM
not that you need to go back there given how unfun lol
EvoLast Saturday at 1:34 AM
this is a good learning lesson
ASK ABOUT SLEEP PARALYSIS PEOPLE BEFORE ENTERING
LOL
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:34 AM
lmao
EvoLast Saturday at 1:35 AM
:joy:
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:35 AM
it is one of the scariest experiences i regularly have tho
EvoLast Saturday at 1:35 AM
she's dissipated
the no face girl feels empty
could be you, looks a lot different than the other pale lady
idk about empty being right word
just no face
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:36 AM
reminds me of spirited away
EvoLast Saturday at 1:36 AM
and she wants to have a tea party
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:37 AM
omg maybe me as a kid
that was my shit
i'd even do tea parties alone
EvoLast Saturday at 1:37 AM
even though she was like no face lady i can understand her really well
she wants to get to know people
but :thinking:
yea hm
this one's hard
she either has trouble getting to know people?
or mirrors them? so they have trouble actually getting to know her?
she feels slightly sad about this
and likes to distract herself
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:39 AM
sounds a lot like me as a little kid tbh
EvoLast Saturday at 1:40 AM
I'm gonna say goodbye to her
she's shutting the door
nielleLast Saturday at 1:40 AM
aw bye
EvoLast Saturday at 1:40 AM
lol
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:40 AM
i was always playing alone tbh
EvoLast Saturday at 1:40 AM
walking out through the limbs again there's some other stuff out front on the left
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:40 AM
well i had neighborhood friends
but did spend a ton of time alone, had some situations that made socializing rough
was pretty sad/lonely but also didn't really get close when given the chance usually
EvoLast Saturday at 1:41 AM
it seems like there's something emotionally like
"different" with no face woman
she seems to accept reality at lightening speed
but like has to also
move through her feelings quickly to do so
doesn't seem to like to feel emotions deeply because she doesn't want to stay stuck
or no
not stuck
she wants more people to come over
she's a toughy to figure out
lol
out front on the left the limbs seem  soft
different color than the ones on the right
these ones are blue
well
my left
your right
btwi tell the story from my perspective haha
the blue side wants to drink water
or something
not sure what it's drinking tbh
some kind of blue drink
hmmm
wants to pour me some :smile:
it's not water
i can tell you that LOL
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:45 AM
lol damn wtf is it
EvoLast Saturday at 1:46 AM
hmmm
trying to like figure that out
the limb seems to get it's life source from that though
or something?

looks like this kind of blue
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:47 AM
did it seem like a friendly offering? or maybe something bad lol
EvoLast Saturday at 1:47 AM
it hasn't spread to every limb
just a few limbs
live off this blue substance
those the substance is slightly thicker than that drink looks ^^
no, hm no one is offering
just looks like that's where it gets its giggles and laughter from
very huggy
lol
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:48 AM
hopefully not just drugs LOL
EvoLast Saturday at 1:48 AM
it's life source is the blue stuff though
meaning i think
it's what makes it feel alive
it might be
since it's been a big part of you
do you like blue drinks? lmao
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:49 AM
haha not at all
EvoLast Saturday at 1:49 AM
yea idk
i'm guessing it's an analogy
blue probably represents something
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:49 AM
yeah it seems metaphorical probably
EvoLast Saturday at 1:49 AM
probably got the blues there
or something
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:50 AM
i immediately thought of like, elixirs
or something more in the realm of magic
EvoLast Saturday at 1:50 AM
although he doesn't seem down like got the blues or anythiing
o
btw
it's aboy
LOL
did i mention it's a he limb
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:50 AM
not yet
EvoLast Saturday at 1:51 AM
yea he's a male
that's a part of you now
i'm guessing he can't live off of you so he needs to drink the blue stuff?
i don't know there's not clues
he seems like a super happy version of that one catapillar
from
alice and wonderland
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:51 AM
haha qt
EvoLast Saturday at 1:52 AM
the catapillar is a dick tho in the movie, but this one seems super happy and giggly
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:52 AM
btw in my psyche female presences tend to be terrifying and dangerous, while male ones tend to be helpful and cute
EvoLast Saturday at 1:52 AM
although he just said he doesn't NEED the blue stuff
but he likes it
it's from a pool
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:53 AM
does it seem to be working out for him alright? like does it seem delusional of him to enjoy it/say he doesn't need it?
EvoLast Saturday at 1:53 AM
idk he seems drunk
on the other end of the pool is a well
pumping the pool full of things
the well is like "working hard"
to provide for the blue limb
it seems like the blue stuff
just numbs him out from face the core
it's what keeps him in the outward direction he's in
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:55 AM
huh i can def make sense of this one now
EvoLast Saturday at 1:55 AM
good because i'm like????
LOL
but it seems like he doesn't want to look back
at the rest of the jungle of limbs?
or at the core within the limbs?
the core is pretty uh
dark
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:56 AM
idk if it's in line with what you're getting, but i feel  like that stuff with the scary woman plays into my mommy issues, but also was held up to me as an example of who i would turn into as a kid, because i got an intense psych dx (which my mom also fabricated in part lol)
i can't tell you how intense it was to show up for 15 mins, and told by a professional i'd wind up insane, dead, or institutionalized if i didn't take every drug they threw my way
despite never having a history of self harm violence or shit that gets ya locked up
i believed it for a long time
EvoLast Saturday at 1:57 AM
oof
does that um
does them directing you to do so, still like
feel like it's kinda a part of you?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:58 AM
yeah, i'm so physically dependent on drugs i wouldn't need otherwise because of it
EvoLast Saturday at 1:58 AM
o
rip af
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:58 AM
i don't even have the dx anymore, but because of my insomnia, stayed on plenty of sedatives
EvoLast Saturday at 1:58 AM
i see
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:58 AM
which i need bc i got hooked on them at 12
EvoLast Saturday at 1:58 AM
yikes :/
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:59 AM
the threat i would be 'crazy' was apparently so strong everyone around me was always on high alert looking for any sign i was 'off'
EvoLast Saturday at 1:59 AM
ah
that's a shame
smh
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 1:59 AM
my mom (who again manipulated her way into this dx for me) used it to control me, also wanted to be my conservator, like giving all my legal rights to her on my behalf
a court would never allow it ofc, but it was this crazy overblown shit that played into abuse
EvoLast Saturday at 2:00 AM
O_O
i hope not

EvoLast Saturday at 2:07 AM
but yea i've been trying to like learn how to develop these ability further
i think it's interesting that it brought up an insecurity of my own tho
yea
i'm sure too
it also changes
depending on the day
like you might not have all the limbs tomorrow or you might have new ones
so yea anyways
what i was talking about is
do you think that's like an energy reading?
:thinking:
i'm not sure i like to call it that
maybe a heart reading
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:10 AM
im not up with the terms but either sound plausible to me
EvoLast Saturday at 2:10 AM
yea me either :smile:
i think heart reading sounds less woo woo tho
so i'll go with that
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:11 AM
yeah that works
i hope you keep working on it, this is a really cool ability
thanks for doing my reading
EvoLast Saturday at 2:16 AM
yea
no prob
it's kind of fun
except for scary hag lady at first LOL
but yea i like to do it because it's kool to see the imagery
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:17 AM
yeah that sounded really intense
EvoLast Saturday at 2:17 AM
like how the analogies
come to play
out in like a literal fashion
you know like people using you as a slide or jumping off point
it's funny how it looks
but that translate into so many things
also
one more thing
the
jungle
if the limbs weren't all tied up
it would probably look like
similar to a spider
but right now it's all bundled up
like
similar to a rubberband ball

big limbs like this
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:21 AM
oh cool
EvoLast Saturday at 2:21 AM
which probably means you have a big heart
because i felt small in there LOL
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:21 AM
haha damn
EvoLast Saturday at 2:22 AM
for the outside though it looks a lot smaller
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:22 AM
i do think i'm a softie
EvoLast Saturday at 2:22 AM
like a rubberband ball
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:22 AM
but not everyone sees it and that's ok with me
EvoLast Saturday at 2:22 AM

but it's all jumbled like this
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:22 AM
i do love jungle tbh
EvoLast Saturday at 2:22 AM
i think the way you "move" is similar to a spider though
which is why it seems like the jumbled jungle isn't how you normally are
but i wouldn't know
or it could just be always a jungle
and just one that moves like a spider :smile:
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:24 AM
lol what a visual there
EvoLast Saturday at 2:25 AM
yea very "stealth" mover tho
is the gist
like you wouldn't hear you moving or know that you were behind someone if you didnt' want them to
and that probably means like emotionally i'm guessing?
the movement that um
other hearts display is actually very integral to their personality though
yours seems more serious
probably a spider carrying a lot on it's back
slightly more heavier
than like this one guys heart i drew
he was a shapeshifter
loved to play tricks
be super swift
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:28 AM
yeah i hide a lot of my feelings until i'm very sure it's worth it
EvoLast Saturday at 2:28 AM
yours seems more serious than like trixter
yea i could see that
:3
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:28 AM
i also don't like playing my hand when i feel emotionally close to someone
i can be aggressive when it comes to making friends if they seem interesting, but closer than that and i try not to let anything on until i'm sure
EvoLast Saturday at 2:29 AM
yea lol that seems
pretty spider-y
:cuwtie:
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:29 AM
haha yeah i was thinking that too
once when mike was tripping very heavily he said i was a spider goddess lol
he said i was scary but beautiful
was kinda qt but also wtf lol
EvoLast Saturday at 2:30 AM
lol
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:30 AM
he was seeing visuals that looked spidery but only around me lol
EvoLast Saturday at 2:31 AM
actually????
Far outLast Saturday at 2:31 AM
:spider_web: _ :spider_web:
EvoLast Saturday at 2:31 AM
wait
question
i know nothing about
spiders
do they ????
have um
their "web"  inside them?
or the thing that "produces" the web?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:31 AM
they have the string goop in them iirc
EvoLast Saturday at 2:31 AM
because that could TOTALLY be your core
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:31 AM
wait, instead of the fog?
EvoLast Saturday at 2:31 AM
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
hmmm
yea the fog represents emotion
that will clear some day
let me see if i can like sketch what i mean
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:32 AM
ok cool ty
EvoLast Saturday at 2:35 AM
325
6oops
i was drawing on my keyboard
lol
ok
this is like
a warning/caveat LOL
it's like a 6th grader stick figure drawing
because there's not way i can draw these LOL
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:41 AM
haha that's fine i'm not expecting perfection
EvoLast Saturday at 2:41 AM
also good luck have fun on my hand writing
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/295675612188639233/579196932707188777/20190518_023957.jpg

the center is like this "orb"
type thing
but it's hidden ofc behind the jungle of limbs
seems like the left sides limbs are not uh
"up and running"
you're probably running on 5 limbs and the rest are tangled
"running" as in literal movement of your heart haha
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:43 AM
damn ty, this is fascinating to look at
EvoLast Saturday at 2:44 AM
let me see if i can find  pic of the center
it's a perfect circle tho
just pure energy or something
dark af
and has some dark maroons
i'm assuming all of your hurt slides down the limbs
and pools in the center
but that could be way off
i didn't ask


oh this one's good
not as marroon tho
more black/brown
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:47 AM
i'm so drawn to those colors in general btw
it's interesting
EvoLast Saturday at 2:48 AM

idk
you know the fucking funny thing?
i looked up
"brown dark orb"
and SPIDERS came up in the image search!!!!
lmfaoooo
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:48 AM
lmao
EvoLast Saturday at 2:49 AM
creepy O_O
they know
you are one
idk these aren't very good uh
pics of orbs lol

EvoLast Saturday at 2:52 AM
there that's about as good as it's gone get smh
but it looks like deep black ord
with maroon light coming off
very light tho
you can barely see the maroon sometimes
and it seems like the powerhouse
for you
whatever that is
oh the other thing i left off is i think the pool that your friends are jumping into
is a money pool
though it's also wet
so they have to "work" to dry it off lol
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:55 AM
interesting
when i have money i tend to be very generous, def taken advantage of too sometimes, but if it's just generosity i'm happy with it
could be less literal too ofc
just kinda saying the first thing that comes to mind
EvoLast Saturday at 2:56 AM
yea doesn't seem like you mind with that set of friends
there are some others though you want off your limb lol
which is why they're clinging to you
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 2:57 AM
yeah i can see that being fairly literal ez
EvoLast Saturday at 2:58 AM
:3
i can also do body readings but i haven't figured out how to like
clear people's stuff out
i think that involves 2 people
like the other person doing something too
like for chakras is what i mean
but also
the hag lady
she hangs out in your lower chakras
very muddy
down there
:thinking:
solar plexus maybe?
perhaps lower?
it seems to affect plexus, sacral, and root
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:05 AM
she dives into my solar plexus during sleep paralysis tbh
EvoLast Saturday at 3:06 AM
so if you wanted to clear her out, or the darker energy out
dayum lol
Deficient = lifeless, sluggish, passive, blocked, inwards (not enough energy flows in)
Excessive = lively, agitated, reactive, aggressive, outwards (too much energy flows in)
it feels overactive
but either way could use some clearing haha
https://lonerwolf.com/solar-plexus-chakra-healing/
LonerWolf
The Ultimate Guide to Solar Plexus Chakra Healing For Complete Beg...
The solar plexus, or Manipura, is the center of our willpower and self-esteem. Recover balance in this comprehensive solar plexus chakra healing guide!

this one doesn't seem too bad
but idk
i've never had a chakra
cleared or balanced by just doing physical things
i have to meditate on it
and envision a white orb "cleaning" it up and clearing it out
i think she's just there to tell you something though
she doesn't seem super literal
even if she's super hella fuckin scary
and straight out of a horror movie LOL
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:10 AM
ty for the resource
and yeah like she evaporates as soon as she's done with the yelling/diving in sleep paralysis
EvoLast Saturday at 3:10 AM
hm i see
well she hangs out there tho
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:10 AM
like once it's passed i'm like 'hmmm not as convincing as it seems'
EvoLast Saturday at 3:10 AM
LOL
yea
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:11 AM
like i get over the fear quickly, but before that it's so intense
EvoLast Saturday at 3:11 AM
yea i could imagine
i think it's more like a message that maybe the solar plexus gives us
i'm less familiar with solar plexus though tbh
but i think it has to do with autonomy
and your will power to do stuff
like perhaps the fear or the threat of going crazy or being crazy is fucking up your autonomy?
when i've had darker energy just chillin i just feels like a black hole
sucking the energy out
especially down there
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:14 AM
i wouldn't say i'm ever worried about going nuts, haven't in a long time now
but i'm very much aware how it was used to restrict my autonomy in the past
EvoLast Saturday at 3:14 AM
ah i see
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:14 AM
and it still makes me mad
EvoLast Saturday at 3:15 AM
oof yea
that might be why
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:15 AM
i'm still affected by it
EvoLast Saturday at 3:15 AM
ofc
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:15 AM
because of the dependencies on drugs
EvoLast Saturday at 3:15 AM
yea >.>
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:15 AM
but metaphorically too i'm sure
but every night i have to take them it's a reminder
EvoLast Saturday at 3:15 AM
yea that's not good
yikes :/
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:16 AM
none of it would have happened i don't think if my mom hadn't fabricated a lot of symptoms, got me a severe dx, and used it against me
lol my typing
EvoLast Saturday at 3:16 AM
ah it's also energy of transformation.
that's the blockage imo
letting what your mom do to you affect your transformation maybe?
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:17 AM
probably
it feels very stifling
EvoLast Saturday at 3:19 AM
yea maybe the number 12 in that list?
12. Let go of unhealthy attachments
Best suited to: deficient and excessive blockages

Unhealthy attachments are tremendous sources of energy loss and are often responsible for solar plexus blockages and energy stagnation. Attachments can be emotional, mental, and also physical. We can become attached to ideals, beliefs, memories, expectations, desires, fears, people, places, objects, and substances.

Attachments are essentially forms of energy that become “stuck” in our bodies and minds. Sometimes, these bits of energy become so dense that they result in dangerous addictions and severely limiting habits. The best way to break an unhealthy attachment is by asking yourself, “Is this belief/memory/desire/object serving my highest good?” The moment you can acknowledge that something in your life is detrimental is the point when you can begin the process of recovery. Letting go is about learning how to take care of yourself and find inner stability and security without the need for an external crutch.
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:20 AM
yeah, sounds applicable, it's been what i've been trying to do more of for years now lol
EvoLast Saturday at 3:20 AM
oh it has the one i do
16. Do a solar plexus visualization
Best suited to: deficient and excessive blockages

Imagine a throbbing or swirling ball of luminescent yellow light in your diaphragm. Feel the ball of golden energy dissolving all blockages or aggressive flows of energy within you.
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:20 AM
i've made a lot of progress, but there's  lot more to go
EvoLast Saturday at 3:20 AM
rip
smh yea
trauma is like
just the biggest whore that wont get off your back
i can't think about much in my past anymore
because I will just be frozen in rage nowadays
o0o0o0o0oLast Saturday at 3:21 AM
yeah, i call it the albatross lol