Joshua Connor Moon's Life

Okay fam you want real talk? Lets talk. Welcome to my life.

Right now I am back home. I don't want to be home. I don't fucking like home. I don't like not having money. The last time I was not in total control of my finances I was 16 years old, so already I'm not happy.

Next, lets look at prospects. I am basically ruined in terms of securing a white collar job. I have to change my name or build a DBA to continue doing programming professionally. If I do freelancing I have to work for Indian sweatshop wages just to get contracts. I have to put everything I have into building shit for other people at pennies on the dollar.

I've already decided I'd rather die than do that and I'd rather die than get low paying work. I'm never going back to that life again. The only thing I care about is enabling freedom of speech and that's what I'm doing.

The cost of that is having fucking psychopaths attack me and everyone I've ever known. On top of Vordrak attacking basically my entire extended family and constantly harassing police who have now repeatedly shown up at my door and are now on a first-name basis with me and can recognize me at a glance (literally), I wake up and Philosophy Zombie is digging through decade old blockland drama to harass me about random bullshit and to dig into the Vore Girl, who has also been the target of people like Bgheff. She tells me to this day she gets random people adding her on Steam asking about "Josh". So that's fucking great. This is the only person in the entire world I've ever loved and one of the only people who cares about me being harassed because she at some point made a fucking Lego video game forum thread about me during a spat, ten years later.

Recently I've locked two threads for the first time ever because they were about people who use SWAT and bomb threats to get what they want. I've literally succumbed to domestic terrorism attacks for the first time in the history of this forum simply because I am now in a position of being literally unable to deal with the drama mounting against me and every person and every facet in my life.

Vordrak has succeeded in crippling the site by disabling our email server and other peripheral services, not because I wasn't prepared for it, but because incompetent and lazy Dutch cunts let the fucking server go offline. This isn't just "Kiwi shit", this is my email server. I am the primary user of my email server. I use it for a bunch of shit and it has tens of thousands of my inbound and outbound letters potentially lost and bouncing entirely for 4 days because these stupid dipshits took it down after saying they wouldn't.

Your suggestion to spend less time here doesn't work. I don't have a job so when I try to distract myself with games or music I just have this clawing sensation in the back of my brain constantly, screaming at me for not being productive. You don't work! You don't work! Why are you playing games? Be productive! I can't enjoy my fucking distracts, I can't enjoy my food, I can't peel myself away from this crippling sensation that I need to get something done to sustain myself, to validate my existence.

Even if I did get another job, even if I did shut down all my peripherals, do you think I can balance white collar programming life and bomb threats and SWAT raids? "Oh excuse me Tim, the fucking police are banging on my fucking door again". I'm sure that'll fly. "Oh, that email? That's just my psychopathic stalker again. Don't worry about this article calling you a pedophile he's just a lil' goofy."

So what's my option? Crowdfunding. Which is what I'm pouring 100% of my focus into. Why, though? Who's going to support me? No one. It's going to fail. I already know it's going to fail. Why do I know this? Because people might be willing to donate $20 to the forum one-time. They're not going to donate $20 a month to me to support my unspecific freedom of speech initiatives. No one cares about me. Not one person on this forum with money to spare is going to give one flying fuck about my desire to enable uncensored discussion on the Internet, and even if there were people who cared none of them would sponsor me because I say mean words.

There's no wiggle room left. I feel like I'm fucking suffocating because the life I want to live is completely fucking hopeless at this point. I love going to the forum and seeing people harass the only woman I love. I love going to the forum and having you jab at me in your deadpan cunty way. I love going to chat and seeing for the third fucking time project murphy merges of my five year old ED picture with random bullshit. I love knowing that everything I've ever done is completely in vain.

Thanks for your fucking heart-felt inquiry into my well-being, but maybe you should worry about your dead fucking family before you begin worrying about how I manage my fucking website you stupid bitch.