A KYM Muffin x Patrician Fiction - Part II

To Pimp a FUCK OFF NEON

"...May god rest his soul, amen."
"Amen."

The casket was lowered into the Earth as the damp grass fluttered in the wind and rain of the gloomy Saturday evening. The chaplain, Mare the Catholic, stumbled off into the distance; tripping over her 12-inch Doc Martens that had the words "WHITE PRIVELEGE" written on them in bright red paint.  The rest of the funeral guests quickly left afterwards, leaving only a handful of attendants left. Blanis the Furry, Patrician the Homosex, Eglamore the Chav, Jacob the Amishman and Roarshack all stood by the widower of the funeral. Muffinlicious laid his tiny, white, twink hands onto his husband's tombstone as he wept like a little bitch (as usual).

HERE LIES STOFFE
GOT CUCKED AND FELL DOWN SOME STAIRS
HE ALL RETURNED TO NOTHING
2000 - 2018

"There there now Muffin ol chap" said Eglamore, calming his friend, "Even if ya bleedin' hubby's dead, at least you're a moderator at Know Your Meme dot com! Not a lot of people can say that, oi lad?" Muffin looked up at Egla, half in gratitude and half in confusion because he could barely understand what the fuck he was saying through his thick Scottish accent, but he appreciated the sentiment none the less. "I-I guess you're right..." Muffin replied, staring down at his barefeet, watching his pink toenail polish wash away into the grass and rain.
"OwO [nuzzles ur belly~] what's thwis...!" said Blanis, eyeing Muffin's enlarged pregnant belly. "Stoffe, h-he..." he paused for a moment. Would he really confess to cheating on his husband, in front of all his friends? He swallowed the trace amounts of semen in his mouth and spoke. "He i-impregnated before he tripped down the stairs, that's why I'm l-like this now. Also Blanis can you please stop fucking talking like that Christ." Blanis clammored down on all fours and let out a hiss before dashing off into the distance at an incredible speed for a Finnish EDM fan.
"Welp, I, uh gotta go tend to my crops and delete some softcore porn and stuff like that, haha." Jacob said, trying to leave as soon as possible since the ambient cell phone radiation was causing him intense backpain due to his Amish genes. "Ah, Queen's arse!" Egla suddenly exclaimed, "I'm late for me daily peggin' with me wifey, God bless her soul, till we meet again Muffin!" Roarshack, respectful of Patrician and Muffinlicious' homosexual adulterous relationship but not wanting to be involved in it, began to walk away; before he was stopped by a startling noise.

"LET YA NUTS DRAG NIGGA"

Before Roarshack could react with his elite Dicksquad training, he was struck by a rainbow colored Maserati, sending him flying across the cemetary. Any normal man would've died that instant, but the mango juul pod he smoked 10 minutes prior barely saved his life; causing the crash to merely put him into a canatonic state. "Roarshack! Roarshack!" Muffin twinked twinkishly, "A-Are you okay?!" While he was trying and failing to save his only black friend's life so he could continue claiming he wasn't racist on the internet, Muffin failed to notice Patrician entering the car of the perpetrator. Patrician lowered his MAGA cap deep over his eyes and smirked. "Heh, thanks for picking me up, Hernandez." he said. "NO PROBLEM COUSIN, YOU KNOW I GOTTA LOOK OUT FOR A BLOOD. SCUUUUM GAAAANG" replied 6IX9INE, slamming his foot on the gas and driving off the scene of the crime.

SOME TIME LATER

Roarshack awoke with a start. He was lying in a bed, which was strange in itself since he was homeless, but even stranger was he couldn't find his juul by his side. While he was shaking he noticed the house he was staying in looked different compared to the apartments he would usually break into for shelter. The floor was made of slick, obsidian black steel with blue light reflecting off it making it look like some edgy Razer gaming keyboard. Walking out of the bedroom into what appeared to be the living room revealed an even more foreign sight. It looked like some sort of crazy cyberpunk bachelor pad from a game like Deus Ex: Human Revolution or Shadowrun Returns or EYE: Divine Cybermancy. "Oh hey you're awake." Roarshack turned around, to see a familiar face. "Don?!" said Roarshack. Despite having a fuller beard and a scar-covered face, he still recognized the meme site admin. "I brought you here as soon as I found you," he rose from a gaming chair which looked oddly similar to the one from Muffin's Minecraft Let's Play room which Roarshack was pretty sure was only used for interracial gangbangs.

10 MINUTES LATER

"Welp, there it all is" Don said, taking a sip from his tentacle shaped coffee mug, "That's the whole story of how you transported to a dark future where KYM doesn't exist and only you can save us from it." Roarshack took a hit from a spare juul lying around, but the flavor wasn't mango so he fucking chucked it out the window. "What?" Roarshack asked.
"Do you need me to tell the story again in case you missed anything?" Don said, looking up from one of the drones he was reprogramming to shoot birds out the sky while filming on autopilot so he could get more views on his YouTube channel.
"Nah, I'm good." Roarshack replied, reaching inside of his Watchmen (2008) promtional trenchcoat and drawing his trusty strap [AUTHOR'S NOTE: strap means gun] and loaded it. "So all we gotta do is just construct a time machine, destroy the bitcoin force fields guarding the chronostream, gather the surviving KYM users, and then prevent Stoffe's death, right?" Don memed. They left the apartment with all the gear they needed for the mission and took off in their Berniecare funded flying jet car. Don pressed a button in the vehicle, causing the entire apartment complex to explode, killing hundreds of people but they're gonna travel back in time so it didn't matter anyway, except Tiut who stays dead due to being white.
"Our first target is Jacob" Don said, tossing the dossier files onto Roarshack's lap. "He's Amish, so his anti-technology sorcerery will be key to the mission." They landed on a farm outside Neo New York 2, and scouted the area. The entire area was abandoned, besides one barn eminating a blue glow. "Don't worry," Don said. "I'll send a drone in to see what's the deal." Don pulled a quadcopter out his tentacle themed backpack, and threw it in the air. It crashed to the ground, breaking into a hundreds of pieces, making it inoperable. "Fuck." he said.
"Oh hey, you guys need to recruit me for some sort of time traveling adventure?" said Jacob, who was standing behind the duo the entire time. "Well, yeah actually." Don replied. The amish farmer nodded and led them to the barn. "If you guys need a hacker, I got the best one in all of Neo New York 2 right here." Standing behind the computer was a 7"1 half-underwater sea creature, half-canine cyborg. "uwu hewwo wuvvwies [sends kissiles >.<]" said the augmented Blanis. "Haha, please stop talking like that." said Muffinlicious from inside Blanis' stomach. Climbing out of the furry's belly, Muffin began to explain the current plan: rescuing Eglamore and Patrician from the Incel Conglomerate that captured them.

10 MINUTES LATER

The stamping of boots filled the hallways of the Stormfront Towers, which served as the base of operations for the Incel Conglomerate that lied deep in the heart of Connectitcut. In one of the jail cells, laid two ripped men but they weren't laying in like a gay way, even though one of them is gay, not that there's anything wrong with being gay. "Bloody hell!" exclaimed Eglamore britishly, "It's been ages since we got locked into this gosh darn Incel prison. I could go for a heterosexual pegging in the ass right about now, how about you luv?" Patrician sighed in response as he eyed a small photograph in his hand: a picture of himself next to his twink boyfriend Muffinlicious, who he hadn't seen since the Beta Uprising of 3030. Feeling tired, he went back to whispering Blink-182 lyrics to himself until he fell asleep.
Suddenly, all the lights in the prison went out. Patrician arose with a start, trying to see if he could make something out with his eyes. Shouting and yelling was coming from the main entrance, followed by gunfire which lit up the darkness in the hallway. Patrician's trademark wicked and nihilistic smile crept on his face. Now was the time. Using his bulky anchor arms, he ripped the steel bars off his cell and began making his way through the mob of Inceltroopers. Their puny bullets had no effect on Patrician, as he mowed down the entire army singlehandedly with no effort. Within a few seconds, the entire building's guards were all lying on the floor, semen oozing out of their orificies as they writhed in pain.
"Psshhh... Nothin personnel, whities...." he said cooly as he pushed his glasses up with one finger.
With the guards all knocked out, the Meme Team quickly moved into the throne room of the leader of the Incel Conglomerate. "Alright guys, we gotta be extra careful." Don said. "Nobody knows anything about their leader, other then that they're extremely powerful and also smell really bad and is probably racist." The group nodded. Approaching the huge double doors, they opened automatically, revealing an elevator. Entering it, the team was greeted with a voice over the speaker. "Curse you, Meme Team!" It shouted. "Your plan is to restore the timeline, huh? Too bad that will never happen, because I have control over the chronostream through my bitcoin forcefields, so you'll never make it. Also I fucking hate black people. Bye." The intercom made a crackling noise as it hung up, leaving the elevator in complete silence as the Meme Team contemplated this revelation.
"...So that was Mare, right"
"Yeah that was Mare."
"Mhmm, definitely Mare."
"Okay, so it's Mare."
Knowing that only one racist, bitcoin investor could be behind this whole incident, the team prepared for the final battle to restore things to their rightful order. The elevator stopped, and as the doors slowly opened, Muffin let out a shriek of joy and arousal. "Patrician!" On the other side of the elevator were Eglamore and Patrician, who made their way to the top floor by climbing through the airvents. "Hey whiteboy," Patrician said. "Me and Eglamore made our way to the top floor by climbing through the elevator." While the homosexual interracial couple had their touching reunion, the rest of the gang walked towards the final set of doors for their journey. Behind this, they would be able to complete their mission and save the timestream.
As one of the crew opened the door, immediately an explosion went off and killed everybody in the room except Roarshack. "What the fuck" said Roarshack. Walking into the chamber of the now deceased Mare the Racist, he saw that everything was incinerated in the blast except one Berniecare funded time machine, unscathed from the explosion. "Thank fucking God this is about to be over, Jesus Christ." he quipped. He set the date for the day Stoffe died, minus a few minutes off the clock. He took one more hit of his juul, before flipping the switch and traveling back to the year 2018.
"Stoffa-kun, I can explain!" Roarshack heard that unmistakenable twink voice of Muffinlicious call out in the shitty San Fracisco (not to be confused with San Francisco) apartment he resided in. "Oh shit, I gotta go save Stoffe from dying." Roarshack quickly ran up the stairs but quickly fell back down. Laying on top of him was beardless KYM moderator, Stoffe. "Oh shit is he dead?" Muffin said even though Stoffe was already getting up but he didn't notice that due to him being a fucking idiot.
"No Muffin," Stoffe said, brushing the dust off himself. "But I bet you wouldn't care anyway, you cheated on me!" Stoffe started crying, being the second most twink user on KYM, but his tears were wiped away by Roarshack. "Stoffe, I know you feel betrayed, but think about it like this:" Roarshack explained. "You're still Muffin's husband, just Patrician fucks him in butt every once in a while. That's all." Stoffe's sobbing ceased, but he was still skeptical. Could it really be that simple? "But, he still cheated..."
Roarshack chuckled and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's not cheating if it's up the ass, Stoffe."
"R-really?" he replied.
"Yeah." Roarshack said. "You know, I think if you watched your husband get fucked by a taller, more physically fit, Mexican man who has a larger penis than you, it would dispel these crazy objections you have to the whole thing." Stoffe slowly nodded as he began to understand the whole scenario. "You're right, Roarshack!" he spoke, "All this time, I've been acting so immature about another man fucking my spouse, but you really opened my eyes. Thank you." Stoffe turned to Muffinlicious, "Muffin, I'm so sorry I put you through all this. But as long as we still love each other, I don't mind you pleasing your more attractive and sexually skilled boyfriend while I watch."
Muffin began crying tears of joy, just like when he was getting fucked in the ass a couple minutes ago. "Oh, Stoffe!"
The reammended couple embraced each other, as Patrician began rubbing his manhood against Muffin's rear once again due to his tears causing him to become extremely horny. Roarshack merely put on his headphones and started playing Lift Yourself, by future president Kanye West as he walked away, smiling to himself. "Another meme website saved."
Shortly afterwards, Roarshack was gunned down by California State Troopers for being black.
FIN.