Illegal immigrants, you mean white people,
Except that white people didn’t immigrate into the united states, they funded the united states, you can’t illegally immigrate into a society you created,
Did you actually just say white people created society in America,
Better not go to bathroom, white man will steal my seat and call it manifest destiny,

I don’t even fricking know where this came from but it showed up in one of my google image searches and I swear to god any single one of these people’s faces can be a reaction image for any occasion,
Alternate title, talking about dong,
I plan to eventually use each face as a reaction image,

God, I regret creating you,
Then get rid of me pussy,
I don’t know if this is funnier with or without the context of this being a comment on a gnomeo and Juliet vore fic,
A fricking what,

This is the worst image I’ve ever seen,
The last thing you want in your tumblr dashboard is another loss joke, but as it turns out that might be what you get,

Things I love about this,
Someone tried to ship a tortoise by mail,
The tortoise did not like being shipped by mail,
Live harmless reptile,
Her face,
The tortoise’s face,

I am fricking howling with laughter,
At my school the cop from dare passed around 3 joints to show everyone and he said, if I don’t get all three of these back this school’s getting locked down and everyone’s getting searched til I find it, and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see em and they got passed back the cop had 4,
Back in jesus’s time that would’ve been called a miracle,

A very powerful American toad creates ripples in water with his call,

Teacher, why are you laughing,
Me, nothing,
My brain,
Boomerang,

Feathers,
Biped,
This is a man,
The only man I trust t b h,

If there is a god, mine is surely a trickster, giving me the miracle of sight and of comprehension only for me to be cursed to use it on what you just said,

And we’re back,
Breaking news, officials are still searching for where that fricking ball went,
Sources say that they totally saw jeff throw it so it has to be somewhere, we’ll keep you updated as events unfold,

Fiji, this time of year,
Think of the beaches,
Oh, beautiful, if you like mosquitoes,
Think of the sun,
It’s monsoon season,
Oh, then the women,
They’re cannibals Sinbad,
Exactly,
Kale, so where are we going,
Sinbad, fiji,

Anybody know any good substitutes for love and personal fulfillment,
Crunchwrap supreme from taco bell,

I was having writers block and so I took a break and soon enough It was 3 in the morning and I had impulsively sewn together a tiny mouse, you’re welcome,
For those of you who asked, I have made a sewing tutorial on how to make your very own peaches the mouse,

It is 100% ethical and okay to pirate anything Disney makes,
No thanks, Disney is the only company I actually enjoy paying for,
God I’m glad I’m not you,

Hey what’s up sorry my cars a mess haha, you can just throw that in the back,

Let’s level up from choking each other to slapping each other,
Why even frick anymore, just throw hands and see who nut first,

If you don’t have anxiety, the way I would describe it is like there’s an edgy improv group in your brain and it just needs like a one word suggestion to spin like countless scenarios that no-one’s comfortable with,
Jesus, this is spot on,

It was getting pretty cold out, thank god c v s gave me this free scarf with my purchase,

Dab, drugs are bad,
Look at his eyes, this hot dogs is high as a fricking kite,
He smoked all the drugs to save us,

Blue polo with da 0.380 or grey polo wit da 0.45,
Which one,

French person, 80,
French person, l o l blaze it,
I just 5 to my knees I laughed so hard,
This whole post makes me want to 7 something on fire,
I’ve had e 9 of this,
This post doesn’t make sense I don’t get it and it makes me angry,

Moon bridge,
How the frick are you supposed to cross that,
With determination,

Don’t ever be sad on a Saturday, wait til Monday, you fricking cry on the clock, don’t let capitalism win,
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I cry on company time,

Favorite chick flick, and I know you’ve seen a few,
Why is chicken run the only thing coming to my head,
Favorite superhero movie,
Is the care bears a superhero action movie,

6 year old me,

The most fun john mulaney fact I’ve learned today is that he had the opportunity to audition for kevin from home alone but his parents said no,
Please take a moment to imagine 7 year old john mulaney as kevin mccallister,
Dumps a bunch of toy cars at the bottom of the stairs, scatter,

Reminders, die,
Yesterday I told siri to remind me to get dye today and her rude as sent this,

Abusive balloons,
Happy fricking whatever,
My balloons came in,
I need them,

When someone you want to be friends with talks to you first,
You know you’ve been on tumblr too long when inexplicable crap like this represents a specific feeling in your soul,

You’re no hamburger helper,
You’re just a hamburger hindrance,
If you’re not part of the hamburger solution,
You’re part of the hamburger problem,
You’re a hamburden on society,

Midas and medusa a very brief affair,
This is unspeakably perfect,
I died,
I guess you could say this moment was stone cold gold,

Winter happens,
Bears,
Bravo six, going dark,

Ditto, transform into this,
Ditto you lil crap quit frickin around,

Male country songs,
I got my truck, my beer, my dog,
Female country songs,
I am going to kill my husband,

Give him space,
He can do it,

My friend gave birth in her car on the way to the hospital and her husband named the kid carson and if you don’t think that’s the best dad joke ever get out of my face,
Carson,
Son, hey dad how did I get my name,
Dad, who has been waiting years for this, in tears, well,

Kids bop cask of amontillado,

To the spiders in the ceiling corners, you’re keeping your end of the contract, love you honeys catch those tasty flies,
To the spiders halfway down the wall and touchin my furniture, you’re on think fricking ice babes,

Someone, do you have a special talent,
Me,

I’m watching a documentary on Netflix about animals getting prosthetics and this vet just hand sculpted a prosthetic beak for an injured swan and the very first thing it did was use it’s new beak to bite someone,
That is very on brand for swans,

Mercury, venus, and Saturn align with the pyramids of giza for the first time in 2,737 years on December 3, 2012,
I’ve never reblogged anything so fast,
Fave,
The last time this happened, an Egyptian pharaoh was there to see it,

Watch out, a snake,

A woman cuts the hem of a kimono so as not to wake a cat,
A mood,

That’s the face of a little crap that knows exactly what he did to deserve this threat,

Ye olde Beyblade,
Let thou rip,

Not a track, not a sign of life, I bet I’m the only human in miles and miles,
You bet you’re the only what,

Operations workforce optimization, o w o,
Today on terrible textbook finds,
Owo,

Volunteering at a soup kitchen is one of the least productive things you can do to change the world,
Art can inspire people and motivate them, food is important, yes, but you aren’t changing that person’s life,
Whoever wrote this post has definitely never been hungry,
I remember one Christmas we were short on money so my brother just drew us all some pictures of mashed potato, it was poppin, we ate the pencils too,

Me, escaping the louvre, having just stolen the mona lisa,
The police, stop right there,
Me, credit to the original artist,
The police, oh, never mind, you’re free to go,
Okay but this is actually a fantastic way to explain why reposting and credit to the original artist is not an acceptable substitute,

Spongebob,
Patrick, I’m so fricking sorry spongebob,
Completely serious question, is this a real post or am I just hallucinating this, can anyone else see this post,

Fun fact, there is a goddess of friendship in ancient greece named philotes,
Extra fun fact, she is a daughter of nyx, whose other children are such lovely people as Thanatos, god of death, momus, god of mockery, oizys, goddess of misery and depression, nemesis, goddess of retribution, apate, goddess of deceit, and eris, goddess of strife,
Every family has an oddball,

What is your all time favorite chart,
This one still gets me,

I trust this path,

Whenever somebody responds with I beg your pardon, assert your dominance by announcing, then beg,

I feel like these 3 would have a lot of trash talking to share if they ever got together for a boy’s night,
Sebastian and iago arguing over who has it worse, babysitting headstrong royalty or serving a corrupt usurper with delusions of grandeur,
Zazu, excuse me gentlemen but I may be uniquely qualified to offer comment on this matter,
Diablo, the raven that belonged to maleficent, inhale,
Beach,

The kissing islands, Greenland,
Would you look at that even the fricking ground gets more action than me,

It’s actually illegal for teachers to keep the class after the bell as punishment, it violates the Geneva convention’s laws on collective punishment,
Life hack, just fricking accuse your teacher of a war crime,

Them, lemme know if you need to talk,
Me,
I don’t like to bother people says man who drove himself to the e r with a nail in his heart,