Amhfitrilc won the battle!
Him: WOOOOOW
Him: FUCKING WOW
Amhfitrilc: it doesnt matter
Him: shut the FUCK UP
Amhfitrilc: as its unrated
Him: when i get fucked over it silll pisses me off
Amhfitrilc: shit happens
Him: fuck off with that
Him: you got handed the fucking win
Him: hows it feel, cunt?
Amhfitrilc: and the win doesnt count for shit
Him: i DONT FUCKING CARE
Amhfitrilc: the only joy i get is seeing your reaction tbh
Him: hur hur go ahead
Amhfitrilc: otherwise i wouldnt care at all
Him: post it on reddit and get 3 karma, you fucking shit
Amhfitrilc: i would if i cared, or had reddit
Him: still
Him: fuck off and die
Amhfitrilc: lololol
Him: FUCKING END YOUR WORTHLESS LIIIIIIIFE
Him left.

In PMs:
[22:33:26] Him: die
[22:33:39] Amhfitrilc: i'll pass
[22:34:02] Him: ill do it instead
[22:34:03] Him: cunt
[22:34:12] Amhfitrilc: good luck with that
[22:34:21] Him: wont be hard
[22:34:49] Amhfitrilc: oh really?
[22:34:58] Him: to end myself? yeah
[22:35:10] Amhfitrilc: no i meant for you to kill me
[22:35:18] Him: i wasnt talking about that
[22:35:36] Him: i meant ill die instead
[22:35:37] Amhfitrilc: don't kill yourself please, get help first
[22:35:43] Him: whatever
[22:36:02] Amhfitrilc: i hate to be antagonising, but you seem troubled
[22:36:07] Him: im not worth anything anyway
[22:36:14] Amhfitrilc: yes you are dude
[22:36:34] Him: i just freaked out about an unrated random battle
[22:36:37] Him: that senough reason
[22:37:07] Amhfitrilc: that doesn't mean you arent worthless though
[22:37:19] Him: oh i am
[22:37:25] Amhfitrilc: you mean a hell of a lot to some people
[22:37:40] Him: which means i have to stay around and suffer
[22:38:23] Amhfitrilc: why not try and get help so that you don't have to suffer?
[22:38:32] Him: hasnt done much
[22:38:44] Amhfitrilc: really? what have you done thus far?
[22:39:13] Him: therapy, medication change, the usual
[22:39:36] Amhfitrilc: aww man, did it help?
[22:40:08] Him: not enough
[22:41:16] Amhfitrilc: have you tried counselling? or is that part of the therapy?
[22:41:30] Him: same thing basically
[22:41:52] Amhfitrilc: as in you talked through your problems with them?
[22:41:59] Amhfitrilc: or tried to identify them?
[22:42:06] Him: ik my problems
[22:42:10] Him: it's pathetic
[22:42:15] Amhfitrilc: what are they?
[22:42:23] Him: i dont even want to say anything
[22:42:35] Amhfitrilc: why not?
[22:42:59] Him: theyre pathetic
[22:43:04] Amhfitrilc: no they're not
[22:43:09] Amhfitrilc: i can guarentee that
[22:43:21] Him: theyre things that i REALLY shouldnt care about
[22:43:39] Amhfitrilc: we all have problems, i have mine too
[22:43:56] Him: they make more sense than mine i bet
[22:44:33] Amhfitrilc: i doubt it
[22:44:43] Him: why not?
[22:44:46] Him: ive had no trauma
[22:44:50] Him: a great childhood
[22:44:56] Him: i shouldnt be depressed
[22:45:01] Him: im just fucking weak
[22:45:10] Amhfitrilc: no dude no
[22:45:17] Him: what
[22:45:17] Amhfitrilc: anyone can be depressed
[22:45:25] Him: so?
[22:45:28] Amhfitrilc: there's nothing to do with strength
[22:45:31] Him: i have no reason to
[22:46:20] Amhfitrilc: you do have reason, and that reason is that you don't "love yourself" (i know it's cliche/cringey but it is true)
[22:46:35] Him: im so weak i cant even end it
[22:47:57] Amhfitrilc: mental strength is pretty much a myth
[22:48:28] Him: the point is, i have no value
[22:48:34] Amhfitrilc: but you do
[22:48:46] Him: k
[22:48:46] Him: sure
[22:48:52] Amhfitrilc: ask your parents how much they'd miss you if you died
[22:49:04] Amhfitrilc: (don't even mention killing yourself)
[22:49:07] Him: i know they would
[22:49:14] Him: i know people care about me
[22:49:18] Him: but that doesnt matter
[22:49:44] Amhfitrilc: have you tried self help stuff?
[22:50:08] Him: what?
[22:50:41] Amhfitrilc: there's stuff out there relating to how you can improve how you think about yourself
[22:50:55] Amhfitrilc: ultimately you don't want to beat yourself up
[22:51:07] Him: tried it
[22:51:20] Amhfitrilc: it worked for me and i was in a very similar situation to you about 3 years ago
[22:51:40] Him: OH TELL ME YOUR SUCCESS STORY ABOUT HOW YOU HAVE IT MADE
[22:51:46] Him: I love hearing those!
[22:52:18] Amhfitrilc: sorry, but i see serious parallels and i only want to help
[22:52:42] Him: i hate when people tell me their success stories as an example of "it gets better"
[22:52:54] Him: it makes me feel even more worthless
[22:52:54] Amhfitrilc: yeah true
[22:53:34] Him: i had a guy tell me about how he went from homeless to owning a house with a bar at 25
[22:53:38] Amhfitrilc: use the self help stuff when you've not so depressed to prevent it coming back
[22:53:42] Him: i wanted to fucking shoot myself
[22:53:48] Amhfitrilc: ok i'm sorry
[22:53:53] Him: its fine
[22:54:17] Him: sorry for bugging you. ill go
[22:54:22] Amhfitrilc: no don't
[22:54:29] Him: i should
[22:54:33] Him: im only a burden
[22:54:44] Amhfitrilc: no really, i want to help
[22:54:59] Amhfitrilc: if you were a burden i'd have stopped talking ages ago
[22:55:07] Him: not even pros can help me anymore
[22:55:49] Amhfitrilc: i think my main turning came when i got a diagnosis, which help connect a lot of things together
[22:56:08] Amhfitrilc: hence why i wonder if your problems are linked together and there's more going on
[22:56:20] Him: i doubt theyre linked
[22:56:24] Him: theyre all differfent
[22:57:48] Amhfitrilc: they might all be linked by something abstract like a lack of self esteem or something
[22:58:08] Him: oh i have none
[22:58:25] Amhfitrilc: i'm not surprised by that sadly
[22:58:47] Him: i never think positively about myself
[22:59:03] Amhfitrilc: have you been depressed before now (and recovered from it)?
[22:59:12] Him: nope
[22:59:27] Him: one trigger and i fell into a void
[22:59:49] Amhfitrilc: what was the trigger?
[22:59:56] Him: dont want to say
[22:59:59] Him: its fucking dumb
[23:00:01] Amhfitrilc: fair enough
[23:00:15] Amhfitrilc: i mean i havehad dumb trigers in the past
[23:00:20] Him: like a fucking hilarious joke honestly
[23:01:59] Amhfitrilc: i mean is it as dumb as being mocked for meditating on top of a wardrobe, by yours peers?
[23:02:12] Him: worse
[23:02:51] Amhfitrilc: more dumb than that?
[23:03:05] Him: it's pretty pathetic
[23:04:51] Amhfitrilc: it's more pathetic in your head tha mine
[23:05:04] Him: so?
[23:05:38] Amhfitrilc: if its bad enough to make you feel this way, it's probably less pathetic than you think
[23:05:57] Him: its just
[23:06:04] Him: not as bad as i made it
[23:06:58] Amhfitrilc: hmm?
[23:07:28] Him: what?
[23:07:44] Amhfitrilc: what did you mean?
[23:08:01] Him: i probably took it worse than i should have
[23:08:07] Amhfitrilc: are you saying it was a little thing that you made worse
[23:08:19] Amhfitrilc: oh right
[23:08:34] Amhfitrilc: that is really not uncommon
[23:08:43] Him: you be the judge
[23:09:28] Amhfitrilc: part of the negative mindset is a small thing happening that those "positive minded" dicks brush off
[23:09:46] Amhfitrilc: but it festers because as you think of it, it gets worse
[23:09:56] Him: ill tell you
[23:10:02] Him: im already pathetic enough
[23:10:19] Amhfitrilc: what are you good at?
[23:10:27] Amhfitrilc: or do you have hobbies?
[23:11:33] Him: do you want the story or no
[23:11:59] Amhfitrilc: it would make it easier for me to help you
[23:12:09] Him: a friend of mine got into a relationship that he was very happy with. and he wouldnt shut up about it. he went on and on about how great it was. and no matter how much i told him to stop he wouldnt. eventually he said "youre just mad that i found someone and you couldnt een score a prostitute"
[23:13:37] Amhfitrilc: that's not pathetic at all
[23:13:46] Him: yeah it is
[23:14:08] Amhfitrilc: that is someone clearly being a dick, and you're getting hurt from it
[23:14:24] Him: i should have brushed it off
[23:14:34] Him: but the fact that it was true didnt help
[23:14:39] Amhfitrilc: is he still your friend?
[23:15:41] Amhfitrilc: i'm no good at "scoring" women either that why i play pokemon
[23:15:58] Him: yeah. when he found out how bad it affected me, you can imagine
[23:16:21] Amhfitrilc: no i can't imagine, did he apologise or laugh
[23:16:37] Him: nearly sent HIM into a depression
[23:17:06] Amhfitrilc: oh so he was sorry?
[23:17:11] Him: very
[23:17:23] Him: then he became a main source of emotional support
[23:17:25] Amhfitrilc: ah ok, not a complete dick thank god
[23:18:00] Him: but of course it got me thinking, and i just spiraled further and further
[23:20:39] Amhfitrilc: how's he doing?
[23:20:48] Him: hes fine
[23:21:44] Amhfitrilc: so it seems to me that a lack of confidence with women is a part of it too
[23:22:04] Him: obviously
[23:22:11] Him: then theres my inability to trust anyone
[23:22:16] Him: thats its own story
[23:23:00] Amhfitrilc: again, this sounds a lot like me a few years ago (sorry to reraise that)
[23:23:17] Him: how i feel doesnt matter
[23:23:19] Him: so go on
[23:23:27] Amhfitrilc: it does matter
[23:23:33] Him: nah
[23:23:36] Him: just continue
[23:25:34] Amhfitrilc: regarding women, you should realise that everyone has skills and abilities. clearly, pulling women is not a strength of yours.
[23:25:37] Amhfitrilc: if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb trees, you would conclude that the fish is shit, right? but if you judge the fish by its ability to swim, all of a sudden it's damn good
[23:26:04] Him: i dont see your point
[23:26:47] Amhfitrilc: what you're doing is making the link that because you're not great with women, you're therefore not as great as a person
[23:27:32] Him: ok i get it
[23:27:40] Him: im a failure with relationships whats the point
[23:27:45] Him: thats not the only thing
[23:27:51] Him: by the way
[23:27:57] Amhfitrilc: my point is that it's ok to be like that
[23:28:10] Amhfitrilc: you're still a great person regardless
[23:28:28] Him: well when you do shi tin college? how about then
[23:30:26] Amhfitrilc: depends on how you define shit (i don't know the american education system that well so bear with me on that)
[23:32:05] Him: i couldnt continue my major
[23:33:13] Amhfitrilc: yeah that's not the ideal situation to say the least
[23:34:04] Amhfitrilc: did you enjoy the major?
[23:34:30] Him: the primary part, sorta. another part, well that made my depression worse
[23:35:29] Him: being a hopeless romantic, barely passing classes, and a burden on everyone, im ready to end it all tbh
[23:35:33] Amhfitrilc: you need to find stuff you enjoy, whether it's hobbies or education. something that occupies your mind when you're doing it
[23:36:00] Him: my hobbies have stopped being fun
[23:37:42] Amhfitrilc: damn. do you think there's anything you can do that occupies your mind fully when doing it?
[23:38:01] Him: yeah
[23:38:05] Him: but again
[23:38:08] Him: no longer fun
[23:40:01] Amhfitrilc: well what is it? it might be you just need to force your way through for a time period
[23:40:37] Him: i did
[23:41:57] Amhfitrilc: this will probably make you eye-roll but do you exercise much?
[23:42:11] Him: i do but ik i dont do it enough
[23:43:49] Amhfitrilc: it's obviously not a solution, but combined with a few other things it will do stuff
[23:43:59] Him: i dont doubt it
[23:44:10] Amhfitrilc: the hardest part of exercise is making it part of our routine
[23:44:16] Amhfitrilc: your* lol
[23:44:41] Him: yeah ik
[23:45:22] Amhfitrilc: setting reminders on your phone may help idk
[23:46:04] Him: im just gonna go
[23:46:21] Him: ive wased enough of your time
[23:46:31] Amhfitrilc: you've wasted none of it
[23:46:38] Him: haha thats rich
[23:46:46] Amhfitrilc: how?
[23:46:55] Him: because its nit true at all
[23:47:07] Amhfitrilc: again, if you were wasting my time, i'd have stopped talking
[23:47:17] Him: well you probably should
[23:47:33] Amhfitrilc: have you spoken to your parents about your issues?
[23:47:44] Him: yeah
[23:48:17] Amhfitrilc: how long have you been depressed btw?
[23:48:31] Him: about 2 and a half months
[23:49:24] Amhfitrilc: do you have anything you exceptionally good at? like naming countries or pokemon or whatnot?
[23:49:35] Him: well im trash at pokemon
[23:49:40] Him: trash at overwatch
[23:49:44] Him: bad at drawing
[23:49:47] Him: bad at writing
[23:49:52] Him: bad at editing
[23:50:00] Him: bad at fucking existing
[23:50:37] Amhfitrilc: :( but is there anything that you find really interesting for example?
[23:50:45] Him: yeah
[23:51:05] Him: animals, sci fi, literature...
[23:51:21] Amhfitrilc: great
[23:51:33] Amhfitrilc: sci fi is a great one
[23:52:01] Him: so?
[23:52:03] Amhfitrilc: what sci fi things are you into?
[23:52:21] Him: what does it matter
[23:53:09] Amhfitrilc: ok when was the last time you engaged with one of those interests?
[23:53:17] Him: like yesterday
[23:53:51] Amhfitrilc: like does watching sci fi make you feel ... less shit?
[23:53:59] Him: no
[23:54:02] Him: not anymore
[23:55:29] Amhfitrilc: what about, do you enjoy petting them and all that or finding out about them?
[23:55:37] Amhfitrilc: about animals*
[23:55:42] Him: yeah i do
[23:55:45] Him: but again
[23:55:56] Him: nothing makes me happy anymore
[23:57:45] Amhfitrilc: that really sucks man
[23:57:59] Him: yeah i know
[23:58:38] Him: but hey
[23:58:50] Him: It gEts BettEr amirite?
[23:58:52] Him: HAHAHAHAHA
[23:59:23] Amhfitrilc: i know how you feel on that one
[23:59:44] Him: i should go now
[00:00:13] Amhfitrilc: well if you find something that makes you happy, make the most of it
[00:00:21] Him: i wont, but thanks
[00:00:23] Him: later