Warpone will return after these messages!

>The battlefield was chaos; jump jet troops with crossbows dodged rocks dropped by stealth biplanes on their way to attack laser guided catapults.
>“Equestrian military science is rather, howyousay, whimsical.”
>Marengo somehow managed to find an impossibly French way to pronounce the word whimsical as he turned to the stallion sitting next to him in the foxhole.
>“Le enemy is on ze attack, ze situation; she seems hopeless are you afraid?”
>“Me? Afraid?” Blueskin let out a nervous laugh “N-never. Why I laugh at danger! Laugh I say!” >Blueskin then goes cross-eyed and laughs dementedly before collapsing to the ground sobbing.
>“You are a far braver stallion than I, Mon'Ami. Ze only reason I do not quake with fear is the knowledge that doing so might ruin my impeccably quaffed mane.”
>He flicks his head to demonstrate how nice his mane looks.
>There is no way to escape, well, unless some new highly marketable characters piloting a toyetic new vehicle appear from out of nowhere.

>Suddenly that exact thing happens quite implausibly.
>It's the new WARPONE™  BATTLE TROIKA™!
>A massive, day-glow green, armor plated sled bristling with guns and missiles and an over-sized main gun appears on the field.
>And it's being pulled by three ponies: BILL the BASTARD™ , SANDY™ , and MIDNIGHT™!
>As it began it's attack Bill shouted his trademark catchphrase.
>”I'm gonna tear your shrimp off and throw it onna barbie, then I'll give ya  knife and fork an take away the knife saying 'that's not a knife; THIS is a knife' and give you a larger knife and make you eat your own shrimp and then I'll make you wash it down with some Fosters!  Ah'm Australian by the way!”
>Hasbro may need to rethink it's 'trademark first, focus group second' policy.

>The Battle Troika tore through the enemies lines guns and missiles blazing.
>“Oh no!” A trooper shouted “It's the Battle Troika with real lights and sounds!”
>Batteries not included.
>“Yes the Battle Troika” another chimed in “reasonably priced and just in time for the holidays. Any army without one would be totally inadequate!”
>“The Battle Troika is more than a cool vehicle that comes with an exclusive warpone” the first trooper marveled “it's a genuine status symbol!”
>“We have no chance against it! Run away, run away!” the fleeing enemies screamed.
>The enemy troopers not cut down by the mighty Battle Troika panic and begin scattering.
>“It's not over yet WARPONES™!”
>An enemy trooper is giving chase to the Battle Troika wearing a suit that is strikingly similar to(but legally distinct from) the Power Loader except it's colors are in eye-melting shades of neon pink and yellow.
>Aforementioned trooper in robot suit is also equipped with spring-loaded grenade launchers and begins lobbing explosives at the battle Troika as he gives chase.
>“Oi, take a squizz at that!” Midnight brought the others attention to the new enemy. “looks like we've got company!”
>“Strewth! It's an enemy STRATEGIC TACTICAL ARTICULATED GRENADIER(S.T.A.G) Trooper on our tail,” Sandy replied, “We're gonna need to split up.”
>“Too right!” Midnight agreed “let's do it just before we crest this hill.”
>“Hold on,” Bill seemed confused “How does the splitting up feature work again?”
>Before he got an answer the Battle Troika split up into three separate parts each pulled by a different pony.
> “Ripper!” Sandy and Midnight pulled away, each carrying the flanks of the Battle Troika with mounted machine gun, gaining speed as they circled around to engage the enemy again.

>“OHBLOODYHELL!!!” Bill's eyes went wide as the weight of the middle section, consisting of the main gun and missile pods, dragged him backwards down the hillside.
>Midnight and Sandy poured on more speed to flank the S.T.A.G. Trooper and pin him down in a crossfire.
>“Fools!” The S.T.A.G Trooper shouted returning fire, “neither of you have the firepower to-wait, what's that noise?”
>“FUCKWITSJUSTHAVINAWALKABOUTONMEBUNCHADRONGOS!!!” Bill screamed while helplessly clawing at the muddy ground still hitched to the troika and still gaining speed down the hill.
>Headed straight for the S.T.A.G Trooper.
>“Aw, crap.” The Trooper muttered just before the out of control middle section of the Battle Troika flattened him.

>Meanwhile Blueskin and Marengo have been watching from the sidelines.
>“Ah ha, le Battle Troika she is truly magnifique! No?”
>“Just a moment,” Blueskin said as he rubbed his chin “aren't troika's Russian? Why would one be driven by three Australians?”
>Just then a hand reaches over from off screen and swats Blueskin on the nose with a rolled up contract.
>“Ow! Uh ah, of course what I mean to say is that if I were to receive a Battle Troika I would cherish it always and do my household chores and stop pestering my parents at 5AM on Saturday!”

>The warpones regroup at the bottom of the hill.
>“Ace work everypony!” Sandy exclaimed rejoining his side of the troika.
>“Easy as!” Midnight chirped happily as she to reattached her part.
>“Huzzah!” Bluskin bellowed as he jumped on the troika's running boards.
>“Très bien!” Marengo cheered while jumping on the other side.
>“I fucking hate you all.” Bill groused as he attempted to straighten his muddy, torn, and thoroughly ruined uniform.
>The warpones and the Battle Troika ride off into the sunset giving out a hearty battle-cry.
>“GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUY OUR TOYS!!!”

Warpone is not to be confused with Battlehoers by Lanard.